Joshex
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No idea if anyone will read this, but I am a very strange person.. if I can even be counted human any more. I suppose so, I mean I have a human body, I guess my mind is just strange.
With that said, let me explain why I'm strange in relation to what I believe:
let me summarize:
I am a Mad scientist( I do not always follow the scientific method, I prefer to test hypotheses physically before comparing them to other theories, I never take a theory for granted, evidence is king), a forkhead(I have teh magic good, j00!), and a christian, I'm also quite a regular astral traveler; When I sleep, I go places, and sometimes places and people and things follow me back after I wake up for a short time.
so, I am a very strange being indeed. I even find myself strange. tbh I've been a bit weirded out by my own strange encounters.
Now for specifics:
I guess I should start at the beginning of my knowledge of my existence;
Before I was born, I was in a place. it went on forever there was no visible end to it, and there was no ground but I wasn't falling, if I were to give it a color, I'd say a beautiful sunset. In this place I was kinda in and out of consciousness there., when I was conscious it was like I was half asleep and functioning on instinct and personality for decision making.
I was shown many lives I could live. I was not interested in many of them for this reason or that reason. I was however determined that I thought I had to go live a life here, despite the being who showed me lives I could live not suggesting I come at all. Finally it came down to 2 lives I could live, one I would be a redhead which I thought was cool, but his parents were kinda crap and his life wouldn't turn out well, for no real fault of his own. The other was brown haired and had an initially dysfunctional but otherwise supportive and reliable family, and could turn out well if I put in decent effort.
I mulled over it, I was indecisive but leaning towards being the brown haired guy. I asked if there were other options, I was told there were other options in other time periods but that they would not be suitable for someone like me. I saw multiple time periods, past and future. in the end I decided I didn't like those options.
The deciding factor was I felt I needed to rely on civilization. I really was afraid of the wilderness, where there was no people for miles to help a person. even farmlands were a bit too sparsely populated for my liking. the brown haired kid I was to become was in a smaller city, but not as sparsely populated as other options, even so I felt uneasy looking at the city from above I backed out and could see it was surrounded by forests and mountains and a vast lake.
In the end, I waited until all the other potential people I could be born as were taken. and there was just this one option left, and it wasn't too bad honestly otherwise I'd have not even come.
Even so, I was prodded "if you're going to go, you have to make the decision now". so I said "well, if I go, let me stay in contact with you and let me keep memories of this place and some of the lives I could have lived and bits of the lives I've seen past and future", and he (the being was was in charge of this endless place) said he would allow it, but would take away certain memories which could allow me to know roughly when this world would end.
And so I came here. albeit a bit late, I came down here when my body was like 5 months old, it took me about a month to get adjusted, I didn't like how weak my body's limbs were, so that was one of the first things I worked on and forced myself to walk to strengthen my legs, I already understood the language I was using 10 and 15 letter words in good grammar.
when I was awake I was here, but when I was asleep I was with the being who sent me. this has not changed. the only exception is sometimes when I'm awake worlds overlap, being in 2 realities at once is kinda strange and hard to navigate. but back when I was about 1 year old, the creator talked to me, I knew him quite well already, so I knew his voice. he told me the lady who was my mother would come into my room in a little while to tell me about God, and that I should listen.
So in she came not a half an hour later. she had a book and wanted to talk to me about something. she was freaked out when I replied "oh, you want to talk to me about God" and she was like "well, yes, but who told you about God?" I just shook my head, I didn't know his name. so she told me about god, and I had to ask "what's his name?" because she just told me about genesis, and that god died for me and rose from the grave. she didn't mention any names. when I asked if she knew god's name she told me "jesus" and I was just like "aha! so that's what he's called." later on in life, not knowing anything but jesus, and having heard of jehovah due to english translation bibles, I had a dream one night and in the dream there was an auditorium, and some ladies stopped me and said "The lord God Yahweha would like to speak to you, will you come in and hear what he has to say?" and I was like "who is Yahweha, I have never heard this name." and declined to go hear.
