[X] My Assistant

Hi again. I translated this doujin and I'm back with questions. I hope you can answer them and check the translations I put.

Page 7: 一緒に暮らすようになって何度も体を重ねた: It’s gotten to the point that we live/spend our time together like this, where we’ve laid our bodies on one another countless times. [Did I get the sentence, especially verb 重ねた, right?]

On page 10, the sentence 自分のものであるという事を植えつける completely is throwing me off, especially the verb.

On page 14, there is a series of sentences:
別に一番でなくていい: Apart from being my number one, nothing else matters [I am pretty iffy on my translation here]
(starts with) ただ: Just as long as you are always by my side [I am extremely sure I got this right, so it can be ignore]
貴女を守らせてくれるなら: I just want you to guard me [the needed nuance of 守らせてくれるなら is eluding me I think]


Misc & Trivial Things
-Hope said (on page 4 & page 18) that what they do "isn't enough" (as I phrased it) and that the reason (page 5 & page 18) is "because of my own selfishness" (again, as I phrased it). Correct me if I am mistaken, but he means this is the sense that he is not able to get enough of her (i.e I can't get enough of you/I can't get enough of these cookies), not in the sense that she isn't fulfilling his needs (i.e. Having this relationship with you doesn't fulfill[u] me as a person/doesn't give me the happiness I want). Assuming I am correct about it being the first one (the positive one), I feel like my phrasing may confuse people into thinking it is the second one. Does anyone have any translation suggestions about that?
-On page 5, Hope says きっと僕がわがままのせいだろう, which I translated as "It’s most likely because my own selfishness". On page 18, he says the exact same thing, but without the だろう at that end. Since the だろう is omitted, should I change the bold above from "most likely" to "definitely" in second sentence? Is the sentence without だろう more "sure" than the one with it?
- (Page 11) でもこれは僕の自己満足でしかない: Even though only this could satisfy me それでも...この人は受け止めてくれる: This person…nevertheless accepts me.
(Page 12) お前がいいならそれで構わない: If you feel good, then I don’t mind. [I'm pretty sure this is right, put I just want to double check]
-I translated 胸 on page 23 as "breasts" as opposed to "chest". Would anyone advise against that in based on the context?
-Also on page 23, who said "我慢するな"? Did Lightning say it as "I'll wait for you" or something like that, or did Hope say it as "I'll endure it"?

This post has been edited by Crystalium: Dec 9 2013, 20:11

Page 7: 一緒に暮らすようになって何度も体を重ねた: It’s gotten to the point that we live/spend our time together like this, where we’ve laid our bodies on one another countless times. [Did I get the sentence, especially verb 重ねた, right?]

体を重ねた is just another way of saying "having sex". So, he's saying that they've had sex many times after they started living together.

On page 10, the sentence 自分のものであるという事を植えつける completely is throwing me off, especially the verb.

This phrase (and all the phrases outside bubbles since) is a continuation of 一緒に暮らすようになって何度も体を重ねた (from page 7).
I take it that the meaning is something like "to get a proof of property" or something like that. (He had sex as a way to prove that she was his.)

On page 14, there is a series of sentences:
別に一番でなくていい: Apart from being my number one, nothing else matters [I am pretty iffy on my translation here]
(starts with) ただ: Just as long as you are always by my side [I am extremely sure I got this right, so it can be ignore]
貴女を守らせてくれるなら: I just want you to guard me [the needed nuance of 守らせてくれるなら is eluding me I think]

別に一番でなくていい: You don't have to be the best/number one
ただ: Just stay forever by my side
貴女を守らせてくれるな: If you let me protect you...

Misc & Trivial Things
-Hope said (on page 4 & page 18) that what they do "isn't enough" (as I phrased it) and that the reason (page 5 & page 18) is "because of my own selfishness" (again, as I phrased it). Correct me if I am mistaken, but he means this is the sense that he is not able to get enough of her (i.e I can't get enough of you/I can't get enough of these cookies), not in the sense that she isn't fulfilling his needs (i.e. Having this relationship with you doesn't fulfill[u] me as a person/doesn't give me the happiness I want). Assuming I am correct about it being the first one (the positive one), I feel like my phrasing may confuse people into thinking it is the second one. Does anyone have any translation suggestions about that?

You could try something using "insatiable", though I'd just go with "selfishness" or "egoism".

-On page 5, Hope says きっと僕がわがままのせいだろう, which I translated as "It’s most likely because my own selfishness". On page 18, he says the exact same thing, but without the だろう at that end. Since the だろう is omitted, should I change the bold above from "most likely" to "definitely" in second sentence? Is the sentence without だろう more "sure" than the one with it?

