[X] My Assistant

[hotfile.com] http://hotfile.com/dl/133228683/04a8bf2/141-160.doc for the convenience of others

Could you add the SFXes? We have been doing this for the other chapters, and I'd hate to set a precedent for lowering our standards. You are also welcome to post the translation here directly, also your way of doing them, with pictures, is interesting. I'll let the editors comment on that, I have no preference myself, but then I am not the one doing the editing.

But, please note that this bounty also includes the credits. As, clearly labelled in the bounty description, "pages 141-the end, including all the credits)". That means pages 161 till the end.

No hurry, as somebody still needs to tackle the previous chapter before we can post this one.

I see. I will complete these parts as soon as possible (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

I see. I will complete these parts as soon as possible (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

In response to the PM that you would prefer to receive only a part of the bounty but don't want to tackle the credits:

Unfortunately, bounties cannot be split easily. My suggestion is that you find another translator to help you with the credits (sandmaning, many others have tackled them in the past), and then pay him from the reward you get from this bounty.

Also, you may want to tackle chapter 7 (Damage Fight 1) in the meantime, it has no credits, and will give you some quick funds (I was surprised you wanted to start with the credit heavy ch 8 instead of 7).

This post has been edited by Red_Piotrus: Oct 25 2011, 18:43

I once had a translation done similar to Ibelin's.

Anyhow, I've already got started on editing of chapter 8 using the available script Ibelin sent. Just give me heads up when the updated script comes in.

Oh yeah, would it be all right if I did some minor spelling and grammar corrections to the overall script? Some of them don't look right, i.e. "lightening" should be "lightning" and "thunder blade" would make better sense than "blade-thunder"?

Editor's notes:
144.jpg - Instead of "Plunge the blade-thunder into it from close range" wouldn't "Use the thunder blade into it from close range" be better? The weapon we see being used are twin lasers of some sort, rather than hand-held blade.
145.jpg - the second bubble is translated as "Is it destroyed?!" but I've seen this particular line before, "やったか？！" (yatta ka) - isn't that some form of exclamation rather than a dialogue?
148.jpg - translation for the 2nd bubble is missing.
153.jpg - "The prow of the enemy battleship destroyed!" Did I miss something? I don't see any anything being destroyed in this page...

Will update with any further notes as I go along.

To be honest, I was expecting the first part of this arc to be done first, instead of the last part. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

This post has been edited by lightshader: Oct 28 2011, 03:22

145.jpg - the second bubble is translated as "Is it destroyed?!" but I've seen this particular line before, "やったか？！" (yatta ka) - isn't that some form of exclamation rather than a dialogue?

It's a very general word: [jisho.org] http://jisho.org/words?jap=yaru&eng=&dict=edict

144.jpg - Instead of "Plunge the blade-thunder into it from close range" wouldn't "Use the thunder blade into it from close range" be better? The weapon we see being used are twin lasers of some sort, rather than hand-held blade.
145.jpg - the second bubble is translated as "Is it destroyed?!" but I've seen this particular line before, "やったか？！" (yatta ka) - isn't that some form of exclamation rather than a dialogue?
148.jpg - translation for the 2nd bubble is missing.
153.jpg - "The prow of the enemy battleship destroyed!" Did I miss something? I don't see any anything being destroyed in this page...

144.jpg: It literally says Blade/Braid Thunder. You could interpret it either way, and neither makes the best sense. Take out "the" from the line and it works a bit better.
145.jpg: Like Dlag said, its meaning can vary greatly depending on context.
148.jpg: "Mass control system, normal."
153.jpg: More like, "I'm going to smash the prow of the enemy battleship."

This post has been edited by PeopleDon'tDanceNoMore: Oct 28 2011, 16:05

Thanks for helping out, guys (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

LS: no need to hurry with editing, as I don't think we should post 8 before 7 anyway.

