[X] My Assistant

Hmm, I'm running into a bit of a problem. The Mahjong Doujin consists of several short mangas and quite a few rough drafts. Some of these rough drafts have scribbles on them that are too pixelated to see. Here's an example of a rough draft and its corresponding final draft. I think the scribbles serve as a guide for the artist so that she knows what shadings and artifacts she wants in the final draft. I can't really make out what the exact sentences are. Do I leave them as they are and continue on with the manga bits of the Doujin?

It's more realistic to leave those scribbles untranslated, since most are very hard to read. I doubt anything would be lost, and the actually story going on in the manga shorts is more important anyways.

Hmm, I'll leave them for the moment. If someone can somehow put up a transcribed script for the scribbles I'll have no problem translating that into English. But I'll work on the manga parts for now.

Done the manga bits. I'll finish off the author's notes as soon as I get time.

Edit: done the first lot of author's notes.

Edit: and done the last bit of author's notes. The manga parts are left unchanged, to be a sort of a comparison to the proofread version. Ignore translation for pages 10, 11 and 12, the translation for the title of these original sketches can be found on the index page(pg03).


Script:


Pg03
 Manga Part
5~8 Prologue
33~42 Hotaru
53~64 Chibi-Moon
77~88 Saturn & Chibi-Moon

 Original Sketch Part

@Hotaru
10~11 Confinement
12~15 Fellatio
16~17 Dildo Penetration
18~21 Sex
22~23 Clothespin Interrogation
24~25 Wax Interrogation
26~27 Enema Interrogation
28~31 Anal Penetration

@Chibi-Moon
44~45 Urination
46~47 Fellatio
48~49 Sex
50~51 Anal Penetration

@Saturn & Chibi-Moon
66~67 Confinement
68~69 Joining
70~71 Double Fellatio
72~73 Paizuri
74~75 Relaxation

@Facial Expressions
90~91 Hotaru
92~93 Chibi-Moon
94~95 Saturn

 Words from the Illustrator
 Words from the Editor
 Contact Details

Pg04

If one day you wake up…

And finding yourself with powers
That are greater beyond anyone’s imagination…

What would you do…?

Pg05
Panel 1
=It is true
Panel 2
=I’ve really obtained those powers
Panel 3
=and it feels like I can do anything
Panel 4
=Ever since the very first time I placed my eyes on you…
=I get this feeling from the depth of my heart…
=that all I want is you…

Pg06
Panel 1
=If
Panel 2
=There’s something that I really really want
Panel 3
=But there’s no way I’ll get it by normal means
Panel 4
=Just think, that I can actually get my hands on something like that
Panel 5
=and with my powers, it’s not that hard…

Pg07
Panel 1
=The dungeon room was silent except for the quiet breathing of a young girl
Panel 2
=She is deep asleep, totally unaware of what has happened to her
=The magical energy barrier has created an isolated romantic world for just the two of us
Panel 3
=Now..Let the feast begin

Pg10
(Bottom right corner vertical kanji)
Confinement

Pg11
(Centre horizontal text in purple)
Hotaru X Chibi-Usa Drilling Chapter

Pg12
(Top Left corner vertical kanji)
Confinement

Pg33
Panel 1
*slurp* x 2
Panel 2
Day 1
Panel 3
*slurp* x 2

Pg34
Panel 1
=*choking*
=*cough cough*
[note: *choking* and *cough cough* have the same Japanese SFX. Just want to have a bit of variety.]
Panel 2 [note: vertical white kanji on black background]
=Day 2
Panel 3
=Ah
=Arghh!!
Panel 4 [note: vertical white kanji on black background]
=Day 3
Panel 5
=Aah..

Pg35
Panel 1 [note: vertical white kanji on black background]
=Day 4
Panel 2 [note: this is the small panel just left of Panel 1]
=This time, let’s do you up here
=Wha..what’s “here”..
Panel 3 [note: this is the bigger panel]
=Yahhh, it’s draping
=My ass is getting draped inside out!!!
Panel 5
=Then should I take my cock out of your ass?
=Huh?
=Don’t, well, don’t take it out too quickly..
=? What’s wrong?
Panel 6
=Day 5
Panel 7
=♪ now I see

Pg36
Panel 1
=You haven’t been to the toilet once since I brought you to this place
Panel 2
=and you’re getting really worked up with all the anal fuck
Panel 3
(From right to left)
=No, not this!! Please! Let me go~!!
=I don’t want this! Let me go to the toilet!!
=Ah, but there’s some semen spilling out of your ass