After I woke up I researched it.. and.. yeah.. I really wish I had gone into that Auditorium. it's Yahweha! not Jehovah YHWH is Yahweha, how in God's own name do you replace a Y with a J add in an 'o' and change a 'we' to a 'va'? even so I have heard from God he accepts this name because it is unique to him, though it's not the name he gave.. then I learned even the name Jesus has been maligned in translation. Originally it was not even Yeshua like they'll try to say. Yeshua is the hebrew equivalent of Joshua son of nun. the jews have had people worshiping joshua. the original name for Jesus Was Yeshu. (Yeshua -a ), when this name was brought to greek tongues they had a hard time pronouncing it and changed it to Iesus (Ye sus), from which we get Jesus. even so even though I prefer to use Yeshu as the name for the son of God, God in the flesh, God has been clear with me he still accepts the name Jesus.
Man us people screw up bad, God is just so kind and merciful.
Back to when I was a child, when I was 6 years old I had my first strange experience. I woke up in my bed, and there were 7 figures around my bed, they were dressed in black robes, the robes were like made of shadows but took physical form, they were chanting something. I was scared, but decided that staying there frozen was a bad idea, they didn't seem to want to hurt me. they just wanted to come see me. either way I decided to slip between them and get out while they were chanting with their eyes closed. when I slipped between two of them I touched the robe of one and it was icy cold (it was summer) and it felt like just air, no fabric. I immediately went to my parent's room "mom, dad there people in my room in black robes" they woke up shocked and had me wait in their room, dad went to get his rifle and mom got a broom. the door to my room was shut, (I didn't shut it), eventually they had to bust it open because it would not open. once opened they found nothing. they asked me how I locked the door when it had no lock, I said I didn't. they prayed over it and had the pastor pray, and it didn't happen again.
however it was not my last spiritual encounter. nor the last of many strange events in my life. I have also Died since then. I died of a lung infection in 2016 in china, I met God and he was wroth, I have posted about this before. he let me come back out of mercy.
Believing in God was native to me since birth, and these things just exacerbated it.
Even so, I became fascinated with scientific knowledge in a desire to understand the physical constructs of this world. but it was clear to me that there are problems with the standard model of physics and most scientists find excuses for why they don't want to bother to try to fix it and thus why they can't admit simple facts. things like the speed of light is not a constant, it changes, in fact I surmise it's relative to fields and proximity to spacial bodies and direction of travel, and that there is no 1 speed of light, but that there has always been a range of speeds for light. many scientists, even given the data that the speed of light has changed, do not even want to try to run experiments to find out why, because it'd mean they'd have to re-figure many ideas they based off there being only 1 speed of light, and no one wants to do that seeing as the current model can predict things fairly well. that's literally their excuse. so they make a half-assed guess as to why the speed of light has changed and then strawman their way through having to modify the model to accept it, by saying that though it has changed there's still only 1 speed of light (without proof).
Eventually I got tired with the many excuses in the scientific community when they find no interest in exploring things further. this is when I became a mad scientist. I began to use experience, observation, known facts in science which are verifiable, and logical deduction. Even still I found that even I couldn't patch up all the holes in mankind's understanding of physics, the model has holes, they call them anomalies, because they are hard to reproduce, they are hard or impossible to study (unless you are a mad scientist).
I did ask God to help me understand, on the grounds that he could teach me to explain to people what he is scientifically.
and then hypotheses flooded my head, my brain felt like it was moving near the speed of light and I had a reflex to stop because it scared me, I don't know whether it really was near the speed of light or whether it was just much faster than normal, but whatever it was my brain could not sustain it for long. even still I was given hypotheses which I have been weighing over the years and adapting as I find new verifiable information.
