[X] My Assistant

It's 'kujiKEru' (くじける), not just 'kujiku'. She's actually talking about/to herself.
I don't know...personally, I dislike blank pages. Besides, it's not strictly guaranteed that the missing file was a blank page (or even a page at all, really (maybe it just got misnumbered), though I suppose it probably was).

yes, I agree. I thought that this is a missing page and that would fix the page numeration.
However, it doesn't. So it's better to leave it as it is, without adding a new page.

for example
"where is tom and jerry"
gets 4000 results on google

while "where are tom and jerry"
gets 2500 results.

Tom and Jerry isn't a great example. Tom and Jerry is a show, so you can also get "Where is (the show)?" and that's alright.

People can certainly say "Where is Alice and Bob?" IRL, but it's not correct...by some sort of voodoo "Where's Alice and Bob?" is actually acceptable sometimes (to me, at least), but if you don't contract it, it should definitely be "are". (Btw: don't contract it. The current line is great.)

hello, i edited chapter 23, here s the first version [www.mediafire.com] http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?j2i7civ61m254sn

I can't open the archive, so I'll either have to wait for someone to post a working archive, or wait for Red (or pagan?) to post a private gallery for it.

In the meantime...

I've finished translating chapter 7.
[goo.gl] http://goo.gl/O4E6x

そうね ぶったたいても死ぬような二人じゃないわね
You are right. Even if we wanted to knock the living daylights out them, we won't be able to do it if they are dead.
Let ぶったたいても死ぬ = その.
(その)ような二人じゃない: They're not (that) kind of people.

TL NOTE Japanese people think that If you sneeze once, it means someone is talking or thinking about you; sneeze twice, it means someone is talking or thinking bad things about you.
Simple is beautiful. No one's counting in this scene, just cut it down to how, if you sneeze, supposedly someone's talking about you.

Did Santa caught a cold? nyan
"Did you catch a cold, Santa?"

ねぇ？産まれてくるのは男かしらそれとも女の子かな
Right? We won't know whenever it's a boy or girl until it's born.
'nee' is more like just "Hey" here. And she's just wondering which it'll be, not saying they won't know which.

we...wewe well... *embarased*
When you stutter/cut off a word, you need a hyphen where it gets cut (IMO). "we-...we-we- well..." And the "embarrassed" bit isn't really in that bubble anywhere.

何かしら
there is something there
She's wondering what it is.

はあ・はあ
haa *deep sigh*
"haa" is fine, but it's not really a sigh, here, just (heavy) exhaling/breathing (sometimes "huff"). (And again for the next page.)

ヒャハハ
hya*sigh* hehehe
Do you mean "hya" = *sigh*? It doesn't. It's just part of the laughter.

おっと
ups
I think you meant "oops" or "woops".

まあ・待つな
Wa... wait.
The 'maa' at the beginning is actually like "well", not a stutter of 'matsu'.

ネイルバードの女はここの具合がいいぜ
This Nail Bird-woman's is great.
Say something for 'koko' instead of just implying it. English doesn't do that usually, so it's hard to understand.

おら・おら 気いれろ 食っちまうぞ
hey hey! Hurry up! I want to eat her already!
I think this is one of the two fucking her talking to her. So "concentrate" or something else from your note might be better in the middle, and I think the latter part is said like a threat to her (not "I want").

こいつをぶち込んどいてくれ
throw her in my direction for me.
こいつを: he's talking about the fruit he's holding
ぶち込んで(おいてくれ): put/shove/stuff (in her)

そのまま押さえつけとけ 今・串刺しに（くしざし）するからよ
In case pushing like that doesn't work, I'll have to use a skewer!
そのまま: like that (like/as you are); and it kind of implies "keep" (doing)
押さえつけて(おけ): hold her down
串刺しにする: not "use" a skewer, "make" (her into)

おう
Oi,
This is 'ou', not 'oi'. It's basically an affirmative.