きっと僕がわがままのせいだろう: It's surely my fault, right?
きっと僕がわがままのせい: It's surely my fault

- (Page 11) でもこれは僕の自己満足でしかない: Even though only this could satisfy me それでも...この人は受け止めてくれる: This person…nevertheless accepts me.

でもこれは僕の自己満足でしかない: But this is only self-satisfaction
それでも...この人は受け止めてくれる: And yet....she accepted me

(Page 12) お前がいいならそれで構わない: If you feel good, then I don’t mind. [I'm pretty sure this is right, put I just want to double check]

Right.

-I translated 胸 on page 23 as "breasts" as opposed to "chest". Would anyone advise against that in based on the context?

I'd go with chest, mainly because this is a reference to "lending a shoulder". But breasts should work.

-Also on page 23, who said "我慢するな"? Did Lightning say it as "I'll wait for you" or something like that, or did Hope say it as "I'll endure it"?

She's saying 我慢するな to Hope, who insists that he's not on the verge of crying.

This post has been edited by shadow_moon: Dec 9 2013, 23:19

Thanks again as always shadow_moon. I have just a few follow-up questions:

体を重ねた is just another way of saying "having sex". So, he's saying that they've had sex many times after they started living together.

But the phrase is euphamistic right? If I keep to the Japanese (I know I don't have to, but still), the phrase refers to having sex, but doesn't mean "have sex" as the overt meaning. Am I mistaken? In your opinion, would using a euphemism like "lay our bodies against each other" be non-ideal as a translation choice?

This phrase (and all the phrases outside bubbles since) is a continuation of 一緒に暮らすようになって何度も体を重ねた (from page 7).
I take it that the meaning is something like "to get a proof of property" or something like that. (He had sex as a way to prove that she was his.)

So I could say something like "It's like/as if I was trying to prove [or "get proof"] that she's mine", correct?

きっと僕がわがままのせいだろう: It's surely my fault, right?
きっと僕がわがままのせい: It's surely my fault Those の should be な. My bad.

Would you say the translation "It's surely the fault [or "It's definitely because"] of my selfishness [or "insatiability" or "egoism"](, right)" is also acceptable? I would like to incorporate the わがままな in the translation if possible.

She's saying 我慢するな to Hope, who insists that he's not on the verge of crying.

So like "You're denying yourself" would be her meaning in this case?

This post has been edited by Crystalium: Dec 10 2013, 01:06

Thanks again as always shadow_moon. I have just a few follow-up questions:
But the phrase is euphamistic right? If I keep to the Japanese (I know I don't have to, but still), the phrase refers to having sex, but doesn't mean "have sex" as the overt meaning. Am I mistaken? In your opinion, would using a euphemism like "lay our bodies against each other" be non-ideal as a translation choice?

Yes, it's euphemistic.
You can use an equivalent euphemism in English for having sex.
"Make love", "make out", "increase intimacy", "tchaka-tchaka", whatever.

Would you say the translation "It's surely the fault [or "It's definitely because"] of my selfishness [or "insatiability" or "egoism"](, right)" is also acceptable? I would like to incorporate the わがままな in the translation if possible.

Yes, I forgot to add that part.
"It's surely my selfishness' fault, right?" or whatever variation you want to use.
The termination "だろう" is normally used to express an opinion about something. Going with "I think it's because of..." could also work.
"I think it's because of..."
And it follows later on with the confirmation:
"It's because of..."

So like "You're denying yourself" would be her meaning in this case?

She's saying that he doesn't need to hold his cry.

This post has been edited by shadow_moon: Dec 10 2013, 01:08

Hello there, I could use a spot of advice. I actually started a thread in the Cove of Translators section, but I might have put it here had I known about this thread. It's about a Dragon Quest 5 doujin.

Here's the set-up. One of the heroines, Flora, calls herself, "第二王妃フローラ". I wanted to translate that as "Second Queen Flora" but it would seem to be a denial of the plot in the original game. Also, Bianca (different heroine) is clearly the lead for this doujin; if anyone is queen it should be her. So here's the question: can the phrase mean something besides Queen (or any other sort of female ruler)?

UF

Hello there, I could use a spot of advice. I actually started a thread in the Cove of Translators section, but I might have put it here had I known about this thread. It's about a Dragon Quest 5 doujin.

Here's the set-up. One of the heroines, Flora, calls herself, "第二王妃フローラ". I wanted to translate that as "Second Queen Flora" but it would seem to be a denial of the plot in the original game. Also, Bianca (different heroine) is clearly the lead for this doujin; if anyone is queen it should be her. So here's the question: can the phrase mean something besides Queen (or any other sort of female ruler)?

UF

Isn't 王妃 queen consort?