Also, as I mentioned in a PM to Ibelin, I do certainly intend to pay the bounty, but once he addresses the credit page issue, which were clearly (as stated in the bounty) a required part of the translation. Another option to consider is that as most if not all DP bounties have been 80+80, and that one was 85+85, I can simply rescind the last 5+5 add on I've added there, give the regular 80+80 to Ibelin,and post a new bounty for the credits. What do you guys think? Ibelin?

This post has been edited by Red_Piotrus: Oct 28 2011, 16:49

I actually started working on the last few pages when I downloaded Ibelin's script and saw it was missing them. I'm more than halfway through 162.jpg. Personally, I don't care that much about a bounty reward for it, but if you set it up I wouldn't refuse. =P

Someone willing to do the credits? K+ for you! Don't bother with page 165 though, other than the printed lines on the top and bottom... the handwritten scribbles are way too small to be legible.

Someone willing to do the credits? K+ for you! Don't bother with page 165 though, other than the printed lines on the top and bottom... the handwritten scribbles are way too small to be legible.

Indeed, I had already written something along those lines in my script when you mentioned this.

And here it is:
vol 1, chapter 8/end credits+

CODE

160.jpg------------------------------------

[...]
DAMAGE FIGHT (Part 1)    121
DAMAGE FIGHT (Part 2)    141
CONTENTS                 161
Creation Collection      162
COMENT                   166

161.jpg------------------------------------

  DRAGON PINK
Creation Collection

At the occupation selection point in an RPG video game, I thought, it would be interesting if there were a Slave mode.  That was the inspiration for this manga.  The girl on the right is the first design I drew for Pink.  It's so different from now it even surprises the author.  The upper-left picture is a rough of the cover design.  I tried to draw it Rococo-style - or rather, the image I have of fantasy -  but it turned into an odd picture.

She's cast as a mass of misfortune, but I'm disappointed that I can't quite project that.

*(There's a few characters to the right (one in a circle) that I'm not translating.  The ones above the circle I don't understand, but the kanji I believe means "Final".  If I'm not sure about both, I don't want to endorse the whole.)

Pink was cursed in the 3rd chapter and got turned into a cat girl, but if you ask why I made her a cat, it's just because I thought cat ears were cute.  Anyways, from here on out, I'd like to put Pink in more terrible situations.  Below are roughs of her costume design.  I designed things with a high level of exposure.  Pink is a striped cat, so striped clothes.

162.jpg------------------------------------

upper, right:
I had an image of Santa right from the start, so there aren't many roughs of him.  Over all the chapters, his face might be childish or hard, or his personality might be sadistic or kind, anyway, he's a weird guy.

upper, left:
Anyway, the one who surprised me was Bobo.  I made him in a comedic relief style, but the readers' response was really good.  He may even be more popular than Pink.  But really, his initial design looked like an idiot.

lower, left:
Pierce's image was pretty much done, too, so drawing her wasn't hard.  Basically, if you look at the manga, she seems like she might be the strongest in the party.

lower, right:
The higher pictures are sketches to sound out Pierce's eventual image change.  I'm leaning more witch-like.  The rabbit ears next to that indicate that, according to the initial plans for Pink, rabbit ears were also an option.

text left of rightmost character at bottom-right:
Pink's aunt

text left of second character at bottom-right:
Mama Pierce

even lower, middle:
Next time, I'm thinking about a story of Pierce getting pregnant, or it might be a story about Bobo doing his best.

bottom-left (under picture):
This picture is the rough sketch for the color cover of PC's Feb issue.
*(PC refers to Penguin Club.  IMO, it doesn't deserve a note, so you can write it out if you want the clarification.  I'm not, simply because that's how the raw was.)

bottom-left corner:
From here on, not even the author knows what kind of developments are in store for Dragon Pink.  I plan to work even harder for the 2nd volume!