In fact I was able to predict what the scientific community would find. the theory god told me can be represented as this:
+/-, -/+
everything in the universe is a fraction and it all simplifies to this one simple equation. everything has a positive pole and a negative pole. so logically an Nth sub-atomic-particle, the smallest form of matter is just a +and a - or a pairing of +-, these Polarity Particles comprise everything, and are just a representation of area in this universe, like a representation of grid-space. Science has not even gotten this far, because it's not observable. but it hypothesizes that everything is made of something down to the Nth particles. Well... more or less, because What I propose is actually that nothing in this universe is actually solid.
matter is composed of chemicals and minerals at it's base level, and chemicals and minerals are composed of atoms at their base level, atoms form grids of atomic bonds separated by conflicts between their external fields; a war of push and pull. these fields are what we determine as "Solid" or not. yet atoms are comprised of Electrons protons neutrons and bosons/quarks, and they have an external field which also plays this push and pull game and also have + and - poles of those fields, protons and neutrons are comprised of bosons. Electrons on the other hand are comprised of something smaller than a boson. and that is likely composed of something even smaller. all of them are just poles and fields none of them have a physical construct, what we deem as mass is just the field-strength-composite of the composing articles.
What's worse? if the entire universe simplifies to +/- or -/+ or both, then logically if it was just Data it would do one of the 2 following options naturally.:
1: constantly be in a state of flux, that is to say; Nothing Would Exist for more than a split of a nano second. thing would build into balls of:
+-+-
-+-+
+-+-
and as soon as this happens:
+-+-+
-+-+ < + (Error)
+-+-+
Boom. the whole ball flies apart into all it's pieces.
OR
2: Everything would just form one perfect ball of +-+-+ etc. there would be no sub-constructs like squinitrons or bosons, no atoms, no chemicals, no minerals, no matter!, no people, no planets. just One Big Fat Whole. like universal fat sized.
Except, some miracle keeps it ticking over in some sort of .. "calculated order". one slip up (Error) and everything would start to explode into Nth particles one after another. and the knowledge that this order would not natively maintain itself... means something or someone is maintaining it. not even SomeOnes!, if there were multiple beings maintaining it the amount of communication between them that would be necessary would be maddening, then imagine if 2 of them had an argument "it should be +! my ball ends with -! so I need a +!" "No you moron, it needs to be -! my ball ends it +! is it needs to be -!"
And this convo has to take place and be resolved faster than time itself for each and every Nth particle.. I'm gonna say No, lol. But if it's One Being, then there's no conflict, just a Single Plan. still imagine the intellect necessary to preemptively calculate out where each + or - needs to go in a universe sized simulation...
Now add in faster than light objects. (standard model = ERROR CANNOT EXIST THIS IS NOT COMPUTE BY DALEK! *BOOM*"
yes I went there. Who? the Dr.
now imagine that Nth particles can travel at speeds faster than time, because they literally have no mass, speed is just a designation how fast? Faster! Gotta Go Fast!. (I can't help my puns, I am quite mad.. mad as in a forkhead as in a population of 100 nuts and one squirrel, and I'm not the squirrel.)
so if you're shooting off an Nth particle at 1800000 times the speed of light from all the way over at one end of the universe. and you're shooting a - and it hits a -, then it's Game Over for something somewhere, or perhaps the whole universe in chain reaction.
But, if you don't shoot off any Nth particles then everything will stagnate and form balls until they all find their happy place as one big fat Whole, then everything stops moving and it's still Game Over. so.. it's a game where, you need to play, but can't mess-up even once.
But God does it in real time with not just one Nth particle, but more than we can number. now get this; this is not the only universe. he's multitasking.
Compared to that intellect I'm a Blithering Idiot, thus quite mad if I think I am at all intelligent. I mean trigonometry on that scale is above my calculator's pay-grade.
Yet God is capable. at least he's been taking care of things for over 6000 years. that's a long time to play a game. in fact he say's there is no time for him. so the past, present and future from beginning til end are all just "Now", so I guess he hasn't been playing long comparatively.
