[X] My Assistant

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(IMG:[gt0.ehgt.org] http://gt0.ehgt.org/4c/c7/4cc7c94e07cb249098daad070f38ba08e8e71446-394293-1058-1500-jpg_l.jpg)

Translate the linked gallery into English. This is a translation-only bounty, a separate bounty will be posted for editing job after the translation bounty is completed.

This translation includes credit pages. Broken Engrish craplation will not be accepted.

This is my 29th individual (no project) translation bounty.

Gallery link: https://e-hentai.org/g/18300/a0705e0a15/

If you accept the bounty, accept it here, PM me and post in the relevant forum thread (which has more details on the bounty):

Once you've done so, the bounty will be reserved for you, however, if the translation is not completed within 2 weeks, it will be considered stalled/dropped and other translators will be allowed to work on it.

In addition to the carriers listed, you can also just post the translation in the forums.

Also:
* Due to potential misunderstandings about how to split the bounty between translators and editors that resulted in my recent bounties costing me 50%-100% more than listed price, I am now splitting the bounty between translating and editing. The first bounty that goes up in the system is for translating only. Once I have the translation, I'll post the editing bounty;
* broken Engrish craplation will not be accepted;
* yes, please translate (or at least summarize) any existing author's rants, credits, titles of content, and so on, if present;
* yes, please translate into English non-moan SFXes (examples: bounce, giggle, jinngle, creak);
* if you do the translating, you should accept the bounty, PM me and post here. Once you've done so, the bounty will be reserved for you, however, if the translation is not completed within 2 weeks, it will be considered stalled/dropped and other translators will be allowed to work on it;
* if you do the editing: please note I would like to upload the gallery to e-h system myself; I am not expecting much profit, but as a fellow bounty poster said it, it's all about prestige. What I pay out with the bounty is usually worth more then the gallery will make in the year. If you end up posting the translated doujin to the e-h galleries, I'll probably halve the bounty (if you did the translation and editing), or refuse to pay (if you did the editing only; note that the translator will still get fully paid by me);
* crappy editing will not be accepted;
* please include credits with the translator name (unless they requested here to be anonymous), yourself as an editor (if you want), and my nickname (and those of others who contributed to this bounty significantly) as the sponsor, and the name of our site (E-hentai) as the host. Sample credit page: link;
* those bounties are for the hard work (translation and editing). If you just found the gallery somewhere and just uploaded it here, you are not eligible for my bounties, but I will still give you a reward - 5+5 (apply for it here);
* if you find a hq version of the J raw, whether it has or hasn't been translated, I'll reward you for it with a 2+2 reward (apply for it here (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) );

Helpful links for the translators: Guide for New & Potential Translators, Japanese slang, a guide on Japanese onomatopoeia (Tonigobe), [www.writtensound.com] www.writtensound.com, Bad translations. Examples of.

Helpful links for the editors: Comprehensive editing guide, Your Tips for Manga Editing!

Also: Bounty Etiquette

editing bounty now posted at https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=7432

This post has been edited by Red_Piotrus: May 8 2013, 10:42

I accept this bounty, please check you inbox and reply to me ASAP.

Replied, we are discussing skipping the credits here.

leon maxwell withdrew from this bounty, it is open to everyone again

I want to try translating this

Glad to hear that, go ahead!

script done, PMed to Red_Piotrus
please check the quality first, afterward, PM me whether you want to make some reparations or satisfied with the quality.
I will claim the bounty after that. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

script


Page 04
ただいま-->I'm home
あっキラッ--> ah, Kira!
え？-->what?
お帰りなさいませご主人様-->welcome back dear husband
え？ええええ??? -->w--Whaaaaaaat?
モジモジ-->squirm
どっどっどっどっどうしたのラクスそのかっこう-->w--w--w--why are you dressed like that, Lacus?
やっぱりおかしいですか-->Do I look stupid?
いや、すごく似合ってるよかわいいし-->No.... it looks perfect on you, you look very cute....
は、よかったですわ。 気に人っていただけましたかご主人様-->Sigh, thank goodness, I was worried about it(refer 2 line above), my

husband
ホッ-->sigh(sighing sfx)
ご...ご主人...様-->hu--husband?

Page 05

キラがわたくしだけを見ていて下さるようにするにはどうしたら良いか-->So, Kira, please tell me, do I look good?
教えていただいたりご本を読んだりVTRを見たりして-->I've seen people wearing this from book or TV
お勉強をしてきたのですわ-->Hehe, I've been learning you know
おっ。。。お勉強。。。？それって誰に教わってきらの？-->stu..learning? who taught you that?

Page 06

それは-->A few days before,
オーブカガリ自宅-->at Cagalli's house
やぁお待たせ-->sorry to keep you waiting
どうしたんだ急に-->what's the matter?
ふーん、なるほどね-->hmmm, i see
ひょい-->lift
キラの部屋でエロビデオ見つけて-->So, you found porn at Kira's room
キラがラクスの事嫌いになったんじゃないか。。。-->and that’s why you think that Kira is starting to dislike you?
と心配になって来た...そういう事か？-->Is that the problem?(if literal-->is that the thing that got you worried?)
ええ。。。こんな事相談できるのカガリさんしかいなくて-->Yes... I can only discuss this kind of things with Cagalli-san
だって。。。キラにはわたくしがいるのにその。。。あの。。。他の女性の。。。その。。。そういうの見るの
って。。。-->Because... Even though Kira have me...

That.... Another woman.... That is.... how I see things right now...
お行が悪いですわよ！--> (I can't see a kanji over there, too small for me, so this is a prediction)Your advice is

never wrong!
わたくしに飽きてしまったから。。。でしょう？-->Maybe… he got bored with me?
昨夜も遅くまで出かけてました。こもしかして他に女性が-->He also went out late last night.... Perhaps he had another woman

Page 07
ん〜そういうのとはちょっとう気がするな-->Ummm~, that sort of thing doesn't matter,
男てそういうもんなんだよ-->man are just like that
きっと。。。できキラがねえ。。。意外だな-->It sure is surprising that Kira is like that though,
昨夜？ああそれならウﾁに来てたんざよ-->Last night? He came to my house
あいつ女に興味あってもそういうのとは無縁なヤツだと思ったんだけどなぁ。。。--> And here I thought he is even uninterested in women
むしろすっちはアスランの方しっくりくるっていうか。。。--> Since he is so crazy about Athrun
そうだな!! -->That’s right!!
もしラクスがそういうの気のするんなら、キラがビデオ見なくても満足できるように勉強してみたらどうだ--> Why don’t you look at the porn, and learn what will

satisfy Kira
お勉強。。。ですか？--> Learn… it?
イメージだけどラクスってベッドの上で何もしなさそうだし--> I bet you aren’t doing anything on the bed to preserve your image, are you?
キラもたまには攻められたいんじゅあないかな？--> Why don’t you be aggressive to Kira sometimes?
ほら！！-->Look here!
キラってさSMで言うと種割れてる時はSだけど普段完は完全にMじゃん？-->If I break it in SM terms, Kira may look to be S, but who knows,

he can be completely M?
そうですわね！わかりましたわ！--> Ah! I see!
お勉強してみますわ！ありがとうカガリさん-->I will try to learn the porn! Thanks Cagalli-san
いいって！-->Good!
本当はもってちゃんと教えてやりたいんだけど正こっちも大変でね。。。--> Btw, I really have something I need to tell you.
オーブになにか？--> Is there something happening at Orb?
いやいや。。。-->It’s… (hesitating to speak)
そっちは順調！-->Ah, fine!
問題はアスランのバカ！あのバカがメイリン連れ込れんでゆうべ３人で種割てね
大変だったんだ。。。-->That fool Athrun! He included Meyrin in our date last night! So stupid!
ああ。。。なるほど。。。それでわかりましたわ-->Aah, I see. I understand that
思出しただけでもムカつく-->No wonder you’re so pissed

Page 8
何でこんな事になってるのか。。。-->But, why do you have to do such a thing…
アスランが悪いんだ！私のせいじゃない！-->Athrun is the guilty one! I’m innocent!
まぁ。。。それでも痴話ゲンカにモビルスーツ出すのはどうかと思いますわね-->Well… The problem is that you’re using Mobile Suit to settle your

lover’s spat
仕方ないだろ！私は女なんだ！-->It can’t be helped since I’m a woman!
腕カじゃ男のアスランには敵わないんだから-->I’m no match for Athrun’s strength!
ジャスティス-->Justice
アカツキ-->Akatsuki
あの３人の所に比べたら-->Compared to those three,
わたくし達は平和ですわねぇ-->my life is much more peaceful
わたくしがもっとお勉強すれば済む事ですものね-->It seems that I still need to learn more
でも。。。おべんきょうって。。。どうすれば。。。カガリさんはお忙しそうですし。
そうですわ！--> But … How should I learn? Cagalli-san seems to be busy. I know!
こういう時は経験豊富なあのお二人にお聞きすればきっと-->I’ll just ask those two people who are experienced.

Page 9
で-->Present time
マリューさんとフラガさんの所に行ってきた。。。と-->So I went to Murrue-san and Flaga-san’s place
え！すごいで何でお解りになりましたの！？-->Really? So what did you learn?
しかも一通り二人が説明し終わると。。。-->Furthermore,
バルトフエレドさんが来た。。。と-->Waltfeld-san came… and
まぁまぁまぁ! -->Well well well!
当たりですわ!-->Amazing!
そうですわ！バルトフェレドさんもいらして親切に教えて下さったのですわ！--> Even Waltfeld-san came and taught you!
何で解りましたの？-->So, what did you learn?
そのカッコ見ればふたりの趣味だって一発で解るって。。。-->That those two men have the same hobby…
アークエンジェルにて-->At Archangel
う〜む-->Hmmm
やっぱり裸エプロンははずせないよねぇ-->As I thought, naked apron is the best
いやいや今はメイド明えだから裸メイドさんてのが流行るでしょ！-->No no, nowadays, maid is becoming the trend you know!
おおエプロンじんとはいい趣味してるねぇ-->Oh, dust apron are also not that bad
僕ちょっと用事思い出したから出掛けてくるね。。。-->I forgot to do a little errand so I’m going out
フリーダムで-->In FREEDOM!!!
ああんっ！キラァーー！-->Nooo! Kiraaaaa!
でもっでもっせっかくですからわたくしの勉強の成果。。。見てほしい。。。ですわ。。。--> Since I’ve been learning so hard, could you please…. Look…

At the result
ラクス。。。-->Lacus…
キラに喜んでもらいたくて-->I want to pleasure you
頑張って勉強してきましたから。。。--> Regard it as helping me with my learning

Page 10
はあ。。。キラ。。。キラのおちんちん大きい。。。--> Haa. . . Kira. . . Your dick is so big . . .
んあうぅ-->Nnngah
あ。。ん-->Aaang
ラクス！もっとゆっくり！うあ。。あ！-->Lacus! Slower! Uaaaa!
ん。。。ん。。。ん。。。-->Mmmph..mmmph…mmph
うっあ-->Uaaaa
はあはあまだまだこれからですわ、お勉強の成果を見て下さいね-->Haa.. haa.. Not yet, I haven’t shown you my result yet
あっラクス!! うっあ-->Ah Lacus! Uaaaa
はあ-->Haaa
れろ-->lick
ちゅるうう-->suck(inserting sfx)
ぬぼ、ぶぼ、ちゅぼ、ぐぼ、-->fap (sfx)

Page 11
ぷぼっ、ちゆずっ-->Fap, chu (fapping and sucking sfx)
ん-->mmmph(yes, all of them. Just adjust the length of the m to the bubbles)
ぐっ、ラクス、それ気持ちいい-->Ugh, Lacus, I feel so good
あったくてやわらかい-->s-slow down a bit
うあ-->Ua
あう-->Au
だ、だめ！！ラクス、出ちゃう、ラクス-->No,NO!! Lacus, I’m cumming!!

