[X] My Assistant

but should Maze speak formally (I kinda got an impression of rough personality from him)?

He's pretty polite/formal. Of course, it's possible to be ominous or creepy while still being "polite", which he does a bit, so that may be part of why you think he has a rough personality.

The rest, though - the translations - is piotr's business.

While I'm working on chapter 22, I realized that there's not really much left to edit in chapters 20-21 so I might as well get them done. While I already applied the fixes People suggested, I also spotted few mistakes or oddities on my own and took care of them as well, particular the switching of between formal and informal dialogue for some characters so I adjusted them accordingly. In Delta's case, I went with formal since she's a princess but should Maze speak formally (I kinda got an impression of rough personality from him)?

Yes, he speaks formally. Although, he has a weird personality. He is probably Gay.

067.jpg

There are 3 different SFX used in this panel that weren't translated. I think the two in first panel is *clatter* or *stampede* for noise of soldiers rushing in. The other would be either *rumble* or *menacing atmosphere*. And finally the sfx in the last panel is... I'm not sure.

All sfx, were translated. I just wrote them with hiragana, instead of katakana.

I changed some SFX, as they seemed wrong anyway.

074.jpg

I've got this really weird thing, where if I look at my monitor from the right angle, I see a mark that looks like the silhouette of a camera below "protection". If I look at it from a high enough angle, I don't see anything; and I don't see anything like it from any angle in the raw image.

Whoops, that was a leftover from my redrawing. Removed.

077.jpg

Is that rushing sfx in the first panel?

[thejadednetwork.com] http://thejadednetwork.com/sfx/search/?key...arch+SFX&x=

I thought that this is an SFX for falling.

079.jpg

"*howling*" -> "*howl*" (twice)

Ah, thank you! Howling didn't seem right to me, but for some reason I couldn't think of better word to use. Also the first SFX wasn't translated here.

084.jpg

Again, sfx not translated in the last panel.

This is some kind of roar. I haven't seen it being used anywhere else.

089.jpg

Like Red said, the leveling/contrast/whatever. Or is it tricky or something? Well, the big problems as it stands are: the white box around the "End" line is very noticeable, and the black box around "Save Game" is a little noticeable.


Already fixed (as I forgot to apply level settings on this page). However since we're on this page... I don't feel right with *gabuu* as sfx. Is that chomping or growling sfx?
092.jpg

SFX untranslated in last panel.

strange, everything seems to be translated

100.jpg

Under "Princess...", could you possibly remove that empty bubble, redraw a bit of her hair?

Good idea. Done.

Once I get the last of feedback, I'll finish the revised chapters and send them to Red. Thanks for your help!

This post has been edited by piotr012: May 23 2012, 14:56

Yes, he speaks formally. Although, he has a weird personality. He is probably Gay.

I'll double-check his dialogue to reflect that, then.

All sfx, were translated. I just wrote them with hiragana, instead of katakana.

I changed some SFX, as they seemed wrong anyway.

I meant, they weren't translated into English equivalent. Sorry for not being clear... It would've looked inconsistent if we had mixture of English and Japanese SFX used.

[thejadednetwork.com] http://thejadednetwork.com/sfx/search/?key...arch+SFX&x=

I thought that this is an SFX for falling.

Nice SFX guide you linked there, I should've thought of using a guide like this before. Anyway, wrong page from me... I meant 078.jpg not 77.jpg... According to the SFX guide, it's *glup* or *swallow* so perhaps *inhale* would work better in this case, seeing how she's preparing for a spell/beast change?

This is some kind of roar. I haven't seen it being used anywhere else.

My mistake, it was page 85.jpg, but thanks to your earlier link I was able to identify it as "sudden switch"

As for remaining SFX, I double-checked your translation as well as cross-referencing with the guide from above. I'm done, thanks.

This post has been edited by lightshader: May 24 2012, 02:10

Okay, here's my [www.mediafire.com] edit of chapter 22.

I made few minor changes to piotr012's script such as mis-spelling and grammatical changes. As for some of dialogue changes I did, I'd like them checked to make sure others are fine with these changes.

