[X] My Assistant

Thanks guys, I'll do the fixes suggested, with a status update coming sometime later this month. As for the name spelling, 'Kagari' was in the script at page 1 of this topic along with 'Cagalli', hence why I put in both. Still my bad, tho ^^;


And yeah, this isn't the final version that'll be going through a QC.



Edit:

I'm aware that I left a bunch of empty bubbles, but that's since the text inside of them weren't in the script. So, what exactly do I edit into those? o_o Especially those that are just "some moans".

Also, I'm really sorry about my oversight on page 26 (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

This post has been edited by Tae2: Jun 18 2013, 18:54

I'm aware that I left a bunch of empty bubbles, but that's since the text inside of them weren't in the script. So, what exactly do I edit into those? o_o Especially those that are just "some moans".

I need to check the empty bubbles, but I believe most of those are really only moans.
"Aah", "Ahn", "Ooh", "Hmm" and shit. I can do a list of the bubbles missing, but will only do that later.

Well, I'll just transliterate the moans and you guys decide what kind of moan you want to use. Bubble will always be counter-clockwise starting at the 6H position and going from the inner radius to the outer radius. words between ** are SFX
Page 11:
Second panel: Ah
Last panel:
Bubu
Gubu

Page 15:
Second panel: Haa Haa
Third panel: Aun

Page 16:
Last panel: Ah...
Correction note: The last two bubbles are completely off.
The script:
奧まで。。。奧までキラの極太尾ちんちん、わたくしのちゅるちゅるおまんこに。。。
入っちゃいましたわ-->So deep… Your rock thick penis (again, she uses the same term as before) is inside my slippery pussy
What's written:
奧まで。。。奧までキラの極太尾ちんちん、わたくしのちゅるちゅるおまんこに。。。->Deeper...Please put your dick deeper, until it melts away my pussy
入っちゃいましたわ-->So deep… Your rock thick penis is inside my slippery pussy

In other words, there's a whole new phrase there that is neither in the Japanese text nor in the script.
edit: Ok, maybe it was hard to see that "So deep… Your rock thick penis is inside my slippery pussy" should be divided into those three (now two, since one of the bubble was edited out) bubbles.
I'd divide it like this (considering only 2 bubbles):
Bubble 1: So deep… Your rock thick penis is...
Bubble 2: inside my slippery pussy.

Page 17:
Last panel: it's written "so"...something like poking I guess

Page 18:
Second panel: Higuuuuuuu!!! (or Hyuuuuguuu!! not really sure which is the correct order there but doesn't make much of a difference.)

Page 19:
Fifth panel:
have three unedited text bubbles (read "nucha" which is a SFX for a finger in the ass). That page also have two blank bubbles that are blank in the original too for whatever reason. One can imagine that there should be some moans there so adding it is an interesting option.

Correction note: Here the script is wrong. In the same 5th panel, instead of Lacus saying "I'm cumming" she's saying "Make me cum"

Page 20:
Panel one:
Ah
Hya
Ah
Panel four: fun
Panel five: *nichi* *nichi* (sfx for finger rubbing over anus)
Panel six: haa haa
Panel seven: *kupa* (sfx for spreading anus)

Page 21:
Panel 1:
Kyau
*Muwaa* (sfx for shoving something big in the anus, I guess)
Panel 2: Higiii!!
Panel 3:
*Zyububububu* (sfx for big dick bubbling inside tight anus, I guess)
Ah Ah
Ah
Ah
Ah
Ah
Ah
(yes, every fucking bubble here is Ah)

Page 22:
Panel 1: *Piku* *Piku...* (*sfx for...throbbing I guess)
Panel 3:
Ah
Higuu
*Bubibubu* (sfx for dick in messy anus)
Ah
Ah...
Guuh...
Panel 4:
Agu
Ahi
Higu
Guh
Guuh

Page 23:
Panel 1:
Agu
Ah
Panel 3:
Hya
Ah
Guuh
Aah!!
HNA
AAH

Page 24:
Panel 1:
*bubu* (sfx for dick in the anus)
Ah
Panel 2:
*bu*
*bubu* (both are sfx for dick in anus)

Correction note: in the 4th panel, Kira is actually saying: "Me too, Lacus! Let's together!!" Meaning he wants to cum together with Lacus. The script does not have that so if you want to keep closed to the original, changing this is an option.

Page 25:
Panel 2: *hiku* *hiku* (sfx for throbbing, I guess).


Ok. I didn't check to see if there were other translation problems nor if there were other parts that were not following the script. Will let that job for someone else. If someone needs anymore help from me, just PM me.

This post has been edited by shadow_moon: Jun 19 2013, 03:34

Small status report of what editing fixes I've done so far (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Done:
- the Cagalli/Kagari name issue.
- the four sfxes on page 8, as well as the unedited japanese text near lacus
- the page 26 text mess
- the two text labels in page 9
- text and untranslated bubble on page 11
- page 15's missing and unedited text
- textless bubble on page 16
- unedited bubble on page 17
- empty bubble on page 18
- unedited text and blank bubbles on page 19
- empty/unedited bubbles in pages 20 and 21.


Left to take care of:
- Empty/unedited bubbles on pages 22-24
- the bad bubble redraws on page 24 (really sorry for that too! part of the bad job was oversight on my part...)


Did I miss anything in what's left to take care of?

Should be good, I'll do another qc read when you update the gallery, but I don't expect there should be anything left...

I hope I didn't make any other oversights. Took a look over the whole thing once again, so here.

Looks good to me, I think I am going to make the release public tomorrow- feel free to claim your bounty (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

All right then, thanks ^-^