[X] My Assistant

Hullo, Blorg. How've you been?

BLORG.
Is the loneliest number- wait, it isn't a number.

BLORG is the greatest imaginary number.

Hullo, Blorg. How've you been?

I've been better.

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup Anto. Been a helluva long time, mate. Good to see you again. :3

BLORG is the greatest imaginary number.

Even greater than eleveteen-hundred?

It is the best rational one, in any case.

Pi is exactly Blorg.

grumpy what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be wooing your woman of 10 years?

I've been better.

Ah I see that sucks.

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup Anto. Been a helluva long time, mate. Good to see you again. :3

Yeah, I've been meaning to drop by and say hi, but stuff came up. Plus I don't play LoL anymore.

grumpy what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be wooing your woman of 10 years?

Valentine's Day is for the bourgeois.

Ah, those bourgeois!

In a small room situated above the 7/11 on the corner of Martin Luther Avenue, a broken man lies in fetal position, shuddering, as a figure knocks on the door. This is the third time. Three times, he has attempted to flee. Three times, he has failed.

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

Kevin Bacon once told me, on the set of Mystic River, "Life is what you choose to make of it. Some people make lemonade out of lemons, but I think sparkling soda is going to dominate the grocery stores. Invest in Lornia™ man, it's worth it."

A lifetime of broken promises on path, an eternity of unfulfilled dreams on the other. Do I take the door or the window? A Cheesy Cheddarburger costs only $1.89 at Wendy's but who is this Wendy? This fake, this imposter, this smug self-satisfied hipster bitch staring at me with her soulless eyes? I bet her name isn't really Wendy's. And the cheese probably isn't cheddar.

Kevin Bacon, do I have what it takes? Dalia Bacon said Sir Francis Bacon wrote Shakespeare. But all that remains of her own legacy is a failure. Edward de Vere, William Stanley, Christopher Marlowe, Neville Chamberlain, Chicago Bulls superstar Micheal Jackson. Bacon bacon what's shaking, bacon? Baking? Pies and cakes and tarts and so on, but pastry is like trust - it smells delicious from afar but crumbles the moment you get your hands on it. The grass is greener on the other side, and we only want things till we get them.

You, too, can have unlimited anime series at your disposal with Crunchyroll Premium service. Watch Bleach or Fairy Tail or indie sleeper hit Sword Art Online for only $6.95 a month.

The young man continues to shudder. The figure stops knocking. Is it over? Is he gone? Am I free?

No.

He is there, right next to you.

Three strikes, you're out.

Tag, you're it.

Hide and seek, countdown 5 4 3 2 1.

Can you find me?

All of that is true except I live in a single room above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley.

Valentine's Day is for the bourgeois.

I would've said it's for flower shop owners and consumerist dolts, but that works true.

The really good holiday is tomorrow, when all the candy goes on sale. Almost as good as November 1st.

The really good holiday is tomorrow, when all the candy goes on sale. Almost as good as November 1st.

fuckyeah.jpg

I would've said it's for flower shop owners and consumerist dolts, but that works true.

The really good holiday is tomorrow, when all the candy goes on sale. Almost as good as November 1st.

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fuckyeah.jpg

QFT


also

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Valentine's Day is for the bourgeois.

If I were your girl and I at least didn't get some sort of sentiment (Card, a loving pat on the head, etc) I would smother you in your sleep (with a pillow, not the fun kind) then perform cpr to bring you back. May that teach you a lesson! But that's just me (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/dry.gif) but I got a cuddle and a lovely note so (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/wub.gif)

We forgo Valentine shenanigans because our love story began on a Friday afternoon in February. It also happened to be the 14th.

Also, OMG I bought so much marked down chocolate. We're gonna get so fat.

^So cute! Kind of jealous we forgot to buy the marked down chocolates today. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/sad.gif) now I won't get that box of mystery chocolates that I only half like.

It was one of those "Wait, this stuff actually happens in real life?" events. I still think it was all made-up and our memory of how we started dating is a shared delusion.

I put it on my calender. When I got off work, my phone alarm went off to remind me. There's no way I can pass up on bargain chocolate, capitalizing on good deals are like some sort of compulsion. Sometimes, when I get one of those boxes of mystery chocolates, I'll take a bite out of a bunch of them to see what's inside and then put the other half back. Because I'm a troll. :3

I recall seeing some of those assorted boxes come with a candy map to explain what each one is, but it's about as easy to navigate as a map of DC.

FourThirteen, will you be my Blorgentine?