[X] My Assistant

Crazier porn.

I've tried both before at some point in the past and found them more uncomfortable than anything else.

How about a sexual relationship?

Sounds like an offer.

Gack! What's with all the neon colors and flashy gifs? That whole page hurts my eyes.
Damn you shower head, you have failed me. Here lately fapping isn't giving me anything more than a meh orgasm even for longer sessions. I found the perfect spot under the water in the shower, and even holding it right there for half an hour couldn't get me off. I need something more stimulating...

Take a break from touching yourself. After awhile you'll build up some nice sexual tension and the next time you go slow dancing with chubby you'll get off more satisfied.

Or you know, get a life and a girlfriend.

Sit on a tennis ball or apply pressure to your prostate.

You make me hard, sir.

What he means to say is: a cmal is fine, too.

No, what I meant to say was: cmal fuck, cmal fuck!!! It'sss AWW-RIGHTTT!!!


And now I hate myself more than I ever thought possible.

Or a nice guy who kept finishing last.

Finishing last would imply that he died somewhere in a ditch, cold and lonely, not that he happened to coin a popular, cliché phrase.

I meant it sexual like.

I know no women I can stand the company of who have at least some desire to date me.

Wimp.

Aren't you supposed to be in Jamocha by now knee-deep in Rastanigians?

It's fucking cold outside.

Finally, my replacement watch battery arrived. I fucking hate not having a watch.

Q: Has rad travelled to Jamaica to pay black men with large genitalia to pound his wife?

I'd think it's to get high. I mean, there's probably a few black people in his town that he could find without actually having to go to Jamaica.

I don't think he gets high. He's straight edge.

Whoever it was who said "Nice guys finish last"...

Must have been one smug, self-gratifying asshole.

Maybe he was a creep who thought he was nice.

Every workplace has a "cool guy". He's one of those guys where you just dig his vibe. The men in the office would like to talk cars, sports, or chicks with him over a beer. The women in the office will laugh at all his jokes and will give him every detail of their last date. "Don't worry, ladies, I'm not going to make a move. And if I did, you'd love it."

Every office also has a "creepy guy." Let's call him [your name here]. Uncomfortable in his own skin, awkward. Picture the neighbor in the eighties movie who shows up to the blind chick's apartment and offers to set up her VCR while her Seeing Eye dog goes nuts and she says, "That's funny. Rondo never barks at anyone."

Now here's the scenario. The attractive receptionist comes in a few minutes later on a Monday morning wearing tight new jeans. Cool Guy comments, "Somebody's been working out." She replies, "Oh, it's just the jeans." Cool Guy looks her up and down and says, "You do have good genes." She laughs and says, "We're doing a shot at the Christmas party."

Now, same scenario with Creepy Guy. Receptionist walks in, Creepy Guy says, "Hey Kelly, nice jeans." And she marches straight off to Human Resources to file a report. This can't be taught in any sexual-harassment seminar because the women themselves don't even know it.

Creepy Guy's "niceness" tends to be excluded from the equation. Cool Guy's conceivable tumultuousness goes virtually unnoticed.

Right is wrong and wrong is right, respectively; their very perceived nature overrides the scent of the act itself.

blablablablablablabla

Idle banter?

Not what you meant?