Page 12
ん。。。-->Mmmmm….
ごめん ラクス顔にかけちゃった-->Sorry Lacus, I cummed to your face
いいえ。。。キラが気持ち良かったのですからうれしいですわ-->It’s okay, as long as you feel good
キラのおちんちんまだぱんぱんですわ-->Your semen is so thick
あ。。。。ん-->Aaaang
ゴクン-->Gulp

Page 13
全部わたくしに出して下さいな-->Please let me suck them all
あの。。。キラ。。。-->Ummm…. Kira…
わたくしも。。。その。。。あの。。。その。。。-->I too.. ummm.ummm.
あの。。。わ。。。わたくしのとろとろのおまんこから溢れ出る汁を。。。舐めて下さい-->ummm… C…. Can you lick the juice flowing from my pussy?
またぎますわね-->I will move over
あ。。。う。。。うん、あの。。。。ラクス・・・？それも勉強の成果なのかな？-->A…U…Ummm, Lacus…? Is this also the result your learn too?
は。。。はい、おかしかったですか？-->Yes, is it strange?
フラガさんに頂いたご本にそう言うと男性は皆喜ぶと書いてありましたので。。。まだ他にもたくさん覚えとき
ましたわ-->Flaga-san give me a book about how to

pleasure all men…There is still many things I haven’t tried yet

Page 14
きゃう-->Kyaaa
おっおまんこがとけちゃいますわ-->My pussy’s gonna melt
ひああああん-->Hiaaaaa
あひイ-->Ahiiii
だめですわ,吸つちゃだめですわ-->I can’t stand this
はあっはあっ-->Haaa..haaaa..
だめぇ。。。キラァ。。。我慢ができませんわ、キラのパンパンのおちんちん、わたくしのとろけたおまんこに
、入れさせて下さいな-->Not good… Kira… I can’t stand, so

please put your big dick into my melting pussy
くふっ。。。-->kufu
んん-->Nnnnnn

Page 15
ひ-->Hiii
あああああ-->Aaaaa
はああああ-->Haaaa
んくううう。。。ん-->Nguuuuu.. nnnn
あ。。。あ。。。-->Aaaaaaa
ぎゅうぎゅう-->hump hump
奧まで。。。奧までキラの極太尾ちんちん、わたくしのちゅるちゅるおまんこに。。。
入っちゃいましたわ-->Deeper… Please put your penis deeper, until it melts away my pussy
ふあああ-->Fuaaaahh

Page 16
ラクス-->Lacus…
キラ-->Kira…
大好き、世界一大好きですわ-->I love it, you’re the best in the world
んあっあ-->Nnaaaaa
あっ奧に当たる！-->Deeper!
キラのおちんちん極太で長いから私のとろまんがぎゅうぎゅうで衝撃が頭のてっぺんまで響きますわ-->Kira’s penis is so long and thick that it’s making me

shouting
気持ち良すぎてお尻が勝手に動きますの-->It feels too good that my ass is moving on its own
あん、あっ-->Aaan, Aaa

Page 17
ズプ-->Zlup
あ。。。ああ。。。だ。。。だめです。。。わ。。。キラ-->A…a…d-don’t
そっ。。。そこはぁ。。。その。。。おっ。。。-->T-there..t-there
ひあああ-->Hiaaaaa

Page 18
そこ！ダメ-->Not there!
惑じ過ぎて弱いのぉ-->I can’t stand it
うぐぅぅ-->Uguuuu
ひイイ-->Hiii
ひああああだめっ,気持ちいい！お良もっといじってくださいキラ-->hiaaaaa,no,it’s so good!
動いちゃう！お尻が勝手に動いちゃいますわ-->It’s moving! My ass is moving on its own
ああ、好きいい、お尻の穴指でほじられるの好きいい-->I love it, I love how your fingers tease my butthole
いかせてキラァ-->Do it Kiraa
いかせて下さい-->Please do it
ああ-->aaa
ひああああああ-->hiaaaa

Page 19
はあはあ-->haaa haaa
めちめち-->slick slick
あ-->a
ラ．ク．ス．-->La Cu S
ひゃう-->Hyauu
キ！キラ！あ、ん-->Ki-Kira! Aaaa, nnnn
だ。。。ダメ。。。ですわ。。。そこは。。。その。。。-->D-don’t, th-there
ん？-->Hmmm?
ほんで読んで勉強したんでしょ？こういう時は何て言うの？-->Didn’t you learn from the book? What did it say about this?
は。。。はい。。。あの。。。そ。。。-->Y-Yes, that is…
そ。。。そこは。。。その。。。お尻の。。。穴。。。ですわ-->T-that is…Butt…hole…
キラがお望みなら。。。わ。。。わたくしのアナルをお使いなって下さい-->Kira, if you wish… Y-You can use my butthole
わたくしのアナルをキラの大おちんちんほじくりまわして-->Please make a mess inside my butt using your dick, Kira
その。。。-->That is…
お好きな時に溢れるまでアナルの中に射精して下さいませ-->Please cum in my butt until it’s overflowing

Page 20
きゅう-->Shove
さっきより大きい！！-->It’s so big!!
ひぎイイ-->higiiii
Follow the global sfx

Page 21
くう。。。ん。。。キラのが奧までぇ。。。入ってきます。。。わ。。。-->Uuuu...It’s so deep… I’m cumming
動くよラクス？-->How is it Lacus?
。。。はい-->Y-yes
わたくしのお尻の穴で気持ち良くなって下さい-->Please make my butt feel better
すごいね、ラクスのアナル-->Your butt is amazing Lacus,
さっきからはしたない音させてきゅうきゅう締め付けてくるよ-->For quite a while it’s been letting out some lewd sound
ほら、ぶびぶびっていやらしい音-->Ora, there it is, the lewd sound
い！いやああ-->N-Noooo
恥ずかしいですわ！そんな音させないで下さいな-->It’s embarrassing, please don’t make that sound
音出してるのラクスだよ-->There it is again
そ！そんな！ずるいですわ！-->N-no way! It’s amazing!

Page 22
でも！でもっおひり-->Faster! Faster!
お尻気持ちですわ-->My butt feels so good
お尻好きい-->I love anal!
じゃあもっと気持ち良いくしてあげるね、ラクス-->Well, I guess I should give you more of that feeling
え！？キ？キラ！？-->E!? Ki-Kira!?
そ！そんな！２本も！だめですわ！-->N-no! Don’t do both of them!

Page 23
ひ-->Hiii
あぐ-->Aguuuu
変になっちゃいますわ！わたくしわたくしもう！-->It’s strange! I keep wanting it more and more
私もういっちゃいそうですわ！もっと！もっと強くほじくってくださいな！-->I want to feel it more! More! Do it harder!
すごいっこんなのっわたくし初めてでっ-->This is the first time I feel this good
だめ！いっちゃうぅ！-->No! I’m cumming!
僕もだラクス一緒に！--> I’m also cumming!
キラキラァァ-->Kiraaaaaa
ひぐぅぅ-->higuu

Page 24
ひあああああああああああああああああ-->Hiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ひうう-->Hiuuu
ん-->Nn
ラクスよっぽど気持ち良かったんだねアナルが開きっ放じで戻らないよ-->See Lacus, I know you’d be more satisfied with anal rather than with

pussy.
い。。。いやぁ。。。-->I-It’s not like that

Page 25
キラもやっぱりHなビデオとか興味ありますのね-->As I thought, Kira is really interested in H Video
え！？-->E!?
キラのお部屋お掃除してる時にベッドの下にあったのを見てしまいましたの。。。-->When I was cleaning your room, I found Ero video under your bed
あっ、あれはディアッカが！-->Ah, it was Dearka
あれはディアッカが置いて行ったんだよ。。。-->Dearka must’ve put it there went I’m gone
僕は興味ないって言ったんだけど。。。-->I myself am not interested in it…
ラクス以外の女性も見ておけ。。。って-->I’ll never look at other women other than Lacus
世の中の女は積極的でイイぞ！。。。って-->Aggressive woman are the best!
ラクスはどうせマグロだろう！？。。。って-->I’ll bring you back a tuna!?
そうですか。。。-->Is that so?
ディアッカさんが。。。キラ。。。-->Dearka-san and… Kira….
わたくし用事を思い出したのでちょっと出掛けてきますわね-->I remember that I have a little errand to do, so I will be going out
フリーダムで--> IN FREEDOM!!
うわぁ～～～！！-->Uwaaa
逃げて～～！でィアッカ逃げて～～！ラクス種割れてれうよぉ～～！-->Run away! Run away Dearka! Lacus is broken!
ぱっきゃん-->Break
でィアッカのブレイぜザ久ファントムなら余裕ですわ-->Dearka’s Blaze Phantom Zaku is still here
うふふふふふ-->Huhuhuhuhu

Page 27
The 3 top panels: Basically, while those three were watching, the two people start making comments on the

actor and actress’s figures, and after that they were so deep in their world that the third person decided to

leave them alone.
The middle panel: The third person (Mameshi) then wishes a happy new year, such that the year will be good to

us, and asks for cooperation (it is customary in Japanese from what I’ve heard)
The paper on the left shows thisオナ二するならエロマンガ！ Means that “rather than doing onani, it’s better to write ero

manga” it seems that this is his new year resolve
At the bottom panel: The other day, his order of a figurine of Lacus is delivered. Then, he got an idea for the

next thing. His favorite speech (figurine speech) is “It’s time to go” “Please start”. Those two both were

spoken with original voice. He’s loving itu very much
Page 28

Page 29
Right one: he can’t get inside so he phoned and banged the door
Left one: Basically, he is being used by his friends to go on a “little” errand that turns out to be not that

little after all. (see how big it is at the last panel)
Page 30
Right one: He goes on the errand, but when he thought it’s finished, his friend ask him for something more
Left one: The shop that his friend ask him to buy things from have a point reward slot system, and on the next

panel, he is trying to trade his 100 points, which in turn gives him a…….
500 points!!!
Then he went home (yes, he made it that anticlimatix)
Page 31
Left one:
Box 1 : Introducing himself as an assistant
Box 2: Given a job
Box 3: Using old computer that has many problem
Box 4: The power is shut down by a blackout
Right one:
Box 1-3: How great it is outside with the leaves falling, the floating clouds, full with hopes and dreams.
Box 4: How gloomy it is inside with the reality of blackout
Page 32
Right one:
Since the power is off, they decided to play the remote control heli instead, the two thought that it would be

fun, but on the fourth box, the one playing the heli messes up with them by making the heli chase them
Left one:
後書き涼稿執筆中-In the middle of writing afterword manuscript
いつまで人の作風マネするつもり-->When are you going to finish drawing that person? (look at the table)
とりあえずこのコマを描き終わるまで行って-->Until this frame is finished









Global sfx sound
はあ-->pant
れろ,ペロ-->lick
ちゅるうう-->suck(inserting sfx)
ぬぼ、ぶぼ、ちゅぼ、ぐぼ、-->rub (sfx)
ぬちゅ、ねちゅ、-->chuu
ぴちゃ-->drip
にゅる、くにゅ-->slurp
ぷるるるん,たにゃん-->jiggle/boing
ビュウ-->squirt
きゃあああん-->Eeeeek
ガバ-->grab
ビクン、ピクン-->twitch
めぷううう-->puuuussh

editng bounty - search for GOLD RUSH (Suzuki Address)] A Diva of Healing (Gundam SEED) -> editing 30p ; I am currently having technical diffs ans cant post a direct link

This post has been edited by Red_Piotrus: Feb 22 2013, 09:08

script
Page 04
ただいま-->I'm home
あっキラッ--> ah, Kira!
え？-->what?
お帰りなさいませご主人様-->welcome back dear husband
え？ええええ??? -->w--Whaaaaaaat?
モジモジ-->squirm
どっどっどっどっどうしたのラクスそのかっこう-->w--w--w--why are you dressed like that, Lacus?
やっぱりおかしいですか-->Do I look stupid?
いや、すごく似合ってるよかわいいし-->No.... it looks perfect on you, you look very cute....
は、よかったですわ。 気に人っていただけましたかご主人様-->Sigh, thank goodness, I was worried about it(refer 2 line above), my

husband
ホッ-->sigh(sighing sfx)
ご...ご主人...様-->hu--husband?