163.jpg------------------------------------

DAMAGE FIGHT Creation Collection

top-right:
I had been thinking about this manga's plan since 2-3 years ago.  At first it was a story about a penis mech and a vagina mech having a grand battle as a result of family troubles.  But I suddenly changed it to a robot story with a game center joke hook, which forced my schedule, so it didn't come out very funny.  Boo-hoo.

top-left:
Lieutenant Akane
Proto-design
The model is a girl from the neighborhood convenience store.

middling, left:
The picture below is a rough from 2 years ago.  They all transform into dangerous forms, but I couldn't find those materials.

middling, right:
The picture to the right is the first rough sketch for the game center joke.  It rather well evokes the feel of modern mechs.

lower-left:
The two figures to the right are finals.  RAIDEN's design of course evokes **nbuster.  SHINDEN is a completely female figure, but I like it.

164.jpg------------------------------------

top: First Dragon Pink Idea Contest
subtitle: The upper 6 are the winning works.

Everything between the top and the bottom lines...:
*NO.  A bunch of that is impossible to read, and the rest is next to impossible.  No.

bottom: For the many applications, I truly thank you.  Please continue your support!

165.jpg------------------------------------

Wow, wow!
DraPin is finally (?) able to be read in one place.  Which makes me very happy. <3

To insert "Slave" in an RPG's occupations, as expected of Mr. ITOYOKO.  My hat's off to you, sir!

This has been WING*BIRD, hardly thinking of sentence or picture composition. <3

Call me Windy. <3

Demon dude: The illustration is of Pink being toyed with after Pierce made her put on the "Lustful Armor".

166.jpg------------------------------------

Slave Queen: How do you like my tail?  The rattle at the end is nice, isn't it?

Pink: Nyaah!!
Pink: Y- You're...stirring up my insides!!

left of frame: WING-sensei, thank you very much for your comment.  The Slave Queen was such a great character, wasn't she?

Demon dude: When the Slave Queen appeared,

Demon dude: I was expecting this kind of thing, myself.

left of demon dude: The rattle is key.

Itoyoko?: Isn't that

Itoyoko: too obvious?

right of Itoyoko: She's not a rattlesnake...

left of Itoyoko: Then she's not the Slave Queen anymore.

167.jpg------------------------------------

*(I'm not translating all this.  You can probably guess that the big text in the middle is "Dragon Pink" and the sfx in the picture is "ZZZ", but beyond that, no one cares.  Unless you do.  But until someone says as much, no one does...)

This post has been edited by PeopleDon'tDanceNoMore: Oct 28 2011, 21:28

Holy crap! He lives!
(seriously, it's been a while since i've seen you around here)

This post has been edited by Super Shanko: Oct 28 2011, 23:36

Yup. I've been passing my time elsewhere. Today, though, when I woke up, for some reason my mind was on the Bounty translations, and I waded around a bit and saw some interesting stuff, so here I am for the time being.

Of course, I should be doing other stuff (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/dry.gif)...but my interest is piqued, so there's a decent chance I'll hang around a while, all told.

This post has been edited by PeopleDon'tDanceNoMore: Oct 29 2011, 00:00

Yup. I've been passing my time elsewhere. Today, though, when I woke up, for some reason my mind was on the Bounty translations, and I waded around a bit and saw some interesting stuff, so here I am for the time being.

Of course, I should be doing other stuff (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/dry.gif)...but my interest is piqued, so there's a decent chance I'll hang around a while, all told.

Good to hear =3

Nah, I won't believe PeopleDon'tDanceNoMore is back until I see him post. Or submit a translation. Oh, wait... hey, glad to see you around again!

Per my previous comments, I transfered the amount I mentioned from Chapter 8 bounty to a new one for People, now they can both be claimed, as far as I am concerned: https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=4731

Volume 1 end in sight! On that note... Hey, Peeps, as long as you are here, can I interest you in Damage Fight 1 (chapter 7)? (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) *EDIT* looks at bounty Hmmm, I guess no need, huh? (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

This post has been edited by Red_Piotrus: Oct 29 2011, 05:27

All right, here's volume 1, chapter 7/Damage Fight 1. Btw, I'll do the sfx's for ch8 next.

