[X] My Assistant

what is that? commercial human product? Is that ethical in your country?

I think they did it to dunk on the patriarchy or something, but I imagine it wasn't radical lesbians but probably a line of a certain type of dudes lining up to buy it.




I got my hands on the western star gold butter, not bad. I think maybe the organic grass fed is the best though so far.

Not sure if I can justify buying the Pepe Saya hand churned organic cultured butter. Kinda expensive and not sure how they ship it. Its more expensive than imported butter.

I googled "porn butter" and it was a fucking mistake.

I googled "porn butter" and it was a fucking mistake.

Can confirm.

I really hope all that butter was unsalted.

I got my hands on the western star gold butter, not bad.

I am all that is man.

I am all that is man.

Western Star - Red: Great quality sets a high bar for standard quality. I think only the grass fed like Lurpak and Westgold are better but cost more. I thought Kerrygold was the same.

Western Star - Green: Tastes worse than it used to. Tastes like watery butter.

Western Star - Blue: I didn't bother as I think its worse than red for the same price.

Western Star - Gold: Fantastic quality for a bit more price, but rarely in stock and 20-50% more expensive than red.


The butter rankings from the butter wars seem fucked up:

1. Kerrygold Pure Unsalted (79%)
2. Lurpak reduced salt (76%)
3. Ballantyne cultured Unsalted (76%)
4. Westgold unsalted (75%)
5. Ballantyne cultured Salted (74%)
6. Coles Generic Salted (74%) (wtf this BS)
7. Allowrie Unsalted (73%)
8. Devondale Unsalted (73%)
9. Kerrygold salted (73%)
10. Lurpak Unsalted (73%)
11. Macro Organic Salted (73%)
12. Mainland Organic Salted (73%)
13. Great Ocean Road with sea salt (72%)
14. Organic Milk salted (72%)
15. True Organic Unsalted (72%)
16. Western Gold Original (red star) Salted (72%)
17. Aldi Beautifully Salted (Kerrgold rebadge)
18. Westgold salted (old version) (70%)
... 24 Western Star Unsalted (blue star) (64%)
... 28 Coles generic unsalted (63%)
... 31 Organic Lard (60%)
... 35 Pepe Saya Cultured salted (59%) (ranked lower than lard for a premium boutique butter)


This was supposedly from blind tasting, the judges seem to be salt haters. The Ballantyne cultured handmade unsalted is legit good, but I'd rank the Kerrygold, Lurpak and Westgold unsalted lower.

The generic brand Coles salted ranking must be a mistake, it should be down at 20. I was on one of the tasting panels a decade+ ago, so I think the latest rankings are BS. I did it for the Homer Simpson memes.

I'll have to get Kerrygold unsalted again to check it.

This post has been edited by EsotericSatire: Aug 29 2025, 07:07

16. Western Gold Original (red star) Salted (72%)

This is some form of butter communism.

God just spoke to me.

If you're hearing voices you might not be eating enough butter.

I'd recommend Western Gold original.

This is some form of butter communism.

They seem to really hate salted butter, but that butter tastes the most butter, so I think their experts actually hate butter. They are probably dirty margarine cultists.

The margarine cult killed so many people. The original study where they exchanged all healthy natural fats for highly oxidized processed unsaturated industrial fats showed death skyrocketed after seven years. They trimmed the data and claimed.. wow look it lowers cholesterol (and life expectancy).

If you're hearing voices you might not be eating enough butter.

I'd recommend Western Gold original.

Butter for the butter god.


edit: On a dairy related note.

Last time I went to Japan on a business trip, there was one time where they were like... we heard you like dairy so we got you a present. It was a platter of Japanese made cheese. Whilst I told them it was great, the cheese tasted like super generic American cheese. It cost a heap too. I suppose Japanese like their dairy super mild.

This post has been edited by EsotericSatire: Sep 5 2025, 00:42

They are probably dirty margarine cultists.

Fucking heretics.

They trimmed the data and claimed.. wow look it lowers cholesterol (and life expectancy).

I suppose death is a way of lowering your cholesterol.....

Butter for the butter god.

[bbqhero.com] Butter of the Gods Recipe

edit: On a dairy related note.

Last time I went to Japan on a business trip, there was one time where they were like... we heard you like dairy so we got you a present. It was a platter of Japanese made cheese. Whilst I told them it was great, the cheese tasted like super generic American cheese. It cost a heap too. I suppose Japanese like their dairy super mild.

Apparently most Japanese cheese isn't very good.