Pg37
Panel 1
=I’ll shove this in to stop it from coming out
=Kyaa
Panel 2
=It can’t go in anymore!!! No
=Don’t, it’s not gonna go in!!
Panel 3
=Noo..Something’s coming..
=There’s really something coming..
=Quick..Take me to the toilet..
=Quick..
=Arrghhh
Panel 4
=Umph
Panel 5
=Nnng
=Aahn

Pg38
Panel 1
=Day 6
Panel 2
=Wha..What is it now….?
Panel 3
=Eeehh
=Wha-What!!?
Panel 4
=Noooo

Pg39
Panel 1
=Stop pulling it!!! =It’s tearing me up~!!!
=It’s ripping me to up!!!
Panel 2
=Noooo, take them off!!!
=Quick
=get these things off~!!!
Panel 3
=Okay

Pg40
Panel 1
=Day 7
Panel 2
=Uh..What..
=What are you going to do to me?
Panel 3
=Kyaa
Panel 4
=I’m going to get burnt~!!
=No!! take it out!!!
=Hurry!!

Pg41
Panel 1
(From right to left)
=The wax is dripping!!!
=Kyaa, it’s so hot!!! =No!! It’s dripping over my skin~!!!
Panel 2
=Put out the flame!!!
=It’s burning =It’s burning me!!!
Panel 3
=Kyaa

Pg42
Panel 1
=Day 8
Panel 3
=nn~~~ x 2
=Have a nice dream, Hotaru-chan ♪

Pg53
Panel 1
=Hold it there!!
=Now don’t you dare touch a hair on Hotaru-chan with your dirty hand!!!
Panel 4
=Umm…Isn’t your pose a bit weird?
Panel 5
=You shut up!!
=That’s cos my pussy is hurting and I can’t stand up straight!!
=Looks like she’s already lost to him twice

Pg54
Panel 1
=The third confrontation shall bring forth justice!! En garde!!!
Panel 2
=Yah!!
Panel 3
=How could I lose? =I thought I was going to kick his ass this time...
Panel 4
=I have no idea where your arrogant confidence comes from

Pg55
Panel 1
=Kyaa
Panel 2
=Alright Chibi-Moon, I’ll make sure I take very good care of you this time
=It hurts
Panel 3
=Now get up
=Kyaa, Noooo

Pg56
Panel 1
=*slurp*
Panel 2
=*slurp* x 3
Panel 3
=*slurp*
=*cough* x 2

Pg57
Panel 1
=Mm-ah
Panel 2
=*cough* x 2
Panel 3
=Hehehe=You look filthy
=..No
=..I don’t want this anymore..
=With your energy sucked out, you have barely the strength to walk
Panel 4
=Aaah=Noooo!!

Pg58
Panel 1
=and I’m gonna put my dick into your little pussy, again ♪
=No, stop this..
Panel 2
=Nnhaaghh

Pg59
Panel 1
=As per usual, your pussy is so small and it feels so good, Chibi-usa-chan
=Kyaa=You’re hurting me, you’re really hurting me!!!
=Take it out!!
Panel 2
=Take it ooout!!
Panel 3
=I’ll take it out=right after I give you an internal cumshot
=Noooo, please don’t do that..
=don’t cum inside me!!

Pg60
Panel 1
=Kyaa
Panel 2
=this is a nice pose, I can actually see where I went
Panel 3
=Noooo, stop looking~!!
Panel 4
=This pussy was tight as a vice just a few moments ago, and now it’s gaping wide open
=Who-Whose fault was it!!!

Pg61
Panel 1
=SFX: *grab*
=Alright, let’s have a go at the other one
=Eeeh!? W-wait, that’s my!!?
Panel 2
=Kyaa
Panel 3
=Agh! It hurts!!
=My ass is getting teared apart!!=It’s tearing~!!!

Pg62
Panel 1
=I’m sorry if I ever offended you!!=So stop moving your thing!!!
=Stop jabbing your cock in and out!!!
Panel 2
=Oh alright then, I’ll finish this now
=I’m going to cum a lot into here
=No..not again..don’t cum inside me..I can’t take..anymore..

Pg63
Panel 3
=Ah ah..

Pg64
Panel 1
=Hah x 2
Panel 2
=Hehe, what a disgraceful scene to look at
=Hmm?