CODE

I may include a lot of parenthesized notes, but unless I explicitly say "NOTE", I don't intend them as anything more than FYI/full disclosure.

120.jpg (121)----------------------------------------------------------

PLAYER ONE
PUSH START

CREDIT 1

Narration: Year 222.  On a large mass of rock prepared in a sector of space tens of thousands of kilometers separated from Neptune,

sfx: *pika*
(pika = glint)

Narration: an experiment for a new type of interstellar enginge took place.

Narration: In the middle of the experiment, due to a sudden abberation in the interstellar engine, the mass of rock disappeared.

Narration: It created a rip in space with a diameter extending several hundred kilometers......and from it

121.jpg (122)----------------------------------------------------------

Narration: they came.

122.jpg (123)----------------------------------------------------------

RX - Side Story
DAMAGE FIGHT
        Part 1
(The small text at the bottom-left corner of the title is "Damage fight" again in katakana.)

123.jpg (124)----------------------------------------------------------

Narration: Earth hurriedly adopted battle posture,

sfx: *dododo*
(do = fip/fwip (I'm kind of thinking like arrows frow a bow/crossbow.))

sfx: *guo*
(guo = Rrah (like a roar))

Narration: but, in the face of the tactics of a surprise attack and a unique fighting strength,

Narration: they were forced into an onerous fight and withdrew in defeat.

124.jpg (125)----------------------------------------------------------

Narration: With the end of resistance from Earth, they set up a giant cocoon and enclosed the Earth within it.  Its purpose is unknown.

Narration: For that reason, mankind cannot mount a counterattack from the Earth's surface.  They are trapped by the invaders.

sfx (x3): *on*
(on = hmm (a humming...a bit of a guess, but it feels OK to me))

Narration: 1 year from then
Narration: Over the Pacific Ocean

125.jpg (126)----------------------------------------------------------

Voice: RAIDEN will reach the target point in 5 minutes.

sfx: *gogogo*
(gogogo = rumble)

Voice: Incoming communication from the Director-General of the United Earth!

sfx: *za--*
(za = psssh)

sfx: *pi*
(pi = blip)

Big shot: Lt. Cmdr. Shigeta, how are you doing?  We believe the enemy's main force is encamped on the far side of the moon.
(There's no reading for the kanji I wrote as "Shigeta", so I'm just using the first one I found.  FYI, I'm going by (what I found for) the AP style of abberviating ranks.)

Big shot: The future of mankind on Earth is riding on you two.  I implore you to do your best.

Shigeta: Leave it to us, Director, no need to worry.  Built based on the enemy's data and the best science can provide,

label (his name): Lieutenant Commander Shigeta
(Possible abbreviation: "Lt. Cmdr.".)

Shigeta: there's no way this RAIDEN will lose.

Shigeta: You can bet my and Akane's lives on it, as well as those of our comrades who have died so far.

sfx (x3): *pi*
(pi = bip)

label (her name): Lieutenant Akane
(Possible abbreviation: "Lt.".)

126.jpg (127)----------------------------------------------------------

Voice?: One minute to the target point.

Big shot: Shigeta-kun, I wish you good luck.

Shigeta: Roger.

Narration: One year ago

sfx: *don*
(don = boom)

Voice: Left ship's prow, major damage.  All hands evacuate blocks 1-8.

Shigeta?: Hurry up!

Shigeta: Akane, this way.

Akane: Lt. Shigeta, please, wait.

Shigeta?: Waah

Akane?: Kyaa

sfx: *doga*
(doga = kaboom)

127.jpg (128)----------------------------------------------------------

Shigeta: Gh......Ggh

sfx: *gogo*
(gogo = rumble...could also be flames, but we'll go for consistency since we don't see any fire)

Shigeta: A......Akane!

Shigeta (thought): In that battle, the Earth fleet suffered an overwhelming defeat

Shigeta (thought): and we lost half our bodies.