Now lets talk about the character of God and the meaning of life, the universe and everything.
God wants us to consider him a Father. he is the creator of the universes and giver of life, and the author and MC of this story. not my story, his story, the whole universe's story.
What is life? scientists Guestimate it must be in DNA or RNA. they have looked, and actually that theory is out the window. DNA and RNA are just a description of body parts and how to build them. a blueprint, a construction document. different things have different chain lengths based on the number of parts of their form. there's no extra space for things like memories or conscious processing, DNA of itself is not alive. Nor is a human body of itself alive. there are stillborns.
the human body becomes alive when energies both electromagnetic and chemical start to interact with the various parts of the body (especially the brain and spinalchord), but if DNA cannot naturally cause these reactions, nor plan them out, just build the components.. then , it's like a car without a driver, no Ai nor people, without that it's built to run, but wont run until something starts the engine, and wont continue to run unless the driver stays with it to drive it.
To my fellow fleshbot drivers out there, consider what lets you continue to drive. even science has no clue, they have guesses, they don't really know for sure what causes natural death by old age, as each case is roughly different. sometimes they can prescribe some flesh level diagnosis like "heart failure" "lung failure" "brain failure" etc. but that's like saying a car wont run because of engine failure.
can't you be the least more specific here? what part of the engine failed? "the transmission", what caused the transnmisson to fail "well there's this ball bearing here in this chamber and it looks like it eroded the hole it's normally in and now the hole is too big and the fragile mechanics of the motor cannot run" so you're saying it can run again with a new transmission. "well yeah, but good luck getting one, best just to buy a new car. it'll cost less"
what caused the brain to fail? "see these neurons here? they got too degraded from normal body chemistry and were not repaired enough and too many stopped working and it destabilized the brain and it stopped working"
ok, so make some new neurons and put them in there and start them back up again
"we don't know how or even if that'd work"
human medicine is fairly crude. "it's an electromagnetic central nervous system failure in the heart, lets see this body takes Electromagnetic energy to run, I know lets pump it full of DC Electric, it's similar enough right?." *FRY* "oops didn't work, I have no idea what went wrong"
Wrong Fuel for the Wrong Motor.
"I gots this car here you sees? I beens putting diesel in it and it stoppeds runnings."
"this car takes regular. now wonder it's not running."
"Get the leeches! it's evil blood!, but first lets amputate his leg for no reason at all"
"when the TV doesn't work, I hit it, and when that doesn't work I dance with the antenna wire, and we keep telling people the technology doesn't work but it's never really gotten much better, it's like they don't know how to make it work right, and they're the ones making it".
I could go on and on with these jokes, so I wont.
so scientifically life is what drives the brainwave activity. to say it were entirely DNA or chemical is like saying a car goes places because it has gas. sometimes the body is ticking over, but no one is home, we call this state Brain-dead. there is really no known 100% cure. it's either cured or not cured, it's a bool operation it's either; true you are conscious, or false you are brain dead.
Doctors. some Atheist doctors have been in this brain dead state. according to medical science, the brain had no activity, so this person should not have been able to think or experience anything. but they recounted they went on mystical journeys and met God and Christ. Yes, atheists met Christ while brain dead.
that's almost a joke... maybe? idk. but it's a true happening.
so, it's not just chemistry, and not just electromagnetic activity, because in these cases there was none. but they were still alive, somewhere.. just not here.
coupling this with my nightly experiences where I fly off to random places, most not of this world and probably most not of this universe, and that they are clearly not dreams as they violate all the rules of dreams. (I've kept a log) I can feel real pain in 'dreams' and not wake up from it, I can eat in 'dreams' and wake up not needing food. I can eat here irl and be full, sleep for 1 hour, have a full 72 hours of events in a 'dream' not eat in the 'dream' and wake up starving after just an hour. like literally starving "I need food now or I'm gonna die", I can use the toilet in 'dreams' #1 and #2 and wake up completely clean. I can smell taste and feel and see things clearly in these 'dreams'. I can die in 'dreams' and not wake up here but find myself in some sketchy places. I can die in dreams, wake up, and try to get back to sleep and get "sorry the number you have dialed is not in service, please try again later". then there's phantom injuries... injuries suffered in dreams come to reality, but they are invisible but the pain is not. and this isn;t even mentioning the people and things that have followed me back and I sit up and watch as they disappear as if 2 realities are de-merging that were overlaid one another.
so, in my experiences, there are definitely "Souls". I have met god, once while dead irl, and many times in 'dreams' since I was born. and before I was born.