Pg77
Panel 1
=If it was only me, I might still forgive you, but!
Panel 2
=How dare you lay your hands on my dearest friend!!

Pg78
Panels 2 + 3 + 4
=During the daily abuse Hotaru has been absorbing energy from me
=Just then, she also received some of Chibi-Moon’s energy
=Plus, the awakening of Saturn..=So, after the awakening..
=Ah, she had the best possible conditions
Panel 5
=I could’ve got owned [note: or “cooked” or something like that]
=but, I suppose fate in on my side
Panel 6
= alright, time to have some fun~♪

Pg79
Panel 4
=The two of them huddled together, their bodies cowering
=just like two frightened puppies
Panel 5
=looking hot, both of you

Pg80
Panel 1
=Aah..
=See, with the help of ropes, even small tits can look plump
=If I squeeze it really hard, I think you’ll be able to do some Paizuri
=Ouch..
Panel 2
=Alright
=suck it the same way you always did, Saturn-chan
Panel 3
=….Okay

Pg81
Panel 1
=You are a little bit older, and have been my slave for a longer time
=That’s why you gotta take the lead in everything
=yes
Panel 2
=*slurp*
=Sa….Saturn!!?
Panel 3
=Aah
=Don’t just watch, learn it
Panel 4
=See how Saturn-chan moves her tongue? =Good lord, Chibi-Moon-chan, can you get anything right?
=..sorry, I’m sorry

Pg82
Panel 1
=Kay, let’s have some serious fun together
=ah ah
=Oh what? You two are getting wet already?
Panel 2
=Let’s start with
Panel 3
=Chibi-Moon-chan
=Ah

Pg83
Panel 1
=Stop, please stop it~!!=I’m gonna go nuts if you thrust your thing inside me!!!
=Then let’s drive you nuts
=Noooo, I’m totally not liking you
Panel 2
=You’ll soon feel so good that you can’t stop wanting me
=Noooo=I don’t want it!!!

Pg84
Panel 1
=Since you are such good friends
Panel 2
=I’m fucking you both at the same time
=Aaaaahh
Panel 3
=How does it feel?
=….Feels..good..it feels..so good….
=Ah ah..Give me more=Go harder!!!
=Aahn, Saaaturn!!
Panel 4
=Living with constant abuse has put Saturn’s mind into a state of blank ecstasy, she is now eagerly shaking her hips
=Watching the friend she thought she knew with an unbelievable expression on her face, is our hesitating Chibi-Moon
Panel 5
=and I’m having sex with both of them

Pg85
Panel 1
=Keep going, and let Chibi-Moon-chan see what you look like when you cum
Panel 2
=No!!
=I can tell you are getting all excited
Panel 3
=Take this
=Noooo
Panel 4
=Please don’t look
=It’s..It’s so embarrassing..
Panel 5
=Hah..Noooo, Saaaturn
Panel 5
=No..Noo..
=I can’t help it..Ah..fuck me harder..
=Saturn!!

Pg86
Panel 1
=Aah, noo, I think I’m coming
=Noo, don’t
=Saaaturn, get a grip on yourself~!!
Panel 2
=Aah, Aaheee!!
=Cum..inside me!!!
=Don’t say that..Saturn!!!

Pg87
(top half, from right to left)
=Waaah~n
=Saturn..
=Saaaturn!!!
(lower half, from right to left)
=you are next, Chibi-Moon-chan, and you’re gonna look just like her=a little horny girl who likes to do naughty things♪
=Noooo
=Aaaaah

Pg88
Panel 1
=Same time…Same place…
Panel 2
=repeatedly tied…and abused…
Panel 3
(bubbled)
=Kekeke, what shall we do today?
(un-bubbled)
=and the abuse is far from getting to an end…
Panel 4
=Because…
I don’t intend it to end…


Pg96
Konnichiwa, Sahara desu.
After I finished compiling the original sketches for "Mahjong 2 S" I thought I’d also add in some Omake [note: “omake” means “bonus” or “as a gift”] Manga and somehow the content became quite heavy.

