[X] My Assistant

Thanks! And with that, I've sent Red the chapter 15. I wonder if I should do chapter 14 as well... I thought it would've been done by the time I finished 15.

I'll wait for a while to make sure, otherwise I could get started on it this afternoon.

EDIT: On second thought, I'll go ahead and work on the chapter. Should be done within 24 hours.

EDIT 2: Just finished editing and noticed few minor missing translations:

p153
くそ　いきなり水攻めかよ　なんだこの城は!?
Crap, a sudden water attack? What's with this castle!?

バン

クルクル
*whirl*

シュパッ
*toss*

p161
ふふふふ
Fufufufu!

ヒュルル

ほほほほ
Hohohoho!

Missed a couple of SFX in bold, jfji552... I'm sure that's the right kanji.

p155
ガクっ
*shake*

Wouldn't *twitch* or *flinch* fit better here? Yuraislime's reacting in shock to the fact that she's been forgotten.

Once the missing SFX are translated, I'll add them and send the finished version to Red.

This post has been edited by lightshader: Mar 17 2012, 23:07

Aaagh.

バッ
*throw*

ヒュルル
*whoosh*

Regarding the last one, that really is more of a tremble/shake/shiver SFX. If you think one of those fits better, feel free to use it, but I don't think twitch/flinch would be correct.

I see. She's shaking in anger of being forgotten then. Left the sfx as it is.

And on that note, sent Red the finished chapter as well. All that's left is chapter 16 and Red'll have the whole volume done.

p189

サンタ　あぶない　うしろよ！
Santa, look out, behind you!

Too many commas there imo. Makes me OCD about it >.>

Santa, look out behind you!
or
Santa, look out! Behind you!

I picked the first one for now.

p190

ヒッ
Hi!

Changed to
Hii!

Is that ok?

I'm sure it is, otherwise it'd just look like a greeting. Eek probably would've worked too.

It's okay.

I'm sure it is, otherwise it'd just look like a greeting. Eek probably would've worked too.

If possible, I think eek is better than hii. I think eek has more of English use than hii, but I'll gladly let a native speaker correct me.

If possible, I think eek is better than hii. I think eek has more of English use than hii, but I'll gladly let a native speaker correct me.

I've been told it's the same thing.

In my mind, "eek" is 'kya', and I like to avoid diluting that association, personally. These things are never all that easy, and I'm not gonna think about it deeply anymore, but I'll throw these options out there: "yeek", "yikes", "yipe", "eep".

Pretty much done now, just doing some redrawing and working on the last end pages now. More script changes, need some feedback on some on them. EDIT - Went with Eek! for now.

P190
Santa... Pink, where are you? It's dark, I can barely see.
Santa... Pink, where are you guys? It's dark, I can barely see. (used this for now)
or is it more of
Santa... where's Pink? It's dark, I can barely see.

P192
In the end, you are not worthy to be my opponents!
In the end, you were not worthy to be my opponents!

Hehehe, very soon, I shall devour them fully.
Hehehe, very soon, I shall devour them completely.

P195
Damn! What in the world did just happen?
Damn! What in the world just happened?

If the symbols disappear, I back in the game!
If the symbols disappear, I'm back in the game!

Ener Psy Burst!
I don't know what Ener is supposed to be, but this sounds like it should be "Inner Psy Burst!". Used Ener Psy Burst for now.

Funh -> Fuun?

P196
That... That is...
That... That's... (unless you guys want "This... This is...")

P197
Just leave it to me.
Just leave it to me!

P198
Dead Dieter
Dead - Dieter (To fill space lol >.> There was a dot in the middle in the raw anyways)

P200
That... That is...
That... That's...

You said it's a clue, but...
You say it's a clue, but...


Also, looking to make a credits page.

Dragon Pink Volume 2 Chapter 16 by ITOYOKO
(presented by the EHCove)

Translated by jfji552
Edited by Kaosumx
Sponsored by Red Piotrus & Dlaglacz

Didn't miss anyone did I?

This post has been edited by Kaosumx: Mar 20 2012, 06:15

Ener Psy Burst!
I don't know what Ener is supposed to be, but this sounds like it should be "Inner Psy Burst!". Used Ener Psy Burst for now.

Energy. But keep "Ener Psy Burst". We're not really requiring that people understand it, so I (personally) don't care if some people don't make the connection.

P198
Dead Dieter
Dead - Dieter (To fill space lol >.> There was a dot in the middle in the raw anyways)

I kind of think not, but I'm not going to study the raws. jfj tl'd this, so he'll have a better answer.

Energy. But keep "Ener Psy Burst". We're not really requiring that people understand it, so I (personally) don't care if some people don't make the connection.
I kind of think not, but I'm not going to study the raws. jfj tl'd this, so he'll have a better answer.

Damn so it was energy >.> I really didn't want it to be energy. Was hoping it was just being sounded out like the Sai Basu part.

