Shape's proofreading thread

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Shape's proofreading thread, Various scripts that need proofreading

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Feb 9 2019, 08:31 Post #21
Shapes Casual Poster Group: Gold Star Club Posts: 352 Joined: 14-September 17 Level 30 (Journeyman) +K	Aaaand chapter 3 done. Proofread by PureEnergy -- Chapter 3 The bent-down female's greatest delight -- 057. ^Ehm…… \I wonder how it came to this… ^Right now I'm… walking in the park at night, but…… ^for some reason… \I'm together with Chairman, who's naked… and on all fours…⁉ Love Maneuvering # 3 ~ The bent-down female's greatest delight ~ 058. …A few days ago after school… >You two boys there! >School hours ended long ago. #The time to return home is long over. It was during Chairman's "Dismissal" work… >If you have no business at school, go home quickly! >Sooorry. >Toki-kun. >All that's left… is the boys' toilet, I guess… Since this one incident, the boy's toilet… >Yes… Chairman… ※check out #2 >Speaking of the Public Morals Committee Chairman… \Hanatsu Kaburagi, do you think she knows it? has become Chairman's favorite secret date spot… >"It"…? startled >The boys' toilet on the second floor of building B! What's with it? >See, there's a poster inside the last stall… \And behind it are some pretty crazy drawings! #scribble, graffiti You know what I mean… >Ooh~~~ >If you haven't seen them yet, you'd better hurry up. \They'll probably be removed in a few days… >…… 059. >Chairman… \We don't really have to investigate here… >We do… now that we heard that, >as members of the Public Morals Committee we can't overlook it. >… >Nothing here…? >Hanatsu-san! \On the back of the door… Let's keep the toilets clean. >I… go for it…… 060. >! 蕪木ちゃんが小便してるとこ見てぇぇー Look how Kaburagi-chan is peeing もれも見たい… I also want to see her pee herself… バーカ死ね！ Idiot- die! これでどう？ How is this? わんわん Woof woof じょぼ　じょぼ　じょぼ　pour pour pour だれだよマンコ消した Who the hell painted over her pussy ぶるるぶるる shiver shiver +⁉ 風紀委員長蕪木葉夏の犬ション Public morals committee chairman Hanatsu Kaburagi's peeing like a dog なんで犬？ Why dog? すげー　すげー　すげー Wow wow wow キターーーーー I came なたが神か is great, you're god #probably, end and start are missing それほどでもない Too much praise おまえらホントヒドイ you're the worst #probably wrong, whatever, use it ウンコ書いて！ Draw shit! かいた♥ I did♥ それはカンベン…　That's too simple #primitive うわさきいて I've heard #heard gossip とんできた… she's shitting #no idea 一本みいた long turds #probably wrong. lit: "saw one long cylindrical thing" キモ。gross. >…Hh…uh \…Ah… >Toki-k… Toki-kun >Hanatsu-san 061. >…Mh >…Mh♥ >…Hahm >Toki-kun >Toki…k >Toki-kuuu~~~~~n >……Ehm, \Toki-kun. >I know… >that we can't meet on Sunday…… >Yes? >On this Saturday… >Let's sneak outside after dark… so that nobody at home notices. >! \Okay… Chairman… how come? 062. And like this, tonight… I managed to sneak outside after my parents fell asleep… and waited at the place she had specified… until she made her appearance…… wearing her dark red school jersey…… >Toki-kun! >I'm so glad… you really came. >I'm sorry… It was much harder than I thought…… >to slip out unnoticed by the people at home… To my surprise… Chairman didn't wear anything below her jersey except her stockings. >Actually… I wanted to take off my stockings too,… >but I was afraid my legs would get full of scratches… >This… Toki-kun, please put it on me… >Tonight… Toki-kun will be Hanatsu's owner… \My Master♥ 063. I can't believe it! Hanatsu Kaburagi-san, the Chairman of the Public Morals Committee… is letting me walk her like a dog, naked, in the park at night. Right before my eyes… is Chairman's pale white ass shaking back and forth…… Her asshole… and her delicate spot are in plain sight… Shit… this is turning into a really bad habit…… #lit: abnormal hobby Right! I should prepare a rescue plan before it's too late… In case we have contact with other people. If we spotted them first… we could hide in the thicket and wait until they'd gone. If we were spotted by them… we would have to run away as fast as we could…… 064. +Shit!! As soon as I thought of it… #lit speak +Where are they coming from!!? >Toki-kun? >Chairman…, someone's coming! >Let's hide for now!! >Eh? >To- >Toki-kun… :>pull #I assume >Wait… not so fast…!! #give me a moment >Wait… \Toki-kun… >Ou… ouch…!! :>pull :>pull +This is really… +as if I've became a dog… 065. +I understand that Toki-kun had no bad intentions. +After all +he's desperately trying to protect me right now… >Not really. \It was from the other side of the wall…… :>smack >… >I'm sorry, Chairman… +No way… +Why did I turn to this…? #her pussy I assume 066. >… \You know… Toki-kun… >There's a favor… I'd like to ask. >If we did it here, it wouldn't matter if we made some noises. >Ehm! \Chairman. >Are you sure… >Put your hand here… >Hug me… >firmly please… >…Yes. >I want you to slap my butt…… >As if you were giving a spanking to a bad child… 067. >All right… >I'll start… ok? >…Yes. >Hh…uhhn >Ah… sorry. \That was too harsh, right…⁉ >No… it's fine. >Slap me… even harder… +Chairman… >…Ah >Kh…ah >Hu… \khhun 068. +Every pleasant sound of hitting her butt… is echoed by Chairman's cries… +Her pale white flesh is vibrating intensely…… #or shaking +I wonder what is happening here… Somehow… this… is becoming a habit. #like in "bad habit", possibly even addiction +And more… like this… +Her pussy… and her asshole are quivering too… for sure. >…Ah…uh >…Hyaa… +I'm starting… to feel numb… from the pain… >…Kh >Nh… +I'm getting pleasantly mesmerized… somehow. >Hiu… +It's like… my womb gets shaken directly… +Thick sweeeet nectar is spilling over… #syrupy, viscous +Hanachu's pussy-donut… is getting soaked in honey. >…Ah \Sorry, Chairman. >I lost myself a little here… :>tingle tingle　tingle　tingle　tingle　tingle　tingle 069. >No… don't stop. >I want more… >Slap my butt moooar >and… harder >Chairman… >Ah…ih… So gooood…!!! >More… \Slap me more!!! >Sorry… #slurred >Forgive me #slurred >Hanachu is really \a dirty sex-obsessed girl!!! >More, moaar… >Punish the disgraceful Hanachu!! 070. That's it…! As a fine lady, the Chairman of the Public Morals Committee, the President of the Archery Club…… and more, with irreproachable conduct and top-ranked grades, I guess she hasn't, probably ever… been scolded by anyone…!!! >I'm sorry #slurred \…I'm sorry!! #slurred >More… slap me more! \Discipline Hanachu. +!!?… Oops… 071. :>splash #maybe +I slapped her pussy directly…!!! >…Agh… >…Ha… >Kh…a >Aah… +My womb… +my precious pouch for making children… +is simmering over. #alt: has syrupy boiled over. I might not be the perfect person to be scolding Chairman… but I want to become the person who understands her the best… That's what went through my mind at that moment. >Toki-kun… sorry. >That I'm the only one enjoying this. >No… #not sure if you would say "no" in English here +That was fun…… 072. >Toki-ku… \My beloved Master. >Please… I beg you. :>smack >Please use your fat… and stiff dick >to mate with Hanachu's… \dirty bitch pussy. >……Yes. +Wow… incredible… +It's swollen to the extent that it looks like my skin could tear any moment!!? :>quiver quiver +If I put this into Chairman's pussy right now…… >Please don't tease me… >My head… is turning strange… +Whatever, I go for it. #the hell with it 073. :>ram >Hiaaaa…ah +Endure it… Endure it! +If I cum now it's all in vain. #I'll spoil it +Besides, Chairman's pussy… +is stickier than usual. :>tingle tingle :>squeeze squeeze +It's spongy and soft… and at the same time stickily entangling and tightening… +It's feels damn good!!! +Ah… ah… Toki-kun's dick! +It feels bigger… and stiffer than usual. 074. >…Eh \Toki-kun >Yes? >Can you… \slap my ass like before…… >while you eat Hanachu's honey donut. >Fine with me, >but \I can't guarantee your butt won't swell… >…Yes \hard… please. >Hiaaa…n :>squeeze >…Ah \Ou… ouch… 075. >It feels… good… \More… slap me more!! >Slap me harder. >Punish Hanachu's #slurred \dirty ass… #slurred :>squeeze >Hyaaaaa…n >Ah +While my womb is getting shaken… +it's getting firmly pressed by his dick…!!! +Damn… I can't anymore. 076. >Hanatsu-san, sorry, I'm cumming!!! +Aaaaaaaaaahhhh!!! +Toki-kun's semen…!!! +A hot soup is being poured into Hanachu's womb, +slowly dissolving. #this is hell of a description. #she's using a verb that means "falling apart while cooking" and prepends an adverb I can't really fit in: "(adv,adv-to,vs) (1) (uk) (on-mim) slowly; tardily; dawdling; lingering; hesitantly; (adv) (2) (uk) (on-mim) complaining; grumbling; (adv,vs) (3) (uk) (on-mim) unsettled (e.g. weather); (adj-na) (4) (uk) (on-mim) loose; slackened; (P)". That construction describes the state of the soup. #I think "slowly dissolving" fits and also matches the bubble sizes nicely, if you think there'd be a nice metaphor to draw a picture let me know. +My womb will melt~~~!!! #word play, "melting" can also mean "to be enchanted/bewitched", like "my heart melts in awe" or whatever you say in English. So the hot soup makes her womb melt, but the semen also enchant her. Any idea how to convey this? Before you start thinking, read the next page first, as it continues. 077. :>slurp :>gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble +It melted. #lit: it'll mellllllt …ed (from future(or present) to past tense) >…Ah >…Ah +Hanachu's womb is definitely melting…!!! #or in the state having been melted, not so sure about the grammar >Ah…m♥ >Ahu♥ +If I say it now… would Chairman get angry?……… +This would be the best time… until now…… #now could be the best chance #I presume it's last chapter's question: "why did you choose me?" >…Ehm \Toki-kun… >I'm sorry for asking something unreasonable today… >⁉ >Please >take me on a walk again… 'kay? >Yes! 078. >…Well… then… >Please watch over me properly… >…Yes. Speaking of it… it's actually for this reason that we came here tonight…… >Ehem…… >I wonder if this is right……? >What do you think? >Am I doing it the same as in that drawing? >You see, it's the first time I've tried to do this…… >…Eh, yes…! +The very first time, I think… >…Mgh >Mmm :>splash 079. +Aaaaaah, +my dirty side is being seen +by the boy I love. +Wow…… +It's the first time I've seen a girl pee… +And even more… :>spurt :>spurt +I'm seeing her fully naked and peeing like a dog!!! +I was able to show Toki-kun how I pee like a bitch… +I'm so happy♥ 080. After that… :>kiss lap :>smack♥ we continued until the Eastern sky brightened… :>kiss :>kiss :>kiss kiss \smack smack With lips to lips… :>cough :>suck suck :>suck and sometimes lips to genitals… :>suuuuuck and of course genitals to genitals… :>tap :>tap :>tap >He…ah♥ >Feels… \good♥ >My pussy feels so good. #slurred 081. :>pour pour we indulged in each others bodies. :>pour pour That we sneaked out of our houses behind our parents' back… >Hanachu's Master♥ >IIII luvv yu. or if we could really marry in the future…… we never gave those any thought at all right then. >Well then, \Toki-kun… >Monday… ah, it's already tomorrow I guess…… \we'll meet again at school♥ >Yes… Chairman. >Sleep well… >The same door you used when you came… \I set it up to open just once, so be careful. >…Yes. From the moment I passed through this door… until I was back in reality…… 082. I realized, that all… …really all of this was Chairman's property…… This post has been edited by Shapes: Feb 24 2019, 10:34

Feb 23 2019, 15:54 Post #22
Shapes Casual Poster Group: Gold Star Club Posts: 352 Joined: 14-September 17 Level 30 (Journeyman) +K	Proofread by PureEnergy -- Chapter 4 -- 083. The end-term test results have been published… At our school the names of the 20 students who scored best of each year are shown on the wall. It's now nearly two months since I began (secretly) going out with Hanatsu Kaburagi, the Public Morals Committee Chairman and the focus of my long-time secret admiration… We made love almost every day… Time passed for me like it was a dream… For Chairman, who was always good at school… now that she can better release her stress, it looks like she's reaching her best form, @Announcement of the best end-term test results @Second year @#3 695 points 2-B Hanatsu Kaburagi #The other names don't matter, so let's keep them as is but I, whose grades were tending to be in the higher mid-range since middle school… have scored terribly this time… Since I saw her home yesterday… ※check out #3 marrying her sounds more and more like a fairytale to me now… At the least, I have to get my grades up... somehow. 084. >Toki-kun… \do you have something that's troubling you…? >Eh…⁉ >You're making a pretty depressed face since some time. #or dark face Even though we're finally alone together… >… >A-Actually… >…I see. \If it's like that, then I'm also half responsible! Certainly, we've done it a lot♥ #lit: he's done it a lot for me >Starting today, after school and the Public Morales Committee's work has finished, \we'll be having study sessions! Thus, for the short time remaining before the summer holidays… #I merged the two texts into one I received private tutoring by Chairman after school in the Public Morales Committee room… >See, if you do it like this it's easy, isn't it…? >Your thinking too complicated. >Ah, I get it. It's easy… to teach Toki-kun… #lit: Toki-kun has been simple 085. >Ehm, this one. \How should I explain this, I wonder… From my position… this should be a perfect environment, but… >Eh… Chairman. \Can I ask one thing? >Whatever you like, please… >How come… I mean… \… >Why did you take off your panties? >Ah… this… >This way… >I hoped to preserve the feeling of tension…… Is she trying to tempt me… Or is she actually a natural airhead(?)… #not sure what the question mark is for I still don't understand this side of her very well. >Is it bad? >No… \but this… +No… this is really bad!! 086. >What's this!! \School hours are long over. >Oh, it's Kaburagi… >Teacher… >You're still at school, Public Morales President? >Yes… \Before we enter the summer holidays… >there's still a lot of work remaining that I like to sort out…… >I see, it's hard for you. >… >……What? >Is that… a skirt…… >that's lying over there? 