Kinda nostalgic to think that at the time when those original sketches were drawn, they had to coloured by the hands of a special Colourer, because we didn’t have computers that could do the digital colouring for us back then. The memories of us listening to the shouts and laughter from the distant Summer Festival, while sweating hard and working hard in a tiny room with no air-con, come back to me vividly.
As for the content, it was set out to be a bondage Manga of Hotaru-chan and Chibiusa-chan, nothing too special. However, the gentleman who was writing the scenario for our game especially came down to me and laid down some ideas that he hope I could implement, and so I drew the pictures according to his designation and they turned out to look quite innovative so I learnt a lot.
There would usually be a lot of discrepancies between the opinions of the artist and the writer even when they are working on the same game, but in our case, especially with the dialogue in the abusing scenes, like how the bully would press his advantages, how the victims would reply and so on, I received a lot of help from the writer with these, and it was a good experience.
My personal favourites are “Clothespin” and “the 3P with Saturn and Chibimoon”, I think they were particularly well done.

The way I’m used to drawing SM images was depicting the scene from the abused girl’s point of view (and the male figure would usually just be an emotionless shadow), so the one I did this time was also new in the sense that most of it are from a male’s point of view.

It’s just a little disappointing how this game has only one ending. I don’t know if you would call it a Happy Ending, or a Bad Ending? I reckon it’ll be better if we can put in 2 or 3 optional ending for our players. But if I put forward that idea now, I’m probably going to get cooked.


This series was worked on over and over again, and with the increase in the number of volumes the story was meant to get better too, and although I do think the story is getting more interesting, I don’t know when will I see it finish..When would volumes “4” and “5” that feature the remaining 4 of the ten Sailor Senshi be released? It certainly seems that “3” came out a long time ago..Dun-san, ganbatte.

Well then, until next time
Sahara Ikkou

(vertical kanji bottom right)
Words from the Illustrator

Pg97

(Vertical kanji top left)
Words from the Editor

Thank you to those readers who read all the way until this page.
I am Dun, the Editor of this volume.
As Sahara-san mentioned in his wall of text, the original sketches included in this volume were the same ones used for the game “Mahjong 2 S”, which was released 5 years ago in December, 2000.
It’s a fairly old game and I think the reason why we would recompile and publish its original sketches after 5 long years would be nothing less than…the emotion of love.
Perhaps from the influence of artists around me like Sahara-san, or perhaps I’ve had this trait all along, I’m starting to like loli girls.
When I look at the Sailor Senshi now, Hota and Chibi are no doubt my top-class favourites♪
Releasing the original sketches for a game that came out 5 years ago…Well that’s not going to be very interesting is it, so why don’t we draw some related Manga and put them together, then do the publishing? That was how the idea came along.

I think the most difficult part of the editing would be the merging of differential layers.
To be specific, the difficult part is, as you can see, how to tell whether there is a subtle line in the drawing or not.
Our Colourer must have had a harder time figuring that part out. If only…if only we kept that data on layer mixing from 5 years ago, we could’ve finished way quicker. But then, we never thought about making an original sketch compilation back then.
Also, the designation on things like shadow, sweat and other fluids that were done in grey lead are now hardly legible[note: yeah…], and after the levelling a few lines might’ve disappeared, so the final images might not look that great and I do apologise for that.

I’d like to thank Sahara-san for accepting the drawing task with a gentle smile on his face, even after we increased the number of pages for the Manga.
With this large Manga put in, doesn’t it seem as though we are selling the Manga, with the original sketches being the Omake? (^^(IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)
As was previously mentioned, this volume is a bit different to the standard “Silent Saturn”, the sex scenes depicted are quite hardcore, and I found that to be something new as a reader of the series lol.

If we are receiving positive remarks with this volume, we’ll think about publishing the original sketches for 1 and 3 as well.
As for the actually series, 4 and 5…Umm, will they ever come out? lol
Maybe they will become part of another Mahjong series lol
Once again I would like to put my hands together and thank all of our dear readers.
I look forward to seeing you again in our next publication.

Dun

This post has been edited by c7n88: Aug 8 2011, 15:55

@c7n88
I have to apologize again, I did not know you were doing this when I started on it last week. I only managed to finish it today due to my HV addiction and not having much time to complete it until recently. To show that my script is original and purely done without any knowledge of yours, I'll post [www.starfleetplatoon.com] my script as well. Again, sorry about this.

I've gone over this, pretty sure I caught everything. I made changes in bold, and in some areas I made suggestions rather then changes because it would have involved changing the translated text. If you guys want to keep the original translation then that's fine, I only made suggestions to make certain phrases make more sense context wise. Hope this is okay!

EDIT: I've gone over sushi0's script and borrowed certain lines from that translation on to here, giving credit where I borrowed from that translation. Both scripts are a little different, but the meaning is the same in both. It's a shame that happened though, even though it helped fix this script up. You both deserve thanks for getting both scripts submitted to help create a solid translation. If it were so late on my end, I would have used more of sushi0's script in some places.

