[X] My Assistant

Ok. Fixed.

Piotr, you should just go with the definition for sfx on [thejadednetwork.com] http://thejadednetwork.com, as you have linked to before.
I didn't change those. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

I've been using the definition from the Toniglobe's SFX guide.
[www.mediafire.com] http://www.mediafire.com/?sew4j58cer97c

Well, feel free to change to a different one if you think that it would sound better.

029.jpg

You put all of "*sound of hitting head*" in there... That's what piotr said, okay, but it's bad - I cannot emphasize that enough (and yet I won't, besides this). For now, just put "hit". If piotr wants something else that sounds alright, then fine.

033.jpg

(2 mistakes) ..."in the Grimoire, on the page of prophecy, is written the only clue to the curse"...
No. These are not good grammar. They're fine as is, without adding "the".

The middle one, "the page of the prophecy" is actually alright grammar, but changes the meaning; but I don't think it's accurate to the raw line, so still no.

kjoif, if you've changed those before reading this, be sure to change them back.

Yes, you are right. those 2 changes deem to be a little bit of.

Currently working on chapter 20. And actually, pages 66-67 is part of chapter 20, not 19. All chapters begin with "Begin Adventure" and end with "Save Game/Saved Game" so naturally I'm working on those pages.

Hope you don't mind, but some of translated sfx seemed odd to me, so I made some changes to them to fit better with the context. Once I'm done with editing, I'll post the draft version and you
(and People) can check whether they're acceptable or not.

Also, you missed SFX in the first panel of page 67, "ガチヤ" repeated several times in the panel.

Currently working on chapter 20. And actually, pages 66-67 is part of chapter 20, not 19. All chapters begin with "Begin Adventure" and end with "Save Game/Saved Game" so naturally I'm working on those pages.

Hope you don't mind, but some of translated sfx seemed odd to me, so I made some changes to them to fit better with the context. Once I'm done with editing, I'll post the draft version and you
(and People) can check whether they're acceptable or not.

Also, you missed SFX in the first panel of page 67, "ガチヤ" repeated several times in the panel.

You are free to change SFX as you wish.

ガチャ・ガチャ
gacha gacha
*clatter*

I added it to the document.


I aslo included romani for each SFX, fell free to check the meaning on thejaddennetwork there may be a better one that the one I decided to choose.

Here is the translation of (Episode 21) volume 3 chapter 5 of Dragon Pink
[goo.gl] http://goo.gl/RD39t

ギガスタップ…姿勢（しせい）制御系（せいぎょけい）？？呪文
Giga Stapp...a Cursed Words Posture Control System
姿勢制御: technically, [eow.alc.co.jp] "attitude control" or "postural control"...which I guess'll do all right?
系: type/class
呪文: spell

サンタ女の子が食べられちゃう
Santa, a small girl was eaten.
That's not past tense. And 'onna no ko' refers specifically to May; "the" girl.

フェーーーん
fuuuun *huuummmppphhh*
It's 'fe~n', it's like a cry.

はあ
Haa *gasp*
That's exertion (think like the sound someone makes when making a karate chop). If it weren't exertion, 'haa' would usually be more of a huff/puff (heavy breathing); gasp is usually はっ .

はーーッ
haaa
*sigh*
Again, exertion, like a karate chop.

I can't reach him.
That's a "her".

Damn, if only had an opening for even a second then I.......
You need another "I" in there somewhere before "then".

はなすんじゃないぞメイズ
Maze, Don't talk anymore!
放す .

...Princess. Live ......a happy...live for me, Please.
"life" (for me).

何・勝手なこといってるんだ死ぬじゃない
What are you saying on your own accord? Don't die!
"own accord" is probably almost always going to be a bad way to translate 'katte'. Probably use "selfish" here somehow.

くたばれデルタァ
Fuck you! Deltaaa
'kutabare' in that meaning is just an insult/tell-off. This context comes more from 'kutabaru': just "die".

どああ
doaaa
*runs*
It's a scream/cry.

姫……陰の怪物に両親を殺された孤児でございます
Princess,　... I became an orphan after my parents were killed by Yin Monster.
名前は・めいとか……
Your name is May or something like that.
These are probably someone else speaking to the princess.

More later.

I've applied those corrections.