086. >Sh… shit!!! >… >…Yes. >During our committee patrol… >I found it left in the girls' changing room… >So I'm keeping it in custody here for the moment… >Ah, ok… >It's probably from the girls in the volleyball or softball club. >No matter how often I tell them, they're always going home in their jerseys… >Well, I'm going home now too. >You too, don't go home too late. >Yes, Teacher. >Puhh. I thought my life was over… #lit: shortening Well, that's Hanatsu-san. She's such an honor student, that even the teacher wouldn't think of doubting her word. #lit: honor student and PMCP 088. >Chairman… you're a superb actress… My heart was pounding so hard… >I'm really not… >…Look >…now \my top is all a'fire…… >and my bottom is all a'flood…♥ :>schlop >Chairman… >Ah, yes! I need a handkerchief… >It's should be in the pocket of my skirt… >Hanachu-san… wait… >Please… \let me clean you up… >Huh? >… >…Yeah. 089. >…Mhh +No… this is so embarrassing… +Toki-kun's face… is digging inside my hair. >Aahh :>slurp slurp slurp >…Ah…hi… \…Hiuu >Huu… +I-If you suck so hard… +then my lips will stretch and won't come back!!! #creases :>wobble >Haaaa…ah >…ehm, \Toki-kun. >My place here…… >… \it's actually… \a bit… untamed, I guess…? 090. >Well… right… >Maybe… a little bit…? >Toki-kun… \you meany…! >At a time like this… >Even as a lie… \I wanted you to say that it's normal! Whaaat~~~⁉ Even though she said she can't stand such a maneuvering ※check out #1 >Teacher! >Kaburagi… what's up? >Thank you for staying so long and working hard. Take care! 091. >You should go home soon too!! >Yes! We will. >Hya…uh >…Ah… \…Ah Stop… >Toki-kun⁉ +In the first place, her not taking care of her lower hair… +shows she doesn't know the world…… #and that's bad +Chairman probably… +hasn't realized this here either… +If she knew that there's hair growing around her asshole…… +what face would she make… +I'm a bit scared… :>slurp :>slurp :>suck :>suck suck +but I'm also a little looking forward to telling her… #not so sure here, it could also mean: #will she be frightened… or will will she be happy a little… >What… Kaburagi, did you say something…? >No… it's nothing… 092. …After this, there was no way we could continue studying. >It's fine… >Let it all out. \Today's a safe day. >Hanatsu-san. :>pour pour pour pour pour pour :>squeeze >Ah >…Ah… >Ah♥ >Haa…n♥ >Feels so… good. >Hot semen… 093. After that, our study sessions continued every day… Tomorrow is the closing ceremony… Today is the last study session before the summer holidays. As always, Chairman's… lower half is undressed… But even like this…… the sessions are much more helpful than I expected… I thought that people like Chairman who understand everything immediately… wouldn't be very good at teaching other people… But her way of teaching is well-organized and easy to follow… Chairman's notes… are written in beautiful letters, but they are very dense, maybe she's actually studying very hard… I guess. #in contrast to his thought that she'd understand everything immediately … At this times too… it feels like we're really going out…… #associating Again today she smells good… 094. >…Ehm, \Toki-kun! >What is it, Chairman? >See… …I have to \go to the restroom…… for a moment… >Ah… okay. >Well… >I'll go then… >Yeah… see you. +Wait… whaaaat~~~⁉ Is… Is she really going like this…⁉ :>rattling … Ehh… 095. Going-home time is long past… but there are certainly some people still in school…… But what if she runs into a teacher like last time…… Or even worse, if she gets spotted and surrounded by pupils… How long does it take to go to the toilet and back…? For a girl…… No, she only went there to pee… Damn it… I wanted to study… but I can't even calm down for a second…!! +I'm at my limit!!! 096. +The way it turned out, I should've gone with her when she left!! >Ch… \Chairman…!!? >Toki-kuun… >You should've followed me… >at once… >S-… Sorry. >What about… \going to the toilet… +She's been here… the whole time… 097. >…Ah >Too late \now… :>splash >…Ah >Ah… >Huaaa…ah…ah >…… Now that I feel secure… >my pee… >leaked. >Chairman… +So cute…!! 098. >Wait… Toki-kun… \you mean here and now…? >Let's at least clean up the floor first… >It's your fault, Chairman! >Eh? >But… >It's our study session, but you always have your butt exposed…… \and then you act like you "want to go to the toilet"…… >Stick out your butt some more! >A-At least… let's go to the class room… >You too, Hanatsu-san…… \because of our study sessions… we've not done this enough, right? >It's fine. \Today is… our last study session in this school term… >If you're honest with me, I'll reward you fully… >Actually, you wanted me to do this, right? #lit: tempted me 099. >…… \I'm sorry. >I… lured you… >I wanted… >you to watch how I pee at the toilet… \I wanted… you to do my pussy… >Well said… \As your reward, I will intensely pleasure… >the place you like most, your donut (womb)… >Yes♥ >I'm so happy. :>smack >Ah♥ >…Ah \Ah… 100. >…Ah… >…Ah >…Ah :>tap >Nnuuu… :>whop whop #sound of an elastic force I assume, couldn't find a reference and she uses the sfx in speech too (last bubble of this page), >Does it feel good… Hanatsu-san? >Hahi♥ #top left \feels so goooood… >Mh… >Mmha♥ \Please… whop my pussy donut more… 101. >Well then… from now on I will do it increasingly harder. :>squish >Kha… >…Kh… >How is this… Hanatsu-san…? >Tell me if it hurts…… :>thud thud thud thud thud >Ah… >Aahh >…Ah♥ >Haa… :>thud thud >…Hiu :>thud thud >Iu… >This… \feels gooood #slurred >So goooooood~~~~~ #slurred >The back of Hanachu's pussy~~ #slurred >it feels so good it's slowly melting~~ #slurred #or being encharmed, as it's the same in Japanese +That's true… I too… 102. >Ah >Aahh >I-I think… I'll cum… anytime now… #slurred \I can't… think… anymore… #slurred >My body is floating… #slurred >Plea…se… \Toki-ku… >…Together…… >Hanatsu-san… I too… soon… :>squeeze :>splash splash splash >Hiaaaaaaa…ah. Aaahh~mh… \Cumming :>pour pour pour 103. >…Ah… \Ah… >Oh no… >I'm… \leaking pee again~~ I'm sorry… It's nothing. No problem! :>wipe wipe >Once again… >it's become very late… >Tomorrow's the closing ceremony… >Then we have summer holidays… 104. I wonder if I will be able to meet Chairman during the month-long summer holidays… >Yeah, that's right… >I didn't have it in mind… >Ehm… \Hanatsu-san! >There's something… I've wanted to ask you… for a long time… >…Say why \did you choose me…? >……? >Huh…? #pardon me >I mean… >I've got no value at all… #might be too harsh? no good points, no redeeming features… \You're a beauty, with excellent grades, a good parentage, you see… \it's completely unbalanced between us…… >How should I be able to… >really… >to marry a lady that lives in such a huge mansion… I can't really imagine how… 105. >…!!? >Hey… Chairman! >What… >Lies… >are the first step on the road to depravity! #lit: lies are a thief's beginning >You said you would marry me… \You said you'd make me your bride! >That's why I gave you my all!!!! >No… That's not what I wanted to happen… Don't make such an uproar… >I let you cum inside so often… #lit let you fully cum inside >I even let you see me peeing~~~~ >Hanatsu-san!!? I know I should have followed her…… But my legs couldn't move. 106. If I follow her… what should I say…… >… If I look at it now, I think there were at least two things I misunderstood. >Chairman's… notebook… I got a glimpse of it in the class room… To write all this would take at least several days, I guess. But this notebook, densely filled with Chairman's beautiful hand writing, >… wasn't actually her real notebook. >Hanatsu-…san She prepared this one… :>trickle trickle :>trickle specifically for teaching me… This post has been edited by Shapes: Mar 20 2019, 13:39

Mar 3 2019, 10:42 Post #23
Shapes Casual Poster Group: Gold Star Club Posts: 352 Joined: 14-September 17 Level 30 (Journeyman) +K	Version proofread by PureEnergy 107. -- Chapter 5 -- 108. Today is the first day of summer holidays… I'm at the ticket gate of the station nearest to Hanatsu's home. The day before yesterday, on the way home from school… I made Hanatsu-san very angry… So yesterday, the last day of the school year… I was resolved to do anything to obtain her forgiveness and waited for her… >Ah… eh… Chairman! >…Ehm The moment she passed by me… she slipped… a small note into my hands… Still extremely anxious… ^Tomorrow at 10am at the ticket gate of the station nearest to my home. I couldn't figure out what the words meant… 109. So, not knowing what else to do… I came to wait at the designated location… >Toki-kun. >Ch… Chairman⁉ >Chairman… ehm. >What is… where are we going…!!? >Eh… This is… >This is a baby-changing room… >It's an emergency! >There's no helping it! She's wearing her school uniform on holidays too… >Now hurry up and… We mustn't trouble other people. #because they're blocking the room >change into these clothes!!! As fast as you can. >…… \…Okay. As before… looks like I have no choice… 110. So Hanatsu-san took me along… #lit: Like this, H… This time we properly passed the main gate as I was invited into her residence… ※hair extensions +But why do I have to dress LIKE THIS…!!? >This is Toki-san… >my Junior from the Public Morals Committee… ※Hanatsu's school uniform from year one >It is a pleasure to welcome you… >I wonder how many years it has been since Lady Hanatsu \brought school friends over… 111. >Don't say that… Tamaki… \It sounds as if I had no friends… >Well… Toki-ku…san! >Let's go to my room. This is a study session, so your concern is unneeded! Ah no… that's not how I meant it. >So… welcome. So this is Kaburagi-san's room… >Come here… >Ehm… \Kaburagi-san… I-I…!! #not sure if English speakers would stutter like that 112. >The thing… \from the day before yesterday…⁉ +…!!? :>kiss +…Chair…man… :>kiss :>kiss :>suck >…Ah \I… I'm sorry… >…Ehm >Toki-kun, you're just so cute… \in this school uniform… >I'm sorry about the day before yesterday… >You didn't get wounded, did you? >…No. >It's still a bit red here… :>drip >Ehm… Hanatsu-san… >Aren't you mad… >at… me? 113. >…No \That was all… my fault. >I didn't really think about your feelings… >I… really didn't know the world… #doesn't know how things work :>slip >Therefore, as a sign of my regret… >See, this… >is my sincere… apology, #lit: feeling of apology >as the last time… :>smooth >you expressed… that my pubic hair is less tamed than normal. >Ha…Hanatsu-san! >This is…⁉ >…Yes. >The evening before yesterday… I did it myself… >As it was my first time… >it was a huge bother… :>scratch scratch 114. >Well then… \let me get this straight… #lit: nice to meet you #alt: Let me start again… :>gasp >My deepest apologies… \for the unnecessary vexation >I caused you because of my unawareness. >Hanatsu-san!!? >From the very beginning… \I planned on becomming Toki-kun's wife… >even if it meant being cast out of the Kaburagi family. +Hanatsu-san is… >I'm depending on Toki-kun's kindness… >My greatest regret is that I couldn't fulfill my responsibilities! #lit: accountability +kneeling before me…⁉ >I can't live without you anymore, Toki-kun!! \Please don't throw me away…!!! >Please don't hate Hanachu!!!! 115. >Hanatsu-san, please stop it!! >I'm the one who is at fault!! \Raise your head!!! >… >Yes…? #slurred >Because I'm such a complete coward… \I drove you to this. >…I'd hate to lose you, Hanatsu-san!! \I don't want to give you to anyone…!!! >I don't want you to live in poverty… >but I want to be together with you forever…!!!! >Hueee… Toki-kuuuu~~~~n! >So you don't hate meeee… #lit: I thought you might hate me… >Hanachu was so afraaaaaid… #slurred 116. >I must say, Toki-kun… \these girl clothes… somehow really suit you… >So cute.♥ >I guess… \A new fetish might be awakening inside me… >So cute.♥ >I don't even know how to explain… \how embarrassing this is… In so many ways… >♥ >If you just hid this stiff dick… >you'd look like a splendid girl…♥ >So cute. >My personal… >sturdy dick.♥ :>kiss >Ah… 117. >…Ah >Ha… Hanatsu-san! >You're being fierce from the start… :>squeeze +Ah, your tongue… +Your tongue is licking so hard… >…Toki… -kun #very slurred >Doth yo ick feh goo luh hiss? :>pop 118. >… >Huh…? +You're stopping? >It's your fault, Toki-kun… >Two months ago… \I hadn't even seen a stiff dick… >In only two months… >I came to love sucking dick… >and became skilled like this…♥ #a skilled girl like this Mhhh… S-Sorry… >Ah, right! >Before I forget… >A… \…charm? @School Fulfillment >That's a charm for you, "handmade" by me. >Please always keep it close to you…♥♥ >…Yes. >And more… \during the summer holidays, please come to my house every day! As often as you can… >Let's study together.♥ >If that's okay? 119. >I'm also super happy. Teeheehee >Now I'll be able to see you in these cute clothes all the time… +I have to wear these e-every day!!? :>slurp :>slurp :>smack :>shove #? :>shove :>kiss :>grab >…Ah♥ :>lick :>li-li-lick +…Hanatsu-san's pussy looks more colorful this way… #deeper color +With the hair shaven, it looks like a kid's… +But just as I thought… :>squeeze +she's still unaware of "that hair"… 120. >… \What's up, Toki-kun? :mumble mumble #found no reference for this >N…o… \that can't be… >…Hair… \…around my… \…a-ass…hole… >…How… \how long… >How long have you known this…⁉ >Of course… >since the first time I was able to see your delicate spot. >… +What's up with her… She should be grateful I told her… #lit only half a word: grateful…/thank… >I've seen her ass like every day! >I don't know how many times I've told you… \but I… >accept each and every part of you unconditionally… 121. >Toki-kuuuu~n >Speaking of which… \don't shave your hair down there for no reason! Hanatsu-san… She's a beautiful lady, with excellent grades… She's the Chairman of the Public Morales Committee and the President of the Archery Club… #how many times the same sentence all over again… m( But still, she doesn't know the world, so when it comes to love, she's a late bloomer and pretty clumsy… She's a neat and tidy beauty, but she didn't know to take care of her hair down there, so her pussy and ass hair grew wildly… >In other words… #lit: taking all things together… (referencing the shaving from last frame) Major emphasis!! +Actually also because of it… >I think… you're cute, and that you're cute all over!!! #lit: I think… you're cute, and there's no helping it that you're cute!!! >… >Eh…m… \…Should… >… \I be happy now? 122. >…Yes, like this. >Please come inside me… :>slip :>slip >Ah \…Ah >…Ah \Hia…a :>press #squeeze, press, holding hands with some force I guess :>slide :>cramp #maybe? right most bubble +I became one again with Toki-kun. +I'm so happy.