Done the manga bits. I'll finish off the author's notes as soon as I get time.

Script:
Pg03
 Manga Part
5~8 Prologue
33~42 Hotaru
53~64 Chibi-Moon
77~88 Saturn & Chibi-Moon

 Original Sketch Part

@Hotaru
10~11 Confinement
12~15 Fellatio
16~17 Dildo Penetration
18~21 Sex
22~23 Clothespin Interrogation
24~25 Wax Interrogation
26~27 Enema Interrogation
28~31 Anal Penetration

@Chibi-Moon
44~45 Urination
46~47 Fellatio
48~49 Sex
50~51 Anal Penetration

@Saturn & Chibi-Moon
66~67 Confinement
68~69 Joining
70~71 Double Fellatio
72~73 Paizuri
74~75 Relaxation

@Facial Expressions
90~91 Hotaru
92~93 Chibi-Moon
94~95 Saturn

 Colophon
 Editor’s Notes
 Contact Details

Pg04

If one day you wake up…

And finding yourself with powers
That are greater beyond anyone’s imagination…

What would you do…?

Pg05
Panel 1
=It is true
Panel 2
=I’ve really obtained those powers
Panel 3
=and it feels like I can do anything
Panel 4
=Ever since the very first time I placed my eyes on you…
=I get this feeling from the depth of my heart…
=that all I want is you…

Pg06
Panel 1
=If
Panel 2
=There’s something that I really really want
Panel 3
=But there’s no way I’ll get it by normal means
Panel 4
=Just think, that I can actually get my hands on something like that
Panel 5
=and with my powers, it’s not that hard…

Pg07
Panel 1
=The dungeon room was silent except for the quiet breathing of a young girl
Panel 2
=She is deep asleep, totally unaware of what has happened to her
=The magical energy barrier has created an isolated romantic world for just the two of us
Panel 3
=Now..Let the feast begin

Pg10
(Bottom right corner vertical kanji)
Confinement

Pg11
(Centre horizontal text in purple)
Hotaru X Chibi-Usa Drilling Chapter

Pg12
(Top Left corner vertical kanji)
Confinement

Pg33
Panel 1
*slurp* x 2
Panel 2
Day 1
Panel 3
*slurp* x 2

Pg34
Panel 1
=*choking*
=*cough cough*
[note: *choking* and *cough cough* have the same Japanese SFX. Just want to have a bit of variety.]
Panel 2 [note: vertical white kanji on black background]
=Day 2
Panel 3
=Ah
=Arghh!!
Panel 4 [note: vertical white kanji on black background]
=Day 3
Panel 5
=Aah..

Pg35
Panel 1 [note: vertical white kanji on black background]
=Day 4
Panel 2 [note: this is the small panel just left of Panel 1]
=This time, let’s do you up here
=Wha..what’s “here”..
Panel 3 [note: this is the bigger panel]
=Yahhh, it’s drapingturning me inside out (taken from sushi0's translation)
=My ass is getting draped turned inside out!!! (taken from sushi0's translation)
Panel 5
=Then should I take my cock out of your ass?
=Huh?
=Don’t, well, don’t take it out too quickly..
=? What’s wrong?
Panel 6
=Day 5
Panel 7
=♪ now I see

Pg36
Panel 1
=You haven’t been to the toilet once since I brought you to this place
Panel 2
=and you’re getting really worked up with all the anal fuck (Here it would be appropriate to say fucking, or change the word to sex)
Panel 3
(From right to left)
=No, not this!! Please! Let me go~!!
=I don’t want this! Let me go to the toilet!!
=Ah, but there’s some semen spilling out of your ass

Pg37
Panel 1
=I’ll shove this in to stop it from coming out
=Kyaa
Panel 2
=It can’t go in anymore!!! No
=Don’t, it’s not gonna go in!!
Panel 3
=Noo..Something’s coming..
=There’s really something coming..
=Quick..Take me to the toilet..
=Quick..
=Arrghhh
Panel 4
=Umph
Panel 5
=Nnng
=Aahn

Pg38
Panel 1
=Day 6
Panel 2
=Wha..What is it now….?
Panel 3
=Eeehh
=Wha-What!!?
Panel 4
=Noooo

Pg39
Panel 1
=Stop pulling it!!! =It’s tearing me up~!!!
=It’s ripping me to up!!!
Panel 2
=Noooo, take them off!!!
=Quick
=get these things off~!!!
Panel 3
=Okay

Pg40
Panel 1
=Day 7
Panel 2
=Uh..What..
=What are you going to do to me?
Panel 3
=Kyaa
Panel 4
=I’m going to get burnt~!!
=No!! take it out!!!
=Hurry!!