I'll have to spend some time improving those sentences. Maybe somethinf better will come to my mind:)

This post has been edited by piotr012: May 8 2012, 06:11

I've been using the definition from the Toniglobe's SFX guide.
[www.mediafire.com] http://www.mediafire.com/?sew4j58cer97c

Well, feel free to change to a different one if you think that it would sound better.

Ok. Pretty good resource.

If no more change to ep 18, I'll send the it along with ep 19 to Red_Piotrus in next couple of days.

I've finished the translation of chapter 6.

I used two new names, I'm not sure if I got them right:
桃色の谷　the Pink Valley
桃色宝球　the Pink Jewel

Here is the link
[goo.gl] http://goo.gl/cbd01

We've just been saying "Sphere", not "Jewel".

操剣斬
Kill him with this sword!
Inadequate... This is how it was done in volume 1, but that English note still isn't as good as I'd like... How about "Kinetic Slaying Sword"? (If you want, you can also put "Soukenzan" in the line and make the translation a note, like on the volume 1 page.)

かあ・今度はエビ女かよ
kaa *blushing*
It's a snake-woman this time!
Not blushing, it's probably just a sound of frustration/exasperation.
And: 'ebi', not 'hebi'.

我が命とひきかえにしてお前らを倒す
In exchange for my life, I'll defeat you all.
Add "even". (She's saying, even if it costs her her life.) It's not (necessarily?) a given.

無駄なことを今のお前には私を倒すことなどでにきん
That is futile, you can't defeat us as your are now.
Not "us".

バケモノが恐れたわけだぜ
It even scares monsters!
More like, this is why the monsters were scared.

ふっ なぜって？しりたいのか
fuu *sigh*
Would you like to know why?
'fu' is the contemptuous hmph or small laugh sort of sound.

He is dead.
Because of him, too many people were sacrificed.
Not a "he"/"him".

ああ…だがこうなったら行かねばなるまい桃色の谷へ
Aaah... Even so, we have to go to the Pink Valley.
That 'aa' is an affirmative. "Yes", basically.

ぼ～
*spaced out*
It's 'boso'.

姫は血を大量に浴びた時や月に一度あの日にしか呪いを解くことができない。
Princess can only remove this curse one a month on this day, after she is splashed with a huge amount of blood.
姫は: The princess
血を大量に浴びた時: when she bathes in a large amount of blood
や: or
月に一度あの日: that day (that occurs) once (in) a month
にしか: (except for these times)
呪いを解くことができない: (she) can't remove the curse

As I though, she looks really tired.
It looks like loosing May was a shock for her.
"thought", "losing".

Dragon Pini XXII/the end
Just "end". And check your other chapters; it seems to be in some of them, too.

今日はだいぶ楽よう
I felt quite conformable today.
INTERNAL a possible reference to having sex or something like that
To note: No. To line: it's present tense.

Last (as of now) later.

Dragon Pini XXII/the end
Just "end". And check your other chapters; it seems to be in some of them, too.

Also "Pink". For reference, from one of my scripts:

Dragon Pink XVI/End

Ok. Pretty good resource.

If no more change to ep 18, I'll send the it along with ep 19 to Red_Piotrus in next couple of days.

did you change the "gods of good" to "gods of (the) light"? Or did you revert all changes?

Also "Pink". For reference, from one of my scripts:

I changed the end -> end in all chapters.

Thanks for help.

We've just been saying "Sphere", not "Jewel".

操剣斬
Kill him with this sword!
Inadequate... This is how it was done in volume 1, but that English note still isn't as good as I'd like... How about "Kinetic Slaying Sword"? (If you want, you can also put "Soukenzan" in the line and make the translation a note, like on the volume 1 page.)

かあ・今度はエビ女かよ
kaa *blushing*
It's a snake-woman this time!
Not blushing, it's probably just a sound of frustration/exasperation.
And: 'ebi', not 'hebi'.

我が命とひきかえにしてお前らを倒す
In exchange for my life, I'll defeat you all.
Add "even". (She's saying, even if it costs her her life.) It's not (necessarily?) a given.

hmm.
If she wanted to say even, wouldn't she say:
我が命とひきかえにしてもお前らを倒す

I guess it's possible to avoid using も and guess it from the context.

無駄なことを今のお前には私を倒すことなどでにきん
That is futile, you can't defeat us as your are now.
Not "us".

バケモノが恐れたわけだぜ
It even scares monsters!
More like, this is why the monsters were scared.

Yes, that makes more sense.

ふっ なぜって？しりたいのか
fuu *sigh*
Would you like to know why?
'fu' is the contemptuous hmph or small laugh sort of sound.