♥ >Oh… it's totally different than usual… >The angle of my penis… >Mhh… \Like this, it's really like… >two girls would do it.♥ >Did you know this, Toki-kun…? \It's is called tribadism. No… 123. >Actually… I'm also getting lots of love letters >from girls… But that's all there is to it… >W-Wow… really? :>squeeze :>tight >…Ah \Ihin >Ih… \Thrust…♥ harder… >deep into my pussy… :>rumble rumble :>rumble :>♥ >Yes… >Haa… Ha… …Hanatsu-san… +I'm so happy… I can do this again… >Haa… Hanatsu-san… +with my beloved Chairman… >Toki-kun… Toki-kun… >Toki-kuuu…n +I want to forget everything and be like this forever. +I want to be connected with Toki-kun forever. :>knock knock 124. >My lady, please excuse me. \I'm bringing tea and sweets… >…!!? Waaah >I put it right here… >Ha… \Hanatsu-san! We've been seen…!! >Tamaki… has always been on my side… >It's probably… fine. >But it would be a different story if she'd known you were a boy. >Please don't mind it now… >Please, think only of me… >Of Hanatsu's sweeeet milk tea… #milk tea?? any idea what that should be? >and her pussy donut… >…Yeah. 125. :>slide :>slide :\slide >…Ah >Ahu \I'm lifted up… :>Thump #? the sound of her falling down >…Ahi… \Huhi…n >Hin… >… \…Ah …Ah… \It's rubbing. >Ahm… Ah… \my insides #? creases, guess she means vaginal walls >Hi…mm…khu… >So good… \My pussy feels so good. >Toki-kun's dick :>rumble :>rumble :>rumble :>rumble >is plowing my field for the baby… >Nooo~~ If you plow that hard >my pussy >wants to become pregnant… >It wants to make a baby…!!! >Aah… >Ihyau… >Hanachu's pussy will cum soon!!!! >…I \I too… 126. :>squeeze :>spurt spurt spurt spurt spurt spurt spurt spurt >At first… >I just thought you'd be a cute and earnest boy… >Huh…? >But because you're so cute… I had no hesitation in asking you to help me with the chores… \And not once did you say no… >You helped me all you could… >That… That's… >because I admired you… So that was her personal incitement… #ulterior motive, or simply: So that's the story 127. >And… you're totally nice… \and also smart… >Me… smart? >You're speaking of me…!!? Is she mistaking something? >Yes… of course!! \That's something… that's easy to understand when one speaks with you. >This person is nice… and sincere… >there's no hidden dark side and he's smart… #no two-face, maybe wickedness >… >…Eh \You think so…? >…Sure. >Recently I had a sudden insight. >… \…When… >I become Toki-kun's wife… \I'll be called Hanatsu Toki… Huh? +Aaah!!? Toki, Hanatsu ↓ tokihantsu ↓ to release >Hee… \You were considering that…!!? >! \Of course I did… \It's something important, the soul of words… #lit: eh that? - yes that - it's important, the soul… >But actually, \when two persons love each other, >they don't need any other reason, don't you think? >…Yeah. 128. >I have an idea! >If… \you scored in the top 20 in the next test… >I, in the top 20…⁉ >That's impossible… >If you were… >would you grant me one favor then…? >…⁉ >Hey, isn't that wrong? >Usually I should get a favor granted…⁉ >But you were the one who said he wants to improve his grades somehow… \and I'm the one who helped you study, right…? >… >Well… \you have a point there… >Also… >If you have a favor to ask… >I would do anything for you right now… \You've even seen… >my asshole hair, so… >no matter when, no matter where… >no matter how… perverted it is… gulp 129. This is how Chairman and I… confirmed our feelings for each other again. #made up During the summer holidays, I was taught… in Hanatsu-san's home nearly every day… And when the second year started… we continued our study sessions after the Public Morals Committee work. And thus, finally came the day of the announcement of the second year mid-term test results… >…… >I can't… believe it…… >I-… I'm… >rank 11…⁉ 130. >Chairman! >That's why I said… >that you're smart… >No, it's all… \thanks to you, Hanatsu-san! >Ah \and also… \thanks to the charm you made for me…!! >That's for certain. >I put in all… >of my pussy hair. \I didn't leave a single one out.♥ +Ehh!!? +Whaaat~~~!!!! >And don't forget… \my promised reward.♥ This post has been edited by Shapes: Apr 9 2019, 11:52

Apr 10 2019, 15:40 Post #24
Shapes Casual Poster Group: Gold Star Club Posts: 352 Joined: 14-September 17 Level 30 (Journeyman) +K	Proofread by PE -- Chapter 6 -- 131. Two and a half months have past since the mid-term test results announcement… The end-term tests and the closing ceremony are also over… And so we arrive at today… Christmas Eve! By the way, thanks to Hanatsu-san, I was able to score in the top 20 for the end-term tests too. All the time she's been teaching me… :>smack :>smack Nearly everyday after school… and on weekends at her home…… ※I've had to wear girl clothes though… It's been nearly seven months… since I began going out with my beloved Hanatsu Kaburagi But today >Toki-ku~~~~n! >Hanatsu-san… is our first real date!! And she's wearing casual clothes… #lit: first real date in casual clothes >I'm sorry for keeping you waiting… I didn't know what to wear… >No problem! 132. >W-What do you think… ehm… of my casual clothes… #ie not school uniform >I hope they aren't too bad… So… cute… I have no sense of fashion at all… but I can see these clothes are neat and also cute, a perfect match for Chairman!! >So it's as I feared… \they don't look good? >No… >That's not the case! #lit: Not at all! >I was just captivated. >They are incredibly cute! I like them. >Really? >I had no confidence… \Even if it's only flattery, I'm super happy! 133. >So this… ehm… \here… is… >my… Christmas present for you… >It's my first time, so it might not have turned out so well… >You knitted this yourself, Hanatsu-san? #by hand >Wow… I'm… \The fact that you knitted this only for me, >already makes me super happy! >This sounds just like… Geez >if you were praising a girl's cooking that's actually not so good! No, that's not how I meant it. Didn't she just say she'd be happy even if it's just flattery… 134. >Toki-kun, how about riding a boat like that? >That would be romantic… >Hanatsu-san… about the boats on this pond… >You know, there's a jinx that all couples riding them break up…… >Is that so……? >Toki-kun! \Do you think our relationship >could break up because of such a triviality…? >N-No… that's not what I wanted to say…… Yikes… yet another landmine…?! >For me it's just… >that I want to avoid all risks… As they say: A wise man stays away from danger… >Toki-kun… \this overprotective thinking is also a form of timidity! >But if I take this all together, >you're just so cute and cute, I can't help myself.♥ Is this a form of revenge…? >Haha… For what I said about her asshole? 135. >Ehm… Toki-kun, >would… that restroom… be okay? >Yeah… \of course. Really, again at the toilet? ※Hanatsu-san loves having sex in the boy's washroom at our school. Even though we just met… Maybe… she wants to show me how she pees again…… ※It looks like Hanatsu-san gets turned on if she's watched as she pees… >Well then… \I'll wait here… ……Looks like I was overthinking… I'm a bit disappointed though… 136. :>grab >Huh… wai… Chairman… Hanatsu-san!? Hanatsu-san?! +As expected~~~~~!!? #in the end, like I thought from the beginning Now outside of school, but still a boy's toilet…… :>kiss :>kiss #another sound, lips smacking? :>kiss #yet another sound, tongues? >That's because… \if you were seen inside the girls' toilet… >you could get arrested, don't you think…? You have a point… >I'm sorry, Toki-kun. >Our date has just started… but… >as I was so happy about a Christmas date with you…… >…my place here… >seems to be a bit too excited… #lit: merry/frolic, in high spirits 137. >If you just tend to it for a moment… :>pull >I think it will relax… >Hanatsu's……… >…pussy. Ah, yes… Hanatsu-san's pussy hair has fully grown back from that time… #since the time she cut it :>drool I have the feeling it has become even thicker than before… >Well then… here I come! Of course, I'm totally fine with that! >Ehm… Toki-kun… \Actually… >Today is a day… ehm… we could end up making a baby… >Ah, I see! >So… \as a… Christmas present… >make me… pregnant please…… 138. Oh no… that goes a bit too far… Are you sure about this? >But… we're still pupils. >It's a joke.♥ \Of course. R-Right, of course… Ah, she really got me… Geez… >Ah… >…Hih. >Hihn… >Ihi…m♥ +This feels incredibly good! Doing it doggy style lets her pussy squeeze a lot…… I have to be careful not to cum… >Ahi… \Cumming…♥ >I'm cumming…♥ :>squeeze :>squeeze 139. >…Ah \Uahh… :>gush gush gush gush :>gulp gulp :>gulp gulp >…Mh >Geez…… Toki-kun, >you're letting out too much. >Well then, Toki-kun… >Will you go out first……? >Huh…? Why that…? >Wait for 5 minutes… \and come back when there are no people around. >Aaah… I see. >Let's see~~~ \how many people are there… >…Well, there aren't many… >but it's not just a few either… What shall I do now… >Hey, where you lookin'…!? #gangster speak >Gramps, \look at us! 140. What's happening there…!? …No way… are they… >!? homeless-hunting!!? I heard about this in the news… but I didn't think it could be true…!!? What shall I do…? Even if I showed myself… I wouldn't be of much use… But I can't just act like I didn't see it… But how would it be if they grabbed me… #Underarm grip on opponent's belt. and went for Hanatsu's body… If Hanatsu-san were in my situation… she wouldn't hesitate a second… >You there!! \What are you doing there. >Picking on an older man… \have you no shame!!!! 141. I won't be able to look Hanatsu-san in the eyes again… if something happened to this man!! >Police! \Come here, quickly! >What the hell… We were only playing! Come, let's ditch it!! >Are you okay…!? >Grandpa? #older man >You're a fool! #or just: You fool! >Huh? >Interfering with a quarrel of an old man that you don't even know… >do you think you're Kuramatengu, youngster! T/L: Also called Sōjōbō, king of the Tengu, incredibly strong >No… \eh… I… just… >What's the point when a boy like you \comes here alone… #>Boys like you… #as weak as you, I guess #\shouldn't come here alone… >Also there's a girl around here, right? \It's fine if you'd get yourself injured because of your foolishness… Don't touch me! >but what would you do if something happened to your girl…!? 142. >Youngster… you should take care of yourself and your girl only!! \That would be the right way, no matter what you think… >Keep that in mind… Bye… >…… I wonder, maybe it's true… what he said…? What would have been the correct reaction? >Hanatsu-san, \I'm sorry for being late. >I was worried, \did something happen? >No… nothing… >Well then… \we're a bit early, but let's have lunch… >Yeah! >Are you all right…? >With this cafe…… >Yeah, I'm totally satisfied! >It's my first time at a place like this! 143. >Toki-kun… >How about… ehm… another donut? >No, I'm already stuffed… >…Huh? >Are you sure… you don't want another one…? >Hanatsu's >sweet >pussy donut.♥ :>lick >…… \Ehm… >I'd like to taste that… >Certainly! But speaking of it… where should we do it…? >Ehm… I've… \been thinking about this for long… >I want to go with you to a "love hotel"… +Eeh~~~ Christmas Eve at a love hotel…!!? Isn't that impossible? #probably over-booked 144. >Wow, we really got in… >Probably because it's still afternoon…? >… \So this… >is a love hotel…? Wow… the shower and the toilet… have glass walls… >It's a bit different…… \from what I've imagined… >There are many different types of love hotels… certainly. How did you imagine them… Actually…… :>kiss :>smack this might be our first time without socks… We're really naked now… It's really nice to embrace each other totally naked. 145. :>kiss :>kiss2 :>kiss3 :>kiss3 :>kiss… >Dear customer >…if you've made your decision… I'm here to pick up your order. :>slimy >Eeehm… \what shall I choose… Hanatsu-san… is really cute… Now and then it feels so much like a dream that I can't believe it. >? Such a beautiful and diligent lady being my girlfriend. >Maybe like the last time… >Shall I make a sandwich… \of two fluffy muffins and an extra-long wiener? But… she's totally perverted… 146. :>kiss suck Ah right, today's a day I can't cum inside her…… #merge the two texts >Ehm… \Hanatsu-san. >Can I make… \the next order…? >!? \…… >…that's… >such… such a shameful… act >You've said it, Hanatsu-san, no matter how perverted my requests were… >you would tend to them… >I… want to know every part of you, Hanatsu-san. >I want to make everything of you mine!! >…… \I get it… >There's no helping it… >Well, then… >beg me… >… >…now you're being mean… 147. >All of my body… \tmy pussy… and my asshole… everything is yours, Master… >Please, insert your… \big and stiff dick… :>spread spread >into my dirty asshole \that's surrounded by hair. >Please take my… \anal virginity… >Yes… well said. Here I go! :>tight >Mgh… >…Ugh… >Mgh… >Hanatsu-san… \…please relax a bit more… >Mhi… even… \if you say that…… >Khua… >Hiiaaaaaa…mh…!!! 148. +There's a dick… +inside my… asshole… +Aahh… it's like… +a big and hard stick… is stretching my asshole… Uwah… It's tighter than I imagined…!! +But if I lose my focus for an instant… +I will cum immediately. >…Ah… >Ah…kh >Khu…m >Mhu… Incredible, each time…… I pull out of Hanatsu's sticky asshole a dark-pink mucous membrane gets pulled out…! >Oh… >Huu… +Aah… this is so… so… dirty. >…hi… +It's so embarrassing… but my ass… is on fire… :>thump >…!!? 149. >This is… good… >Getting thrust in… right from above!! >Hahi… \…hi… >Haa…mh♥ >Moooar… >Deeper… shove it in deep…!!! >Hihm… :>whup x3 >Ihin >Ahi… Toki-kun, help me #slurred \Ihah \Hanachu… is cumming with her ass…… #slurred >Hanatsu-san… I'm cumming 150. :>pour :>pour >Ah… ah \Ah… ah… aah… ahnyaaaaa…ah +Ah… ah… Toki-kun's semen inside my ass… +Hot semen is pouring into my ass… :>spurt spurt spurt spurt spurt spurt +Ugh… she's squeezing… so hard… 151. >Ah…ahu♥ \The insides of my ass… are burning. >It's my first time… \like this… >Cumming… with my ass. +I didn't know… +that it feels good doing it with the asshole… +That it feels… sooo good… +That felt really good. +This tightness is something different from her pussy…… +Chairman's asshole… Even though she was so tight… :>gape +is gaping wide open…!!! +Now I've claimed all her holes (her whole body)!!! I'm feeling a level of achievement… like a conqueror… ##達成度征服 152. >!? :>growl >What is it… \Hanatsu-san? >No… ehm >My belly… seems to hurt a little… >Are you okay!? >Ehm, can you… \just for a moment… >wait in the hallway…… please? >Huh? Why…… >… >…Ah. >…… 153. >Hey… better stop here… >this is much different than peeing… >You know… the sounds… \and the smell… >Are you sure… \Are we really going to do that!? >You can still go back… >It's fine… \I'm going to watch over you from here. #what's that diagonal line? >It… \It's your fault, Toki-kun… \It's because you let out so much… >inside my ass. >Yes, yes… \it's all my fault, relax… >…Ah… \Shit… >It's coming… >It's really coming… >No… \…oh… +…No ※Holding back her noises 154. >……… \I think… >I might have lost… >something important as a woman… >… \I think, if you wouldn't take me for your wife… >I…… wouldn't know what to do anymore! >I-It's fine! >Believe in me! :>squeeze/tight #?? where does this sound come from >By the way, you were incredibly cute… >The expression of a shitting Hanatsu-san… Gyagh… don't say that… be quiet. :>squeal #I guess it's the tires 155. >Ah right… >We've been deferring it the whole time… >The… \reward you promised me… >Excuse me… >Are you Hanatsu Kaburagi…? >…Yes? >What do you want? >You there… >…!!? :>limp >Hanatsu-san!!! 156. >What the hell…!!? >Let her go!!! #or let my girlfriend go >…!!!? >…kh \…Kha >Urrrrgh… >What a weakling… \but he didn't hesitate a moment… >Well… if it's his precious girlfriend… #or which such an exquisite girlfriend >Isn't it great to be young. As if he knew no fear… ##恐れモノ、怒りモノ？？ >What shall we do with him? \We can't let him go anymore…? >…Ha… >Hanatsu…-san. As my consciousness faded away… the voices of these men… kept echoing inside my head… This post has been edited by Shapes: Apr 20 2019, 12:43