Page 05

キラがわたくしだけを見ていて下さるようにするにはどうしたら良いか-->So, Kira, please tell me, do I look good?
教えていただいたりご本を読んだりVTRを見たりして-->I've seen people wearing this from book or TV
お勉強をしてきたのですわ-->Hehe, I've been learning you know
おっ。。。お勉強。。。？それって誰に教わってきらの？-->stu..learning? who taught you that?

Page 06

それは-->A few days before,
オーブカガリ自宅-->at Cagalli's house
やぁお待たせ-->sorry to keep you waiting
どうしたんだ急に-->what's the matter?
ふーん、なるほどね-->hmmm, i see
ひょい-->lift
キラの部屋でエロビデオ見つけて-->So, you found porn at Kira's room
キラがラクスの事嫌いになったんじゃないか。。。-->and that’s why you think that Kira is starting to dislike you?
と心配になって来た...そういう事か？-->Is that the problem?(if literal-->is that the thing that got you worried?)
ええ。。。こんな事相談できるのカガリさんしかいなくて-->Yes... I can only discuss this kind of things with Cagalli-san
だって。。。キラにはわたくしがいるのにその。。。あの。。。他の女性の。。。その。。。そういうの見るの
って。。。-->Because... Even though Kira have me...

That.... Another woman.... That is.... how I see things right now...
お行が悪いですわよ！--> (I can't see a kanji over there, too small for me, so this is a prediction)Your advice is

never wrong!
わたくしに飽きてしまったから。。。でしょう？-->Maybe… he got bored with me?
昨夜も遅くまで出かけてました。こもしかして他に女性が-->He also went out late last night.... Perhaps he had another woman

Ok, I didn't check all the script, but here are some mistakes I found.

First of all:
ご主人様 -> I don't know their relationship, but this is read as "Goshujin-sama", which is normally translated as "Master", and not "husband" (so change if needed).

Page 4
は、よかったですわ。 気に人っていただけましたかご主人様-> In a more literal translation it would be something like: "Ah! I'm relieved! I was able to fit your preferences, master". You could reword it to something like "Ah, I'm glad I was able to please you, master".

Page 5

キラがわたくしだけを見ていて下さるようにするにはどうしたら良いか教えていただいたりご本を読んだりVTRを
見たりして -> Again, a more literal translation: "I was taught, read books and watched VTRs so I could learn how to make you look only at me." Here, she lists 3 methods she used to learn so you can list them as you wish (the "I was taught" refers to her consulting the guy in the next page, which will be made clear in the next page). Also, her speech is pretty formal so if you want to keep it closer to the original, use a more polite English.

お勉強をしてきたのですわ -> IMHO, it could be translated to "I've been learning", though it's more correct to translated to "I've been studying".

Page 6
キラの部屋でエロビデオ見つけてキラがラクスの事嫌いになったんじゃないか。。と心配になって来た...そういう事か -> Here it could be better to invert the order in English and translate to "So...you're worried that Kira may dislike you because....you found some porn in his room...is that it?"
だって。。。キラにはわたくしがいるのにその。。。あの。。。他の女性の。。。その。。。そういうの見るの
って。。-> Change the ending. "Because... Even though Kira have me... That....He's seeing.....another woman doing it....

The kanji that was not read is "儀"
ブカガリさんお行儀が悪いですわよ！ -> Kagari (san, if you like it), your manners are bad!

Someone else may give their 2 cents on my opinions and on the rest of the translation. Right now I don't have the time to check the whole script but I'll check another part later (if no one beats me on doing it).

ご主人様 -> I don't know their relationship, but this is read as "Goshujin-sama", which is normally translated as "Master", and not "husband" (so change if needed).

Now that I think about it, ones in maid usually call masters instead of husband. Yes, I think this is an overlook on my side

Page 4
は、よかったですわ。 気に人っていただけましたかご主人様-> In a more literal translation it would be something like: "Ah! I'm relieved! I was able to fit your preferences, master". You could reword it to something like "Ah, I'm glad I was able to please you, master".

Maybe change to "Ah, I'm glad you're pleased master".?

キラがわたくしだけを見ていて下さるようにするにはどうしたら良いか教えていただいたりご本を読んだりVTRを
見たりして -> Again, a more literal translation: "I was taught, read books and watched VTRs so I could learn how to make you look only at me." Here, she lists 3 methods she used to learn so you can list them as you wish (the "I was taught" refers to her consulting the guy in the next page, which will be made clear in the next page). Also, her speech is pretty formal so if you want to keep it closer to the original, use a more polite English.

If I'm not wrong, in Japanese, we can use the particle "と" or "や" to signify "and" don't they? I can't seem to find them there, so if you could please so kindly to teach me why is it like that. Please bear with me since I'm still noobish at Japanese.
rant: Almost all of her speech are very formal, I don't even know that わたくし means the same as わたし, before doing this

お勉強をしてきたのですわ -> IMHO, it could be translated to "I've been learning", though it's more correct to translated to "I've been studying".

Dunno about what is the difference between studying and learning, could you epxlain more on the difference? I myself found that those two words can be used interchangeably.

Page 6
キラの部屋でエロビデオ見つけてキラがラクスの事嫌いになったんじゃないか。。と心配になって来た...そういう事か -> Here it could be better to invert the order in English and translate to "So...you're worried that Kira may dislike you because....you found some porn in his room...is that it?"

Thanks for this! I can't seem to find the right sentence to reword it

だって。。。キラにはわたくしがいるのにその。。。あの。。。他の女性の。。。その。。。そういうの見るの
って。。-> Change the ending. "Because... Even though Kira have me... That....He's seeing.....another woman doing it....

The kanji that was not read is "儀"
ブカガリさんお行儀が悪いですわよ！ -> Kagari (san, if you like it), your manners are bad!

How can you read it!? Microscope? lol, thanks for that one.

Someone else may give their 2 cents on my opinions and on the rest of the translation. Right now I don't have the time to check the whole script but I'll check another part later (if no one beats me on doing it).

thanks for commenting on the translation, most of them seems good to me (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

I got a revised script from shadow_moon, comments appreciated

script


Page 04
ただいま-->I'm home
あっキラッ--> ah, Kira!
え？-->what? (or Eh?)
お帰りなさいませご主人様-->Welcome back, Master
え？ええええ??? -->w--Whaaaaaaat?
モジモジ-->squirm
どっどっどっどっどうしたのラクスそのかっこう-->w--w--w--why are you dressed like that, Lacus?
え！！？え！！？え！！？やっぱりおかしいですか-->Eh!? Eh!? Eh!?? Do I look stupid after all?
いや、すごく似合ってるよかわいいし-->No.... it looks perfect on you, you look very cute....
は、よかったですわ。 気に人っていただけましたかご主人様-->Ah, I'm glad I was able to please you, master
ホッ-->sigh(sighing sfx)
ご...ご主人...様-->Ma...Master?

Page 05

キラがわたくしだけを見ていて下さるようにするにはどうしたら良いか教えていただいたりご本を読んだりVTRを
見たりして--> I've read books, watched videos and I was taught how to make it so you would only have eyes for me!
お勉強をしてきたのですわ-->I've been studying!
おっ。。。お勉強。。。？それって誰に教わってきらの？-->Stu..."Studying"? And...who were you learning from?

Page 06

それは-->That was...(Here she is recalling a past event to tell him who was teaching her. Some better wording may be possible.)
オーブカガリ自宅-->Orb (?) Cagalli's house (I don't know what オーブ stands for here....I didn't watch the anime but it doesn't seem to be part of his name. The romanization for it is "Oobu" which could be translated to "Orb". It could be the house where Kagali keeps an orb, I don't know)
やぁお待たせラクス-->Sorry to keep you waiting, Lacus
どうしたんだ急に-->What's the matter?
ふーん、なるほどね-->hmmm, i see
ひょい--> *hop* (or any sfx that you deem appropriate to represent someone jumping on the couch)
キラの部屋でエロビデオ見つけてキラがラクスの事嫌いになったんじゃないか。。と心配になって来た...そういう事か -> So...you're worried that Kira may dislike you because....you found some porn in his room...is that it?
ええ。。。こんな事相談できるのカガリさんしかいなくて-->Yes... I can only discuss this kind of things with Cagalli-san
だって。。。キラにはわたくしがいるのにその。。。あの。。。他の女性の。。。その。。。そういうの見るの
って。。。-->Because... Even though Kira have me... That....He's seeing.....another woman doing it....
お行儀が悪いですわよ！-->Kagari-san, your manners are bad!
わたくしに飽きてしまったから。。。でしょう？-->Maybe… he got bored with me?
昨夜も遅くまで出かけてました。こもしかして他に女性が-->He also went out late last night.... Perhaps he have another woman

Page 07
ん〜そういうのとはちょっとう気がするな-->Hmm....I think it's not like that...
男てそういうもんなんだよ-->Men are just like that...for sure...
きっと。。。できキラがねえ。。。意外だな-->But I wouldn't expect it from Kira...
昨夜？ああそれならウﾁに来てたんざよ-->Last night? He came to my house (or my place)
あいつ女に興味あってもそういうのとは無縁なヤツだと思ったんだけどなぁ。。。--> Even if he's interested in women, I always saw him as an uninterested guy...
むしろすっちはアスランの方しっくりくるっていうか。。。--> Athrun fits that image much better...
そうだな!! -->I know!
もしラクスがそういうの気のするんなら、キラがビデオ見なくても満足できるように勉強してみたらどうだ-->If that really bothers you that much, why don't you study so you can satisfy him without him having rely on videos?
お勉強。。。ですか？--> Stu...dy?
あっヌ！！コラ！！カガリさん！！お行儀が悪いですわよ！-->Ah! HEY! KAGARI! Your manners are bad!
イメージだけどラクスってベッドの上で何もしなさそうだし--> It's just how I image you, but you look like someone who does nothing on bed
う！（図星）--> Ugh!! (Bull's-eye)
キラもたまには攻められたいんじゅあないかな？--> Why don’t you be aggressive to Kira sometimes? (Here the idea is correct. A more literal translation would be "Doesn't he wants to be attacked every once in a while too?")
ほら！！-->Look!
キラってさSMで言うと種割れてる時はSだけど普段完は完全にMじゃん（笑）？--> You know....if we talk in SM terms, Kira may be a biological S, but usually he's a complete M, no (laugh)? (Ok, here Kagali is basically implying that being a male means being S. The term used is "Tane Wari" which is "separation of the seeds" or "Species assignment". In this context, it's pretty much being male or female.)
そうですわね！わかりましたわ！--> Ah! I see!
お勉強してみますわ！ありがとうカガリさん-->I will give a try studying! Thanks Cagalli-san
いいって！-->No worries! (or "No problem", "Don't mind me", etc)
本当はもってちゃんと教えてやりたいんだけど正こっちも大変でね。。。-->Actually I wanted to teach you more myself but, honestly, I'm also troubled here...
オーブになにか？--> Is there something happening at Orb?
いやいや。。。-->No, no!
そっちは順調！-->That is fine!
問題はアスランのバカ！あのバカがメイリン連れ込れんでゆうべ３人で種割てね
大変だったんだ。。。-->The problem is that stupid Athrun! He brought Meyrin (his lover) yesterday and the three of us snapped out!! It was so troublesome... (actually, I'm not sure how to translate this, nor if I got the right idea)
ああ。。。なるほど。。。それでわかりましたわ-->Aah, I see. I understand that
思出しただけでもムカつく-->Just remembering it pisses me off!!

