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Aaaah Christmas... Such fond memories of anticipation, exhilaration dreaming of the gifts that I would get, being with gramps (may you rest in peace gramps), granma (luv you even though you're so uptight you musn't have been able to shit since the 80's) and all the family... Dad and mom were still together, and I thought I was very smart because I figured Santa Claus wasn't real before I was 7 eheh ! Still believed my parents would stay together forever tho, so I probably wasn't that smart, maybe even a little naive considering hey hadn't been sleeping in the same room for a full year by then.
But oh well, being 7 again... Wouldn't that be something ?
...
Probably not, I quite hated being a kid, always being told what I could and couldn't do, what I should, must do, that always pissed me off. Don't know why so much people seem to love that time of their life when they couldn't do shit but listen to 'grown-ups' tell them how lucky they were to still be kids and how they would regret it once they weren't kids anymore. Doesn't this look like some really shitty reverse psychology ? It does to me.
Still, on that Christmas eve, I was being smug af because I knew that Santa wasn't real and I was pestering my cous like shit because she wouldn't believe me even though I told her how Santa would have to beat the speed of light to be able to be in every house at midnight, not to mention he'd have to seriously juice his reindeers to be able to truck gifts for all kids in the world. Also at that age snow seemed to act on me a bit like cocaine does now, so well, I was pretty pumped.
Since she wouldn't take my well motivated theory about the non-existence of Santa, I took some more drastic posture and started pursuing her while farting in my hand so that she would understand how much more intelligent than her I was, and she'd yell "DON'T POINT YOUR FARTS AT ME!" while dad moored over his 10th or 11th glass of wine and my uncle ogled mom who was smoking cigarettes like a factory's chimney. Good times.
Anyway, as much as I loved farting in my hand and still not being told to go to bed despite being well past 10pm, I was getting drowsy and got scared shitless when we heard a loud BANG BANG BANG at the door... I got so scared I peed myself a little and completely forgot about that Santa nonsense and fiercely refused to get anywhere near that fucking door, so my cousin began making fun of me before running to the door, screaming along the way IT'S SANTAAAA YAAAAY SANTA HAS COOOOOME!
It was like the little bitch hadn't understood shit about what I spent the evening explaining to her, but well she was family and I didn't want her to get raped by some drunk ass hobo who mixed up Halloween and Christmas so I reluctantly tagged along and went to see what was at the door...
And here they were.
A shitload of sparkly paper wrapped boxes, shiny in all their glory and leaving me confused af.
Everyone was laughing and yapping about how miraculous it was that Santa had broken the speed of light to bring us presents and as I was looking everywhere for a clue as to wtf was happening I noticed my dad making weird gestures and grinning at me and gramps belowed DON'T POINT YOUR FINGER AT ME YOU LOUSY FUCK, HOW THE HELL DID I FATHER SUCH A SCUMBAG FOR FUCK'S SAKE?
So after a blank granma yelled quite hysterically MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! and at about the same time my uncle leapt away from mom while letting out a very girlish "EEEEIIIIYYAAAUUUGH", and as I noticed a little dot of burnt skin in the palm of his right hand he screamed at mom DON'T POINT YOUR BUTT AT ME PLEASE!
Good times I tell ya !
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The Twelfth Annual E-Hentai Yuletide Lottery, Iconic
Dec 25 2019, 01:42