Isn't 王妃 queen consort?

Yes, that's basically how I would describe it: essentially, she would have the title of Queen, but her authority is bound to her husband the King.

I can only assume that the doujin creator imagined a "Harem" ending for DQ5, where all three heroines became Queen (consort) instead of just picking one. This seems strange to me, which is why I wanted to get a second opinion on the language here.

Yes, that's basically how I would describe it: essentially, she would have the title of Queen, but her authority is bound to her husband the King.

I can only assume that the doujin creator imagined a "Harem" ending for DQ5, where all three heroines became Queen (consort) instead of just picking one. This seems strange to me, which is why I wanted to get a second opinion on the language here.

I don't know the story of DQ or of the doujinshi, but there's a difference between 女王　and 王妃. In English you could use "queen" for both, but one is the regnant and the other is the consort so maybe there's this distinction in the story?

I don't know the story of DQ or of the doujinshi, but there's a difference between 女王　and 王妃. In English you could use "queen" for both, but one is the regnant and the other is the consort so maybe there's this distinction in the story?

Hmm, an interesting question. Of the three heroines, Flora and Debora are clearly referred to as 王妃. Bianca, who is the lead heroine, refers to all three (including herself) collectively as 王妃たる私たち at one point, but an old man near the end of the doujin refers to Bianca as 王女. 女王 is never used. I also note that Bianca would absolutely be only a commoner unless she married the hero from DQ5 (same for the other two, I believe).

Question: Does this change the equation at all?

Hmm, an interesting question. Of the three heroines, Flora and Debora are clearly referred to as 王妃. Bianca, who is the lead heroine, refers to all three (including herself) collectively as 王妃たる私たち at one point, but an old man near the end of the doujin refers to Bianca as 王女. 女王 is never used. I also note that Bianca would absolutely be only a commoner unless she married the hero from DQ5 (same for the other two, I believe).

Question: Does this change the equation at all?

So Bianca is the princess but she sees herself as a queen consort, maybe? It could be that she doesn't know she's actually the princess and is engaged in an incestuous relation.
I don't see how it'd be possible to have a queen regnant and a consort at the same time at one kingdom. Multiple queen consorts seems plausible considering the king has multiple official wives.
And if the hero is not the king or the prince, it wouldn't make any difference for the girls' title were they to marry him.

So Bianca is the princess but she sees herself as a queen consort, maybe? It could be that she doesn't know she's actually the princess and is engaged in an incestuous relation.
I don't see how it'd be possible to have a queen regnant and a consort at the same time at one kingdom. Multiple queen consorts seems plausible considering the king has multiple official wives.
And if the hero is not the king or the prince, it wouldn't make any difference for the girls' title were they to marry him.

My understanding is that the Hero is (was?) a prince. It's clear from the subtext in the doujin that the Hero became King but is dead.

Well, we've come pretty far afield from my original question now. In any case, there are 3 queen consorts, that's just how it is. I wanted clarification on the language because I realized how bizarre that sounded, and at this point I'm satisfied that I basically had it right. I appreciate getting a second opinion, thank you.

Seems simply the author's plot mentions that the legal wife of the hero is Bianca, and the concubine is Flora.

That's a quite popular plot of DQ5 in Doujins.

Seems simply the author's plot mentions that the legal wife of the hero is Bianca, and the concubine is Flora.

That's a quite popular plot of DQ5 in Doujins.

Nice catch! I had only skimmed through the author's rant, but there's the answer. Still, even if the author's rant refers to Bianca, Flora and Debora as Wife, Concubine and Mistress respectively, it doesn't really change the fact that they are all addressed as Queen (consort) in the doujin. A very strange monarchy indeed.

Mini line here. If it helps, this is a father/daughter story with only those two in it.

(IMG:[puu.sh] http://puu.sh/5L3PL.jpg)

Mini line here. If it helps, this is a father/daughter story with only those two in it.

(IMG:[puu.sh] http://puu.sh/5L3PL.jpg)

It's just お父さん in hiragana.

Last one. Mainly that smaller box.

[puu.sh] http://puu.sh/5L8E0.jpg

Last one. Mainly that smaller box.

[puu.sh] http://puu.sh/5L8E0.jpg

彼女が俺の手を握っているときだけでも
どうか

Even if it's only when she's holding my hand,
please.

Or you can rearrange and use "Somehow" instead of "please".

Thanks for the quick aid guys~

[www.raw.senmanga.com] http://www.senmanga.com/Aku_no_Hana/52/30
what does she say? Sadly the bubble was empty in the translation i read

This post has been edited by surted: Dec 18 2013, 01:12

ごゆっくりどうぞ

Please take your time.