He is dead.
Because of him, too many people were sacrificed.
Not a "he"/"him".

ああ…だがこうなったら行かねばなるまい桃色の谷へ
Aaah... Even so, we have to go to the Pink Valley.
That 'aa' is an affirmative. "Yes", basically.

Well noted (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

ぼ～
*spaced out*
It's 'boso'.

I changed it *whisper*.

姫は血を大量に浴びた時や月に一度あの日にしか呪いを解くことができない。
Princess can only remove this curse one a month on this day, after she is splashed with a huge amount of blood.
姫は: The princess
血を大量に浴びた時: when she bathes in a large amount of blood
や: or
月に一度あの日: that day (that occurs) once (in) a month
にしか: (except for these times)
呪いを解くことができない: (she) can't remove the curse

Thanks, I completely misunderstood it:/
Here is the translation that I use now;

The princess can't remove the curse except when she bathes in a large amount of blood or on that day that occurs once a month.

As I though, she looks really tired.
It looks like loosing May was a shock for her.
"thought", "losing".

Dragon Pini XXII/the end
Just "end". And check your other chapters; it seems to be in some of them, too.

[i]今日はだいぶ楽よう
I felt quite conformable today.
To note: No. To line: it's present tense.

うん平気
今日は
だいぶ楽よう
Yes, I'm fine.
It has been quite comfortable today.
INTERNAL the trip

You are right, this refers to present and I think that it also refers to past. So I decided to use present perfect tense

Last (as of now) later.

Thanks again. I added those changed to the script.
I also change "the end" to "end" in all scripts.

This post has been edited by piotr012: May 8 2012, 16:28

我が命とひきかえにしてもお前らを倒す

She did. I just wasn't paying enough attention to realize it was missing from your line.

うん平気
今日は
だいぶ楽よう
Yes, I'm fine.
It has been quite comfortable today.
INTERNAL the trip

Oh, right...it's actually referring to her, I think. ...But meh.

She did. I just wasn't paying enough attention to realize it was missing from your line.
Oh, right...it's actually referring to her, I think. ...But meh.

You are right, as always:)
fixed.

I have finished working on episode 24.
I'll upload it once I finish translating credits:)

did you change the "gods of good" to "gods of (the) light"? Or did you revert all changes?

Yes, I changed that one. I didn't add "the" to the other two lines quoted in post #419.

Episode 19 is here: https://e-hentai.org/g/489981/b89d070eea/

If there are no further comments, I'll make it public in a day or so.

There have also been some fixes to Episode 18, now at https://e-hentai.org/g/489982/6a713be2fb/

Episode 19 is here: https://e-hentai.org/g/489981/b89d070eea/

If there are no further comments, I'll make it public in a day or so.

Public? I thought...

Won't release it anyway till 17 is done...

Did I miss 17?

18 looks fine, insofar as previous corrections have been properly applied.

I'll look through 19...either in a few minutes, or just "later". We'll see, but either way I'll make a new post.

I have finished translating chapter 3 of volume 3 of Dragon Pink.
[goo.gl] http://goo.gl/QBv8P

I missed something in here, piotr...

くひい
いい......
wide
is good......
'kuhii' is actually just a random sound.

So fix that and the ep19 edit can be updated, too (049.jpg).

Episode 19 is here: https://e-hentai.org/g/489981/b89d070eea/

049.jpg

"wide is good..." -> ...? Pending piotr.

That's all I see...

I missed something in here, piotr...

くひい
いい......
wide
is good......
'kuhii' is actually just a random sound.

So fix that and the ep19 edit can be updated, too (049.jpg).
049.jpg

"wide is good..." -> ...? Pending piotr.

That's all I see...

くひい
いい......
kuhii *Aaah*....
great......

By the way, here is the translation of the (episode 24) chapter 8 of volume 3.

[goo.gl] http://goo.gl/QRFlw

I'm going to recheck the credits. There were quite a few characters that I couldn't read. Hopefully I got most of them right.

This post has been edited by piotr012: May 9 2012, 22:28

Public? I thought...

Did I miss 17?

I run into the problem that a gallery status is locked as private or public after three days. I guess I could just keep them as private and delete them; but it doesn't seem like anybody is complaining. Sadly, Dragon Pink doesn't seem to attract many comments (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/sad.gif) I guess most of the gallery readers don't care for classics, sigh.