クク
kuku
*growling (in anger)*
It's actually 'kuwa'. Apparently the meaning is basically what you have, though.

ピアスなんとかもたせるんだ
Pierce will be able to hold it somehow.
He's actually talking to Pierce herself, telling her to hold out.

ええ……
errr.....
This is probably "Yes".

おっ・魔女の熟れた（うれた）臭いしゃべるぜ
Ah. The smell of the fruit grown by the witch guides us.
INTERNAL maybe Pamela is the name a witch...
Pamela so far seems to just be the fruit's name. He's talking about Pierce, with 'majo'. And it's definitely not しゃべる, it's しやがる (してやがる, which is basically する). Edit: my bad, 'shiteyagaru' doesn't come in at all, actually.

This post has been edited by PeopleDon'tDanceNoMore: May 16 2012, 15:39

By the way, here is the translation of the (episode 24) chapter 8 of volume 3.

[goo.gl] http://goo.gl/QRFlw

いっちょうハデにいこうぜ
Let's attack him together!
INTERNAL 一丁 most probably refers to one line (one ong and narrow thing)
[www.weblio.jp] 一丁, #4 apparently (used when starting something). So it's mostly idiomatic, like さあ. Possibly that sense originally comes from the "game" meaning, though.

破水（はすい）が始まったわ
Waters started breaking.
The raw line sounds weird to me, but the only way the translation sounds good (to me) is like "Your water broke".

INTERNAL　とおさん＝と＋おさん＝と＋おさない？うす＝押さない？
通さない -> 通さん. (The line to this is translated fine, though.)

ぐえぇ
guee
eh
INTERNAL is it correct?
I'm not sure what you mean with the "eh" part, but the 'guee' is just a sound he's making.

さあて
残りは子持ちの
魔女だけか
...This seems not to have a translation.

はあはあ
haahaa *deep sight* *deepsigh*
Like I said for the previous chapter, it's breathing/exhaling (or "huff") rather than sighing.

わく
waku
*nervous*
The other way arond: くわ.

むん！
mun
*yank*
That's a bubble, a sound Bobo is making himself, not "*yank*".

ヌーーーーッ
nu--
*menace*
I don't know about "menace"...I think it might just be for how he rose up out of the pile.

I'll check 175.jpg and afterwards later.

I can't open the archive, so I'll either have to wait for someone to post a working archive, or wait for Red (or pagan?) to post a private gallery for it.

The archive is broken for me too... I think the editor needs to repost it.

The archive is broken for me too... I think the editor needs to repost it.

...Then on what basis did you accept the bounty? (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/dry.gif)

oh i used a 7z compression with a .zip extension... my bad :/
zip file with zip compression : [www.mediafire.com] http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?pqz640jvl4wvi0a

btw use 7zip people there is no reason to not use it (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

btw use 7zip people there is no reason to not use it (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Principle. Zip and rar are the only archive formats that should be on the web (and rar's kind of grandfathered in, for me)...except for a VERY small subset of cases, perhaps (and I don't even know what those cases are, just that I should never encounter one of them in my leisure time (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/dry.gif) ).

I'll get to the chapter tomorrow sometime probably. For now, it works.

Zip and rar are the only archive formats that should be on the web

pagan.mg, if you edit the next chapter post it as a tarball (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

...Then on what basis did you accept the bounty? (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/dry.gif)

Seeing some sample pages, editor reputation ([www.littlewhitebutterflies.net] LWB), and being very much in a hurry at that time, and wanting to be nice (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Of course, the one time I am too busy to open the archive, and accepted it before checking the files, it had to be broken. Figures.

This post has been edited by Red_Piotrus: May 17 2012, 20:01

zip file with zip compression : [www.mediafire.com] http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?pqz640jvl4wvi0a

I'm mostly going to gloss over the speech bubbles, for now, until piotr makes his script corrections as above, but there's still a few things I can tell you...

137.png

"fu fu fu"/*tee hee*: pick one or the other, not both

138.png

"pou"/*blush*: one or the other

141.png

"hya *sigh*"...