Apr 21 2019, 05:07 Post #25
Shapes Casual Poster Group: Gold Star Club Posts: 352 Joined: 14-September 17 Level 30 (Journeyman) +K	Proofread by KWI_IBUKI 157. Huh, what happened…? …!? Chairman… It's so dark… Someone is calling for me… It's Hanatsu-san… >Toki-kun… \Thank goodness! You're conscious… >Toki-kun… if something happened to you… \I… I… >…Ha >Hanatsu…-san +Right…!! On our way home from our date… +we were assaulted by men in black suits. >Hanatsu-san… are you okay \…!? +Handcuffs…!!? >Hanatsu-san, where are we…!!? \And who the hell were those men!!? >And, are we inside cages!!? 158. >…Well, \I became conscious just a moment before you… >What happened here… and why… >It's dark, so I can't see properly… >I guess… >this is an abandoned factory hall… >! \Huh… that's my phone over there… >And there's your pouch…! >Yeah, looks like it… >Maybe my parents are calling…? >I wonder how late it is right now… >… >…Ehm \Hanatsu-san… >Are you all right…? \Ehm… >You know what I mean… #I made it more explicit, literally it's just "ehm" all over >…Huh? >Ah… 159. >Yeaah… \it's probably fine… I guess. >At least… \I have no uncomfortable feeling below my clothes… >See see… #my my, but that sounds too female \looks like they've already opened their eyes… >How are you… >Did you have a comfortable sleep in your royal-suite…? >Who are you!! >What do you intend to do with us…!!? >We actually don't have any use for you… >Ehhm, what was it… Toki-kun, right? >How do you know my name!? >Don't be stupid…… \After all, we have your student id and purse here… 160. >I am your target, right?!! >He shouldn't be involved in all this…!! \Please release him at once…!!! >That's correct… >That's actually the reason why we came here… >Huh…!? >Toki-kun… I had you looked up… >Looks like you really have no part in this… #no background in this?? >So if you promise… \that you don't tell anyone about us and what happened to this girl… >then we can send you home at once… >…What. >But… if you break the promise… >Well, I won't have to explain it to you, right? Your friends, your family… >T-… that's… >Toki-kun! It's fine, do it… 161. >I-… I'm… \all right… >…do >what they suggest. >Hanatsu-san… Even though she's really afraid… Even though it's clear that she wants to stay together with me… For my sake… >What are you talking about, Hanatsu-san. \If I leave… >then only together with you!!! >…… \Toki-k… >Toki-kun… >As far as I remember, there was no mention about a ransom for you… \But there's no guarantee we'll be able to send you home later… #"no guarantee that you can go home", I added the "later", as the context makes clear >!? >Well, for the time being, >in order for our negotiations to succeed #lit: for our negotiations not to break down >and to get what we want in the long term ##to get more than we want in longer time? >it's important to insure them that the girl is still alive. >That should be enough… 162. >I'm so sorry… Toki-kun… >I really am… >Hanatsu-san? >Because of me… \you've been dragged into this… >Only because I was born in the Kaburagi family… \It might even be… \that your family gets hurt… >Wait a moment, Hanatsu-san!? >In the end… \I should have given up on love. >It was a mistake that I've fallen in love with you, Toki-kun. #lit: "shouldn't have", but that would've been so repetitive >I wish I wasn't born at all!!!! #yet again "shouldn't have been born" #not sure if "shouldn't have is even correct. it's "must not" in past tense. >What non-sense are you spouting there!! >Calm down… and get a clear head!!!! \This is not your fault, Hanatsu-san… >Not in the slightest!! 163. >Nobody can choose where they are born… >I'm the one to blame here… \because I wasn't able to protect you!!! >Toki-kuuuuuu~~~~n >Hanatsu-san \Hanatsu-san! >Toki-kun. >I've already… #it's lit "already", but I guess a simple "I have…" would sound better \made up my mind! >If… \I get dirtied… by another man… >then I will >bite my tongue and die!!! She will commit suicide…!!!? If she's… by another man!!? 164. Right!! She said that she had no uncomfortable feeling below her clothes… >Oh… they are huge… >…Mh… but while we were unconscious… they might as well have fondled her breasts. And maybe… they already had a look at her precious place. >Have a good look. \This is a rich girl's pussy… >Looks more used than I expected? #bottom right :>open >Let's take a commemorative photo. #bottom left >Nooooo~~~~ Toki-kun… +No… even worse… +if she were to… by another man… >Noooooo~~~ >No no no! \Don't look… >Toki-kun, help me!!! #Help me >Wow… incredible. #bottom right >She's supposed to be a fine lady, but… there's bushy hair growing up to her asshole. >Really? 165. >No nooo… Don't stick it inside me. :>plunge >Stop struggling! It's not like you're a virgin! >I don't want any dick besides Toki-kun's… Nooooo… >Ooh… feels quite good for a used pussy… #lit: oh this here… used for a long time in good feeling way #my guess is that he's thinking like this: there are some things that have to get used a little to become good >As expected from a fine lady's pussy… #lit: from a lady's tea jar >Hih… >Khhhh…m >Really? Come on, let's switch. #bottom middle >No…noooo… \…oh >Come on, squeak, you bitch! >Pussy hair reaching up to your asshole… \and this fat ass and used pussy. #lit: fat ass used pussy >Hahi… ~>I'm sorry. I'm sorry. # ~ at the beginning of a line means slurred from now on >Hihn… >…Kha ~\I'm so sorry I was born in the Kaburagi family. ~>I'm so sorry that there's hair growing up to my asshole… ~>I'm sorry for my dirty used pussy… >Hahi… \Ah…hu hin… ~>I… I came # I was made to cum #alt, more lit: You made me cum… ~>by another dick than Toki-kun's. ~>While he came inside… ~\Hanachu's pussy came too… 166. >Look… She's totally absorbed… #lit: what an absorbed expression :>boing >Uha… \She even gets turned on when I step onto her! :>plop >Ah…♥ >…Ahu \Hiin♥ >In the end… even for a fine lady, \when you shove it in, it's just another hole… チンポ大好き I love cock 牝豚 Bitch 蕪木葉夏 Hanatsu Kaburagi 淫乱 lewd まんこ pussy, 42 times もじゃもじゃ bushy 失禁 incontinence, 32 times ケツ毛 ass hair 脱糞 shitting herself, 4 times 糞穴 shit hole, 22 times でか尻 #flipped horizontally fat ass #if you're up to it, you can replace the 正 signs with \|\|\|\|/ signs, as the western world would count (4 bars and 1 diagonal strike through) >…… >Please… …Hanatsu-san… >Please don't die… >No matter what happens… >Toki-kun!? >Doesn't it bother you… \when another man does it with me!? >Of course it does!!! >I'd absolutely hate it, \if something happened to you. \I would want to die!!! #My guess for the meaning is: I would want to die (myself). >But… \still… >In the end… \I want… >that you keep on living!!!! 167. >I want to be together with Hanatsu-san… \Forever…… >…… \Toki-kun… >I already told you countless times… >Chairman… Hanatsu-san, >I accept everything of you… unconditionally. >No matter what they do to you… I want to be together… \with you… till the moment we die… #I did rewrite it a little, as the lit trans sounds strange #lit: no matter what they'd do to you, I will be next to you until you/I/we die, even if you/I/we die (yeah, two times die, which both don't flow with the next sentence ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) >So don't speak about planning to die, please… >Toki-ku… \Toki-kuuuu~~n… >I understand. Hanachu… will, no matter what they do… >no matter how much disgrace will come over me… >I will not commit suicide… #lit: I won't die, made it more explicit, not sure if good though 168. >Mh… >Mh… \…hh♥ >Ah, right! >If we are decided on that…… >then it's not the time for this. #then we don't have time for this >? \What do you mean? Do you have an idea…?! >Yes… >You see… \…I don't know how much time we have left… >but now… \quickly… >let's have baby-making sex… >!!!? >Whaaa~~~t 169. >But… \if we did that… >wouldn't that provoke them even more… You really mean baby-making…?!! >Did you already… >forget about this!? >T-Today… \is a day… >where I could get pregnant. >It's dangerous \I'm ovulating. >…Ah… +Right… +Of all things… must that be now…!!!? >Are your fine with that… \if those other men impregnate me?? >No… >definitely… not! >Go! >Yes! 170. >Sorry, Toki-kun… >…Ehm >Can you… push your hips more in my direction… >…… \…Yes. :>zip >…ugh… >…uugh… #And that's the reason pants have zippers. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) >Uh…ah… +She's sucking on my foreskin…!! >Mh >…Mh >I did a good job with only my mouth, didn't I? >That's the fruit of my daily effort… Hehe… I practiced blowjobs a lot.♥ 171. :>slip >…… >Well then… please >Make me pregnant… \Cum inside me to your heart's content… #And that's the reason girls wear skirts. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) She's overwhelmed with determination… >…… >…Yeah but is this really all right…… >Hanatsu-san, \here I come… >Yes… >No need to hold back! :>smack >Ah… >…Mh… >Khu…♥ 172. >Mh… :>flop :>flop >…Ah >……There :>plop #the sound of plopping out I guess +It's no good… If I can't use my hands… +It's difficult to get my dick inside the hole at this angle…… >Sorry, Hanatsu-san… \can you raise your body a bit more? >…Huh? >Aaaahh Aaahh… Ah… >…Ah♥ >Toki-kun's… dick. >Haaaa…ah…♥ 173. >But somehow… +because of the iron bars… +his dick can't reach my womb…!!! +No way… it's not good like this… +It needs to go deeper… until the back! #I think all these 3 frames are thoughts from Hanatsu, but it could also be thoughts from Toki's perspective >Toki-kun… \Ehm… sorry… :>grip >let me slowly… >get down on my knees…… >Ah… >Hih… +When he thrusts deep inside… >Khuhi…mm >Him…mmh +it slightly touches my womb…… 174. >Ahi… \…Ah +That's not enough… >Toki-ku… kuuu… nn >This is driving me crazy… #lit: I'm half-dead >Thrust in… more… :>shove shove :>shove shove +It's frustrating… and painful… +Usually it's piercing my womb way better… This is the first time… I see Chairman moving her ass so intensely… But if someone else… would stick his dick inside her pussy…!!? >No… no way! :>spurt 175. Hanatsu-san!!! :>squirt squirt >Hii…aahh >Ahuiiiaaaahhhh…hh >Uhah…ah +Hot semen is gobbling up my pussy… :>pour pour pour pour >…Ahi \Ahu… >Ah♥ +So good… >Ahi…m♥ +I came… but… +I want to feel it as deep as possible… >Ah… :>open #could also mean surprise or reveal, I hate sfx 176. :>slip >Ah…♥ \It's coming out… >Ah… \…no. >It's leaking out… :>drool >Toki-kun's semen… >Even though we went through so much trouble to impregnate me… >I want to connect with you more deeply… >I want to hug you tightly… >!? >Mh… >Hanatsu-…san? 177. :>press #I guess her legs against the bars >I definitely won't lose… >against… >these stupid iron bars… >Please… Toki-kun… \deeper, until the end… >Pour all your semen into my womb… >Water the field for the baby… >Ha-Hanatsu-san… 178. >Uha…ah :>push :>push in >Ah… >N…gh >Khu…♥ :>tight tight :>bump #just a guess >Ah…m♥ ~>It's touching it… \Hin♥ +Finally!! >Ahi♥ ~\Your dick is touching my womb… ~+I think I'm going to leak pee… >Hanatsu-san… So lovely…… >Hi…♥ >Hin♥ ~>Good… ~>It feels so good… ~>Now… it finally feels right #can't decipher half of the slurring +That such a beauty, top-grade student and fine lady +gets so excited by a dick of someone like me… :>squeeze x3 +All the time I was in doubt… +if I'm really fine for her. 179. +But… I'm not in doubt anymore!!! +I can't allow that anyone besides me impregnates Hanatsu-san… >Ah… >Moar… \Oh… :>squeeze squeeze :>squeeze squeeze ~>More, let out more… +Never ever!!!! >Ehi… ~>Make a baby with Hanachu… ~\Fill me up as much as you can~~~ #alternavtive for the two last plus bubbles of Toki-kun: #+I can't allow that anyone impregnates Hanatsu… #+Besides me. >Ah…♥ \Ih…♥ >I think I'm going to cum…♥ >Toki-ku…n, again. >Hanachu's pussy will cum again. >Me too… >cummin-… :>gush gush gush gush 180. >Yaaaaaaaah……………ahhh >My pussy is meltiiiiing… 181. >Ah…♥ >Ahi…m♥ >Hihm♥♥ :>fill :>squish squish #no sure, what could this be? +Incredible, I let out so much… +Even though… >Ah \Ah… sooo good… >My pussy feels so good. >My pussy is melting… >Ohee…eh +I already came four or five times today… >My pussy is so happy… #bliss >I love my pussy… >Pussy… pussy… >Toki-kun… more, we need more. \Pour in more into my pussy! >What, still!? >Of course! I definitely >…want to get pregnant with your child!!! >Stop at once… 182. >…My my #is "my my" girlish? then use something else. >What do I see here… >Two lewd monkeys in heat! >I guess… it was futile putting them in cages… This post has been edited by Shapes: May 16 2019, 15:06

May 5 2019, 16:59 Post #26
