Rob Schneider: Five men with a grudge meet on a bridge. Their intention, to enact revenge upon the man who wronged them years ago. Their plan is perfect, their alibis are set. All that is left is to put it in motion. But as these men will soon learn, perfection is but an illusion created by mortals, and everything is fallible - especially if you've found yourself in The Blorg Zone.
A masked man walks toward a bridge, where four other masked figures await. The night is cold, and all five of them shiver from the chill.Man A: You're late.
Man B: Can it. I had my reasons.
Man A: Reasons? Have you forgotten the reason why we're-
Man C: Look, let's just get this over with. We can talk about this later.
Man A: Fine.
The five men start walking.Man D: You brought the stuff?
Man B: Yep. It's right here.
He gestures with one hand to the briefcase he holds with his other.Man B: I double checked it before I left. It's all in here.
Man E: Quiet, we're nearly there.
The five men stop in front of a lone house. The lights are off, and all is still.Man C: Let's do it.
The five men break into the house, and Man B opens his briefcase, handing each of his conspirators a certain object.Man E: We're going to give that son of a bitch what he deserves.
The men enter a bedroom, where a figure lays sleeping.Man D: Wake up Mr. Blorg. It's time to meet your maker.
The figure, Blorg, wakes up.Blorg: Wha... what? You... you people are!
Man A slaps Blorg in the face with a large stick of salami. A meaty thwack is heard and a tooth falls from Blorg's mouth.Man A: Don't think you can try to talk your way out of this like last time!
Man C and Man E each take hold of one of Blorg's arms, pinning him down.Man B: We survived, Blorgy. We survived.
Man B takes off his mask, revealing a horribly scarred face.Man B: You though we all died in the meat processing factory, didn't you? Too bad.
Man E: Danford didn't make it. The rest of us though... we made a promise that day. To make you pay.
Blorg: You don't understand! I was-
A strike to the temple with a large frozen meatball renders him silent.Man D: No. More. Talking.
The men quickly beat Blorg with meat to his death, leaving his mangled body lying in a disfigured position on his bed. Breathing hard from their excursion, the men look at each other.Man B: Well, it's done. Let's leave.
Man C: Yeah, the sooner we leave the better.
The men quickly re-package their meat, and head for the door. However, their path is blocked by none other than...Man A: Blorg? Ho... how?
Blorg: Did you guys know that "beating the meat" is a euphemism for masturbation?
Man C: What.
Blorg removes his face, skin and all. All five of the men are rendered pale with shock.Blorg: Let me tell you a story.
[Blorg opens his mouth and tells them a story so horrid that each of the men start violently throwing up.[/i]
Man A: Oh God no, stop.
Blorg: I call this story...
Blorg starts dancing around the vomiting men, a mesmerizing and nauseating rejection of all that is good in this world. The very sight of it causes the men to weep uncontrollably and lose control of their bowels.Blorg: ... the Aristocrats.
Rob Schneider: Radaxius "Radical" Fredrickson, Robert "Bertha" Piefored, Cedric "Jamal" Lynch, Noah "Bodacious" Samson and Fortella "Thirteen" Greens sought to take revenge on Blorg "Blorg" Blorgson. What they did not account for, however, was the fact that they were simply characters in an incredibly stupid and nonsensical story with a weak, unexplained plot and a silly twist ending that made no sense at all. In fact, even their own names were just random insertions by the script writer at the very end just to make it seem more familiar to those whose names were mentioned. All because they had the misfortune to be a part of the horror that is... The Blorg Zone.
Lurking with Blorg the Almighty, I'm not dead you fucks.
Oct 3 2012, 06:25