Pg41
Panel 1
(From right to left)
=The wax is dripping!!!
=Kyaa, it’s so hot!!! =No!! It’s dripping over my skin~!!!
Panel 2
=Put out the flame!!!
=It’s burning =It’s burning me!!!
Panel 3
=Kyaa

Pg42
Panel 1
=Day 8
Panel 3
=nn~~~ x 2
=Have a nice dream, Hotaru-chan ♪

Pg53
Panel 1
=Hold it there!!
=Now don’t you dare touch a hair on Hotaru-chan with your dirty hand!!!
Panel 4
=Umm…Isn’t your pose a bit weird?
Panel 5
=You shut up!!
=That’s cos because my pussy is hurting and I can’t stand up straight!!
=Looks like she’s already lost to him twice

Pg54
Panel 1
=The third confrontation shall bring forth justice!! En garde!!!Third time's the charm!! It's a battle!!! (taken from sushi0's translation)
Panel 2
=Yah!!
Panel 3
=How could I lose? =I thought I was going to kick his ass this time...
Panel 4
=I have no idea where your arrogant confidence comes from

Pg55
Panel 1
=Kyaa
Panel 2
=Alright Chibimoon, I’ll make sure I take very good care of you this time
=It hurts
Panel 3
=Now get up
=Kyaa, Noooo

Pg56
Panel 1
=*slurp*
Panel 2
=*slurp* x 3
Panel 3
=*slurp*
=*cough* x 2

Pg57
Panel 1
=Mm-ah
Panel 2
=*cough* x 2
Panel 3
=Hehehe=You look filthy
=..No
=..I don’t want this anymore..
=With your energy sucked out, you have barely the strength to walk
Panel 4
=Aaah=Noooo!!

Pg58
Panel 1
=and I’m gonna put my dick into your little pussy, again ♪
=No, stop this..
Panel 2
=Nnhaaghh

Pg59
Panel 1
=As per usual, your pussy is so small and it feels so good, Chibi-usa-chan Chibimoon-chan(He called her Chibimoon earlier, so for the sake of being consistent it should be Chibimoon-chan here
=Kyaa=You’re hurting me, you’re really hurting me!!!
=Take it out!!
Panel 2
=Take it ooout!!
Panel 3
=I’ll take it out, right after I give you an internal cumshotcum inside you (taken from sushi0's translation)
=Noooo, please don’t do that..
=don’t cum inside me!!

Pg60
Panel 1
=Kyaa
Panel 2
=this is a nice pose, I can actually see where I went
Panel 3
=Noooo, stop looking~!!
Panel 4
=This pussy was tight as a vice just a few moments ago, and now it’s gaping wide open
=Who-Whose fault was it!!!

Pg61
Panel 1
=SFX: *grab*
=Alright, let’s have a go at the other one
=Eeeh!? W-wait, that’s my!!?
Panel 2
=Kyaa
Panel 3
=Agh! It hurts!!
=My ass is getting teared torn apart!! It’s tearing~!!!

Pg62
Panel 1
=I’m sorry if I ever offended you!! So stop moving your thing!!!
=Stop jabbing your cock in and out!!!
Panel 2
=Oh alright then, I’ll finish this now
=I’m going to cum a lot into here
=No..not again..don’t cum inside me..I can’t take..anymore..

Pg63
Panel 3
=Ah ah..

Pg64
Panel 1
=Hah x 2
Panel 2
=Hehe, what a disgraceful scene to look at
=Hmm?

Pg77
Panel 1
=If it was only me, I might still forgive you, but!
Panel 2
=How dare you lay your hands on my dearest friend!!