142.png

"kyau"/*woof* (twice): one or the other

143.png

*vigorous motion*

"This nail/bird-wo/man's is/great."...put "woman's" on its own line.

144.png

"jupu jupu"/*juicy fucking*: one or the other (and if the other, only partially, as per the strikeout)

148.png

"fun *hmph*"

"we have to treat her (wounds)...": remove the parentheses or take out "(wounds)" entirely. You can decide, pagan.

152.png

There's 3 lines in [goo.gl] the script for that third panel. I don't know what the problem is. (Unless they weren't there before maybe??)

"biku"/*jolt*: one or the other. Also, you apparently know how to use a white stroke/outline; do it for this text, too.

153.png

"oooo"/*roar*: one or the other. Also, the white stroke/outline again.

Edit the おわり text.

Just sent Red draft of chapter 21. Would've had started working on it earlier, but got stuck doing some volunteer work that kept me away from PC (and EH in general) for most of the week.

I'll start on chapter 22 in a day or two, then go back and edit the chapters in the order after they've been checked for any errors.

Well, I already sent Red the chapter, but I might as well [www.mediafire.com] post it here for checking as well.

This post has been edited by lightshader: May 19 2012, 06:44

Just sent Red draft of chapter 21. Would've had started working on it earlier, but got stuck doing some volunteer work that kept me away from PC (and EH in general) for most of the week.

I'll start on chapter 22 in a day or two, then go back and edit the chapters in the order after they've been checked for any errors.

Well, I already sent Red the chapter, but I might as well [www.mediafire.com] post it here for checking as well.

093.jpg

I think the "-osh*" (of *whooosh*) should either be "-oosh*" or "-sh*".

094.jpg

*fast motion*

*gobble*->*grab* (Gobble's just kinda weird.)

095.jpg

The font size in the last bubble can be larger.

097.jpg

*stops*->*stop*

098.jpg

"Damnit" is either "Damn it" or "Dammit"...probably the former here, actually.

"Shit. I can't reach her." (comma -> period)

100.jpg

Under "Princess...", could you possibly remove that empty bubble, redraw a bit of her hair?

104.jpg

..."May or something like that."

Just sent Red draft of chapter 21. Would've had started working on it earlier, but got stuck doing some volunteer work that kept me away from PC (and EH in general) for most of the week.

I'll start on chapter 22 in a day or two, then go back and edit the chapters in the order after they've been checked for any errors.

Well, I already sent Red the chapter, but I might as well [www.mediafire.com] post it here for checking as well.

I think it's a good idea to post draft archives here. I will upload them after we review them here, but no point in cluttering the galleries with stuff we are not ready to release, particularly given the private galleries only work for three days or so.

In the meantime...
そうね ぶったたいても死ぬような二人じゃないわね
You are right. Even if we wanted to knock the living daylights out them, we won't be able to do it if they are dead.
Let ぶったたいても死ぬ = その.
(その)ような二人じゃない: They're not (that) kind of people.

You are right.
They are not that kind of people to die even if they are beaten.

TL NOTE Japanese people think that If you sneeze once, it means someone is talking or thinking about you; sneeze twice, it means someone is talking or thinking bad things about you.
Simple is beautiful. No one's counting in this scene, just cut it down to how, if you sneeze, supposedly someone's talking about you.