Shigeta (thought): Akane became an emotionless puppet that can't live on without the aid of machines.

sfx (x2): *gopo*
(gopo = slosh)

sfx (x2): *kopo*
(kopo = slush)

Shigeta (thought): We volunteered for this plan, we who receive not only support, but also enhancement, from machines.

Voice: Entering launch readiness.  Commencing countdown: 30...29...28...27......

128.jpg (129)----------------------------------------------------------

Voice: 10...9...8......7...6...5......

sfx: *goooo*
(go = rumble)

Voice: 4...3......2...1...0.  Commencing microwarp*.

left of frame: *Microwarp......a short-range warp, for within atmosphere, developed to check the interference from the enemy's barrier screen spread above Earth's satellite orbit.

129.jpg (130)----------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *kiiiiiin*
(kin = shrill)

Shigeta: Takeoff!

sfx: *dokooo*
(doko = blast off)

sfx: *ko*
(ko = fizz(le), dissolve, vanish?  I'm guessing, mostly trying to match the picture to a sound, so you get options.  Call it a second opinion.)

130.jpg (131)----------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *zuzuzuzu*
(zuzuzu = warp (it's a notion of speed more than an actual sound))

Shigeta: Kk

Akane: 10 seconds until we emerge in outer space.

sfx: *kin*
(kin = glint)

Akane: We've broken through the barrier screen......No abnormalities in the frame.

Shigeta: Roger.  Commence search for enemy.

sfx: *oooon*
(on = vv (humming/buzzing, as of machinery))

sfx: *kiiiiin*
(kin = shrill)

131.jpg (132)----------------------------------------------------------

Akane: Enemy unit detected.  2 waves on approach from 10 o'clock, 2 o'clock bearings.

Akane: Contact in 3 minutes.

sfx: *gyaasu*
(gyaasu = Grraah)

Shigeta: I'm getting pumped.  We'll show them RAIDEN's strength.

Shigeta: Set up a barrier.  We're going to rear-seated formation!

Akane: Filling cockpit with buffering agent.

sfx: *chapu*
(chapu = splash)

sfx: *suuu*
(su = rise)

132.jpg (133)----------------------------------------------------------

Shigeta: Open combat circuits, utilize No. 1 - No. 4.

sfx: *kopo*
(kopo = slush)

Shigeta: Inserting main connecter.

sfx: *nuuu*
(nu = smooth(ly))

Akane: Ah!

Shigeta: Here we go, Akane!

Akane: R-......Roger!

sfx (x2): *kopo*
(kopo = slush)

133.jpg (134)----------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *buooooo*
(buo = rush/burst/flare (I think it's their engines firing up.))

sfx: *babababa*
(ba = zap)

sfx: *gyuun*
(gyun = speed...that's repeatedly the only definition I can find, and I don't know how it fits anything else in the panel even in my imagination.)

sfx: *bobobo*
(bo = poof)

sfx: *papapa*
(pa = pop)

Shigeta: We did it!

Akane: Third wave, special attack units, heading this way in helical file.

Shigeta: They're trying to force us into an encirclement and crush us.

Shigeta: We'll deploy the breasts!

134.jpg (135)----------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *kunyu*
(kunyu = squish)

sfx: *basu*
(basu = kathunk)

sfx (x2): *jaki*
(jaki = clink)

label: Option "Boobies"
(If there's a better joke here, it went, like, 10 feet over my head.  By the same token, this is a bit of a guess (i.e., if there's a deeper/better meaning, I don't even know where to begin looking).)

sfx: *buuun*
(buuun = swisssh)

135.jpg (136)----------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *bon*
sfx: *bon*
(bon = boom)
sfx: *bobon*
(bobon = baboom)

Akane: We broke through the enemy's encirclement.

Akane: We're entering the moon's gravity field.

Akane: M-class battle ship approaching from direction of advancement with guns blazing.

sfx: *don*
(don = pow)

sfx: *gyaaasu*
(gyaaasu = Grraaah)

136.jpg (137)----------------------------------------------------------

in front of Akane's face: Ah..