And there is a dot.



This post has been edited by Kaosumx: Mar 20 2012, 07:01

And there is a dot.

I didn't mean to suggest there wasn't, just that I didn't like the modification. I'm just not invested enough - or going to be - to make a truly considered response. But I'm pretty sure it's effectively meaningless after being filtered through translation. jfj will tell you if he feels any different, though.

Santa... Pink, where are you guys? It's dark, I can barely see. (used this for now)
In the end, you were not worthy to be my opponents!

Okay.

Hehehe, very soon, I shall devour them fully.
Hehehe, very soon, I shall devour them completely.

Somehow I prefer fully.

Damn! What in the world just happened?
If the symbols disappear, I'm back in the game!

Okay.

Ener Psy Burst!
I don't know what Ener is supposed to be, but this sounds like it should be "Inner Psy Burst!". Used Ener Psy Burst for now.

Keep it as "Ener".

Funh -> Fuun?

It's a short u.

That... That is...
That... That's... (unless you guys want "This... This is...")

Stuttering away a single contracted "'s" looks funny to me.

Just leave it to me!

Okay.

Dead Dieter
Dead - Dieter (To fill space lol >.> There was a dot in the middle in the raw anyways)

Don't! ・ is used as a word separator for katakana words/names. If you put a " - " in there, it's like spelling [ja.wikipedia.org] this guy with a - in the middle of his name.

That... That is...
That... That's...

See above.

You said it's a clue, but...
You say it's a clue, but...

I prefer the original line. It could also refer to him speaking about the clue there before.

This post has been edited by jfji552: Mar 20 2012, 18:20

Somehow I prefer fully.

Okay. Completely just flows better for me, fully sounds more awkward and doesn't sound as good if someone actually says it?

Keep it as "Ener".

K.

It's a short u.

okay.

Stuttering away a single contracted "'s" looks funny to me.

Try saying it. Stuttering after saying "That's" instead of "that is" is much better. It would also make more sense if the sentence was completed, ie something "That's impossible!" vs "That is impossible!"

Don't! ・ is used as a word separator for katakana words/names. If you put a " - " in there, it's like spelling [ja.wikipedia.org] this guy with a - in the middle of his name.

K, but theres gonna be either a larger white space inbetween dead and dieter or they are gonna be squished a little closer than I would like in such a dialog box.

I prefer the original line. It could also refer to him speaking about the clue there before.

Okay.

This post has been edited by Kaosumx: Mar 20 2012, 18:34

Okay. Completely just flows better for me, fully sounds more awkward and doesn't sound as good if someone actually says it?

I don't really agree, but if somebody else agrees that "completely" flows better that's okay too, I guess.

Try saying it. Stuttering after saying "That's" instead of "that is" is much better. It would also make more sense if the sentence was completed, ie something "That's impossible!" vs "That is impossible!"

I was talking about the first part. Losing a whole word before the ellipsis is easier than just "'s", which comes out after the "that" almost automatically. I suppose "Tha-... That's..." might work better in that regard, but in the original there is no cut off word.

I don't really agree, but if somebody else agrees that "completely" flows better that's okay too, I guess.

This one looks more like "they'll suck (them/your friends) dry." since the girls are talking about sucking blood on the previous page. I suppose since (it looks like?) they're connected to him, you could argue he might say "I", but personally I like "they" better.

I suppose "Tha-... That's..." might work better in that regard, but in the original there is no cut off word.

Wait, yes there is: 'ko-...kore ha' and 'a-...are ha' (supposing I'm looking at the right places).

This one looks more like "they'll suck (them/your friends) dry." since the girls are talking about sucking blood on the previous page. I suppose since (it looks like?) they're connected to him, you could argue he might say "I", but personally I like "they" better.

Well, the whole thing is labelled Semen on the cover. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/wink.gif) But yes, I suppose its clearer with a "they". "suck dry" sounds nice too, so if a slightly freer translation is okay, I'd be perfectly fine with something like: "Hehehe, they'll suck your friends dry very soon."

Wait, yes there is: 'ko-...kore ha' and 'a-...are ha' (supposing I'm looking at the right places).

True. I misremembered that bit. In that case, let's go with: "Tha-... That's..."

Well, the whole thing is labelled Semen on the cover. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/wink.gif) But yes, I suppose its clearer with a "they". "suck dry" sounds nice too, so if a slightly freer translation is okay, I'd be perfectly fine with something like: "Hehehe, they'll suck your friends dry very soon."
True. I misremembered that bit. In that case, let's go with: "Tha-... That's..."

K, I make those changes once I get to sit back down at my computer. Will be submitting the chapter to Red in a few hours when I get there.

Chapter is finally done, despite the devious plotting of the universe in a conspiracy to leave me with no time this week.

This post has been edited by Kaosumx: Mar 21 2012, 05:24