Page 8
何でこんな事になってるのか。。。-->But, why did you have to do such a thing… (or But, why did it turn like this...)
アスランが悪いんだ！私のせいじゃない！-->Athrun is the guilty one! I’m innocent! (or Athrun is at fault)
まぁ。。。それでも痴話ゲンカにモビルスーツ出すのはどうかと思いますわね-->Well… The problem is that you’re using Mobile Suit to settle your lover’s spat (or "But still....using the mobile suits to settle a lover's quarrels is a bit...")
仕方ないだろ！私は女なんだ！-->It can’t be helped since I’m a woman!
腕カじゃ男のアスランには敵わないんだから-->I’m no match for Athrun’s strength!
[b]じゃあ気を付けてな--> Then, take care!
おじゃましました-->Excuse me!
ペコ--> *bowl*
あの３人の所に比べたら-->Compared to those three,
わたくし達は平和ですわねぇ-->our relation is much more peaceful
わたくしがもっとお勉強すれば済む事ですものね-->It's something that will be settled if I study more...
よくあの状況死人が出ませんでしたわね。。。 --> It's a surprise that there were no deaths under that circunstances
アスラン捨ててキラに乗り換えて正解でしたわ！--> It was the right decision to have Kira pilot is on Athrun's place!

でも。。。おべんきょうって。。。どうすれば。。。カガリさんはお忙しそうですし。
そうですわ！--> But … How should I study? Cagalli-san seems to be busy. I know!
こういう時は経験豊富なあのお二人にお聞きすればきっと-->I’ll just ask those two people who are experienced.

Page 9
で--> And...
マリューさんとフラガさんの所に行ってきた。。。と--> So you went to Murrue-san and Flaga-san’s place
え！すごいで何でお解りになりましたの！？--> Eh! Amazing! How did you know that, Kira!?
しかも一通り二人が説明し終わると。。。-->Furthermore, after they finished their explanation....
バルトフエレドさんが来た。。。と-->Waltfeld-san came… and
まぁまぁまぁ! 当たりですわ!-->My, my, my! That's correct!!
そうですわ！バルトフェレドさんもいらして親切に教えて下さったのですわ！--> That's right! Waltfeld also came and kindly taught me!
何で解りましたの？-->How did you know?
そのカッコ見ればふたりの趣味だって一発で解るって。。。-->Seeing your outfit, it's obvious that it fits their taste......
アークエンジェルにて-->At Archangel
う〜む-->Hmmm
やっぱり裸エプロンははずせないよねぇ-->Just >as I thought, I can't get over naked apron!
いやいや今はメイド萌えだから裸メイドさんてのが流行るでしょ！-->No no, nowadays, maid is becoming the trend so a naked maid is the fashion!
おお「裸エプロンメイド」とはいい趣味してるねぇ-->Oh, "Naked apron maid" sounds like a good hobby!
うんうん--> Yes, yes.
コレコレ--> This, this!
僕ちょっと用事思い出したから出掛けてくるね。。。-->I just rememberd I had a business to take care of so I'm leaving...
フリーダムで-->In FREEDOM!!!
また僕に戦（？）をさせたいのか！！あの２人は！！ --> (There was one kanji that I couldn't decipher, but I think that it goes like "Do they want to leave me with another war wound!! Those two!!"
わたくしをこのカッコのままおいて行かないで下さいなぁ～ --> Don't leave me in this outfiiit!!
ああんっ！キラァーー！-->Nooo! Kiraaaaa!
でもっでもっせっかくですからわたくしの勉強の成果。。。見てほしい。。。ですわ。。。--> Since I’ve been learning so hard, could you please…. Look…At the result (Or "But! But! I put so much effort so could you....at least see...the results...?)
ラクス。。。-->Lacus…
キラに喜んでもらいたくて頑張って勉強してきましたから。。。--> I've studied so hard because...i wanted to please you so...

Page 10
はあ。。。キラ。。。キラのおちんちん大きい。。。--> Haa. . . Kira. . . Your dick is so big . . .
んあうぅ-->Nnngah
あ。。ん-->Aaang
ラクス！もっとゆっくり！うあ。。あ！-->Lacus! Slower! Uaaaa!
ん。。。ん。。。ん。。。-->Mmmph..mmmph…mmph
うっあ-->Uaaaa
はあはあまだまだこれからですわ、お勉強の成果を見て下さいね-->Haa.. haa.. Not yet, I haven’t shown you my result yet (Could also go with "I'm just starting! Please, watch/see the results of my efforts/studies, ok?")
あっラクス!! うっあ-->Ah Lacus! Uaaaa
はあ-->Haaa
れろ-->lick
ちゅるうう-->suck(inserting sfx)
ぬぼ、ぶぼ、ちゅぼ、ぐぼ、-->fap (sfx)

Page 11
ぷぼっ、ちゆずっ-->Fap, chu (fapping and sucking sfx)
ん-->mmmph(yes, all of them. Just adjust the length of the m to the bubbles)
ぐっ、ラクス、それ気持ちいい-->Ugh, Lacus, I feel so good
あったくてやわらかい-->So warm and soft!!
うあ-->Ua
あう-->Au
だ、だめ！！ラクス、出ちゃう、ラクス-->No,NO!! Lacus, I’m cumming!!

Page 12
きゃあああああん-->Kyaaaaaan!
ん。。。-->Mmmmm….
ゴクン-->Gulp
ごめん ラクス顔にかけちゃった-->Sorry Lacus, I cummed on your face
いいえ。。。キラが気持ち良かったのですからうれしいですわ-->It’s okay, I'm happy because you felt good, Kira.
キラのおちんちんまだぱんぱんですわ-->Your dick is still rock hard, no?
あ。。。。ん-->Aaaang


Page 13
全部わたくしに出して下さいな-->Please let me suck them all(A more literall translation would be "Please, cum all you've got for me". Reword as you wish.)
あの。。。キラ。。。-->Ummm…. Kira…
わたくしも。。。その。。。あの。。。その。。。-->Me too...erm...I mean....erm....
あの。。。わ。。。わたくしのとろとろのおまんこから溢れ出る汁を。。。舐めて下さい-->ummm… C…. Can you lick the juice flowing from my pussy?
またぎますわね-->I will move over
あ。。。う。。。うん、あの。。。。ラクス・・・？それも勉強の成果なのかな？-->A…U…Ummm, Lacus…? Is this also the result from your study too?
は。。。はい、おかしかったですか？-->Yes, is it strange?
フラガさんに頂いたご本にそう言うと男性は皆喜ぶと書いてありましたので。。。まだ他にもたくさん覚えとき

ましたわ-->It was written in a book I borrowed from Flaga-san that every men would be pleased with this...There's still a lot more I learned!
ひあっ -->Hya
あうぅ--> Auu
あん--> Ahn

Page 14
きゃう-->Kyaaa
おっおまんこがとけちゃいますわ-->My pussy’s gonna melt
ひああああん-->Hiaaaaa
あひイ-->Ahiiii
だめですわ,吸つちゃだめですわ-->Don't! Don't suck it!
はあっはあっ-->Haaa..haaaa..
だめぇ。。。キラァ。。。我慢ができませんわ、キラのパンパンのおちんちん、わたくしのとろけたおまんこに

、入れさせて下さいな-->Not good… Kira… I can’t stand, so please put your big dick into my melting pussy (or "No more....Kira....I can't bear it anymore, please, insert your stiff penis (or cock, or dick...she uses a more "light" term) inside my melted (molten?) pussy")
くふっ。。。-->kufu
んん-->Nnnnnn

Page 15
ひ-->Hiii
あああああ-->Aaaaa
はああああ-->Haaaa
んくううう。。。ん-->Nguuuuu.. nnnn
あ。。。あ。。。-->Aaaaaaa
ぎゅうぎゅう-->hump hump
奧まで。。。奧までキラの極太尾ちんちん、わたくしのちゅるちゅるおまんこに。。。
入っちゃいましたわ-->Deep… Your rock thick penis (again, she uses the same term as before) is inside my slippery pussy
ふあああ-->Fuaaaahh

Page 16
ラクス-->Lacus…
キラ-->Kira…
大好き、世界一大好きですわ-->I love it, you’re the best in the world
んあっあ-->Nnaaaaa
あっ奧に当たる！-->It's reaching so deep!
キラのおちんちん極太で長いから私のとろまんがぎゅうぎゅうで衝撃が頭のてっぺんまで響きますわ-->Your rock thick penis is so long! My melted (molten?) pussy is throbbing so much I can feel the echoes of the shocks in my head!
気持ち良すぎてお尻が勝手に動きますの-->It feels too good that my ass is moving on its own
あん、あっ-->Aaan, Aaa

Page 17
ズプ-->Zlup
あ。。。ああ。。。だ。。。だめです。。。わ。。。キラ-->A…a…d-don’t
そっ。。。そこはぁ。。。その。。。おっ。。。-->T-there..t-there
ひあああ-->Hiaaaaa

Page 18
そこ！ダメ-->Not there!
惑じ過ぎて弱いのぉ-->My weak point, it's so sensitive! (here I believe the main idea is that that spot is her weak point because it's too sensitive, but I couldn't find a good wording for that)
うぐぅぅ-->Uguuuu
ひイイ-->Hiii
ひああああだめっ,気持ちいい！お良もっといじってくださいキラ-->hiaaaaa,no,it’s so good! Tease my anus more, Kira!
動いちゃう！お尻が勝手に動いちゃいますわ-->It’s moving! My ass is moving on its own
ああ、好きいい、お尻の穴指でほじられるの好きいい-->I love it, I love having[b] your fingers tease my butthole
いかせてキラァ-->[b]Let me cum, Kiraa
いかせて下さい-->Please, let me cum!
ああ-->aaa
ひああああああ-->hiaaaa

Page 19
はあはあ-->haaa haaa
めちめち-->slick slick
あ-->a
ラ．ク．ス．-->La Cu S
ひゃう-->Hyauu
キ！キラ！あ、ん-->Ki-Kira! Aaaa, nnnn
だ。。。ダメ。。。ですわ。。。そこは。。。その。。。-->Do...don’t....that spot is....erm....
ん？-->Hmmm?
ほんで読んで勉強したんでしょ？こういう時は何て言うの？-->Didn’t you learn from the book? What should you say at times like this?
は。。。はい。。。あの。。。そ。。。-->Y-Yes, that is…
そ。。。そこは。。。その。。。お尻の。。。穴。。。ですわ-->T-that is…my butt…hole…is...
キラがお望みなら。。。わ。。。わたくしのアナルをお使いなって下さい-->available for you so....use my anus....whenever you wish, please.
わたくしのアナルをキラの大おちんちんほじくりまわして-->Please dig your huge penis inside my anus...
その。。。-->That is…
お好きな時に溢れるまでアナルの中に射精して下さいませ-->Please, use it whenver you like and cum inside it until it's flooding.