Cheese in Japan is generally heated once, melted and hardened, and is usually sold in convenience stores because it can be stored for a long time. It has no flavour, is just salty and sour and not very tasty.

Also I read that a lot of people in Asian countries can't digest dairy products as well as westerners.

Prolly why Asian people live longer.

Except in Hokkaido.

Apparently there's a dairy boom happening there.

Cheese in Japan is generally heated once, melted and hardened, and is usually sold in convenience stores because it can be stored for a long time. It has no flavour, is just salty and sour and not very tasty.

It did taste like it had been heated and melted like that. I was like "why is this cheese rubbery?"/

Also I read that a lot of people in Asian countries can't digest dairy products as well as westerners.

For a lot of Asians their lactose tolerance starts to decline after 20. Butter and cheese have less lactose though.

Prolly why Asian people live longer.

Australia has caught up to Japan and South Korea. It only cost a trillion dollars and a pandemic.

Except in Hokkaido.

Apparently there's a dairy boom happening there.

I heard that they have good cows there.

Also I read that a lot of people in Asian countries can't digest dairy products as well as westerners.

Personally I think it's bullshit numbers. I have never seen any of my friends or family members struggling when they chug liters of milk.

(IMG:[pbs.twimg.com] https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Fqvmx4MaYAAp_iM.jpg?name=orig)

I've just ordered a butter churning attachment for my vintage Sunbeam mixmaster.



Not only will I be able to recommend the latest butter....

I will be making it.

Fuck is even a "breast milk flavor"?

Honestly I spend a lot of time wondering about this. I need to get a girl pregnant just so I can have a taste (no, paying some dirty hooker for a pint of questionable quality isn't the same thing. I need to be able to control the source.)

Honestly I spend a lot of time wondering about this. I need to get a girl pregnant just so I can have a taste (no, paying some dirty hooker for a pint of questionable quality isn't the same thing. I need to be able to control the source.)

If you have enough money you can control nearly any source of boob sauce.

While I am waiting for my butter churning attachment to arrive I have a question about the acceptable semen content of any butter that I make.

Is there an acceptable level of semen in butter?

If so what is it?

Western Star hung up on me when I asked.

This post has been edited by Mags_: Sep 23 2025, 05:33

If it's somebody whose semen you want to eat, then the acceptable level is up to 100%, else 0%.

If it's somebody whose semen you want to eat, then the acceptable level is up to 100%, else 0%.

So "Hypothetically speaking" Were I to add a small percentage of jism and just call it "minerals" on the ingredients part of the label it would then be safe to feed to some family members I don't particularly like at an upcoming wedding?

Hypothetically.

MAGS' MOUNTAIN MAN ROCK HARD SALTED BUTTER.

Now with extra minerals...

This post has been edited by Mags_: Sep 23 2025, 16:04

Kerrygold in Costco is the one I buy. so do a lot of people in my family. when it's not around the normal Kirkland brand works too.

I very much approve of this thread.

[en.wiktionary.org] Let us not forget about history.

I mostly only really care that it's packed full of salt

Once upon a time, abroad, I tried spreading completely unsalted butter on a bread and eating that.

Big mistake.

Not gonna lie, I consume more low-cholesterol margarine these days than real butter. But I’d hate living in a world where I cannot eat good real butter when I feel like it.

This post has been edited by Katajanmarja: Oct 4 2025, 00:04

So "Hypothetically speaking" Were I to add a small percentage of jism and just call it "minerals" on the ingredients part of the label it would then be safe to feed to some family members I don't particularly like at an upcoming wedding?

Hypothetically.

If you are making the butter and not doctoring an existing butter product then it would not be illegal per se.


From the kosher perspective we can refer to the extensive rulings on semen.

[www.chabad.org] Is Semen Kosher?

[www.chabad.org] She'ar Avot haTum'ah - Chapter 5 Semen

[oukosher.org] Ask the Rabbi — The Cream of the Crop

[boards.straightdope.com] Semen and kosher

Under the correct circumstances various fluids from humans are kosher.

TLDR: If you were to collect the semen in a kosher condom, then put it on kosher salt to dry for 72 hours then as long as it is not rehydrated then it is kosher.

Butter when made properly extracts the water content and therefore does not re-hydrate the cum salt.

Kosher butter must be made with the sweet cream (cream straight from milk of a kosher animal eg cow) and not include the creme from the cheese making process. Then use kosher salt of course.

If you were making kosher cum salted butter in minecraft.

This post has been edited by EsotericSatire: Oct 5 2025, 07:48