[X] My Assistant

Some of my everyday conversation with my mom involves God. Or rather, his son.

Mom: "Who's JC?"
Me: "Son of God, Jesus Christ's nickname given by Gamechamp."
Mom: "Who's Gamechamp?"
Me: "Our god damn God's name."

Mom: "You eat too much. Try dieting."
Me: "JC once said the purpose of life is - Live to Eat."

Mom: "I'm tired of cooking. Making lunch and dinner every day is too much work."
Me: "Mary Magdalene cooks everyday for JC and she never complained even once."

Mom: "Stop drinking coffee. It's unhealthy."
Me: "Opium is more unhealthy compared to coffee. But JC always smokes opium before he went out to preach the people."

Mom: "You should reduce your consumption of chicken meat."
Me: "JC ate red meat everyday and yet he lives until the ripe age of 69 when he crucified."

Mom: "Stop saying things that are untrue to the Bible."
Me: "I am the Truth, I am the Bible!"

I have sinned so much in my life I am not sure the term "fallen" still applies. It should be "underground".

Underground Christians, fuck yeah.

Underground Christians, fuck yeah.

[en.m.wikipedia.org] http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unblack_metal

This post has been edited by Benjiro: Apr 18 2012, 21:57

[en.m.wikipedia.org] http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unblack_metal

Christian black metal.....

That there is an oxymoron.

THERE IS NOTHING METAL ABOUT CHRISTIANITY!!!!

ugh.....

I feel dirty.....

I'm gonna go put on my flanny.

flanny

Sounds like australian pancake flatbread made with beer.

Sounds like australian pancake flatbread made with beer.

I'm gonna go and try making that, it sounds yummy.

Alas no, My blue flannelette shirt.

The greatest multi purpose garment in history.

Spilled something? flanny'll fix it.

Need to look like a rapist? flanny'll fix it.

Need to smash a window and not get cut? flanny'll fix it.

Need to attend a backyard drinking competition? flanny'll fix it.

Need to get something out of the oven? flanny'll fix it.

Need a wick for a molotov cocktail? flanny'll fix it.

A truly versatile piece of clothing. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

I have a friend named Fanny.

So you do befriend your genitalia and buttocks and write the initials in capital letters because you claim the attributes of a deity.

This post has been edited by Mika Kurogane: Apr 19 2012, 06:16

I have a friend named Fanny.

So you do befriend your genitalia and buttocks and write the initials in capital letters because you claim the attributes of a deity.

I am sorry to hear that you are no longer androgynous and is now forced to choose just one gender

This post has been edited by Coma: Apr 19 2012, 06:23

Gods only had balls anyway. At least on the statues.

They didn't have actual ding-dongs.

Gods only had balls anyway. At least on the statues.

They didn't have actual ding-dongs.

Really, I thought all Gods kept all of them, balls, ding-dongs, and hoo-has.

That would be an bizarre fetish. Women with balls hanging under their vaginas. Its like "What do those even do?"

That would actually be a clitical weakness since a cunt punt would technically do double damage.

This post has been edited by Mika Kurogane: Apr 19 2012, 07:23

That would be an bizarre fetish. Women with balls hanging under their vaginas. Its like "What do those even do?"

Remember how monkeys / apes choose their mates based on the largeness of the testicles / butt? Well, human female's boobs also works that way, and now De-eveloution set them back to the original place.


Oh wait, did he just claimed as the god because he is our ancestor of the first homo sapien? I so confused, me take break.

Remove this thread.

I have a friend named Fanny.

I dream of killing you. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Killing people is a waste of time and raw materials.

Having them commit suicide is a much better alternative.

Killing people is a waste of time and raw materials.

Having them commit suicide is a much better alternative.

Wouldn't committing suicide also be a waste of time and resources after all they have to use resources in order to commit suicide then there's the whole disposing of the body?

Why not just push them into a shark tank?

The body is disposed with the least amount of time involved.

Do you like Great White Sharks, Gameschimp? (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

I'm concerned about the sharks. They probably will refuse to eat small fry anyway.

I'm concerned about the sharks. They probably will refuse to eat small fry anyway.

Good point, could always just tell him there's treasure in the desert and let the endless miles of sand swallow him?