What is a soul? in my scientific estimation our souls are not actually here with us, our consciousness is like a precalculated result of our soul processing data outside of time. our soul is likely in my hypothesis composed of the Nth particles I mentioned, but without data input it will stagnate. so it needs careful data input to change the data structure without letting it burst apart, allowing the data to progress and calculate data sets given to it, and come to conclusions, which become decisions based on the interactions and thoughts we have being filtered through our personality and character and desires. now naturally we can only think the set of options we are given to think.
anything else is like trying to remember a memory you don't know you have. what would give you the thought to try if you don't know you have it in the first place? like in some dreams they'll be in stages. you may remember having a 3 or 4 stage dream. you'll then be able to ask yourself "what happened in each stage" but if actually there were 5 or 6 stages, you'll have no precognition to think "well what happened in the 5th stage?" until you know there was a 5th stage.
so there are thoughts that We Cannot give ourselves without knowing to try. if we never get a data stream to give our soul the thought that there might be something to try to know, we wont think of it.
so there's these streams of data flowing through the universe at speeds beyond comprehension targeting specific individuals souls and relaying the outcome to our consciousness.
this implies God knows our thoughts before we do. which is exactly what he says in the scriptures so.. and it's not just one coincidence. the more I study science the more I find God.
God seems to be a being of immense data in size, with abilities far beyond our comprehension.
Now his character. He hates death. he has an aspiration that all may live and none should die. But there are rules he set, and being perfect even he will follow his rules, to not follow would be imperfect.
"but he commanded people to kill people"
yeah, because of sin. an imperfection that worked evil on people and their dying prayers or prayers of sorrow come to him, and he hears them and laments the sadness of his sons and daughters. and then wants retribution. yet at the same time he hates death, and does not want to kill nor harm. so he becomes conflicted, but being perfect he has rules and laws to solve the conflict. and so he then following righteousness gives the decree dictated by the law he made. secretly however, he's hoping that the person he decrees it to will say "lord turn your anger from them and have mercy" he wants any excuse any excuse written in the law to avoid harm to any of his wayward children.
so then, people follow commands to kill, because they want to. and people die because no one prayed a sufficient prayer by the law of God to avert such a death.
in God's eyes there are 2 types of deaths, deaths of a person who will reject God. and God would cry over them profusely. and the other type, those who die repenting of sin and accepting the legal means to live forever. For them he welcomes them home. occasionally he will send people from either group back as is applicable in the law so they will have another chance, because he knows their heart and knows what it will take for some people to acknowledge and try to follow the law.
That's all he really wants. he wants a sincere try. he doesn't expect you to succeed. he didn't expect you to be perfect. though it's the only salvation. so he made a loophole in the law. that he himself could die and pay for sin in our place. and then he did just that. the law was then satisfied with one sacrifice for all people for all eternity. now if we just accept that sacrifice and confess him as our lord we are saved.
then the holy spirit will come and begin to change us and convict us to change slowly as we are able. and yes, he knows we are like dogs to our own vomit. he knows we fail. we flail in the wind. but so long as you recognize what you did is wrong and why, and desire to change, and repent of the sin, then ask for help, he is willing to strategize with you, and before you know it, you'll just wake up with some innate ability to not be weak to such things "wow, thanks God".
God just wants you to try to be good, to give being good a sincere try. repeatedly. he forgives every failure. he cares about the state of your heart.