Page 20
きゅう-->Shove
さっきより大きい！！-->It’s bigger than before!!
ひぎイイ-->higiiii
Follow the global sfx

Page 21
くう。。。ん。。。キラのが奧までぇ。。。入ってきます。。。わ。。。-->Kuh....hng.....Kira's....is reaching....so deep.... (here she omits the word "penis" as it's implicit, thought it can be made explicit if wanted)
動くよラクス？-->I'll start moving, Lacus!
。。。はい-->Y-yes
わたくしのお尻の穴で気持ち良くなって下さい-->Please feel pleased with my butthole
すごいね、ラクスのアナル-->Your anus is amazing Lacus,
さっきからはしたない音させてきゅうきゅう締め付けてくるよ-->For quite a while it’s been letting out some shameful sounds and it's thightening up
ほら、ぶびぶびっていやらしい音-->Hear! The shameful sound! (here Kira actually imitates the shameful sound, but I have NO IDEA what the hell is a shameful sound so....)
い！いやああ-->N-Noooo
恥ずかしいですわ！そんな音させないで下さいな-->It’s embarrassing, please don’t make me do that sound
音出してるのラクスだよ-->There it is again
そ！そんな！ずるいですわ！-->N-no way! You're so mean!

Page 22
でも！でもっおひり-->But! But-My ass-
お尻気持ちですわ-->My ass feels so good
お尻好きい-->I love anal!
じゃあもっと気持ち良いくしてあげるね、ラクス-->Then, I'll make you feel even better, Lacus!
え！？キ？キラ！？-->E!? Ki-Kira!?
そ！そんな！２本も！だめですわ！-->N-no! Not 2 at once! NOO!

Page 23
ひ-->Hiii
あぐ-->Aguuuu
変になっちゃいますわ！わたくしわたくしもう！--> I'm going crazy! Me...me too! (here she's probably saying "me too" referring to other characters that "went crazy"....some rewording could be worked out)
私もういっちゃいそうですわ！もっと！もっと強くほじくってくださいな！-->I'm about to cum! More! Dig it harder!
すごいっこんなのっわたくし初めてでっ-->This is the first time I feel this good (or "Amazing...this is the first time I-")
だめ！いっちゃうぅ！-->No! I’m cumming!
僕もだラクス一緒に！--> I’m also cumming!
キラキラァァ-->Kiraaaaaa
ひぐぅぅ-->higuu

Page 24
ひあああああああああああああああああ-->Hiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ひうう-->Hiuuu
ん-->Nn
ラクスよっぽど気持ち良かったんだねアナルが開きっ放じで戻らないよ--> Lacus, you had quite a lot of fun! You anus is so loosely open that it's not closing!
い。。。いやぁ。。。-->N-noo....

Page 25
キラもやっぱりHなビデオとか興味ありますのね-->As I thought, Kira is really interested in H(or erotic) Video
え！？-->E!?
キラのお部屋お掃除してる時にベッドの下にあったのを見てしまいましたの。。。-->When I was cleaning your room, I found Ero video under your bed
あっ、あれはディアッカが！-->Ah, that was Dearka!!
あれはディアッカが置いて行ったんだよ。。。-->Dearka left those there...
僕は興味ないって言ったんだけど。。。-->I already said I'm not interested…
ラクス以外の女性も見ておけ。。。って-->"Look at other girls besides Lacus"....he said
世の中の女は積極的でイイぞ！。。。って-->"The girls from society are proactive, they're really good!"...he said
ラクスはどうせマグロだろう！？。。。って-->"Besides, Lacus is just a fish, right?"....he said (I don't know if "maguro" (a kind of fish) is a slang for passive (as in not taking the iniciative) girls, but withing the context, it's what I understood)
そうですか。。。-->Is that so?
ディアッカさんが。。。キラ。。。-->Dearka-san said.......Kira….
わたくし用事を思い出したのでちょっと出掛けてきますわね-->I just rememberd I had a business to take care of so I'm leaving
フリーダムで--> FREEDOM!!
うわぁ～～～！！-->Uwaaa
逃げて～～！でィアッカ逃げて～～！ラクス種割れてれうよぉ～～！-->Run away! Run away Dearka! Lacus has snapped out!
ぱっきゃん-->Break
でィアッカのブレイぜザ久ファントムなら余裕ですわ-->If Dearka's is a Blaze Zaku Phantom, than there's a margin (here I believe she's implying that she can win if his is that blaze whatever...not really sure).
うふふふふふ-->Huhuhuhuhu

Well, as you can see, I pretty much retranslated it. I don't want to sound mean to you, christianwah nor belittle your efforts. Take this as one extra source for learning (although I'm not an expert nor anything near that....I still have lots to learn too and there are other people around here that knows much more than me).

Anyway, there really were some parts that you got the idea completely wrong (specially in the beginning, more specifically between pages 6 through 9).

Now, about your questions.

If I'm not wrong, in Japanese, we can use the particle "と" or "や" to signify "and" don't they? I can't seem to find them there, so if you could please so kindly to teach me why is it like that. Please bear with me since I'm still noobish at Japanese.

キラがわたくしだけを見ていて下さるようにするにはどうしたら良いか教えていただいたりご本を読んだりVTRを

見たりして

Here, what indicates that she's listing is the termination "たり" (and it's variation, according to the verb it's following). This termination, in this case, can be understood as " -ing and -ing (e.g. "coming and going")". So, "教えていただいたりご本を読んだりVTRを見たりして" is "I've been taught, I've been reading and I've been watching".

Dunno about what is the difference between studying and learning, could you epxlain more on the difference? I myself found that those two words can be used interchangeably.

Studying means applying your effort on learning. Learning means acquiring knowledge. If you say you're studying, it doesn't mean that you'll learn something. Also, it's not normal to use "勉強" as "learning", thought in some contexts it could be used without major problems.

Well, check the modifications I made, compare to yours and ask whatever you want. I'm actually a horrible teacher so don't expect any great answers (sorry for that).

And by the way, I also felt that English is not your primary language too...am I correct here?

This post has been edited by shadow_moon: Feb 24 2013, 04:25

Page 05
お勉強をしてきたのですわ-->Don't underestimate me <3
キラがわたくしだけを見ていて下さるようにするにはどうしたら良いか教えていただいたりご本を読んだりVTRを
見たりして--> I've been studying by reading books and watching TVs so that you would only have eyes for me!

Since the general meaning is to convey that the books and TVs have taught her, we can also say that she's been studying from it, and the
お勉強をしてきたのですわ feels as if she want to show Kira that she's not to be underestimated.
ps: <3 is a heart emoticon btw...

Page 06
キラの部屋でエロビデオ見つけてキラがラクスの事嫌いになったんじゃないか。。と心配になって来た...そういう事か -> So...you're worried that Kira may dislike you because....you found some porn in his room...is that it?

I'm afraid that the readers will misunderstand if I put it like this, they may think that the cause for Kira disliking her is that she found some porn, while the truth is vice versa. I preferred it if there's another sentencing that could make it sound better, but alas...
"So, you found some porn at Kira's room and that’s why you're worried that Kira is starting to dislike you? Is that it?"

Page 07
もしラクスがそういうの気のするんなら、キラがビデオ見なくても満足できるように勉強してみたらどうだ-->If that really bothers you that much, why don't you watch [b]the porn so that you can satisfy him without him having to rely on the videos?
お勉強。。。ですか？-->Watch... them?
イメージだけどラクスってベッドの上で何もしなさそうだし-->Since it's you, you probably did nothing to him on the bed
キラもたまには攻められたいんじゅあないかな？--> Why don’t you try being more aggressive to Kira sometimes?
ほら！！-->Look here![/b]

キラってさSMで言うと種割れてる時はSだけど普段完は完全にMじゃん（笑）？--> You know....if we talk in SM terms, Kira may be a biological S, but usually he's a complete M, no (laugh)? (Ok, here Kagali is basically implying that being a male means being S. The term used is "Tane Wari" which is "separation of the seeds" or "Species assignment". In this context, it's pretty much being male or female.)
Thanks for this one, I don't really know what Tane Wari means and am confused by it for quite a while since it's also used in later pages

お勉強してみますわ！ありがとうカガリさん-->I will try to watch them then! Thanks Cagalli-san

問題はアスランのバカ！あのバカがメイリン連れ込れんでゆうべ３人で種割てね大変だったんだ。。。-->The problem is that stupid Athrun! He brought Meyrin (his lover) yesterday and the three of us snapped out!! It was so troublesome... (actually, I'm not sure how to translate this, nor if I got the right idea)
Cagalli is Athrun's lover, but Meyrin has a crush on Athrun. So, I think it's more simple if I reword it as
"That fool Athrun! He included Meyrin in our date last night! It was so annoying!"
since if you include a third persone into a date, of course they will all snap out.

Page 8
まぁ。。。それでも痴話ゲンカにモビルスーツ出すのはどうかと思いますわね-->But still....using the mobile suits to settle a lover's quarrels is a bit....
Your words makes more sense

あの３人の所に比べたら-->Compared to those three,
わたくし達は平和ですわねぇ-->my relationship is much more peaceful
わたくしがもっとお勉強すれば済む事ですものね-->I still have much to study
It means that since her relationship with Kira is much more peaceful, she won't be able to handle if someday their relationship gets messed up like Cagalli's relationship with Athrun, that's why she still have much to study

よくあの状況死人が出ませんでしたわね。。。 --> It's a surprise that there were no deaths under that circunstances
アスラン捨ててキラに乗り換えて正解でしたわ！--> It was the right decision to have Kira pilot is on Athrun's place!
Forgot to translate this...

こういう時は経験豊富なあのお二人にお聞きすればきっと-->I’ll just ask people who are more experienced.

Page 9
Yeah, just as you've said, I completely missed the point of the page 9. Your version is much better than mine.

Page 11
あったくてやわらかい-->Your breast is so warm and soft!!

Page 12
きゃあああああん-->Kyaaaaaan!

