[X] My Assistant

Finished editing chapter 11, about third done with chapter 12.

Chapter 12:

ベチャ
*splurp*

Wouldn't "sploosh" be more appropiate? Splurp sounds like sucking noise, rather than sticky splashing sound.

Same page, "Sure!" wouldn't fit into bubble, and I didn't like idea of splitting it, so I changed it to "Ok!" Is that acceptable?

This post has been edited by lightshader: Mar 11 2012, 00:24

Chapter 12:
Wouldn't "sploosh" be more appropiate? Splurp sounds like sucking noise, rather than sticky splashing sound.

I'd say "splat", but it's jfj's script.

Same page, "Sure!" wouldn't fit into bubble, and I didn't like idea of splitting it, so I changed it to "Ok!" Is that acceptable?

Reshape the bubble? I've often thought this should be an option when the bubble's not in the middle of complex artwork. You've actually got plenty of room to do it here (well, plenty of white space, but maybe not so much horizontal space), the question would just be how good you could make it look.

"splat" sounds good. If you really can't make "Sure!" fit, "Ok!" would be acceptable, but yeah, there's some space to the side, so it would be nice if you could manage to use that.

And I'm done, was going to shoot off the files to Red when I double checked the script and realized that I hadn't included the note listed here:

p112
サンタァ　ヌメリタケ取って来たわよ
Santaaa! We went and got some Numeritake!
(Note: Numeritake, literally Slimy Shroom, is another name for the Nameko (pholiota nameko) mushroom.)

Should I list it in the same page, or are we going to do a separate page for all those notes and nuances?

This post has been edited by lightshader: Mar 11 2012, 06:36

Editing bounty for episode 16, plus endcredits (so the bounty is correspondingly higher, through I am sure it's a drop compared to whatever Dlag will throw in anyway): https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=5438

And since that wraps up the bounty for Volume 2 (yes...), I am ready to put up a bounty for first chapter Volume 3. So: https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=5439

Great speed guys, all I can say (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Editor note for upcoming chapter 10: I see a spread page coming, can we have it in two versions (original and combined)? I think that's the best way to handle spreads; I see another one in ep 14 (and if I missed any, please apply the same rule for those as well).

Editing for 15: https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=5440

This post has been edited by Red_Piotrus: Mar 11 2012, 08:14

Chapter 10 is done and sent.

Added to bounties. Might make sense to put up more chapters, judging by current progress speed.

in ep 14 to combine the pages it makes so sense and i dont know how to make it handsome
i would make page 144 to 145 and 145 to 144
that we have begin adventure and not adventure begin

Added to bounties. Might make sense to put up more chapters, judging by current progress speed.

Did you miss this one? https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=5438

Seems I forgot that these were being uploaded individually =D

Thanks. Btw, a note to Gtdragon: while I am totally fine with editors chosing whatever background for end credits, I'd suggest you may want to use credits that are related to the dojin/manga being edited. At least IMHO they have more feel that way.

Thanks. Btw, a note to Gtdragon: while I am totally fine with editors chosing whatever background for end credits, I'd suggest you may want to use credits that are related to the dojin/manga being edited. At least IMHO they have more feel that way.

Oh you dont like the mouth xd
yeah in the next one i use a other page ^^

Oh you dont like the mouth xd
yeah in the next one i use a other page ^^

To be honest, I didn't like the mouth one either. Felt way out of place with the volume itself.

Isn't it all gonna get put together into a whole volume 2, with only one credit page, in the end?

I guess that doesn't change things if you don't like it in the meantime, but it's not going to remain a problem, is it?

Right now, Red's posting the chapters invidually in the galleries (thus the need for invidual credit pages), but once all chapters are done he'll repost them as whole volume with single credit page. That's what I'm assuming.

Doubtful, i'm gonna come up with one big credit page page with everyone involved. Personally, I think each editor should've put a small "T: E:" on each start page for mere ID reasons and let the big credit page cover the rest.