115.jpg: "Above that, a beautiful woman" -> "and a pretty woman on top of that!", "It's not a joke, ..." -> "This isn't a joke, ..."

116.jpg: *tied up* -> *pinned* and "I cannot do a thing!" -> "I can't do anything!"

117.jpg: *slow smooth movement* -> *sliiiiide* (Bit too wordy for a short sfx, so I thought slide or slip would work better*,
*riiiip* <- Really? I kinda doubt that'd be the sound a human body would make when it's being pulled apart... Same with the next sfx, *bound tightly* It feels off to me as well.

118.jpg: *great anger* -> *glare*

112.jpg: "Come, you're the only that remains." -> "Come, you're the only one left."

124.jpg: シュー・シュー (shuu shuu) is actually more like *steam* or *smoke* but the next set is right for being *woosh* though *whizz* could work here too.

125.jpg: "That is futile, though that you can't defeat..." -> "That is futile, since you cannot defeat..."

126.jpg: "It's... It's amazing!" -> "She's... she's amazing!", "...there is no-one that can win..." -> "...there is nobody that can win..."

In addition to those changes, please do check the chapter to see if there's any other changes I should make before I finalize the edit.

Volume 3 tally and leftovers...

Episode 17 is out...

008.jpg

(2 things) ..."a tough spot, they found themselves in a trap laid by Yuarislime and Semen."

020.jpg

ピンクこんなことでくじけちゃダメよ
Being so mean to Pink is wrong!
'kujikeru' does not mean someone being mean to you...

Pink musn't get discouraged by this!

"I have to do my best todayfor now or Santa may start worrying."

023.jpg

"When I picked up the Short Sword"...

Episode 18 is out and is good.
Episode 19 is out and is good.
Episode 20 is out and is good.
Episode 21 is out and is good.
Episode 22 is edited and to be QC'd (perhaps not "soon", but should be sooner than later).
-----------------QC -> in working vol 3 gallery
Episode 23 is edited, with QC here, and some script improvements that need to be incorporated into the edit, too...but I haven't seen a version 2 for any of it.
-----------------init QC -> ver 2
-----------------QC 2 (inc. script improvements) -> ver 3
-----------------QC 3 (final?) -> pending...
Episode 24 ([goo.gl] script)...does this edit even have a bounty? (Wasn't in the last set.)
-----------------in working vol 3 gallery

Working vol 3 QC...

In short, ep17 missed a couple things, ep23 I haven't seen a revision for, and ep22 QC is pending. Ep18-21 are good. And ep24 hasn't been edited yet (afaik).

"Good" means it fixed the previous QC correctly, but I haven't actually looked it over broadly again. I don't expect there's any new problems or anything big I missed, but if there is, I'll find out when I look at the volume compilation. I guess this could be more an issue in 20 & 21, where LS said he changed some things (after putting up their first edits I think?), so I may look those over again before the compilation.


...And, for good measure (just to have everything in one place, I guess), script links: [goo.gl] ep17, [goo.gl] ep18, [goo.gl] ep19, [goo.gl] ep20, [goo.gl] ep21, [goo.gl] ep22, [goo.gl] ep23, [goo.gl] ep24.

This post has been edited by PeopleDon'tDanceNoMore: Jun 10 2012, 14:51

I'll fix those pages later today after this edit i'm doing now.

editing bounty for chapter 24, somehow must have missed it before:

https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=5880

also, LS, you keep forgetting to claim your bounties (https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=5708)

if anybody is curious: I haven't posted 22 and 23 in the galleries yet, will do so after receiving the post-QC version

when we get the editor for chapter 24, I'll post the translation bounty for first chapter of the last volume (4-25)

This post has been edited by Red_Piotrus: May 31 2012, 05:33

Again, I'll do this really quick and dive back into the shadows.

Okay, here's my [www.mediafire.com] edit of chapter 22.

113.jpg

Incredibly nitpicky, but "Begin adventure" looks a bit high in the box, to me. It feels a bit off balance. (And even if it can't achieve perfect balance, I think I'd prefer something that's lower rather than higher. But again, nitpicking, so it's not that important, if you want to ignore it.)