Page 13
全部わたくしに出して下さいな-->Please let me suck them all
Since he's already finished cumming, I don't think he can still cum
フラガさんに頂いたご本にそう言うと男性は皆喜ぶと書いてありましたので。。。まだ他にもたくさん覚えとき

ましたわ-->It was written in a book I borrowed from Flaga-san that every men would be pleased with this...So, could we try this?

Page 14
だめぇ。。。キラァ。。。我慢ができませんわ、キラのパンパンのおちんちん、わたくしのとろけたおまんこに

、入れさせて下さいな-->No more....Kira....I can't bear it anymore, please, insert your stiff penis inside my pussy")
I think we should just change the molten part, it makes much more and the molten part is not that important anyway.

Page 15
奧まで。。。奧までキラの極太尾ちんちん、わたくしのちゅるちゅるおまんこに。。。
入っちゃいましたわ-->So deep… Your rock thick penis (again, she uses the same term as before) is inside my slippery pussy

Page 16
キラのおちんちん極太で長いから私のとろまんがぎゅうぎゅうで衝撃が頭のてっぺんまで響きますわ-->Your rock thick penis is so long! My pussy is throbbing so much I can feel the echoes of the shocks in my head!
as before

Page 18
惑じ過ぎて弱いのぉ-->That's my sensitive point!
いかせてキラァ-->I'm cumming Kira
いかせて下さい-->I'm cumming!

Page 23
変になっちゃいますわ！わたくしわたくしもう！--> I'm going crazy! ! Give me more! More!
I don't think that もう is referring as a too particle, it's more of a sense that it's something that something is not yet complete.

私もういっちゃいそうですわ！もっと！もっと強くほじくってくださいな！-->I'm about to cum! More! Do it harder!
すごいっこんなのっわたくし初めてでっ-->Amazing...this is the first time I feel this good

Page 25
僕は興味ないって言ったんだけど。。。-->Even though I already said I'm not interested…
ラクスはどうせマグロだろう！？。。。って-->"Besides, Lacus is just a fish in the ocean, right?"....he said
It's referring to "there are plenty more fish in the sea" idiom

でィアッカのブレイぜザ久ファントムなら余裕ですわ-->If Dearka's is a Blaze Zaku Phantom, than I will win.
Blaze Zaku Phantom is Dearka's mobile suit



I made some rewording and commenting on your script posted by Red Piotrus. Only the ones that have been changed are written here




I start translating as a mean to improve my Japanese anyway, so your comment is much appreciated (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)
PS: I've hated everybody in the world since I was a baby, that includes you. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

キラがわたくしだけを見ていて下さるようにするにはどうしたら良いか教えていただいたりご本を読んだりVTRを
見たりして
Here, what indicates that she's listing is the termination "たり" (and it's variation, according to the verb it's following). This termination, in this case, can be understood as " -ing and -ing (e.g. "coming and going")". So, "教えていただいたりご本を読んだりVTRを見たりして" is "I've been taught, I've been reading and I've been watching".

Ah, I see what you mean there.

English is not my first language, but I'm quite confident in my English skill (non-H english, that is). But my Japanese is not that good, I made quite many mistakes on the beginning pages, so I still have a lot to learn.
Thanks for helping me shadow_moon (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

Page 05
お勉強をしてきたのですわ-->Don't underestimate me <3
キラがわたくしだけを見ていて下さるようにするにはどうしたら良いか教えていただいたりご本を読んだりVTRを
見たりして--> I've been studying by reading books and watching TVs so that you would only have eyes for me!

Since the general meaning is to convey that the books and TVs have taught her, we can also say that she's been studying from it, and the
お勉強をしてきたのですわ feels as if she want to show Kira that she's not to be underestimated.
ps: <3 is a heart emoticon btw...

Well, changing "お勉強をしてきたのですわ-->I've been studying!" to "Don't underestimate me <3" may be a little too much, although I see why one would change it.
If you translate "教えていただいたり" to "I've been studying", than it would be just redundant to translate "お勉強をしてきたのですわ" to "I've been studying!". But the kanji "教" is a verb, meaning "teach", which can be used to represent either part of the teaching process. In other words, it can be used either to say that you are teaching, or to say that you're being taught (being the latter the case here). Therefore, I wouldn't keep the changes you proposed, although they do not change the overall feeling of the scene. This is pretty much up to how close you want to stay from the original.

Page 06
キラの部屋でエロビデオ見つけてキラがラクスの事嫌いになったんじゃないか。。と心配になって来た...そういう事か -> So...you're worried that Kira may dislike you because....you found some porn in his room...is that it?

I'm afraid that the readers will misunderstand if I put it like this, they may think that the cause for Kira disliking her is that she found some porn, while the truth is vice versa. I preferred it if there's another sentencing that could make it sound better, but alas...
"So, you found some porn at Kira's room and that’s why you're worried that Kira is starting to dislike you? Is that it?"

Yes, you're right. I didn't see the other possible interpretation.
Well, I believe there are quite a lot of ways to reword this...
"So you're afraid that the porn you found means Kira is starting to hate you....and that's why you're worried...right?"
or
"So, you think that the porn you found in Kira's room is a sign that he's starting to hate you....and that's why you're worried...right"
or
"You're worried that the porn you found in Kira's room is a sign that Kira is....starting to hate you....is it?"

Page 07
もしラクスがそういうの気のするんなら、キラがビデオ見なくても満足できるように勉強してみたらどうだ-->If that really bothers you that much, why don't you watch [b]the porn so that you can satisfy him without him having to rely on the videos?
お勉強。。。ですか？-->Watch... them?

Here Kagalli is not suggesting Lacus to watch the porn Kira supposedly have. Here she's suggesting her to study in order to be able to satisfy him without him having to rely on the videos.
See how, in the phrase "キラがビデオ見なくても", the verb is in the negative form. And the subject it's referring to is Kira, but only that part makes no sense so you need to check the next part, which is "満足できるよう", that is "to satisfy". So, if you take both parts "キラがビデオ見なくても満足できるように", it's saying "satisfy without Kira watching videos".
Then, "お勉強。。。ですか" would stay as "Study".

イメージだけどラクスってベッドの上で何もしなさそうだし-->Since it's you, you probably did nothing to him on the bed
キラもたまには攻められたいんじゅあないかな？--> Why don’t you try being more aggressive to Kira sometimes?

These are good too, although I'd change the verb time. Instead of "you probably did nothing", I'd go with "you probably do nothing".

ほら！！-->Look here![/b]
キラってさSMで言うと種割れてる時はSだけど普段完は完全にMじゃん（笑）？--> You know....if we talk in SM terms, Kira may be a biological S, but usually he's a complete M, no (laugh)? (Ok, here Kagali is basically implying that being a male means being S. The term used is "Tane Wari" which is "separation of the seeds" or "Species assignment". In this context, it's pretty much being male or female.)
Thanks for this one, I don't really know what Tane Wari means and am confused by it for quite a while since it's also used in later pages

Actually, I'm also not really sure whether I used the correct meaning for "種割". I just went with the context every time this term appeared. So, here it makes sense seeing it as "separation of the seeds" as in "defining the babies gender". The other time it was used, it made sense seeing it as "breaking the nuts" as in "going nuts".

お勉強してみますわ！ありがとうカガリさん-->I will try to watch them then! Thanks Cagalli-san

The same as before, I wouldn't translate "勉強" to "watch". If you were to, than all the previous ones would need to be changed to make sense.

問題はアスランのバカ！あのバカがメイリン連れ込れんでゆうべ３人で種割てね大変だったんだ。。。-->The problem is that stupid Athrun! He brought Meyrin (his lover) yesterday and the three of us snapped out!! It was so troublesome... (actually, I'm not sure how to translate this, nor if I got the right idea)
Cagalli is Athrun's lover, but Meyrin has a crush on Athrun. So, I think it's more simple if I reword it as
"That fool Athrun! He included Meyrin in our date last night! It was so annoying!"
since if you include a third persone into a date, of course they will all snap out.

Well, maybe it is. Since I never watched the series, I have no background knowledge to rely on (and since it's a hentai, bringing a lover in a date may mean only a three-some invite so I thought it'd be better to just make it explicit the fight).

あの３人の所に比べたら-->Compared to those three,
わたくし達は平和ですわねぇ-->my relationship is much more peaceful
わたくしがもっとお勉強すれば済む事ですものね-->I still have much to study
It means that since her relationship with Kira is much more peaceful, she won't be able to handle if someday their relationship gets messed up like Cagalli's relationship with Athrun, that's why she still have much to study

Hmm...that makes sense. I couldn't grasp the idea of her speech there.
Maybe going for:
"わたくし達は平和ですわねぇ-->my relationship is much more peaceful
わたくしがもっとお勉強すれば済む事ですものね-->I have to study more so I can handle those kind of situations"

こういう時は経験豊富なあのお二人にお聞きすればきっと-->I’ll just ask people who are more experienced.

Here I just left the way you translated before. It was "I’ll just ask those two people who are experienced.", which is closer to the original (because she states that she's going to ask for help from two people who are more experienced). I'd probably omit the "people" there and use "I'll just ask those two, who are more experienced".

Page 11
あったくてやわらかい-->Your breast is so warm and soft!!

I believe that stating that what is warm and soft are her breasts is kinda redundant, because you can infer from the picture.

Page 13
全部わたくしに出して下さいな-->Please let me suck them all
Since he's already finished cumming, I don't think he can still cum

Well, even though he just came, it's a hentai. Guys never go dry on hentai! Anyway, the idea is pretty much that she wants him to cum more and is asking for it.

フラガさんに頂いたご本にそう言うと男性は皆喜ぶと書いてありましたので。。。まだ他にもたくさん覚えとき

ましたわ-->It was written in a book I borrowed from Flaga-san that every men would be pleased with this...So, could we try this?

Again, it's up to how close you want to stay from the original. Here your suggestions diverts from the original. It fits the scene (IMHO) but it's not what she said.

Page 14
だめぇ。。。キラァ。。。我慢ができませんわ、キラのパンパンのおちんちん、わたくしのとろけたおまんこに

、入れさせて下さいな-->No more....Kira....I can't bear it anymore, please, insert your stiff penis inside my pussy")
I think we should just change the molten part, it makes much more and the molten part is not that important anyway.

Yes, actually this should be more related to how people say in English. Do girls say that their pussy is melting? I have no idea...(same comment goes for page 16)

Page 18
惑じ過ぎて弱いのぉ-->That's my sensitive point!
いかせてキラァ-->I'm cumming Kira
いかせて下さい-->I'm cumming!

Yes, maybe going with "That's my sensitive point" or, even, "That's my most sensitive spot!" could work.
The other two, the same comment about closeness to the original.

Page 23
変になっちゃいますわ！わたくしわたくしもう！--> I'm going crazy! ! Give me more! More!
I don't think that もう is referring as a too particle, it's more of a sense that it's something that something is not yet complete.

Yes, it could be that she didn't finish her phrase. If that's the case, than I'd go with "I'm going crazy! I-I am...!"

すごいっこんなのっわたくし初めてでっ-->Amazing...this is the first time I feel this good

Again, the closeness comment.

Page 25
僕は興味ないって言ったんだけど。。。-->Even though I already said I'm not interested…
ラクスはどうせマグロだろう！？。。。って-->"Besides, Lacus is just a fish in the ocean, right?"....he said
It's referring to "there are plenty more fish in the sea" idiom

That could be one possibility and going with it wouldn't leave room for doubts. It fits the context too so it's a good option too.

