[X] My Assistant

editing bounty for LH5

https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=12241

What are you kids doing on my lawn!? Run off, you hellions!!

Probably my fault for copying the wrong link into the PM. Sorry (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

This post has been edited by Red_Piotrus: Apr 7 2015, 10:32

Proofread for Love Dashi 5:

Page 010

I'll just cum over your face.

Suggestion: "I'll just cum on your face" or "I'll just cum all over your face"

Next, I'll penetrate Shinobu's ass, they way you like so much...

Correction: Next, I'll penetrate Shinobu's ass, the way you like so much...

Page 012

Please yes, Senpai!

Suggestion: "Yes please, Senpai!" or "Please do it, Senpai!"

Page 015

Everybody, cum hard so I've got lots of semen to drink!

Correction: Everybody, cum hard so I'll have lots of semen to drink!

Keep stroking and splurt your sperm-milk into my hands!

Any other alternatives to "splurt" here? It sounds a bit off being used here to me.

Page 022

Let's have even more fun, you and us.

Suggestion: "all of us" or "together" instead of "you and us"

Page 030

We saw you cum using your ass, Motoko.

Suggestion: We saw you cum with your ass, Motoko.

Page 031

to get lots of sperm from you dick too!

Correction: to get lots of sperm from your dick too!

I'll suck out all you got!

Correction: I'll suck out all you've got! Unless this was intentional for the Kansai dialect but "all ya' got!" would be better for that.

Page 031

It's goin' down my throad!

Page 033

Zuure! I'll swallow!

Are these two intentional because she's doing a blowjob? It's quite unusual to garble only one word in each sentence though, it's usually the whole sentence.

Nice attempt with the Kansai dialect. Needs a lot more consistency with some words though. Sometimes she says "cumming" and sometimes it's "cummin'", not all words with "-ng" are changed to "-n'". Same with "ya'" as there are times "you" is used. Don't stop here in trying this out though, do more and you might get used to it. Maybe get some references on how others do it.

Agree with the proofreading. Since there's so much to change, and since I wanted another crack at Kitsune's Kansai-ben accent, I went ahead and made a v2 script. It should include the proofread changes.

UF

This post has been edited by ultimaflaral: Apr 8 2015, 03:01

Looks like I missed 1 correction:

Page 005

They way it spreads open is pretty slutty.

Correction: The way it spreads open is pretty slutty.

The rest are on the Kansai-ben:

Page 019

It's for us gettin' out of here! Okay?

I was thinking of shortening "out of" to "outta'" for the Kansai-ben, what do you think?

Page 020

If you don't get it,

If ya' don't get it,

Page 034

Keep cumming until there's nothing left!

Keep cummin' 'til there's nothin' left!

I'll use anything to get ya' cummin'!

I'll use anythin' to get ya' cummin'!

Fixed and upped another new script. I didn't change the last one though. For some reason, it sounds weird in my head to contract "anything". I could be convinced otherwise, though.

UF

It's up to you, I figured that it helps with the consistency and also since "nothing" which isn't really far from "anything" was changed, it would be better. You also forgot to shorten "until" on that same sentence. Immediately following that she says "'til".

Okay, I've decided my brain was being stupid. Fixed and fixed. Appreciate all the help, CrimsonClown!

UF

So.... I guess you changed your opinion since LD1?

So.... I guess you changed your opinion since LD1?

Hmmm... I definitely still think it's really, REALLY hard to do well, but part of me just thought it was lazy not to at least give it a try. A little experimentation won't kill me. Honestly, I feel that Kansai-ben really should be handled with better diction rather than just with replacing every "-ing" with "-in' ". Unfortunately, Kitty does worse dialog than any other author I translate. There's just not enough real talking going on to give Kitsune enough different words to sound noticeably different from everyone else.

I think my efforts were reasonably successful. I'll learn what I can from the experience and try to do a little better next time.

UF

Well, if nobody's editing (C66)[Kacchuu Musume] Kabushikigaisha Liver-Sashi (104-115, DearS story), can I go for it ? It would be a TL-for-editing deal.

I'll be editing Stratos 4

Shinko, I've sent you a PM!

Mathew, sure thing!

UF

I'll take Love Dashi 5 (Love Hina)!

I'll take Love Dashi 5 (Love Hina)!

That's cool. Can you share sample of your prior work? And the first few pages you do on LD5? We can give you some advice if you are new to this.

Here is the doujin : [www.mediafire.com] http://www.mediafire.com/download/ij5yx1035zxmwiw/DearS.zip (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Here is the doujin : [www.mediafire.com] http://www.mediafire.com/download/ij5yx1035zxmwiw/DearS.zip (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Looks good. Can I haz a credit page?

Looks good. Can I haz a credit page?

Oopsy (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/heh.gif)

Of course, here it is :

The first credit page that has my name on it. Looks nice

The first credit page that has my name on it. Looks nice

Proofreaders shpuld be credited just like TL/editor; in fact I think they are more important than the sponsor/organizer (i.e yours truly). I'll try to make sure this happens more often. Anyway, here's another one: https://e-hentai.org/s/2e52aa0af4/806623-19?nl=18062

I'm back from hiatus and working again. I have a short T-for-E to do, then it's Red's next St. Rio project.

UF