Shapes Casual Poster Group: Gold Star Club Posts: 352 Joined: 14-September 17 Level 30 (Journeyman) +K	Chapter 8, mairimashita! Found a few mistakes in previous chapters that need to be redone, probably after chapter 9 is finished. Proofread by KWI_IBUKI -- Chapter 8 -- #This seems to be an interlude that jumps 3 months in the future to the end of the school year #It looks like Hanatsu will leave the PMC, probably as a 3rd-year student she'll be too busy with exams 183. >… \And I think that's it. >Thus ends the last Public Morals Committee Regular Meeting of this school year. >Please let me have some final words…… >…as Public Morals Committee Chairman… #it's undecided in Japanese too; have some (final words as chairman) vs (have some final words) as chairman #though it looks like she'll really quit >The fact… >that we finished this school year without major troubles or public morals disorder… >is thanks to your honest and steady work every day. >As your chairman, this makes me really proud. #fills me with pride? >Our obligations \to the Public Morals Committee end with today, 184. >as for the freshmen, \I hope you'll apply for the Public Morals Committee again next school year. >I personally would be very happy about that… >Well then… >Good work everyone. >You are dismissed!! >Kaburagi-sempai! >Chairman! >Thanks for your hard work this year… >I see that you two gave your best too! Vice Chairman! 185. >Sorry to keep you waiting… >Looks like we are the only ones left here >Toki-kun! >… \Hey… Toki-kun… >Do you remember? >It was on this desk… >where we did it the first time. >How could I forget that……? >Of course I remember…… >Well then… \shall we go……? >Yes♥ This is the last time for this term… No… It's actually the last walk as Public Morals Committee Chairman…… Yeah, that's how it is…♥ 186. >Mh… \Mhhh… >…Ah >Mh… >It's no good… >My aiming didn't work at all… >No matter how often I do it… >I can't seem to improve on this… >Yet again… >I did quite a mess… That's true… 185. >Actually, I just remembered something! >When I was younger… \I wished I had a dick myself.♥ +What… Hanatsu-san with… +a dick!!? fool→ >But…… \you know… What a story… >I'd be very troubled… >if you grew a dick…… >No, Toki-kun… Thank you… #as in "thanks for your concern" >As I said, it was a thought of when I was younger. >…But… \……you see, >my desire to have a dick… in another meaning… >might be even stronger… >…today.♥ :>wipe wipe 188. >Toki-kun!! Oh no… >There are new scribbles. >Really!? The Public Morals Committee Chairman Slut♥ Hanatsu Kaburagi♥♥ #left 妊█しんしちゃうー I'll get pregnant! 任期終る修業式直前新作… A new work shortly before her end of duty… キターー！！ Done!! ホントに抜いたヤツここに正の字書いてみれ → Those who really masturbated here add a stroke here 正正正正正正 ← 29 strokes ←うそだろ？ ← no way オレ3回抜いた I came 3 times #bottom まってました！ I waited for this! えげつねぇ It's so dirty… 友偲たんだぼげー全裸よりセイフきてたイエロくる？ ??? #guess: Same goes for me! But I think it would've been more sexy with torn clothes than completely naked, am I right? これ３作目？　たしか四っ目 Is this the 3rd drawing? Probably the 4th #on her マンコ正正正　pussy, 14 strokes 75点 75 points 公衆便所 public toilet ケツの穴正正 asshole, 7 strokes #right また誰かマンコ消した？ Who the fuck censored her pussy again? 最初からかいてないと思われ…　I think it wasn't censored from the beginning… もーやめてーおまんこしないでー Please stop it already. Not inside my pussy! ←このセリフセンスわーな絵かいたのと同じ人？ Is this writing from the one who drew the sketch? #or shorter: does this belong to the drawing? #my guess: セリフ = speech センス = folding fan, the two lines look a bit like a fan I guess バーカ Idiot >They did it again… Should I call it vulgar… or rather mean… >Ehm… >like this…? >On this very toilet… >I don't know how many male pupils… >who's names I don't even know… :>smack >have raped me in their thoughts… \I was their fap material… #or fantasy >A public toilet… >without a personality… I was just an outlet…… for their >sexual desires… 189. >But… the real Hanatsu Kaburagi… >is Toki-kun's exclusive… \Public Morals Chairman Slut. >Speaking of it… >you didn't scribble on your body this time, did you? >I was really taken aback… >the first time you showed me your scribbling… +Toki-kun, please look here.♥ +I was so nervous today… +What if someone were to see this. @Toki-kun's exclusive♥ slutty pussy #bitch pussy >No, that was only… I did it only 3 or 4 times. >Also… today… >is a special day… >…… A special day…? >Ah right… >Watch your legs. >Yes. 190. >Hanatsu-san… are you all right? >I know that it's nearly April… but it's still cold at night… >What about your stomach? >Yeah… \it seems okay today… >Is that so? >But don't be reckless, please… >…… >Actually… \Chairman… you really have guts. >? \What do you mean…? During the meeting today… >Since this school term, there've been several letters in the suggestion box… #lit: "since my/the third term", but that should be equivalent to what I wrote >that complain about findings of dog or cat excretions \on the school yard and the flower beds. #I think it's not Hanatsu-san speaking here >At any rate… as the culprit is an animal… >we should continue to be extra careful on our school patrols…… \but that's all we can do about it. you made such a cool face, but… #unconcerned? poker face? 191. >Most of these were actually… >excretions by the Chairman herself, right? #lit: droppings, does that work in English? +Chairman is peeing like a dog on the morning announcement stand……!!? #how would you call that stand? >And around last week… \you were giving lots of fertilizers… >to the winter daphnes of that flower bed there…… >That was… because my stomach got suddenly cold… >I thought the winter daphnes could cover up the smell…… >Anyway, Toki-kun you're an idiot, a pervert and totally inconsiderate! Heeh?!! It's my fault…?! >This topic is off-limits tonight~~~!!! >You know… >tonight… >is a very special night… >…I… >I'm sorry… 192. >Huh?…… >Is this the archery club……? It's my first time here… >Yeah… \Before long, I will have to part from this place too… >So I wanted to properly burn it into my memories…… >…… \Soon… I will not… >be the Public Morals Committee Chairman… and the President of the Archery Club… \That'll all be over…… >…Ah I see… >So after that… \how should I… >call you at school, Chairman, ehm, Hanatsu-san? ### I checked if all the times are correct here Ch1: Ch4 - <~2 months → End of May Ch4: End of Hanatsu's 2nd year's first third → Middle of July Ch5, start: Summer holidays → July/August Ch5, end: mid-term middle test announcement → October Ch6: Ch1 + <~7 months → End of December, matches Christmas Eve Ch7: Ch6 + 2 days → Christmas Ch8, start: End of Hanatsu's 2nd year → End of March Ch8, middle: = Ch6 → Christmas Ch8, end: continuation Ch8 start, 9 months before next Christmas → End of March ### >I guess it's… Kaburagi-sempai… >…No \That's a bit too familiar I think…? >Just… Sempai? After all, we will lose a point of contact… >? 193. >You know… >I'm already your possession, Master…… >so isn't it fine to call me however you want…? >Ha… Hana…tsu \…san >…… >…Yes \Master♥ >Two lewd monkeys in heat! >I guess… it was futile putting them in cages… 194. >Youngster… >I think I understand you now… >I thought you were a simple fool… >But it seems… >that you are an immense fool with no bounds… Huh…? That man… Isn't that the homeless person I met before…!!? >……Oh >Grandfather…? >⁉ \Grandfather…? >Is this your real grandfather? >Why…… >You seem surprised… >Have you seriously not noticed? >This is… \Yōshū Kaburagi-shi, >founder and president of the Kaburaya Group. #lit: current president 195. >With Kaburaya Group… >Kaburaya Bank, Kaburaya Iron Manufacturings, Kaburaya Motors, >Kaburaya Life, Kaburaya Real Estate, Kaburaya Railways >you mean "the" Kaburaya Group!!!!? ※As if he wants to say: "Hanatsu-san, is that really true?" >…… \Ah! >I wasn't trying to hide that from you…… >I actually thought you would know… >I happened to hear…… >that my dear granddaughter… >has caught a nasty parasite…… >Lady Hanatsu… >I am so utmost sorry… >I am the one… >who reported to the President!! 196. >! \Tamaki-…san⁉ >Tamaki…… >Fine… >Now step aside! >…Yes. >…… >I have two conditions… #lit: two things +⁉ >First… >You will have to be by her side all the time… >Don't let her out of your eyes for a second… +Ugh!? +Does this mean…… He accepts our relation…?! No matter what a nice person you may be… if you know that you associate with the granddaughter of the Kaburaya Group… you won't be able to ignore… her huge financial assets! This is the final… the true test…… >Second… 197. >You will not receive a single yen of the Kaburagi money! >Hanatsu too… will be stripped of her complete heritage…!!! >If you accept these conditions… >then Hanatsu may be yours… >Ha… \Hanatsu-san… >Toki-kun >Toki-kuun!!! I can't believe there's a person who can be so happy…… to hear he gets not a single yen of the Kaburagi money… >Hum! It looks like… he really never considered the money……? 198. It looks like… there was no need for "negotiations"…… #think about "love negotiations" as a title >Ehm… Mister… How should I address him…? >Grandfather… >Be quiet you fools! >If Yōshū Kaburagi decides… >he needs neither criticism nor thanks! #lit: permits no … from anyone >Grandfather… ~+Thank you Grandfather… >I'm sorry for the trouble the day before yesterday. \Did it hurt…? >…… \…No My Lady~~~ >…What!!? >The day before yesterday…!!? >……!!? \…… >With this drug… you two slept through a full day… >Don't worry. \We contacted your family from the beginning… Is that so… 199. >Ah… right. >If there's something that troubles you… >you can consult me… >Yes…? Why is he giving me this…?? >I'm a VIP bodyguard… >so dying is a risk in my job… >…… \But… if I could choose… >I would like to die for some good ideals. #lit: for something stupid. No idea why he says that >What did you talk about…? \Toki-kun. >… >…Well. >Uh…… :>kiss :>kiss lick >Hanatsu-san… >Toki-kun… 200. >…… \You know… >Tonight, I have something important… >that I'd like to talk about with you. >As we were interrupted because of "that incident" before… >I'll ask now about my return-favor \for your Christmas present… #the present she gave, not sure if "my" or "your", or simply "the"? >Ah… yes! >…… >After all… I… >wish to have a baby… >Eehhm…… >It's still a bit early for April fools, Hanatsu-san. >I'm dead serious here!! This is no April fools joke. >You… \know >That day… I really made love with you with the intention to get pregnant… >But… there is still no sign of your baby inside me yet… 201. >I can't stand… >to wait… >even for a single day more! >Hanatsu-san… Going that far… If I could be blessed with a precious child tonight… then it should be born by the end of December… right at Christmas time… I will be absent from school for one year… We will say I would be studying abroad… After that… the daycare will look after our child during daytime… and we start at university together… >So… that's how you have planned it… #lit: It's so… Fellow students♥ What do you think? Isn't it a wonderful plan? >Toki-kun… >On that day… \you didn't really intend to make me pregnant… did you? If it already came to this… #maybe more explicit: If she made up her mind like this then there's no point in resisting…… 202. >Toki-kun… >Come…♥ >Tonight for sure, make me pregnant…♥ >Take me… >make me fully yours…♥ >Hanatsu-san… 203. >Here I go… :>smack >…Mh >Ha… >Hurry… :>slide >Ah… >Ah…♥ >Kh… :>slip :>slip :>bounce #? :>wiggle #? >Hua… \Ahi…n >Haa…n \Aha… >Haaa…aah…mh +So… good!!! >Ehm… \Toki-kun… >Let's start… \doing it like when we did it the first time… 204. >Can you gently penetrate… >my womb… >with your stiiiff dick…? >Yeah… >Fine… >…Mh \Mhf… +Ahh… I'm so happy… >Khu… >Fuu…m +My pussy feels so goooood. +A warm and pleasant feeling… :>wiggle #? :>wind wind #? +is steadily spreading inside me… +It is so easy… +to make a girl happy… +It only needs a dick of the man you love to be deep inside of you… +His fat and stiff dick that penetrates your womb… +And with only that…… +you can become as happy as this…… ※This boils down to personal impressions, so no guarantees of effectiveness can be provided. 205. :>knead :>bounce bounce >…Ah♥ >Ah…he♥ >Hahe…♥ >So… good♥ >I'm sorry, Hanatsu-san, \I was already excited during the walk here… so… >No problem… \Toki-kun… >The same goes for me… Let's cum together…♥ >Tonight… as many times as necessary… \cum inside me… make me pregnant please. >Hanatsu-san :>shove +Impregnating… Hanatsu-san… :>spurt +with my semen…!!! :>pour pour pour >Ugh… >Ah… \Ahi…♥ >Uhaaaa…ah >Haaaa…ah…n 206. >Mhh… >Mhhhhhhu… Toki-kun, your dick is still so hard… >I see what you mean… \You want to have it hard this time… >Hold on tight… >Yes…? >Toki-kun… what do you…!? >And up… >Wha… wait… >This… \Aaaaahhhhhh…ah :>slap 207. >Khaaa…ah >Ka… +Nearly my whole weight… presses on my womb… :>knead +It's like a wooden stick forces me to sit down with my womb…!!! #I had to look up the grammar (causative passive)… #what a stupid analogy this is. Or does it happen all the time for girls that a wooden stick forces them do sit down… m( >Ah… \Ah…♥ >…I'm cumming♥ >I'm cumming… >Even though I came just a moment before… >Well… Hanatsu-san, \I'll cum too! >…!!? >Ah… I'm… >I'm still cumming… >Toki-ku… >Khu…hi \Khuaaaaaaahhhh~~~~m 208. >Ahm… \Toki-ku… >Wait a moment… \Hia…m >Really… please… >Let's rest for a moment… hya… >If we continue like this… ahi…mm +My… my pussy… +Hanachu's pussy… just came a moment ago. >Ah…ah >Akhu…uh +My pussy which just came is plugged so hard… +I'm cumming again… +It's like I'm cumming non-stop… +How can that be…? #the Japanese phrase could mean pretty much anything (lit: that this) 209. +Aah… What is that…? +My body feels so light… >Hahi… \Hin…♥ >Hahiin… ~\Please, Toki-kun… >Hanuchu's pussy is breaking. #being destroyed \It's breaking. +It's like my whole body became a womb…!!! >Ahu… \Hahee… >So happy… >It feels so good… +More and more body fluids are leaving my head… #lit: something is continuously spilling from the insides of my head +Why is this happening…? I don't know why I'm here anymore… #lit: How did it came to this? I don't know what is what anymore… #I think my version flows better, but if you think it's too far off let me know Incredible… Her pussy is constantly cramping!!! >Ihin \Ih… ~+My brain is melting… ~+I'm becoming stupid… 210. ……Huh? Where am I…? What was I doing…? It's so warm… and it feels good… and I feel happy…… +…!!? +My feet aren't on the ground #lit: my feet are not connected +I'm… floating in the air…!!? +I feel so light… +I'm floating…… +Where to……? +It seems… +like I'm drifting somewhere…… +… +I can't return back… anymore…!!? +No way… I'm scared…!! 