でィアッカのブレイぜザ久ファントムなら余裕ですわ-->If Dearka's is a Blaze Zaku Phantom, than I will win.
Blaze Zaku Phantom is Dearka's mobile suit

Ok, than it makes sense. That's one problem of translating doujinshi from series that you know nothing about...



Ok, I just finished commenting your comments.
Don't take my comments about "how close to the original you want to stay" as something good or bad. This is a decision that should be taken by each translator alone. I, myself, tend to try to stay as close to the original as possible, without making it sound strange, therefore I wouldn't go with some of the suggestion you gave, but this does not mean that you're wrong and I'm right! If you can keep the context and the main idea, whether you choose to stay closer to the original or drift apart shouldn't be that important. In other words, you translating "勉強" to "watch" in this project isn't a problem because you changed all the other speeches related to match this translation.

Hy Id like to take the edithing bounty,can i ?

Translation wise, I think contextual translation is better than trying to be to literal. What I mean by this is not that we should try to rewrite the text to make it sound better, but rather, we should aim for pretty prose where possible. I am certainly open to further discussion here.

Stoiki2000, the editing position is currently open. Have you edited any manga or dojin projects before? I have no problem taking in new editors, but if you haven't done any editing before I always ask for a sample page or two that would be submitted for discussion and advice in the editing thread. We have a number of experienced editors who like to mentor newcomers!

On that note, unless it is used in the original, I wouldn't use emotikons like "<3"; to me at least they seem not good prose, but rather veering towards leet-speak or such.

note for editor

for credits page, please list both christianwah and shadow_moon as translators, and, shadow_moon has the following request: "I'd be happy to see my project name ("SMDC-Translations") in there and, if it's not asking for too much, a link to my blog too (smdc-translations.blogspot.com) in the credits."

new revised script made from the suggestion

Page 04
ただいま-->I'm home
あっキラッ--> ah, Kira!
え？-->what? (or Eh?)
お帰りなさいませご主人様-->Welcome back, Master
え？ええええ??? -->w--Whaaaaaaat?
モジモジ-->squirm
どっどっどっどっどうしたのラクスそのかっこう-->w--w--w--why are you dressed like that, Lacus?
え！！？え！！？え！！？やっぱりおかしいですか-->Eh!? Eh!? Eh!?? Do I look stupid after all?
いや、すごく似合ってるよかわいいし-->No.... it looks perfect on you, you look very cute....
は、よかったですわ。 気に人っていただけましたかご主人様-->Ah, I'm glad I was able to please you, master
ホッ-->sigh(sighing sfx)
ご...ご主人...様-->Ma...Master?

Page 05
お勉強をしてきたのですわ-->Don't underestimate me <3
キラがわたくしだけを見ていて下さるようにするにはどうしたら良いか教えていただいたりご本を読んだりVTRを

見たりして--> I've been studying by reading books and watching VTR so that you would only have eyes for me!
おっ。。。お勉強。。。？それって誰に教わってきらの？-->Stu..."Studying"? And...who were you learning from?

Page 06

それは-->That was...
オーブカガリ自宅-->Orb, Cagalli's house
やぁお待たせラクス-->Sorry to keep you waiting, Lacus
どうしたんだ急に-->What's the matter?
ふーん、なるほどね-->hmmm, i see
ひょい--> *hop* (or any sfx that you deem appropriate to represent someone jumping on the couch)
キラの部屋でエロビデオ見つけてキラがラクスの事嫌いになったんじゃないか。。と心配になって来た...そういう事か -> You're worried that the porn you found in Kira's room is a

sign that Kira is....starting to hate you....is it?
ええ。。。こんな事相談できるのカガリさんしかいなくて-->Yes... I can only discuss this kind of things with Cagalli-san
だって。。。キラにはわたくしがいるのにその。。。あの。。。他の女性の。。。その。。。そういうの見るの

って。。。-->Because... Even though Kira have me... I think....He's looking at.....another woman....
お行儀が悪いですわよ！-->Kagari-san, your manners are bad!
わたくしに飽きてしまったから。。。でしょう？-->Maybe… he got bored with me?
昨夜も遅くまで出かけてました。こもしかして他に女性が-->He also went out late last night.... Perhaps he have another woman

Page 07
ん〜そういうのとはちょっとう気がするな-->Hmm....I think it's not like that...
男てそういうもんなんだよ-->Men are just like that...for sure...
きっと。。。できキラがねえ。。。意外だな-->But I wouldn't expect it from Kira...
昨夜？ああそれならウﾁに来てたんざよ-->Last night? He came to my house (or my place)
あいつ女に興味あってもそういうのとは無縁なヤツだと思ったんだけどなぁ。。。--> Even if he's interested in women, I always saw him as an uninterested guy...
むしろすっちはアスランの方しっくりくるっていうか。。。--> Athrun fits that image much better...
そうだな!! -->I know!
もしラクスがそういうの気のするんなら、キラがビデオ見なくても満足できるように勉強してみたらどうだ-->If that really bothers you that much, why don't you study the porn so

that you can satisfy him without him having to rely on the videos?
お勉強。。。ですか？-->Stu-study?
あっヌ！！コラ！！カガリさん！！お行儀が悪いですわよ！-->Ah! HEY! KAGARI! Your manners are bad!
イメージだけどラクスってベッドの上で何もしなさそうだし-->Since it's you, you probably did nothing to him on the bed
う！（図星）--> Ugh!! (Bull's-eye)
キラもたまには攻められたいんじゅあないかな？--> Why don’t you try being more aggressive to Kira sometimes?
ほら！！-->Look here!
キラってさSMで言うと種割れてる時はSだけど普段完は完全にMじゃん（笑）？--> You know....if we talk in SM terms, Kira may be a biological S, but usually

he's a complete M, no (laugh)?
そうですわね！わかりましたわ！--> Ah! I see!
お勉強してみますわ！ありがとうカガリさん-->I will try to study them then! Thanks Cagalli-san
いいって！-->No problem!
本当はもってちゃんと教えてやりたいんだけど正こっちも大変でね。。。-->Actually I wanted to teach you more myself but, honestly, I'm also troubled here...
オーブになにか？--> Is there something happening at Orb?
いやいや。。。-->No, no!
そっちは順調！-->That is fine!
問題はアスランのバカ！あのバカがメイリン連れ込れんでゆうべ３人で種割てね大変だったんだ。。。-->The problem is that stupid Athrun! He brought Meyrin to our date

yesterday and the three of us snapped out!! It was so troublesome...
ああ。。。なるほど。。。それでわかりましたわ-->Aah, I see. I understand that
思出しただけでもムカつく-->Just remembering it pisses me off!!

Page 8
何でこんな事になってるのか。。。-->But, why did you have to do such a thing…
アスランが悪いんだ！私のせいじゃない！-->Athrun is the guilty one! I’m innocent! (or Athrun is at fault)
まぁ。。。それでも痴話ゲンカにモビルスーツ出すのはどうかと思いますわね-->But still....using the mobile suits to settle a lover's quarrels is a bit....
仕方ないだろ！私は女なんだ！-->It can’t be helped since I’m a woman!
腕カじゃ男のアスランには敵わないんだから-->I’m no match for Athrun’s strength!
[b]じゃあ気を付けてな--> Then, take care!
おじゃましました-->Excuse me!
ペコ--> bow
あの３人の所に比べたら-->Compared to those three,
わたくし達は平和ですわねぇ-->my relationship is much more peaceful
わたくしがもっとお勉強すれば済む事ですものね-->I have to study more so that I can handle those kind of situations
よくあの状況死人が出ませんでしたわね。。。 --> It's a surprise that there were no deaths under that circumstances
アスラン捨ててキラに乗り換えて正解でしたわ！--> It was the right decision to have Kira pilot on Athrun's place!
でも。。。おべんきょうって。。。どうすれば。。。カガリさんはお忙しそうですし。 そうですわ！--> But … How should I study? Cagalli-san seems to be busy. I know!
こういう時は経験豊富なあのお二人にお聞きすればきっと-->I’ll just ask those two, since they are more experienced.

Page 9
で--> And...
マリューさんとフラガさんの所に行ってきた。。。と--> So you went to Murrue-san and Flaga-san’s place
え！すごいで何でお解りになりましたの！？--> Eh! Amazing! How did you know that, Kira!?
しかも一通り二人が説明し終わると。。。-->Furthermore, after they finished their explanation....
バルトフエレドさんが来た。。。と-->Waltfeld-san came… and
まぁまぁまぁ! 当たりですわ!-->My, my, my! That's correct!!
そうですわ！バルトフェレドさんもいらして親切に教えて下さったのですわ！--> That's right! Waltfeld also came and kindly taught me!
何で解りましたの？-->How did you know?
そのカッコ見ればふたりの趣味だって一発で解るって。。。-->Seeing your outfit, it's obvious that it fits their taste......
アークエンジェルにて-->At Archangel
う〜む-->Hmmm
やっぱり裸エプロンははずせないよねぇ-->Just >as I thought, I can't get over naked apron!
いやいや今はメイド萌えだから裸メイドさんてのが流行るでしょ！-->No no, nowadays, maid is becoming the trend so a naked maid is the fashion!
おお「裸エプロンメイド」とはいい趣味してるねぇ-->Oh, "Naked apron maid" sounds like a good hobby!
うんうん--> Yes, yes.
コレコレ--> This, this!
僕ちょっと用事思い出したから出掛けてくるね。。。-->I just rememberd I had a business to take care of so I'm leaving...
フリーダムで-->In FREEDOM!!!
また僕に戦（？）をさせたいのか！！あの２人は！！ --> Those two!! Do they want another war wound!!
わたくしをこのカッコのままおいて行かないで下さいなぁ～ --> Don't leave me in this outfiiit!!
ああんっ！キラァーー！-->Nooo! Kiraaaaa!
でもっでもっせっかくですからわたくしの勉強の成果。。。見てほしい。。。ですわ。。。--> But! But! I put so much effort so could you....at least see...the

results...?
ラクス。。。-->Lacus…
キラに喜んでもらいたくて頑張って勉強してきましたから。。。--> I've studied so hard because...i wanted to please you so...

Page 10
はあ。。。キラ。。。キラのおちんちん大きい。。。--> Haa. . . Kira. . . Your dick is so big . . .
んあうぅ-->Nnngah
あ。。ん-->Aaang
ラクス！もっとゆっくり！うあ。。あ！-->Lacus! Slower! Uaaaa!
ん。。。ん。。。ん。。。-->Mmmph..mmmph…mmph
うっあ-->Uaaaa
はあはあまだまだこれからですわ、お勉強の成果を見て下さいね-->Haa.. haa.. Not yet, I haven’t shown you my result yet (Could also go with "I'm just

starting! Please, watch/see the results of my efforts/studies, ok?")
あっラクス!! うっあ-->Ah Lacus! Uaaaa
はあ-->Haaa
れろ-->lick
ちゅるうう-->suck(inserting sfx)
ぬぼ、ぶぼ、ちゅぼ、ぐぼ、-->fap (sfx)

Page 11
ぷぼっ、ちゆずっ-->Fap, chu (fapping and sucking sfx)
ん-->mmmph(yes, all of them. Just adjust the length of the m to the bubbles)
ぐっ、ラクス、それ気持ちいい-->Ugh, Lacus, I feel so good
あったくてやわらかい-->So warm and soft!!
うあ-->Ua
あう-->Au
だ、だめ！！ラクス、出ちゃう、ラクス-->No,NO!! Lacus, I’m cumming!!