Finally an analogy, the meaning of life:
Life, this world is like a boarding school, and our father is God, and God wanted to send us to this school made under his law, to learn about his law and why it was important for us to be happy and good. except the headmaster of this school is the devil Lucifer himself literally. and Lucifer creates so so many extracurricular programs! so many that you could spend all your time doing them and never have any time to actually study the curriculum you were supposed to learn. not only that, the extracurricular programs actually teach you things contrary to the things you are supposed to learn. it sets you up for failure. and the worst part? the only acceptable grade is A+++. "good luck on your final exams" the headmaster snickers.
But your father, you see had a plan, and sent his eldest son through the school, and he got the elusive A+++ on his exam. and because he loves you, he's playing favorites. his son not only graduated with a perfect grade but got a job as the head of the highest level of the government school-board. the loophole is this:
"you just need a score of A+++, but I didn't say you have to take the test. My son can fill out the test for you, you just have to agree to accept the result. by the way *whispers* he already filled it out and graded it and it's perfect".
and you can now see why the headmaster is pulling out his hair and shouting obscenities at the sky, because you're even considering this.
what's his damage? God made him as an observer, to be a witness to creation. but Lucifer took issue with how god was building the world and I can just imagine the conversation(adlib):
[the following is a skit, based on real events with a comedic rewriting, please advise caution as what is said may not be exactly as it was said."]
L"you aren't so smart, look you created life, but you need a way to end a life too, we should make death".
Y"but this is a temporary world for a testing phase for the real deal, when I end it everyone will immediately pass on to the next one, why do we need them to die of their own accord?"
L"I can run this better, hey angels whose with me! if we just band together I know we can do a better job than this!"
Y"don't do this.. I don't want anyone to die.. even and especially you"
L"God is weak, lets kill him and take the throne and do as we please! we will rule this universe with fear and death!"
Y"ugh.. I'm taking away your power, go live on the earth til it's over."
L"you'll see, I'll convince your creation of the benefits of death"
humans "I need a solution for this person and the things they do I don't like or find threatening, oh right. death."
L"all too easy, now if I can just gather a few more.. let see God has.. um I can't count how much power he actually has, but I'm sure if I gather enough souls, like with me, the angels, and a bunch of humans, that should overpower god for sure, he wont dare end so many lives with how weak and lovingly kind he is"
Y"you're wrong, and you're making me sad, just saying. you should make better decisions."
L"lets see, if my yugioh card has 180,000,000,000 attack points and defense points, and I add 180,000 times 180,000 for all the angels, then add like 1.8 for every human who ever lived, how close am I to god's HP and attack lets see whats he at.... infinity?! meh my numbers high enough already I could destroy all this entire creation so, we'll just call 180 bil attack even to infinity, it's a sure fire deal!"
in short, L doesn't get how literally big and infinite God is. L is an observer for 1 universe. God presides over More than 1 universe and exceeds the bound of a universe by infinity. God also has the ability to merely command something and it will be done. "begone for I have never known you, L no longer exists." it will be done.
Next topic, why try to follow God's law?
the root of all human suffering is sin.
one person sins against another person, and that person sinned against another person, and that person sinned against a lot of people, and those people don't even know he did. and now those people work for that person, and he's just laughing inside.
Even one's own sin can bring one's self sorrow. "I really wish I'd have known such and such would have happened, if I had known I wouldn't have made all these other decisions"
It's ok, God knows we don't know all of the future. even the bits and pieces I may have seen aren't enough to make an informed decision or really know when what thing happens, or if time has been altered and some other event wont happen instead. but it all goes to the same end result. and God has already known it.
we aren't perfect, and though it'd be nice to be perfect, we just need to accept christ as our savior from sin, and accept that he died and rose again and is the son of god, and give it all a jolly good try. over and over as oft as we realize we cocked up.
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Do you believe in God or religion
Jun 15 2025, 06:26