Shigeta: We'll charge straight in!

sfx: *bishu*
(bishu = shoop (Swinging for the fences...I have no idea, really.))

Shigeta: Breasts lock to front and back.  Barrier output to max.

Shigeta: Here we gooo!

sfx: *doga*
(doga = kaboom)

137.jpg (138)----------------------------------------------------------

Shigeta?: We're going to land on the surface of the moon.

sfx: *chu*
(chu = shk)
sfx: *kuchu*
(kuchu = shlick)

Akane: Enemy signals from the surface of the moon, in force.

Shigeta: Missionary position.  RAIDEN, transform to 2nd form.

sfx: *pi*
(pi = beep)

screen (backwards): Transform

sfx: *kiiiiin*
(kin = shrill)

Akane: Uah!

Akane: Ah, ah!

138.jpg (139)----------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *gaba*
(gaba = kachunk)

sfx (x2): *bari*
(bari = bzt)

sfx: *jaki*
(jaki = clink)

Akane: Ahy!

Shigeta: Uoooh!

sfx: *oooo*
(oo = whoosh? (It could be paralleling Shigeta, too...))

Akane: Khaa.

Akane: Ah, ahn.

139.jpg (140)----------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *don*
(don = wham)

sfx: *zuzuzuzu*
(zuzuzuzu = He's here./In your face. (?)  (Again, this was previously motion/speed, which he's not doing much of here.  The only thing I can fit it to is "sudden appearance" (which is supposed to just be 'zu') or a sort of bluntness, in-your-face..."He's here".  Just in case, all this IS NOT meant as a tl note; I'm just trying to forestall certain questions.  If you want, you can just use the romaji.))
EDIT: "Looming" is a much better option, if you like.

label: DAMAGE FIGHT (Part 1)/End

140.jpg (141)----------------------------------------------------------

(Not part of the same chapter, but it was in the bounty and not in the next chapter's script, so here we go...)

Shigeta: Uooh!

sfx: *gyaasu*
(gyaasu = Grraah)

sfx: *gurururu*
(gurururu = Grrrrr)

Akane: We've been surrounded in all directions.

Shigeta: This is it.

Shigeta: Deploy lightning conductor.

sfx: *bashu*
(bashu = shoonk)

141.jpg (142)----------------------------------------------------------

(If you want to keep the editing between chapters similar, and you edited the Part 1 title at all, then the Part 2 title needs some editing, too.  To the point: "RX - Side Story" above DAMAGE FIGHT and "Part 2" on its bottom-right corner.)

This post has been edited by PeopleDon'tDanceNoMore: Oct 29 2011, 19:01

144.jpg: It literally says Blade/Braid Thunder. You could interpret it either way, and neither makes the best sense. Take out "the" from the line and it works a bit better.
145.jpg: Like Dlag said, its meaning can vary greatly depending on context.
148.jpg: "Mass control system, normal."
153.jpg: More like, "I'm going to smash the prow of the enemy battleship."

Whoops, I meant to suggest "Use thunder blade against it at close range" but I guess I'll go with Braid Thunder - if we're going to be using nonsensical names for attacks, might as well use one that WON'T cause confusion (like using blade when beam weapons are being used (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/heh.gif) )

One thing I noticed about this translation script is that manner of speaking seemed to be very formal (i.e., I will get it done in one shot). I don't think that really matches with the futuristic setting. Should I stick with that, or go for informal?

You know, while editing this chapter, I realized how much I've missed the old school style eyes. Nowadays they're just big and artistically done (Yes, I'm talking about you, KyoAni! (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) ), instead of being very simple-looking, yet very expressive when mixed with different facial expressions.

EDIT: Just realized that script for chapter 1 is out, and in the last page there's reference to lighting... I guess we're sticking with "Blade Thunder" then.

This post has been edited by lightshader: Oct 29 2011, 16:05

She's more formal than he. It's not so much about being futuristic, it's primarily a military setting. He's ranking officer in the last chapter, where it's just the two of them (plus, she's an "emotionless puppet"), so you can rough up his speech a bit, but she's supposed to be more straight-laced.