Page 12
きゃあああああん-->Kyaaaaaan!
ん。。。-->Mmmmm….
ゴクン-->Gulp
ごめん ラクス顔にかけちゃった-->Sorry Lacus, I cummed on your face
いいえ。。。キラが気持ち良かったのですからうれしいですわ-->It’s okay, I'm happy because you felt good, Kira.
キラのおちんちんまだぱんぱんですわ-->Your dick is still rock hard, no?
あ。。。。ん-->Aaaang


Page 13
全部わたくしに出して下さいな-->Please, cum all you've got for me
あの。。。キラ。。。-->Ummm…. Kira…
わたくしも。。。その。。。あの。。。その。。。-->Me too...erm...I mean....erm....
あの。。。わ。。。わたくしのとろとろのおまんこから溢れ出る汁を。。。舐めて下さい-->ummm… C…. Can you lick the juice flowing from my pussy?
またぎますわね-->I will move over
あ。。。う。。。うん、あの。。。。ラクス・・・？それも勉強の成果なのかな？-->A…U…Ummm, Lacus…? Is this also the result from your study too?
は。。。はい、おかしかったですか？-->Yes, is it strange?
フラガさんに頂いたご本にそう言うと男性は皆喜ぶと書いてありましたので。。。まだ他にもたくさん覚えとき

ましたわ-->It was written in a book I borrowed from Flaga-san that every men would be pleased with this...So, could we try this?
ひあっ -->Hya
あうぅ--> Auu
あん--> Ahn

Page 14
きゃう-->Kyaaa
おっおまんこがとけちゃいますわ-->My pussy’s gonna melt
ひああああん-->Hiaaaaa
あひイ-->Ahiiii
だめですわ,吸つちゃだめですわ-->Don't! Don't suck it!
はあっはあっ-->Haaa..haaaa..
だめぇ。。。キラァ。。。我慢ができませんわ、キラのパンパンのおちんちん、わたくしのとろけたおまんこに
、入れさせて下さいな-->No more....Kira....I can't bear it anymore, please,

insert your stiff penis inside my pussy")
くふっ。。。-->kufu
んん-->Nnnnnn

Page 15
ひ-->Hiii
あああああ-->Aaaaa
はああああ-->Haaaa
んくううう。。。ん-->Nguuuuu.. nnnn
あ。。。あ。。。-->Aaaaaaa
ぎゅうぎゅう-->hump hump
奧まで。。。奧までキラの極太尾ちんちん、わたくしのちゅるちゅるおまんこに。。。
入っちゃいましたわ-->So deep… Your rock thick penis (again, she uses the same term as before) is inside my slippery pussy
ふあああ-->Fuaaaahh

Page 16
ラクス-->Lacus…
キラ-->Kira…
大好き、世界一大好きですわ-->I love it, you’re the best in the world
んあっあ-->Nnaaaaa
あっ奧に当たる！-->It's reaching so deep!
キラのおちんちん極太で長いから私のとろまんがぎゅうぎゅうで衝撃が頭のてっぺんまで響きますわ-->Your rock thick penis is so long! My pussy is throbbing so much I can

feel the echoes of the shocks in my head!
気持ち良すぎてお尻が勝手に動きますの-->It feels too good that my ass is moving on its own
あん、あっ-->Aaan, Aaa

Page 17
ズプ-->Zlup
あ。。。ああ。。。だ。。。だめです。。。わ。。。キラ-->A…a…d-don’t
そっ。。。そこはぁ。。。その。。。おっ。。。-->T-there..t-there
ひあああ-->Hiaaaaa

Page 18
そこ！ダメ!惑じ過ぎて弱いのぉ-->Not there!That's my sensitive point!
うぐぅぅ-->Uguuuu
ひイイ-->Hiii
ひああああだめっ,気持ちいい！お良もっといじってくださいキラ-->hiaaaaa,no,it’s so good! Tease my anus more, Kira!
動いちゃう！お尻が勝手に動いちゃいますわ-->It’s moving! My ass is moving on its own
ああ、好きいい、お尻の穴指でほじられるの好きいい-->I love it, I love having your fingers tease my anus
いかせてキラァ-->I'm cumming Kira
いかせて下さい-->I'm cumming!
ああ-->aaa
ひああああああ-->hiaaaa

Page 19
はあはあ-->haaa haaa
めちめち-->slick slick
あ-->a
ラ．ク．ス．-->La Cu S
ひゃう-->Hyauu
キ！キラ！あ、ん-->Ki-Kira! Aaaa, nnnn
だ。。。ダメ。。。ですわ。。。そこは。。。その。。。-->Do...don’t....that spot is....erm....
ん？-->Hmmm?
ほんで読んで勉強したんでしょ？こういう時は何て言うの？-->Didn’t you learn from the book? What should you say at times like this?
は。。。はい。。。あの。。。そ。。。-->Y-Yes, that is…
そ。。。そこは。。。その。。。お尻の。。。穴。。。ですわ-->T-that is…my anus...is...
キラがお望みなら。。。わ。。。わたくしのアナルをお使いなって下さい-->available for you so....use my anus....whenever you wish, please.
わたくしのアナルをキラの大おちんちんほじくりまわして-->Please dig your huge penis inside my anus...
その。。。-->That is…
お好きな時に溢れるまでアナルの中に射精して下さいませ-->Please, use it whenever you like and cum inside it until it's flooding.

Page 20
きゅう-->Shove
さっきより大きい！！-->It’s bigger than before!!
ひぎイイ-->higiiii
Follow the global sfx

Page 21
くう。。。ん。。。キラのが奧までぇ。。。入ってきます。。。わ。。。-->Kuh....hng.....Kira's....is reaching....so deep.... (here she omits the word "penis" as

it's implicit, thought it can be made explicit if wanted)
動くよラクス？-->I'll start moving, Lacus!
。。。はい-->Y-yes
わたくしのお尻の穴で気持ち良くなって下さい-->Please feel pleased with my anus
すごいね、ラクスのアナル-->Your anus is amazing Lacus,
さっきからはしたない音させてきゅうきゅう締め付けてくるよ-->For quite a while it’s been letting out some shameful sounds and it's tightening up
ほら、ぶびぶびっていやらしい音-->Hear! The shameful sound! (here Kira actually imitates the shameful sound, but I have NO IDEA what the hell

is a shameful sound so....)
い！いやああ-->N-Noooo
恥ずかしいですわ！そんな音させないで下さいな-->It’s embarrassing, please don’t make me do that sound
音出してるのラクスだよ-->There it is again
そ！そんな！ずるいですわ！-->N-no way! You're so mean!

Page 22
でも！でもっおひり-->But! But-My ass-
お尻気持ちですわ-->My ass feels so good
お尻好きい-->I love anal!
じゃあもっと気持ち良いくしてあげるね、ラクス-->Then, I'll make you feel even better, Lacus!
え！？キ？キラ！？-->E!? Ki-Kira!?
そ！そんな！２本も！だめですわ！-->N-no! Not 2 at once! NOO!

Page 23
ひ-->Hiii
あぐ-->Aguuuu
変になっちゃいますわ！わたくしわたくしもう！--> I'm going crazy! ! Give me more! More!
私もういっちゃいそうですわ！もっと！もっと強くほじくってくださいな！-->I'm about to cum! More! Do it harder!
すごいっこんなのっわたくし初めてでっ-->Amazing...this is the first time I feel this good
だめ！いっちゃうぅ！-->No! I’m cumming!
僕もだラクス一緒に！--> I’m also cumming!
キラキラァァ-->Kiraaaaaa
ひぐぅぅ-->higuu

Page 24
ひあああああああああああああああああ-->Hiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ひうう-->Hiuuu
ん-->Nn
ラクスよっぽど気持ち良かったんだねアナルが開きっ放じで戻らないよ--> Lacus, you had quite a lot of fun! Your anus is so loosely open that it's not

closing!
い。。。いやぁ。。。-->N-noo....

Page 25
キラもやっぱりHなビデオとか興味ありますのね-->As I thought, Kira is really interested in H(or erotic) Video
え！？-->E!?
キラのお部屋お掃除してる時にベッドの下にあったのを見てしまいましたの。。。-->When I was cleaning your room, I found Ero video under your bed
あっ、あれはディアッカが！-->Ah, that was Dearka!!
あれはディアッカが置いて行ったんだよ。。。-->Dearka left those there...
僕は興味ないって言ったんだけど。。。-->Even though I already said I'm not interested…
ラクス以外の女性も見ておけ。。。って-->"Look at other girls besides Lacus"....he said
世の中の女は積極的でイイぞ！。。。って-->"The girls from society are proactive, they're really good!"...he said
ラクスはどうせマグロだろう！？。。。って-->"Besides, Lacus is just a(nother) fish in the ocean, right?"....he said
そうですか。。。-->Is that so?
ディアッカさんが。。。キラ。。。-->Dearka-san said.......Kira….
わたくし用事を思い出したのでちょっと出掛けてきますわね-->I just remembered I had a business to take care of so I'm leaving
フリーダムで--> FREEDOM!!
うわぁ～～～！！-->Uwaaa
逃げて～～！でィアッカ逃げて～～！ラクス種割れてれうよぉ～～！-->Run away! Run away Dearka! Lacus has snapped out!
ぱっきゃん-->Break
でィアッカのブレイぜザ久ファントムなら余裕ですわ-->If Dearka's is a Blaze Zaku Phantom, than I will win.
うふふふふふ-->Huhuhuhuhu

please comment on whatever I've missed as usual.

note: there was many <3 emoticon within the doujin itself that we didn't put here since there was no 'official' emoticon from the forum. feel free to include those. but, for the page 5, it's a must since it will make a difference in the context if not included as in the doujin.

This post has been edited by christianwah: Feb 26 2013, 16:26

Translation wise, I think contextual translation is better than trying to be to literal. What I mean by this is not that we should try to rewrite the text to make it sound better, but rather, we should aim for pretty prose where possible. I am certainly open to further discussion here.

Well, that's pretty much up to you to decide how to reword (after all, you're the one commissioning it). Since this is not my own release, I just explained what it's said and gave my opinion about how I'd translate. Now it's up to you to decide how you want to word it. I, particularly, don't mind.

On that note, unless it is used in the original, I wouldn't use emotikons like "<3"; to me at least they seem not good prose, but rather veering towards leet-speak or such.

Well, I guess that that hear emoticon is actually the heart shape that is commonly used in doujinshis no? They're not really "emoticons" but....whatever.

Page 05
見たりして--> I've been studying by reading books and watching VTRs so that you would only have eyes for me!
おっ。。。お勉強。。。？それって誰に教わってきらの？-->Stu..."Studying"? And...who were you learning from?

Page 25
ラクスはどうせマグロだろう！？。。。って-->"Besides, Lacus is just a(nother) fish in the ocean, right?"....he said

Just these two points in bold. The first one, on page 5. I'd change the TV to VTR or even video. Using TV to study is kinda strange...I don't know.
The second, on page 25. If there's enough space, write "Lacus is just another fish" instead of "is just a fish".

Editor note: This is the latest version of the script, edited with subsequent notes.

Accepted the bounty, and am currently working on it (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)