211. +Getting swallowed… by the deep… darkness… +I'm scared… +I'm being dissolved… by the bright light…… +I'm scared… +I'm going to vanish… #to not exist +I'm scared… +So scared… +I'm so scared!!! >Toki-ku…, Toki-kun… \Save me… ~>Please save Hanachu…!!!! What's up with you… Hanatsu-san? 212. >Hanatsu-san >Are you fine, Hanatsu-san? +Toki-kun!!!! >Toki-kun you meany… \Where did you go!? >Please… Toki-kun… >Hug me tightly… ~\don't let go of Hanachu… >What are you talking about… >>I was embracing you the whole time since the beginning… >Toki-kun >Toki-kuun… :>squeeze 213. >Ah… >Ah…hi :>slap >Mh…ah… >Ahu…♥ >Ahi…♥ >Ah…ah \no…… >No more… >If you plow the field for the baby so hard… \then my womb will break…♥♥ >Hanachu's pussy… \does not stop cummiiiing…!!! >Ah… >Hua…ah ~>I'm cumming… #very slurred, not sure if I'm right ~>How… this is… amazing… ~>Something amazing is coming~~~ >Uhaa… ah… >Me… too… 214. >Hua… \Hiaaaa…ah :>gush gush #no idea :>spurt spurt spurt spurt >Ahuhiaaaaa…aahm 215. >Ahi… \Hya…n +Wow… is it possible that Hanatsu-san… >…Mhhu >Nhu…n ~>My pussy… ~\soooo… gooood…!!! +is cumming and peeing!!? :>splash splash splash splash ~>Hot…… ~\semen… ~>My womb… is burning… ~>My pussy… ~\is melting… 216. >Ah… \Ahim… >Ah♥ \So much… So much… >Khuu…n♥ >It's still not stopping #bottom middle >Hanachu's… pussy♥ \is still cumming… >Hanatsu-san… >Mh…♥ >Nmhu… +I love you, Toki-kun!!!! >Hey… Toki-kun… >Do you remember the other promise you made…? >That you would grant me a favor if you'd score #lit: give me a prize >in the top 20 of the mid-term tests… >Yes… I remember. >Ehm… is it fine to… >ask for it now? Honestly, you know you can ask me anything! >Yeah… sure! 217. >Well it's… >Ehm… >…actually… >like you do to small kids… >…… >……Yes? Does she want to get spanked on her ass like before…? If that's all… fine? >…My… >head… >Can you please pat my head? >Patting… >your head…? >That's all you want…? >…Yes. >And while you pat it… >say that I did well… >and say I'm a good child… #lit: that you hung on well #both sentences are nearly the same. If you know a good synonym for "you did well" let me know please >I see… \Then here I go? Yes, please! 218. +Is it right… +like this…? >You did well… Nice girl, nice girl… You're a good child… >? >Hanatsu-san…? +!? >Hanachu… \Hanachu gave her best… #tried so hard? >At studying… as Public Morals Committee Chairman… >at sports… at club activities ~>with my whole heart \I gave it all my best!!!! Someone to look over her… someone who recognizes her endeavors…… >I wanted to play with the others… For Hanatsu-san…… >wanted to fall in love earlier… that person was missing…… >but… I always had to give my best… 219. >Hanatsu-san >I will… >from now on… \always look over you… >Ha…ah… ~>Toki-kuuu~~~~~~n!!! Later… after about half a year had passed… Truth is that today… at Hanatsu-san's residence… a somewhat important event is occurring. By the way… while I'm dressed like this… this is not going to be a wedding… 220. Of course, we cannot enter in the family register yet… but Hanatsu-san wants to at least make some photos… So today… we're having a photo-shooting… >Hurry, hurry! \The bridegroom must not be late. >Look! Here arrives the culprit! #lit: "undesirable lover", but that sounds very strange to me Wow~~~~~ So many maids here… Looks like all maids of the residence have assembled… 20 to 30 maids… #bottom >Here please. I prepared a chair~ >Ah… thanks. >That's wrong~ Ahahahaha >This chair is for the bride~ Sor… I'm sorry 221. >Look here! \The world's most beautiful bride is arriving! >Toki-kun… how am I…? >Am…… I beautiful…? >…… \So beautiful… >Really… wow, for sure, you're the world's most \beautiful… >I'm so glad…♥ >At least I'm certain… >that I'm the world's most happy bride…♥ >The preparations are done~ Please! >Understood~ >Well then, I'll count down! >3… 2… 1… >Go!! This post has been edited by Shapes: Jun 11 2019, 04:19

May 21 2019, 16:00 Post #27
Shapes Casual Poster Group: Gold Star Club Posts: 352 Joined: 14-September 17 Level 30 (Journeyman) +K	Proofread by KWI_IBUKI -- Chapter + / Bonus Chapter -- 223. ^Going back a little in time to her last night as Public Morals Committee Chairman. >Ah…hi… \…ih… >Ihi…n >Ah…ah… Toki-ku… \Hanachu'll cum again… >This time again… let's cum \together. >Yes \Me too… :>spurt spurt spurt spurt >Ah…♥ \Ahe…ah ~>So hot…♥ >Toki-kun's semen, the source for a baby… #素 = chemical element, plain, white silk 224. >Khu…n♥ :>drool >Ah…ah♥ \It's spilling over so much… >You tried so hard impregnating me… :>drool drool >but Hanachu's womb… \is already filled up with Toki-kun's semen. >How many times is it now… \that you came inside me tonight…? >Ehe~m, five… or six times…? \Sorry, but at least… >I counted how many times you came, Hanatsu-san… 26 times by the way. >Geez… That's so like you, Toki-kun… >But now for sure… \we should've hit the bull's eye. So warm♥ >What do you mean by "bull's eye"…? T/N: Actually it's far less obvious in Japanese. She says "kaichū" (hitting the mark) and uses the kanjis target+center. Usually that is pronounced "tekichū", thus Toki's confusion. #not so sure about this. without the explanation it looks like Toki is stupid. Do you know a less obvious term for bull's eye? Probably something in latin would be good. 225. >Ah… sorry. In archery, when the arrow hits the mark… >we call it bull's eye… It's written with the characters for "target" and "center". >Ah, I see… I thought it was a pregnancy term… >Ah right! Speaking of it… I actually >wanted to see how you shoot for a long time… >No problem with that… >Eh…m…, if possible… \naked please…… #in the nude please >… \Eh… >If I don't at least wear this… you know… >it would be really dangerous for my nipples…… Okay, I see… >Sure… >… \Geez… >Toki-kun, you pervert…… 226. >Then, here I go… >Yes, please! +… +So… beautiful… 227. >You see… it's actually kind of difficult to focus like this… >Looks like… >I didn't even hit the stand…… >!? \What's up with you, Toki-kun…? >…Huh? Toki-kun… >Oh… \When did this…? >This… >When you took your shooting pose… I couldn't stop thinking how beautiful you are… >I… 228. >…… \I… >Toki-kun!? >I… I'm a fool… \Seriously… >You are too good for someone like me… >A beauty like you… clever… and with excellent behavior… \being raised like a lady, like a precious treasure… He-Hey, what is this… >and here I ask you on a whim… \about… >shooting your bow naked #in the nude / naked? \for me… >I feel like I betray the people in your world… \like I make you… \dirty… Geez… >Geez, Toki-kun…… >Why do you come up with that now… If you speak like this >Don't you think that impregnating me at these sacred archery grounds… \wouldn't have disqualified me already? #meaning: to be part in "her world" #\wouldn't yet have cast me fully out? my pussy is getting weak again! #しまくり? する+まくる? or しまくる #まくる = do over and over again, I guess it's that >Hanatsu-san…? 229. >Did you already forget…? >If it is about a wish for you… \then whenever… wherever… >no matter how perverted… >you can ask me to do anything.♥ >For example, if it's your wish, Master, >then this Public Morals Committee Chairman and earnest Archery Club President… >would even poop for you on the sacred archery grounds. >Mh…♥ +Hanatsu-san… >Haa… \…Haa I started… >Haa… wanting it again…♥ >Haa… I already came five to six times tonight… but the tightness of Hanatsu-san's asshole is still too good… >Hey, since we're already here… \How about you trying to shoot…? #pull a bow >Huh… me!? Will I be able to do this… 230. >Ah! Wear that one… L-Like this…? >Pull it slowly over from the top… #I think she's explaining how to wear that dress >Well then… I'll have a try…… >♥ Wonderful♥ So cool…♥ >Yes! I love it, I love it♥♥ >Give it your best!♥ @Kaburagi What is… this feeling…? Even though it's my first time… it doesn't feel like it is… It's like the world of archery… up to the tip of the arrowhead is becoming a part of my body…… Unbelievable… The target and Hanatsu-san… it's all connecting to me…… #right two lines >… >Toki-…kun 231. ^And back today… after the memorial photo shooting #drop memorial if it sounds strange >…Ehm \Hanatsu-san… >Are we really going to do it now…? >I know that it has been long since you're in the stable phase… >but do you think you're fine like this……? >Hehehe #laugh >Think about it properly, Toki-kun… #Afaiu "stable phase" starts with the second trimester (~5th months). Idk if it's called like this because miscarriage probability goes down a lot, or because the woman feels better during this phase >To embrace me in my wedding dress… :>plump :>plump plump >and moreover… with a big pregnant belly… >that's probably a once-in-a-lifetime chance… >Hanatsu-san… You're right… :gulp 232. >Toki-kun, look please… :>plump >Not long ago I had a C-cup… >but now… >in the last few weeks, my bra size increased to an F-cup. :startled >And that's not all to it yet. >I have another thing that'll surprise you… >Look here please…♥ :>rub rub >… >…? >…Mh♥ :>squeeze 233. >Breast milk!!? \It's already coming out…!!! >Hihihi… #lit: Mhuhu…, maybe teeheehee?? :>plump >It just started when I put on the dress earlier…… \I was totally surprised too. >The first gulp is for my beloved husband… #master >Genuine freshly squeezed… >sweetly sweet Hanachu milk.♥ :>plump >Please, help yourself.♥ >Ah…m♥ :>plump >Ah…♥ >Ah… >Ahi… \Haaaaa…m 234. >Hi…yah \Am…♥ +This feels… good.♥ +I didn't know… that it feels so good having milk… +sucked out of your breasts. ※This is a personal impression. To be honest… :>gulp gulp this isn't actually that tasty… but…… when I think about… that this Chairman, beauty and fine lady… that I yearned for so long and thought I could never reach, that Hanatsu Kaburagi fell in love with me… and got pregnant with my child… and that this breast milk is for the child :>plump plump 235. +and that her breasts became big because of it…… +then I'm a hundred percent happy! :>plump :>plump >Ahi… \Hiu…n♥ >Good… \Ihin… +Aaah… this feels so… good. >Aha…ah♥ >Ah♥ +Getting my freshly produced milk sucked, and at the same time… +getting my big belly pussy softly plunged… +She's so sweet… and adorable… +my exclusive Hanatsu-san!! +I have to protect them for certain…!!! +My beloved Hanatsu-san… +and our baby… #there's a translation mistake here: #the bubbles of the third frame actually connect with those of the first frame, making the long sentence even longer and changing the subject. It's actually Hanatsu who's 100% happy. #text flows much better in my version and Toki-kun ought to be happy too. I'm still undecided whether to correct this like here: #and because of that her breasts became big \| and she became a hundred percent happy \| my sweet and adorable, \| my exclusive Hanatsu-san!! #what do you think? 236. :>squeeze squeeze :>rub #? >Ahea… ~+So gooood… >Ihi…n >Hih… ~+My womb~~~~ +So much… :>plump :>plump +between Toki-kun's dick… +and the baby's head… +my womb is getting squeezed~~~ It's like my womb became my body… and Toki-kun and the baby gently embrace it…♥ I feel so comfortable… and totally… happy… I don't know what I could wish for anymore♥♥ ※Yet again personal impressions. >Hanatsu-san, sorry… >I think I'm going to cum! 237. >Ahi… \Ihi…m :>chew #gnaw? :>splash splash splash >Khaaaah… >Ahiiiaaaaahhh… Ah… aaaaaah… ah… ~My wo-womb… and my pu-pussy… ~connect Toki-kun's penis and the baby… #lit: the baby's penis and Toki-kun ?? ~my womb is melting from the hot and sticky semen… >Mha♥ >Ah…♥ >Khu…mh >Mh…♥ #おまんこ…と？？？？　ときくんと…赤ちゃんの…おちんちん…に… #暑い精子が…はなちゅの子袋にとろとろとろけさせて I'm… so… happy… 238. >…… \But still… >Isn't it strange…? >♥ >? >What do you mean? >A beauty like you, who's smart and an excellent person… \wouldn't you want to go out working and show to all the men that you won't lose… Sorry… >So, why did you want to… >marry so early… and wanted to have a baby…? ※Yet again personal impressions >Isn't the fact… >that I fell in love with you… >…enough? >No… \I mean… >…Yes >It's fine I think… >Also, \this… >is a different matter, but… >you love it too, Toki-kun, don't you? >? >A girl's weakest point… >the tiny… pinkish, sweet donut. :>plump 239. >The cervical os is not only one of a woman's erogenous zones… \it is the most incredible erogenous zone (sweetspot) of all… #cervical os = womb mouth >Yeah… Aah… Her cervical os… >But the womb is made of muscles, \so for a girl who hasn't experienced giving birth, it's still hard and firm… Actually, when penetrated by a penis for the first time, it's painful for most girls… >Can you see it…? >Hanachu's… donut♥ but Hanatsu… she liked it from the start.♥ Usually it should slowly develop into an erogenous zone with lots of time and love… :>spread >But you see… after giving birth \the stiff womb muscles will relax… \and it becomes fluffy and elastic. >So when getting penetrated by a dick then… \it will feel many times better, that's what I read. #or heard Is that so? #He~~~~ >It's like a present from the gods \for the girl who gave birth. Only talking about the sensation… Haaaaaaa #sound of astonishment, indulging, you get the point. Is Haaa okay in English? made me already wet… That's Hanatsu-san… She's totally greedy for things that feel good… Not that I would complain… >Ah… there is one more thing… \I'd like to ask you. >Yes! What is it? 240. >This time, this hole… \wants a dick too… :>pull >Please, Master♥ :>plump :>plump >put your fat and hard dick inside Hanatsu's dirty asshole… \that's surrounded by nasty hair…♥ >Please gently knead my womb, >my honey donut, >through my asshole. :>gasp :>shake shake And our sexual compatibility… >…Yes is perfect… >Okay. 241. ^Thus… ^Three years later… >Wow~ Amazing~ So cool~~ \Hey, who's that? >I have to know!! 242. >You are excited even though you don't know him? So what? >He's the most famous person of our school… >That's right. \He has an attractive face and a great figure, his grades are excellent… >Also, it is said that he's expected to become a new star in archery… >And I don't know if it's really true… \but it's said that he started with archery only in high school. >And that he didn't miss a single target by now… That must be fake… >He's second year's… So… cool… >Toki-sempai! By the way, he's 185cm tall… >Wow… his face is so my type. \Does he have a girlfriend? He probably has… >He's no match for you! Yeah, he's sexy I'm fine with only watching him♪ >What~~~ why~~~? \You don't know if I don't give it a try. >The thing is, he's… >Excuse me please. >No problem. 