This post has been edited by PeopleDon'tDanceNoMore: Oct 29 2011, 16:03

Ah, thanks for clarification.

And since chapter 7 script is out, I'm going to focus on that now that I've finished typesetting of chapter 8 (just awaiting the SFX and other parts that Ibelin'll do later).

I got SFX's for chapter 8.

First, I don't suppose you're referencing my ch7 post the whole time (so I'm not sure editing it would help), so I'm going to suggest something here... Where I had trouble with "zuzuzuzu" on 139.jpg, could you use "Looming" for the English version (if you want to use English for it)? I'm still not that confident, but it's a much better option than what I had.

CODE

142.jpg (143)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *ka*
(ka = spark)

sfx: *juu*
(juu = fwoom)

143.jpg (144)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *gogogogogo*
(gogo... = rumble)

sfx (x2): *shuu*
(shuu = shh (steam))

sfx: *zuzuzuzu*
(zuzu... = Looming?)

144.jpg (145)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *zuga*
(zuga = krak)

Scream/exclamation (Shigeta?): Ghaah
(It was missing from script proper.)

sfx: *gooooo*
(goo = fwoosh)

sfx: *dogoo*
(dogo = kafoom)

145.jpg (146)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *ka*
(ka = kzap)

sfx: *gishaaa*
(gisha = Skree)

146.jpg (147)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *bakin*
(bakin = snap)

sfx: *gogogogo*
(gogo... = rumble)

sfx: *zuba*
(zuba = zrap (I don't want zap because it doesn't seem to be electricity, but I can't think of much else good, so...a compromise, of sorts.))

sfx: *bobobo*
(bo = boom)

sfx (x2): *shuu*
(shuu = pssh)

147.jpg (148)--------------------------------------------------------

small sfx, left & right of head: *paki*
(paki = plink)

sfx: *vuuun*
(vuuun = vrrrr)

sfx: *baribari*
(bari = rip)

sfx: *bakibaki*
(baki = crack)

148.jpg (149)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *vuvuvu*
(vu = vr)

sfx: *buwa*
(buwa = fwoosh)
(These characters could be any of several, and the sfx could apply to either of them, so it's a little difficult to be sure about this.  I'm going for the impact of her (mech) jumping/taking off.)

149.jpg (150)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *kiiiiiiin*
(kin = shrill)

sfx: *zugaaan*
(zugan = krakow)

sfx: *zuzuzu*
(zuzuzu = sink/settle (to the ground))

150.jpg (151)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *giiiin*
(gin = zoom)

sfx: *kapa*
(kapa = open/lift (her visor))

sfx: *zuzuzuzu*
(zuzu... = strain)

151.jpg (152)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *dodododo*
sfx: *dododo*
(dodo... = erupt)

152.jpg (153)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *gogogo*
(gogogo = rumble)

sfx: *kuwa*
(kuwa = scowl)

sfx: *buooo*
(buo = Roar)

sfx: *zuba*
(zuba = bazap)

153.jpg (154)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *baribari*
(bari = crackle)

sfx: *zuzuzu*
(zuzuzu = ?? (No clue, this is so unlike of its previous cases...Maybe, just maybe, it indicates her jumping around.))

sfx: *gon*
(gon = brace?)

154.jpg (155)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *pakin*
(pakin = snap)

sfx: *zuzazaza*
(zuzazaza = slip)

sfx: *oooo*
(oo = shock/lament?)

sfx: *guwa*
(guwa = glare)

155.jpg (156)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *don*
(don = BOOM)

Exclamation 1 (Shigeta): Uwah!