116.jpg

"Damn, I can't (do?) anything!", missing something after "can't"...and add a comma while we're in the neighborhood.

117.jpg

Need punctuation after "Now then, catgirl". A comma's probably best, and if you don't like two commas close together like that you could take out the first/current comma.

I guessy you can replace the "rip" sfx with "creak" and the "bound tightly" sfx with "stretch".

119.jpg

"*sliding*" -> "*slide*"

"Kill him with this sword!" -> I'm suggesting "Soukenzan" (as previously) with TL Note "Kinetic Slaying Sword" (new TL). piotr can comment if he likes.

121.jpg

How about NOT "kaboom"...how about just "stab"?

...And I'm gonna call 'gishaa' just a magical/chaotic sfx, let's say "krow". (I'm making it up, but it's definitely not "stare").

122.jpg

"*menacing roar*" -> "*rumble*" (just simplifying it)

124.jpg (and spread)

"*steam*" (x2) -> "*shh*" (maybe "fssh" if you think "shh" is too like quiet/shh)

I've PMed pagan about the v2 changes needed for his chapter (23).

Translating bounty for episode 25 posted: https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=5881

Looking at the scan, I think it is not a collected volume, but a compilation of individuals releases (no front/back cover for volume)...

Looking at the scan, I think it is not a collected volume, but a compilation of individuals releases (no front/back cover for volume)...

It's got good page numbers, and the TOC and other back material...I think it's unfortunately just a scan of the volume missing the covers.

The front cover, at least, ought to be easy enough to get in some resolution off Amazon or some Google (Images?) search or something.

Oh yeah, here's an attachment of a decently-sized front cover I found once upon a time. It's bigger than the average thumbnail, at least...



This post has been edited by PeopleDon'tDanceNoMore: May 31 2012, 20:21

... How were the credits decided? Was it a collage of them all or my usual way?

I like the collage idea, but I am not sure if others had a strong preference. What do you guys think? It's our group project, after all - make your voice heard!

I like the collage idea, but I am not sure if others had a strong preference. What do you guys think? It's our group project, after all - make your voice heard!

I'll just make up both and leave it to up to the people.

Alright, I sent the finished chapter to Red. I dumped the collage-credit idea since it just looked wonky. I made some obvious changes to a line here and there as well as the SFX for obvious reasons. There were some random pages towards the end missing lines of info so i'll deal with that when it gets a proper proofreading.

This post has been edited by Super Shanko: Jun 2 2012, 20:32

113.jpg

Incredibly nitpicky, but "Begin adventure" looks a bit high in the box, to me. It feels a bit off balance. (And even if it can't achieve perfect balance, I think I'd prefer something that's lower rather than higher. But again, nitpicking, so it's not that important, if you want to ignore it.)

As it turns out, that page itself was ever-so slightly out of alignment (this happens when scanners don't rotate images properly after scanning), so it was easily corrected.

rest of PeopleDontDanceNoMore's QC

And this is why I love having proofreaders when possible, there's always bound to be something I've missed when doing my own changes.

121.jpg

...And I'm gonna call 'gishaa' just a magical/chaotic sfx, let's say "krow". (I'm making it up, but it's definitely not "stare").

To be honest, I just knew that "stare" wasn't the right one, but all sfx guides basically said same thing. I wasn't even sure what kind of sound it was supposed to be. Now that you ID'd the type of sound, I think I'll go with "krickle"... (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

This post has been edited by lightshader: Jun 3 2012, 00:12

I am afraid we may need to have somebody edit pagan's chapter, as he is not replying to PMs, and has not been active on the forum since May 24

https://forums.e-hentai.org/index.php?showuser=408129

also, I don't think I ever got this page: first page of episode 23

This post has been edited by Red_Piotrus: Jun 4 2012, 20:07

I am afraid we may need to have somebody edit pagan's chapter, as he is not replying to PMs, and has not been active on the forum since May 24

He's active on LWB...so I messaged him there.

Good call, he replied to me that he'll take a look tomorrow at what's needed.

I just wanted to thank everyone involved in this project.
Dragon Pink is one of my favorite stories.