243. >It's really true that he never missed… >a single target. Really? Who is she? She's pretty… >To-Toki-sempai! #why? >Darling~~ >Darling…? \He's her darling? >For real!!? And her breasts are huge. ※Even after the end of her lactation period her breast size safely(?) remained an F-cup… >Hanatsu-san! >Ahahahaha, now you saw it… #lit: heard >That girl is Toki-sempai's wife… Wife… Whaat… No way~~~ >Now I see how he's our school's most famous person. Unbelievable >That's for sure… And for her… >She's a former noble woman from the Kaburagi family… The daughter… \of the Kaburaya group! >But those two… >they married as high school students and… they already have a child! Kaburaya?! Wow~~~~ #astonishment Married?! Wow~~~~ Child?! Wow~~~~ 244. >See~~~ Not a chance. Maybe she lost her virginity inside the school building #?? lit: As for holiness, inside the school building Hehe >Noo~~~~~~ My Toki-sama~~~ >What are you acting up for? >He wasn't yours from the beginning! Woah… a french kiss…?! kiss♥ >I was so lonely… \my head went all strange.♥ >What are you saying…? \not even half an hour has passed. 245. Love Maneuvering A greeting, or rather something like an afterword… Here's the author. First of all, hello to you all. I'm thankful that this book found a way into your hands. "Long time no see"… or is it "nice to meet you"…? This is my next work after "Pretty Cool", nearly two years ago… (sweat) Somehow… once again, I produced a strange manga. (laugh) After my previous work "Pretty Cool" was serialized, I was a bit in a loss what to do next, or should I rather say my thoughts were like: should I rather draw a book of "ベタな王道", or something like in the later "指標", but in the end, the thing I actually wrote was "Love Maneuvering", a complete story. That's life~ #that's how life goes It became a really long story, right? (sweat) It's thanks to the good reputation I got on the first chapter (so basically thanks to Hanatsu-san's character?), which was intended as the start of a story arc that I was given the opportunity to draw such a long story. On this occasion, let me say that I'm really thankful to you all! For my previous work I had nearly the whole plot outlined before I started drawing, but this time actually, the plot unfolded successively and less controlled… Well, the result turned out like this. #纏まる wrap → unfold?? What do you think…? How do you feel about it…? Do you think I overdid it in many places……? Or on the contrary, did I understate it…? #overdid → drifted away?? I can no longer objectively judge this work… (sweat) But as a compensation, I actually don't get to the point anymore where I don't know what would be good to draw the next time… well, that's that… Well, whatever. I've gotten deeply emotionally attached to this work and I would be really happy if you, too, found a little liking in "Love Maneuvering" and "Hanatsu-san"…… Well then, until next time, hopefully in the near future…… Currently watching the movie "Smoking Ace 2", 2010-11 Sengoku-kun Unbelievable that he really made me poop… 247. It's been three months already since Hanatsu-san safely gave birth to our baby… Love Maneuvering++ Today is the school term ending ceremony and I was asked to stop by afterwards at the house, where Hanatsu-san stays during her one-year absence from school. By the way Hanatsu-san, >Welcome home, Darling… >Hanatsu-san besides her getting huge breasts… I have the impression that after giving birth, her beauty… and sexiness have further increased… #she did become pretty colorful indeed (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) >Good job on working as the Public Morals Committee Chairman for the whole year! >I'm feeling extremely proud right now… >No, that was only possible… >due to your and all members' support…… #lit: advice >Ah… ehm… \so… >Today, finally… Already more than three months have passed… >should be fine……… right? >Yes… >Of course! 248. >How is it… \Darling…?♥ :>spread #hopefully >Can you see properly…? >My fluffy… and jiggling… :>plop >womb donut.♥ >Yeah… I can see it very well… Wow, so that is her womb… >But I can't really tell what changed after giving birth… It really looks like a donut… >Geez… Darling… >If a girl is exposing herself before you in such an embarrassing pose… >you have to praise her, at least as flattery! Like it's so cute with the pinkish color… Sorry… @Let's do some explanation!! @Hanatsu-san, our highschool student who has given birth, has heard about and unreflectedly believes in the dubious rumor, that after giving birth the womb will become fluffy and soft and the feelings of having sex with it will be many times more intense than before. Thus, she can't await her first sex after having given birth…!!!! What's with all the text…? Beats me… ##経産婦胡散臭い風評鵜呑み 249. Hanatsu-san has infected me too… with her huge anticipation… >Come on… we waited long enough for this… \Hurry up… >Stick your dick… >inside my womb. >Through my god blessed pussy… #or: my womb is my god-blessed pussy? :>stretch #or is it for circulation her clit? >Yes sure… here I come! Hanatsu's pussy that I didn't use for four months… >Haa…ah♥ >Mhfu…♥ it's soft and moist… >P-Please… don't tease me… >push it deep inside… and it's happily sucking in my dick! #attracting :>squish :>pop >Mhhaaa… +…!!? 250. >…Ha… >He…ah… >Hahee…eh… >…Ah >No… way… >No way, how can it be, \this good… >Fuyuha-cha~n, \how are you? It might be just because we didn't do it for such a long time… >So good… \like it can't be true. >I can't… believe it. but certainly… it feels incredibly good… >Finally… \again♥ >Hey… Master♥ >What if it feels even better… \if I give birth once more…♥ Hanatsu-san's ambitions… +…!? know no boundaries… (sweat) This post has been edited by Shapes*: Jun 25 2019, 15:52

Jun 2 2019, 16:29 Post #28
Shapes Casual Poster Group: Gold Star Club Posts: 352 Joined: 14-September 17 Level 30 (Journeyman) +K	https://e-hentai.org/g/705265/57dd640f51/ Proofread by Erelzen 001. Taking fevery Karen-chan to the toilet… 002. Add a note that the red bars are English in the original 005. >Nii-chan, I need to go to the toilet. ^As Karen was inflicted with the poison from the fangs of the Flame-wreathe bee, >Take me to pee. ^she came down with a high fever and is unable to take care of herself on her own. ^I had just wiped her down ^a short while ago. ^She was struggling heavily at first because she was embarrassed… ^but while taking care of her she surprisingly became silent. ^Well… This has it's good points too… ^It's like her personality has completely changed… >Nii-chan… It's hot… ^Now she wants to get spoiled by me. 006. >Well… \There's no helping it… When she's in pain like this. >Come on. \You can walk the rest. >I'm going to wait here. >Nii-chan… >No… >I might collapse inside of the toilet… >Can't you come with me…? >Whaaat? >No… \There're a lot of reasons why I can't do that… >Usually you would hate the thought of me standing at your side when you do your deed, right? >If it's Nii-chan… I'm fine. >But it would be embarrassing with Tsukihi-chan. <Hey! \Since when do I score above Tsukihi-chan in your ranking!? #\What place do I have in your mind currently? #\What is my rank in your mind currently? 007. >…Hurry, Nii-chan, \I have to pee. >Yes yes, I get it… >So I should really go with you… >…Geez >Come, let me down on the seat. >Yes yes, fine. >This is really tiresome… \Nii-chan, you have to remove my panties. >Whaa? \Ah, geez, I get it. >You're just… like a big baby… >Ah… \Nii-chan… hurry… \I think I'm going to leak for real. >It's really difficult to remove them when you're so sweaty. \Instead of complaining it would be faster if you removed them by yourself. >I can't~ \A wave of pee is coming. >Uhn… 008. >I'm telling you… \I'm at the limit of my endurance. >If I move, it'll leak immediately… <Okay… wait… I'll remove them quickly. ^That expression she makes… She's my sister, so I thought it wouldn't affect me… ^Shit… \I'm starting to feel… very strange. >Nii-…chan… Sorry… >I can't… \endure… any… more… >Heh…? >You're going to pee like this? >Ah… Haa \It's coming… >Ah…ah 009. ^Oh… ^It's gushing out like a waterfall… >Ka… Karen-chan…n ^So girls pee like this… >Nhaa…hhm >Sorry… Nii-chan, I'm sorry, I can't stop… >Auh >Ah… >Ihh… >Mh… 010. >Huaa… >It all… came out. >Ehem… >Ha >Haa >I missed the toilet… \what shall we do now. >you may feel relieved now… #put "you" in italics >but me… <Ah… >what shall I do now that I've seen this… #this dialog doesn't sound too well (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/sad.gif) maybe rewrite it? #>but I've got totally turned on #>but I'm totally under tension >Haa >Such a… >Haa >Whaa \Ah…!! \St-Stop, Nii-chan!! >leaky girl… <Uwahh… >Hhm \hhm <It… it's dirty… don't touch it… idiot. <Ni… \Nii-chan! No… Stop it… 011. >What are you complaining about when you just dirtied the whole bathroom with your pee. >Ah… kh… \Your fingers are inside me… >They're not, but I'll put them in now. >Hahu >Hahu >Nii-chan, you idiot, pull them out… \…Pervert… >Whatever you say, Karen-chan… >Your brother got totally turned on after seeing a urination scene of his sister, \he's just a normal pervert… >Don't make such a… serious face… when announcing you're a pervert… >Ah~ \Ah \Ah >Ah… \But really, I can't… \stand anymore, you know. >So let's sit down then. >Uhh \Uhh >Phew >Mhh…mh >Well, doing it like this is more convenient. <Whaat… >Look \I'm going to finger you a lot now. <Don't bullshit me… 012. <Uhh <Aaah ^Dammit… <Stop… it. ^because of the fever… I have no strength at all. ^…Or rather… my body… is extremely… thrilled… <Ahh, ah <Incredible, my finger is moving inside of you. ^This is bad… >Karen-chan, you're just at that age, \you already did this by yourself, didn't you? >You should know your own sweet spots. <Waa ah♥ <Ah ah >Not there <Nii-chan you're such an idiot, of course I didn't… >You're not fooling me. #don't lie to me >Tell me, \what part are you usually fingering? Your insides, or your clit? <Huaa♥ >Come on, answer me. <Ah >I'm totally interested in your masturbation technique. <Nha >Hey <Ngh~ >Come on, do you hear me? 013. >Ah… ^Nii-chan's fingers are touching my sweet spots precisely. >Ah \I… don't… know… >Haa >Haa >Haa >Maybe… >both >Haahn ^It's throbbing ^deep inside me… >You mean like this? <Aaahh ah \don't finger both parts aaaahhhh♥ #or paaaaaahhrts ^This feels… <Ugh <Hghu ^incredibly good. <Huaa… Nii-chan…! >Sh-Show me your face. <Mh! >Look more right here… >Wow… it's twitching inside you, Karen-chan. >Are you going to cum? <Whaa… <This is bad… 014. <Ah <Aaahhh >Ahh >Haaa~♥ >Hahu >Haaa♥ >Uwee… >Huee >You gushed a lot again. >Look at me, you made me soaking wet. >Geez… \you're sitting on the damn toilet, you could've been smart and let it out inside. >Don't you think you have bad manners? 015. >Look at this, Karen-chan. >No… \don't tease my breasts with your dick… >It's your fault that my dick turned into this. >You have to take responsibility >with your mouth. >Ah nooo >I'll do it myself, let me just borrow your throat. <Mhhhuu! >Good job… Karen-chan \You've taken it all in. Don't let go. <Ngoh <Nboh 016. <Ngh >Ah, it's so warm inside your mouth, it feels good… <Ghee >Just keep up with it for a little longer… \I'll cum soon… <Ophhhu <Ah, so deep… <Ka-Karen-chan… <Ka…ren…-chan. <Khu <See how I cum… #lit: see, I cum <I'm cumming! <Waaah 017. >What a huge… load… \It's coming out as if he was peeing… >Ah…ah… >Your face is getting all dirty… \but it's warm, so does it feel good? To get soaked in my semen? >Hey… \Karen-chan… focus on this here. >Ah… Nii-chan… >That feels good… >So next? \What shall I do now? >Just tell me what you like. >Shall I spoil you like before? >So what are you going to ask me, Karen-chan? >… >Ha… ah >I… ah >want… >you… >please… >Hurry… >and… put it… inside… 018. >As you wish… <Huaaaaaaa <Ah <Ih… >I'm going to please you. >Haa… >Amazing… <Hih Ah Ah Ah >It's hot inside you. <Ah \Ahuu >How come? \It's so hot inside you, I think my dick will melt. <Ah♥ <Ah♥ >Your fever really must be high. 019. <Nii-chan… you're fierce… >Ka…! \Karen-chan <Hiaa♥ <Ah <Wait…! <Karen-chan! <It feels so good, my hips can't stop… <Hiaa <Aaah <Ah ^No way, Nii-chan… ^knows no hesitation… ^just a moment ago he was so worried about my body… ^but now… can… can he really not stop his hips…? 020. ^Uwah, that spot… <Higii♥♥ >You like that spot deep inside, don't you? \I know that because your pussy is twitching incredibly. <Ah…♥ <Ah…♥ >Should I penetrate your front with all my might, non-stop? #instead of "front" it's "root/source/origin" \Or… >like this… \do you want me to thrust up to your deepest spot? ^No… don't… my head is getting totally crazy. <Ah♥ ^This feeling is too much for me… 021. >Usually you're always together with Tsukihi-chan \and you always have a rebellious attitude towards me. >Ahm >Ah >But now, what are you now? A complete mess? \It's such a nice situation that you can't move because of the fever and I can fuck you, Karen-chan. <Don't twist… <Hiih <Ah >deep inside me… >But really, \I wouldn't have guessed that you could moan so sexily, and have such a satisfied expression. >You really have an unexpected sweet side in you. #meaning: unexpectedly you have a sweet side >That's 'cause… \when you're hitting me deep inside… >it feels so good… Nii-chan. >You, \if you weren't my sister, I would've seriously fallen in love with you. 022. >But still… >I'm really glad that you're my sister. >I feel the same… >Nii-chan. ^It's incredible to stick so close… ^I really like Nii-chan's smell. <Nhh >Ka… >Ka…Karen-chan >Ngh ^I don't want to be separated from him… >Ah♥ >Ah♥ ^Nii-chan… >^Nii…chan ^Only Nii-chan… ^I can't think of anything else anymore. 023. <Hua >…Sorry, but I'm cumming again. <Ah >I want to kiss you, Karen-chan. >Yes >Let's kiss… >Ni… Nii-chan… \Ngh >Amh >Mh… >Amh >Mh >…ren-chan >Karen-cha… >Nii-han… \love you… >I love… you… >Karen-…chan <Ah…gh <~♥ <I'm cumming… 024. <Huaaaaaaaa♥♥ >Ah… no… >Don't separate from me… >Nii-chan… 025. >Yes, your fever cooled down a little, it was 40 degrees before… >Shinobu said kissing transfers colds… \Maybe that charm… really works. >Well indeed, \I really feel better than before. >I wonder why…? >Because of the things we did at the toilet before… \my fever should have actually gone up… >About that, I really regret what I did to you, please forgive me… >It couldn't be helped. \At least I have something I can blackmail you with from now on. #"material to shake" idk if I got this right <Don't surprise me with such scary things. Your poor Nii-chan's heart hurts. >Just kidding. Idiot >Well… \I'll go grab some drinks for us, just wait a moment. >That's my scary sister… >Ah… >Wait… Nii-chan. ^In the end, no matter what's said, >You can do that later… Please stay here a while longer… \I feel safe when you're at my side. \Okay…? >… \Okay, I see. ^Karen-chan is really cute when she gets spoiled and treated by me. 026. #inside the cloud I'm really thankful that this book found its way into your hands!! Nyamon #the text next to the cat #below the cloud A story where Karen-chan acted as an M. Usually it's our strong Koyomi who's more an M, but when it comes to the siblings, it's good that he can become a serious S. ☺ Ehehehe #around the figure left→top→right >And if you say you're tired >then >death penalty, that's my rule!! #left side As I didn't draw Tsukihi-chan in this book, I wanted to at least draw one picture of her here. This post has been edited by Shapes: Jun 4 2019, 16:13

