[Average Shortsword of Barf]
[Average Gross Shoes of the Priestess]
[Crude Dragon Hindquarter Leggings of the Wind-making]
[Below-Average Rapier of the Cheetah]
[Fail Oak Staff of the Awww-shit]
[Average Dagger of the Sheetah]
[Average Phase Robe of the Orly Owl]
[Average Leather Gauntlets of Absolutely No Protection]
[Fair Kite
Shield of Protection]
[Parking Fine Axe of the Ox]
[Average Tower Shield of Bad Wording]
[Fine Rapier of the Nimble] decent enough items don't get their names messed with.
[Fair Clod of the Cheetah]
[Rage Ebony Staff of the Cow]
Also:
5 1 Stop beating dead horses.