You are right. I changed it to a shorter form

Did Santa caught a cold? nyan
"Did you catch a cold, Santa?"

fixed

ねぇ？産まれてくるのは男かしらそれとも女の子かな
Right? We won't know whenever it's a boy or girl until it's born.
'nee' is more like just "Hey" here. And she's just wondering which it'll be, not saying they won't know which.

changed to:
Hey, I wonder whenever a boy or a girl will be born.

we...wewe well... *embarased*
When you stutter/cut off a word, you need a hyphen where it gets cut (IMO). "we-...we-we- well..." And the "embarrassed" bit isn't really in that bubble anywhere.

fixed
I'm going to use a hyphen from now on (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

何かしら
there is something there
She's wondering what it is.

change to:
What could that be

はあ・はあ
haa *deep sigh*
"haa" is fine, but it's not really a sigh, here, just (heavy) exhaling/breathing (sometimes "huff"). (And again for the next page.)

change to
haa *gasp*

ヒャハハ
hya *gasp* hehehe
Do you mean "hya" = *sigh*? It doesn't. It's just part of the laughter.

maybe I'll just leave it as

hya hehehe[/i]

おっと
ups
I think you meant "oops" or "woops".

change to:
oops

まあ・待つな
Wa... wait.
The 'maa' at the beginning is actually like "well", not a stutter of 'matsu'.

change to:
well, wait.

ネイルバードの女はここの具合がいいぜ
This Nail Bird-woman's is great.
Say something for 'koko' instead of just implying it. English doesn't do that usually, so it's hard to understand.

ネイルバードの
女はここの
具合がいいぜ
This Nail Bird-woman's vagina is great.

Nothing really comes to my mind. I'll try to rethink this. Maybe something else should be better. Maybe I use
"This Nail Bird-woman's place (vagina) is great." instead. Hmm

おら・おら 気いれろ 食っちまうぞ
hey hey! Hurry up! I want to eat her already!
I think this is one of the two fucking her talking to her. So "concentrate" or something else from your note might be better in the middle, and I think the latter part is said like a threat to her (not "I want").

change to:
Hey, Hey! Focus! We are going to eat you!

Maybe some other translation would be better. I'm not sure. You are right, this sounds most like to be a treat to her.

こいつをぶち込んどいてくれ
throw her in my direction for me.
こいつを: he's talking about the fruit he's holding
ぶち込んで(おいてくれ): put/shove/stuff (in her)

おう
終わったんなら
こいつを
ぶち込んどいて
くれ
Yep!
In case you finished,
put this inside her.

I thought that こいつ can only refer to people and これ would be used to objects. Was I wrong?

そのまま押さえつけとけ 今・串刺しに（くしざし）するからよ
In case pushing like that doesn't work, I'll have to use a skewer!
そのまま: like that (like/as you are); and it kind of implies "keep" (doing)
押さえつけて(おけ): hold her down
串刺しにする: not "use" a skewer, "make" (her into)

Keep holding down her like that, I'll force this into her.

おう
Oi,
This is 'ou', not 'oi'. It's basically an affirmative.

おう
終わったんなら
こいつを
ぶち込んどいて
くれ
Yep!
In case you finished,
put this inside her.

クク
kuku
*growling (in anger)*
It's actually 'kuwa'. Apparently the meaning is basically what you have, though.

fixed

ピアスなんとかもたせるんだ
Pierce will be able to hold it somehow.
He's actually talking to Pierce herself, telling her to hold out.

change to:
Pierce, endure it somehow.

ええ……
errr.....
This is probably "Yes".

fixed
-> Yes

おっ・魔女の熟れた（うれた）臭いしゃべるぜ
Ah. The smell of the fruit grown by the witch guides us.
INTERNAL maybe Pamela is the name a witch...
Pamela so far seems to just be the fruit's name. He's talking about Pierce, with 'majo'. And it's definitely not しゃべる, it's しやがる (してやがる, which is basically する). Edit: my bad, 'shiteyagaru' doesn't come in at all, actually.

Ah. There is also a mellowed smell of the witch.

Hmm, Is the word mellowed a good choice here.



I made all the changed to the script.

This post has been edited by piotr012: May 20 2012, 05:54

いっちょうハデにいこうぜ
Let's attack him together!
INTERNAL 一丁 most probably refers to one line (one ong and narrow thing)
[www.weblio.jp] 一丁, #4 apparently (used when starting something). So it's mostly idiomatic, like さあ. Possibly that sense originally comes from the "game" meaning, though.

hmm. I that case I'll leave it as it is:
Let's attack him together!