Right now, Red's posting the chapters invidually in the galleries (thus the need for invidual credit pages), but once all chapters are done he'll repost them as whole volume with single credit page. That's what I'm assuming.

Right. Just like we did with the last volume.

Also, any the collected volume should include any fixes we want to do to the story.

And I guess it would be a good time to fix the few minor translation consistency issues in V1 that Peoples mentioned earlier.

Script for Episode 11:

♡河合のターくん
Kawai no Taa-kun ("Taa-kun aus Kawai")

jfji552, could you explain "aus"? This makes no sense to me.

There's also a couple of suggestions below you may want to look at (they're labeled "suggestion").


And I'll just leave these here for now...
(I'm not saying they have to be done now, editors. That's up to you and/or Red (if he doesn't want updates yet maybe?).)

(EPISODE 7...)

008
Remove the asterisks around "Nope" and "Cheapskate". ...Kinda don't know why I wrote them like that, I should've done that better.

010
The asterisks here, on "Cat Slave", are supposed to denote emphasis. Could you underline it maybe? If it doesn't look good, it's not that important , but the asterisks should be removed either way.

018
Okay, "go- -od" doesn't look as good as I hoped, could you change it to "go--od"?

And the SFX are only supposed to be "ch" (no "u").

024
Take out the slash in ZZZ/HYOO, and if they're going to be separated like that, either take out the asterisks or put one on each side of both parts.

(EPISODE 8...)

031
I guess you trimmed "cummingg" to fit on one line, but it needs two m's. "cumming" at least. Maybe you could just split it, cumm- / ingg ?

032
The parenthesized parts were only supposed to indicate what was hidden by foreground (some of them are only partially hidden, so sometimes I figure the editor might want to get a little fancy). Take out anything in parentheses. And I think it'd look a little better if those laughs were a little more evenly spaced across the vertical space; just lowering HAHA should be fine.

039
I missed an SFX! *pachi pachi* by the torch is *crackle*.

(EPISODE 9...)

053
Periods do not get orphaned on the next line. "within the atmosphere."

056
Ena Saibus -> Ener Psy Burst

(EPISODE 10...)

More a comment, but that double page either needs to be much better or dropped. It looks like the separate halves may not come to the exact middle, so a join may not even be possible.

067
Unedited bubble.

074
Unmarked sfx? (Top-left.)

(EPISODE 11...)

082
"Aus"...?

086
Punctutation (comma): "It's written on the map, too."

088
"You-know-what" (Pink)...either both hyphens get doubled or none of them do. Right now it's inconsistent. Actually, it's inconsistent with how it was typeset for Pierce, just before, which didn't double either hyphen.

"Hyoeeh"...maybe manually redraw that "H", or something, but right now it looks like "U".

suggestion: "You thundering idiot!" I just don't like the sound of "giant idiot".

089
strong suggestion: "Expecting...P-Pierce [etc]" "A matter for congratulation" doesn't work at all. Could also go with the alternate to "matter..." from the dictioary, "happy event" (more literal to the raw phrase than "expecting"), if you want, but that's not great either...but not too bad, at least.

096
"Hieeeh", that "H" again...it's not too bad here, but I think it'd be nice if it looked more like an "H".

099
"No, way I did". That comma's bad punctuation (remove it). The wording is also weird, but jfj can decide if he wants to change it.

(EPISODE 12...)

107
suggestion: "Heh!?" (but that looks like laughter) or "Hwe!?" or just "Huh!?", but not "He!?"; impromptu grunts shouldn't look/sound like words IMO ("he", as in "him").

108
"make into money"

109
That splitting of "Hon/eymoon" in the last bubble feels weird. There seems to be room for another line, so why not just start Honeymoon on the next line and then split it "Honey/moon" (unless you don't have to split it)?

117
"The hell're you doing!?"

Thanks for the eagle eyes. I'll send my fixed pages with Ch13 (tonight).

Thanks for the check, People. I'll fix them when it's time for us to do a final upload of the chapters as v2 gallery.