Pg78
Panels 2 + 3 + 4
=During the daily abuse Hotaru has been absorbing energy from me
=Just then, she also received some of Chibi-Moon’s energy
=Plus Thus, the awakening of Saturn.. So, after the awakening..
=Ah, she had the best possible conditions
Panel 5
=I could’ve got owned [note: or “cooked” or something like that] Owned works just fine
=but, I suppose fate in on my side
Panel 6
= alright, time to have some fun~♪

Pg79
Panel 4
=The two of them huddled together, their bodies cowering
=just like two frightened puppies
Panel 5
=looking hot, both of you

Pg80
Panel 1
=Aah..
=See, with the help of ropes, even small tits can look plump
=If I squeeze it really hard, I think you’ll be able to do some Paizuri
=Ouch..
Panel 2
=Alright
=suck it the same way you always did, Saturn-chan
Panel 3
=….Okay

Pg81
Panel 1
=You are a little bit older, and have been my slave for a longer time
=That’s why you gotta take the lead in everything
=yes
Panel 2
=*slurp*
=Sa….Saturn!!?
Panel 3
=Aah
=Don’t just watch, learn it
Panel 4
=See how Saturn-chan moves her tongue? Good lord, Chibimoon-chan, can you get anything right?
=..sorry, I’m sorry

Pg82
Panel 1
=Kay, let’s have some serious fun together
=ah ah
=Oh what? You two are getting wet already?
Panel 2
=Let’s start with
Panel 3
=Chibi-Moon-chan
=Ah

Pg83
Panel 1
=Stop, please stop it~!!=I’m gonna go nuts if you thrust your thing inside me!!!
=Then let’s drive you nuts
=Noooo, I’m totally not liking you I don't want this (taken from sushi0's translation)
Panel 2
=You’ll soon feel so good that you can’t stop wanting meBut soon you will start feeling good and you won't be able to get enough of it. (taken from sushi0's translation)
=Noooo=I don’t want it!!!

Pg84
Panel 1
=Since you are such good friends
Panel 2
=I’m fucking you both at the same time
=Aaaaahh
Panel 3
=How does it feel?
=….Feels..good..it feels..so good….
=Ah ah..Give me more=Go harder!!!
=Aahn, Saaaturn!!
Panel 4
=Living with constant abuse has put Saturn’s mind into a state of blank ecstasy, she is now eagerly shaking her hips
=Watching the friend she thought she knew with an unbelievable expression on her face, is our hesitating Chibimoon
Panel 5
=and I’m having sex with both of them

Pg85
Panel 1
=Keep going, and let Chibimoon-chan see what you look like when you cum
Panel 2
=No!!
=I can tell you are getting all excited
Panel 3
=Take this
=Noooo
Panel 4
=Please don’t look
=It’s..It’s so embarrassing..
Panel 5
=Hah..Noooo, Saaaturn
Panel 5
=No..Noo..
=I can’t help it..Ah..fuck me harder..
=Saturn!!

Pg86
Panel 1
=Aah, noo, I think I’m coming
=Noo, don’t
=Saaaturn, get a grip on yourself~!!
Panel 2
=Aah, Aaheee!!
=Cum..inside me!!!
=Don’t say that..Saturn!!!

Pg87
(top half, from right to left)
=Waaah~n
=Saturn..
=Saaaturn!!!
(lower half, from right to left)
=you are next, Chibimoon-chan, and you’re gonna look just like her=a little horny girl who likes to do naughty things♪
=Noooo
=Aaaaah

Pg88
Panel 1
=Same time…Same place…
Panel 2
=repeatedly tied…and abused…
Panel 3
(bubbled)
=Kekeke, what shall we do today?
(un-bubbled)
=and the abuse is far from getting to an end…
Panel 4
=Because…
I don’t intend it to end…

This post has been edited by bloodthirster18: Aug 8 2011, 12:00

@sushi0

Alright, what's done is done (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif) I'll finish off my script and let Red have the choice.

@bloodthirster18

Glad to see I didn't make too many mistakes (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif) I'll polish those after dinner.

@sushi0

Alright, what's done is done (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif) I'll finish off my script and let Red have the choice.

Sounds good. Just out of curiosity, when did you start on the bounty? I didn't see anyone accept the bounty the last time I checked. If I knew you had worked on it I would at least have given you a heads up.

Also, I haven't done the credit pages yet and you've already done one page so if my script gets chosen then I'll gladly use your translations for those two pages since it'd be a shame to see your hard work go to waste. This is only if it's okay with you of course, and I'll reimburse you accordingly. If your script gets chosen, then you can ignore this part. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Sounds good. Just out of curiosity, when did you start on the bounty? I didn't see anyone accept the bounty the last time I checked. If I knew you had worked on it I would at least have given you a heads up.