Thanks for the explanation. I will start using that online dictionary, instead of the one that I used so far (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

破水（はすい）が始まったわ
Waters started breaking.
The raw line sounds weird to me, but the only way the translation sounds good (to me) is like "Your water broke".

fixed

INTERNAL　とおさん＝と＋おさん＝と＋おさない？うす＝押さない？
通さない -> 通さん. (The line to this is translated fine, though.)

Thanks (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

ぐえぇ
guee
eh
INTERNAL is it correct?
I'm not sure what you mean with the "eh" part, but the 'guee' is just a sound he's making.

I'll just leave it as "guee"

さあて
残りは子持ちの
魔女だけか
...This seems not to have a translation.

Well, then
only expecting witch remains.

はあはあ
haahaa *deep sight* *deepsigh*
Like I said for the previous chapter, it's breathing/exhaling (or "huff") rather than sighing.

はあはあ
haahaa *gasp* *gasp*

わく
waku
*nervous*
The other way arond: くわ.

くわ
kuwa
*grrr*

むん！
mun
*yank*
That's a bubble, a sound Bobo is making himself, not "*yank*".

I changed it to "hmph!".
[thejadednetwork.com] http://thejadednetwork.com/sfx/search/?key...ch+SFX&x=mu
According to thejadennetwork it's a sound of anger.

ヌーーーーッ
nu--
*menace*
I don't know about "menace"...I think it might just be for how he rose up out of the pile.

I'll leave it just as nu.

I'll check 175.jpg and afterwards later.

Well, it's done and sent to Red. Since that's done, i'm taking a short break till June 1st so I can selfishly focus on my own projects.

I thought that こいつ can only refer to people and これ would be used to objects. Was I wrong?

"Only refer to" is wrong, yes. But 'koitsu' does usually refer to people. And 'kore' could technically be used for a person, but it would certainly be kind of demeaning, treating them like an object more than a human.

While I'm working on chapter 22, I realized that there's not really much left to edit in chapters 20-21 so I might as well get them done. While I already applied the fixes People suggested, I also spotted few mistakes or oddities on my own and took care of them as well, particular the switching of between formal and informal dialogue for some characters so I adjusted them accordingly. In Delta's case, I went with formal since she's a princess but should Maze speak formally (I kinda got an impression of rough personality from him)?

067.jpg

There are 3 different SFX used in this panel that weren't translated. I think the two in first panel is *clatter* or *stampede* for noise of soldiers rushing in. The other would be either *rumble* or *menacing atmosphere*. And finally the sfx in the last panel is... I'm not sure.

074.jpg

I've got this really weird thing, where if I look at my monitor from the right angle, I see a mark that looks like the silhouette of a camera below "protection". If I look at it from a high enough angle, I don't see anything; and I don't see anything like it from any angle in the raw image.

Whoops, that was a leftover from my redrawing. Removed.

077.jpg

Is that rushing sfx in the first panel?

079.jpg

"*howling*" -> "*howl*" (twice)

Ah, thank you! Howling didn't seem right to me, but for some reason I couldn't think of better word to use. Also the first SFX wasn't translated here.

084.jpg

Again, sfx not translated in the last panel.

089.jpg

Like Red said, the leveling/contrast/whatever. Or is it tricky or something? Well, the big problems as it stands are: the white box around the "End" line is very noticeable, and the black box around "Save Game" is a little noticeable.


Already fixed (as I forgot to apply level settings on this page). However since we're on this page... I don't feel right with *gabuu* as sfx. Is that chomping or growling sfx?


092.jpg

SFX untranslated in last panel.

100.jpg

Under "Princess...", could you possibly remove that empty bubble, redraw a bit of her hair?

Good idea. Done.

Once I get the last of feedback, I'll finish the revised chapters and send them to Red. Thanks for your help!

This post has been edited by lightshader: May 22 2012, 01:52