Exclamation 2 (Akane): Eek!

sfx: *ka*
(ka = flash)

sfx: *gogogogo*
(gogo... = rumble)

156.jpg (157)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx (x4): *pi--*
(pi = beep)

Shigeta (groan): Hhh......

sfx: *vuun*
(vuun = vrrr)

sfx (x2): *guon*
(guon = Rrahr)

sfx: *pachipachi*
(pachi = squelch)

157.jpg (158)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *pushuuu*
(pushu = psssh)

sfx (x3): *vun*
(vun = vrr)

sfx: *guwa*
(guwa = glare)

158.jpg (159)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *ka*
(ka = brow/zow)

sfx: *do*
(do = whump)

sfx: *guaaa*
(guaaa = Guaaah (I think it's just a death scream.))

159.jpg (160)--------------------------------------------------------

(n/a)

This post has been edited by PeopleDon'tDanceNoMore: Oct 29 2011, 18:59

Whoops, I meant to suggest "Use thunder blade against it at close range" but I guess I'll go with Braid Thunder - if we're going to be using nonsensical names for attacks, might as well use one that WON'T cause confusion (like using blade when beam weapons are being used (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/heh.gif) )

I think anime/manga readers are used to nonsensical names, as long as they are cool... I think Blade sounds cooler than Braid. That's just my opinion.

Well, I see volume 1 released in our near future. Make it the first official [EHCOVE] release, LS?

This post has been edited by Red_Piotrus: Oct 29 2011, 19:22

Done with chapter 7. I was going to send it to Red after making a last double-check (and make any necessary changes after this feedback), but since I now have full script for both of chapters I'll just finish adding the sfx & credits to the 2nd chapter and send the whole thing to him in one go.

sfx (x3): *on*
(on = hmm (a humming...a bit of a guess, but it feels OK to me))

I went with "hum, hum, hum" because it looked like rhythmical humming to me.

sfx: *ko*
(ko = fizz(le), dissolve, vanish? I'm guessing, mostly trying to match the picture to a sound, so you get options. Call it a second opinion.)

How about "pssh"? If I'm not mistaken, that sounds like dissipating air to me.

label: Option "Boobies"
(If there's a better joke here, it went, like, 10 feet over my head. By the same token, this is a bit of a guess (i.e., if there's a deeper/better meaning, I don't even know where to begin looking).)

Well, breasts can sometimes be referred as melons, and the weapon we see are spherical in nature so I guess it's a weak pun/reference?

Akane: We're entering the moon's gravity field.

Akane: We've been surrounded in all directions.

You mentioned that Akane speaks formally, straight-faced. But in few of your translations she spoke informally here - was that a mistake? I assumed they were and corrected them to formal tense.

sfx: *zuzuzuzu*
(zuzuzuzu = He's here./In your face. (?) (Again, this was previously motion/speed, which he's not doing much of here. The only thing I can fit it to is "sudden appearance" (which is supposed to just be 'zu') or a sort of bluntness, in-your-face..."He's here". Just in case, all this IS NOT meant as a tl note; I'm just trying to forestall certain questions. If you want, you can just use the romaji.))
EDIT: "Looming" is a much better option, if you like.

I just went with "loom" rather than "looming" because it looked more like statement of action, rather than an action.


Regarding SFX for the last chapter:

146.jpg (147)
sfx: *zuba*
(zuba = zrap (I don't want zap because it doesn't seem to be electricity, but I can't think of much else good, so...a compromise, of sorts.))

Wouldn't that be fwoosh? That looked like flame breath to me.

153.jpg (154)--------------------------------------------------------

sfx: *baribari*
(bari = crackle)

sfx: *zuzuzu*
(zuzuzu = ?? (No clue, this is so unlike of its previous cases...Maybe, just maybe, it indicates her jumping around.))

What are other sounds associated with zuzuzu? Could they be explosions?

154.jpg (155)--------------------------------------------------------
sfx: *oooo*
(oo = shock/lament?)

Isn't it more like a cry of pain?

156.jpg (157)--------------------------------------------------------
Sexual organize formation!

Okay, not a SFX, but I just wanted to clarify if this is how it's translated? It feels off to me just a bit.


Bit off-topic, but what's difference between the code and quote tag?

This post has been edited by lightshader: Oct 29 2011, 23:05