Also, I haven't done the credit pages yet and you've already done one page so if my script gets chosen then I'll gladly use your translations for those two pages since it'd be a shame to see your hard work go to waste. This is only if it's okay with you of course, and I'll reimburse you accordingly. If your script gets chosen, then you can ignore this part. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Yeah I think I started out on Saturday. You should definitely have given me a heads up or just accept that bounty you're working on though. I understand you must have worked quite a bit to get this completed, and that effort shouldn't be wasted either, the best thing to do is just keep it fair and let Red decide. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Wait, wait, reimbursement?! (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif) Well actually uh, I'll send a PM.

Why not just split the bounty between you two and post both?
(of course that would probably mean double work for me x_x)

This post has been edited by Super Shanko: Aug 8 2011, 17:12

I agree with SS, if you would be willing to split the bounty, that would be best. I'd also like to hear from Dlag, since he is the primary sponsor. IMHO, the bounty, even split, is still pretty high.

In the future, when one starts working on the bounty, best thing to do is to both accept it in the bounty system and post here. To be fair, c7n88 did that.

Since bloodthirster18 mentioned something about combining lines, perhaps we can still end up with just one, combined version for editing?

This post has been edited by Red_Piotrus: Aug 8 2011, 18:21

I agree with SS, if you would be willing to split the bounty, that would be best. I'd also like to hear from Dlag, since he is the primary sponsor. IMHO, the bounty, even split, is still pretty high.

In the future, when one starts working on the bounty, best thing to do is to both accept it in the bounty system and post here. To be fair, c7n88 did that.

Since bloodthirster18 mentioned something about combining lines, perhaps we can still end up with just one, combined version for editing?

Maybe.... Use one script for the main story and the other for the random stories?

Maybe.... Use one script for the main story and the other for the random stories?

Um, what I meant is that when blood is proofreading he can chose the best sounding version from either translation... I thought he was doing this already?

I am doing that, but in this case there were some lines that, when translated, didn't translate very well. In those cases I took lines of translation from Sushi0 only because I had that second translation to work with. Had that not been the case, I would have posted only suggestions to some lines I thought made little sense because I didn't know if you guys would like it if I just rewrote the lines that sounded awkward.

As for the proofreading I did last night - that's the script I would present to Shanko to use in his editing, but of course I'm thinking you'll all read it to be sure you'll like it first. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Well, I'll work on this on wed or so (I'm in recovery mode from another pain staking job) so I'll leave to all to decide on this.

Hmm...I'm okay with spliting the bounty if that's alright with sushi0 and Dlag.

Just on the translations, I looked at sushi0's version and I'd say his one adheres very closely to the original. When I see a line that I'm not sure how to word into fluent English, I would just try to make a sentence that conveys the meaning but doesn't necessarily follow the exact words. Whereas sushi0 showed more knowledge of English and translated it really well. I particularly liked that "third time's the charm" phrase. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) There are though, just a few minor technical points that we seem to have different opinions on, like that "turning inside out", it's really close but not exactly there. I couldn't find a way to put it either.

That turning inside out line was one of the things that tripped me up, because C7n88 had drapping in the translation, which threw me for a loop. Turning inside out fits the context better, IMHO. It was one the things I left open to suggestion until I saw sushi0's translation. Not sure why I didn't think of it myself, but I was concerned about overly changing the English script and upsetting someone.

I wouldn't mind you changing my script alot, cos that's what proofreading is for, to correct things. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Yeah and my bad for using "drape", I later looked up a dictionary and realised the word drape doesn't mean what I think it means. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/sad.gif) It's weird to describe it, but the line is saying when the male withdraws the penis from the vagina, the vagina is so tight that it got pulled out with the penis. You would usually say "the penis is pulling the vagina out" but in this case, "vagina" becomes the subject, and "vagina is pulling inside out" wouldn't make sense. I think "turning" works fine, except it doesn't describe the pulling motion so the meaning changes a little.

This post has been edited by c7n88: Aug 9 2011, 10:36

I'm fine with splitting and everything, just not sure how it'll be resolved technically, so all the currencies end up in the correct accounts. If I should do something to make it work, let me know.

c7n88 have PMed me regarding this and we have reached a mutual agreement. I have compensated him accordingly so as far as the reward goes, that part's settled. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

As for the main body of the script, I appreciate all the suggestions and comments and I don't mind how you want to use my script. Feel free to edit/change or do whatever you feel as deem fit. The credit pages however, will have to be from c7n88 since that's the only version we have.