Jun 24 2019, 17:41 Post #29
Shapes Casual Poster Group: Gold Star Club Posts: 352 Joined: 14-September 17 Level 30 (Journeyman) +K	bounty: https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=17496 This is from 2018-10, I'm not sure if it was already proofread or not. ##You might want to change all the Shayaka/Shayakaa to Sayaka if it looks too strange in English, but it's in the original to show that she speaking strange ##Also, in case this series has an English adaption, you might want to change the names accordingly (only first names, no honorifics) 000. Magical ♥ Juice 002. Table of Contents Until the Apple Juice is completed …05 Danshaku Gaido Guest Strip …25 Afterword …33 Colophon …34 003. >Ah♥ >Ahm♥ >Kyōko… >Incredible… That's some incredible tightening. >Ah… Shayakaa >What's up with you? Your body is so strained. \Are you about to cum? >It's fine, you don't need to endure it, Kyōko. >Ah♥ >Ah♥ >That's not what it is… >I… think… I'm cuming too… \Inside is fine, isn't it? >Ha…♥ >Ahu♥ >Ah… Shayaka… #she speaking strange that's how Sa→Sha >Noo… 004. <Noo <If you're fierce right now. >Impossible, I can't endure it, I tell you. ~Hagya♥ <Hyaaa! <Noo >Aah♥ >Aah♥ <Ah♥ \Ah♥ <Aaahh♥ 005. >Eh…? >Ah♥ >Ah♥ >Is that… pee…? >Kyōko… Did you feel too good… >so that you leaked…? >Ahee♥ >Heaa♥ >Cu… +Cuuute…! >But… >She looks somehow kinda depressed… >Even though she's so cute [like this]… 006. >Miki-san? >Did something happen between you and Sakura-san recently? >To be honest… actually… >Recently, Kyōko isn't, ehm… having sex with me… >I see… that's troublesome… \A lack of sex is not good I think… >It's clear that Sakura-san fighting morale has dropped… >It think it's since that time she peed herself. >Probably… I'm wondering if she couldn't forgive herself for that? >I'm not like you, Sayaka. I'm not interested in these lewd things! \is what she persistently claimed… >And like this, at the moment, I too… >have to hold back… Something needs to be done about this [situation]… >I see… that's really troublesome…♥ >Sex where you pee yourself… Such a beautiful thing… \We have bring Sakura-san to properly understand this♥ >Ehm… I'm have a hunch that that's not the proper way… #lit: somehow, [I have a] good-for-nothing premonition 007. >So now is an important meeting regarding fighting coordination…? >What's that supposed to mean… >So annoying… >I'm here, Mami, let's get this over with quickly… <What… \What is this? \No furniture at all… >My my, welcome Sakura-san♥ <Whaaaat! >Uhuhu… We already started… \with the meeting♥ >Ah… Hee… Kyōkoo… \Mami-san's dick… 008. ~You two! What are you doing? >Ah…a♥ >Hea…♥ >Don't you know? Sakura-san? \You're the main reason for this. ~You've been craving for dick, haven't you♥ >Sakura-san, because you didn't partner up with Miki-san, \she became sexually frustrated. >Hea…♥ >Ah…♥ >Just now, out of her frustration, even her asshole, >did become like this…♥ ~Hyan♥ >Uhuhu, Miki-san's rectum is splendid♥ \I wonder if the tea you drank is starting to take effect? >Ah♥ >Uh♥ ~Ah ah Mami-san… \If you hit my bladder like this… >Kya♥ >Aghu♥ <Ua…a… Saya…ka… #bottom right >Ah♥ >It'll come out… >Ah♥ >Aa…aah… >Ah♥ >Ah♥ >Aaah♥ 009. >Ah♥ >Aaaah♥ >Ya♥ >Ah♥ >Noo♥ >I can't stop♥ >peeing♥ >Aah… 010. >Aah… Miki-san… your peeing… >it's splendid… ~Ah…aah… +No way… Without realizing it… +I leaked too… +Sayaka… +This… +Isn't this… +Isn't it dirty… this… >Pacha (sfx for touching the liquid) >Uhuhu… Mimi-san, you… >Ha♥ >Letting out apple juice like this… >Ha♥ >Mami-san… >But it felt good, right? >It's fine… If it feels so good that you leak… \that's a natural thing when having sex… #flip them if it's too strange like this >Ha♥ >Ha♥ >… >Miki-san, your sweet juice… >I'm so happy… 011. >I saw such a wonderful side of you, Miki-san… >Aah… you look like you want more… >Aaah…m♥ >Mami-san… More… I want more… >Nupupu♥ >Uhuhu… Look… You produced this sweet nectar yourself… >Aaah… So sweet… So delicious… >Nn…ah… +Aah… ah… +They can't… +Is it… really… Is it okay if I pee too…? +Ah… pee…… +They won't become angry when I pee…? 012. +I always held it in… +All the time… +I endured it not to let it leak… +I endured it even though I have a peeing habit… +It looks so pleasant… >N♥ >A♥ >Ahu♥ >Nna♥ +Letting it all out… +That's it…! \It felt good…! +Getting thrusted into by Sayaka's dick and peeing… +I want to pee…! >Haah♥ >Haah♥ >Haah♥ 013. >Hey… >I need a dick… please… >Hit my bladder too with your dick… #lit: pee sack \Sayakaa… >Mhf… >Ahn♥ >Okay… >I'm also coming to the point… >That I want to make love to Kyōko… >Ah… 014. >You're soaked with pee… >Even through the panties I can feel it… It feels good, Kyōko… >Sa… Sayakaa… I can't endure it anymore… >Hurry… >Should I push it in with the panties like this?… >Noo… Raw please… Let me have raw dick… >Ok ok…♥ >Ah♥♥ >Hyaaaaa♥ >Mami-san, why don't you stick it in a place you like? >Uhuhu… Here comes the train for [the] Miki-san [tunnel]… #lit: Entering Miki-san and playing train is fine too >Eeeh…? 015. >Ah… >Mami! You both at the same time… >Guni♥ >Ah… Your's is so big, Mami-san… \You're pushing me out… <Oho♥ >Let's make a Sakura sandwich today? >Uhuhu… She's so excited, it expanded a lot…♥ >In one go I hit her colon… ~Gyan♥ <Aaah 016. >Ah…hea… >Kyo… Kyōko…? >My… >This… feeling of a warm liquid at my abdomen… >Ah…ah… Kyōko… >That's your… ah… ah… Hot Apple Juice… >Hea♥ >Hea♥ >Aah… Sakura-san… Amazing… <Aah♥ <Nna♥ 017. >Ah♥ >Aahh♥ <Nna♥ <Aaaahm♥ >Aah♥ >Ah…♥ >Haa♥ >Haa♥ 018. >Kyōko… ~My pee… >Ha♥ >Ha♥ ~I let it all out… >I want to pee more… >But it's empty… >My my… >So we have to resupply you with “raw materials”… #maybe there's a better word than raw materials… maybe ingredients? >Come… Sakura-san… We're injecting “raw materials” into you… \So please open your injection hole. 019. >Kyōko… Amazing… >You're stimulating… \my spout considerably… >Nhuhu, you're skilled, Sakura-san… >Ahaa… Shayakaa… >Mami…i…, hurry up… the materials… >for my juice… >Sayaka's dick… so hard… >Nh~~♥ >Hahu♥ >Nhuu♥ >Mami's dick… so big… >Haa♥ >Haa♥ >Haa♥ >It's fine like this♥ >Soon… >Aahh… Kyōko… please drink… \my raspberry juice… 020. >Nna♥ >Habubu♥♥ >Ngo♥ >Oooh♥ 021. >Nnooo♥ >Gokyu♥ \Gokyu♥ >Dopun♥ ~Buhu \Haaa♥ >Aha♥ >Ahyaaaam♥ >Kyōko♥ >Ahah♥ >I'm cumming♥ >Again♥ >Once again♥ >Aaah♥ >Sakura-san 022. >How long are we here now… >I'm totally covered in apple juice… >But… it takes some time from the injection of the raw materials until the product is finished… >Ah♥ >Ah♥ >Hahe♥ >Nhu♥ >Ah♥ >Ah… Look, Kyōko… You're fresh produced [juice] is gushing out… >Mmm♥ >Aaaah, Shayakaa, Mimii… >I want to gush out even more apple juice… even more…♥ 023. <Homuraa! <Is it true that you became a demon? >Huhu… If it were true, what would you do about that? >Of course! <I would stop you! <Too weak! <Homu(Demon)-Beam <Guwaaaaaaaaaaa⁉ 024. >Haa… haa… >Mh♥ Khum♥ >Huhu, nice pose♥ >Haa♥ Haa♥ <[Like a] beast… your fingers can't stop♥ >I will tell you what it's like to stand in the way of a demon♥ ~I have to undo Homura's magic somehow… ~I need a chance to counter attack… 025. <Ohooo♥♥♥ <~~~~♥ ♥ah~♥♥ >Huhu…♥ Like this♥ As much as you want♥ >Ah♥ >A~♥ >Nha…♥ >Go on and climax…♥ <Oh♥ Hoooooo…♥♥ 026. >Well, next is♥ >Haa♥ Homuraa♥♥♥ >Noo♥ I will get addicted to my ass♥♥ >Huhu♥ >Move your hips more♥ >Nh♥ >Ah♥ \Aaahm♥ 027. >Ah♥ Cumming♥ <Ah~~ Homuraaa♥ I'm cumming♥ >Haa♥ >Ah♥ Aha♥ >Huhu… Looks like you found a liking in this new game♥ 028. >Huhu♥ >Well, how is this…? >…I wonder♥ >Oh♥ Homu♥ This⁉ Ah♥ What♥ <Ho♥ Hooooo♥ <Di♥ Dick♥ Dick♥♥♥ >Yes, this is a dick♥ Learn this by heart♥ #remember this 029. <Uhuhu, Kyōko! I'm ejaculating♥ Properly learn the pleasures of demons♥ <Ah~~♥ DICK♥ >Haahaa…♥ >Ho♥ Homuraa…♥ 030. >Somehow, recently it looks like Homura and Kyōko are on good term, right? >Huh? I thought they were always on good terms? >Well, how to say, they look inseparable now… >I wonder if I'm becoming a annoyance for you? >Don't say something so cold♥ >You know… My body and my mind are yours…♥ So please…♥ #lit: are Homura's (Demon's) >Ah…♥ I'm cumming again♥ >Haa…♥ >Huu… That's my Kyōko♥ >Okay♥ I'm going to teach you a lot today again♥ 031. Afterword Danshaku Gedou Thank you for purchasing this work. Hello. I'm Danshaku Gendou. I'm grateful that I was able to contribute to Shinama-sensei's book with my humble work. A young lady peeing… what a sinful lewdness, isn't it? #I hope Anko means young lady here (usually it's red beans) #also no idea why he adds the extra ko Anko's Shikkokko??? I thought of a new work with a title like “Drinking Kyōko's Apple Juice out of Boots…⁉”. Maybe after this manuscript is done, if I have the chance, I want to draw an even lewder Apple Juice manga. A young lady's pee! Delicious! #Ankokko's Shikkokko! *Pee serving Ankokko Hello, here's Shinama. Out of an idea I had, I made a Kyōko Apple Juice book. With Danshaku consenting to doing a guest strip, I think it turned out to be an amazing book. I'm very thankful for this. Magical girls produce extra sweat juice with their bodies…. It changes from juice to milk at times…. Yeah. It's a juice book about the magical girls everybody loves. As Kyōko is loving apples, she's producing apple juice for sure…. Have a drink!!! (I hope we can meet again some time…) 2015-10-18, Shinama

Jun 25 2019, 20:43 Post #30
Siperi Newcomer Group: Members Posts: 58 Joined: 19-March 17 Level 32 (Journeyman) +K	My suggestions are in orange, might be followed by additional comments. Let me emphasize that they're just suggestions. QUOTE(Shapes @ Jun 24 2019, 17:41) bounty: https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=17496 This is from 2018-10, I'm not sure if it was already proofread or not. ##You might want to change all the Shayaka/Shayakaa to Sayaka if it looks too strange in English, but it's in the original to show that she speaking strange ##Also, in case this series has an English adaption, you might want to change the names accordingly (only first names, no honorifics) 000. Magical ♥ Juice 002. Table of Contents Until the Apple Juice is completed …05 Danshaku Gaido Guest Strip …25 Afterword …33 Colophon …34 003. >Ah♥ >Ahm♥ >Kyōko… >Incredible… It’s so incredibly tight. //Alternatively: You’re so incredibly tight. >Ah… Shayakaa >What's up with you? Your body is so tense. \Are you about to cum? >It's fine, you don't need to endure it, Kyōko. >Ah♥ >Ah♥ >That's not what it is… >I… think… I'm cumming too… \Inside is fine, isn't it? one missed moan bubble >Ha…♥ >Ahu♥ >Ah… Shayaka… #she speaking strange that's how Sa→Sha >Noo… 004. <Noo <If you're fierce right now. // I don't know what that refers too or is supposed to mean >Impossible, I can’t hold it any longer. ~Hagya♥ <Hyaaa! <Noo >Aah♥ >Aah♥ <Ah♥ \Ah♥ <Aaahh♥ 005. >Eh…? >Ah♥ >Ah♥ >Is that… pee…? >Kyōko… Did you feel so good… >That you leaked…? >Ahee♥ >Heaa♥ >Cu… +Cuuute…! >But… >She looks kinda depressed… //Alternatively: Somehow she looks depressed... >Even though she's so cute [like this]… 006. >Miki-san? >Did something happen between you and Sakura-san recently? >Well... to be honest... >Kyōko stopped, ehm... having sex with me... >I see… that's troublesome… \Lack of sex is not good I think… >It's clear that Sakura-san fighting morale has dropped… >It think it's since that time she peed herself. >Probably… I'm wondering if she can't forgive herself for that? >I'm not like you, Sayaka. I'm not interested in these lewd things! \is what she persistently claimed… >And so, for now I too… >have to hold back… Something needs to be done about this [situation]… >I see… that's really troublesome…♥ >Sex where you pee yourself… Such a beautiful thing… \We have to make Sakura-san understand this♥ //Alternatively adding "truth" at the end might also be okay >Ehm… I have a bad feeling about this… #lit: somehow, [I have a] good-for-nothing premonition 007. >An important meeting regarding fighting coordination…? >What's that supposed to mean… >So annoying… >I'm here, Mami, let's get this over with quickly… <What… \What is this? \No furniture at all… >My my, welcome Sakura-san♥ <Whaaaat! >Uhuhu… We've already started… \the meeting♥ one missed moan bubble >Ah… Hee… Kyōkoo… \Mami-san's dick… 008. ~You two! What are you doing? >Ah…a♥ >Hea…♥ >Don't you know, Sakura-san? \You're the main reason for this. ~You've been craving for dick, haven't you♥ >Sakura-san, because you didn't partner up with Miki-san, \she became sexually frustrated. >Hea…♥ >Ah…♥ >Just now, because of her frustration, even her asshole, >has become like this…♥ ~Hyan♥ >Uhuhu, Miki-san's rectum is splendid♥ \I wonder if the tea you drank is starting to take effect? >Ah♥ >Uh♥ ~Ah ah Mami-san… \If you hit my bladder like this… >Kya♥ >Aghu♥ <Ua…a… Saya…ka… #bottom right >Ah♥ >It'll come out… >Ah♥ >Aa…aah… >Ah♥ >Ah♥ >Aaah♥ 009. >Ah♥ >Aaaah♥ >Ya♥ >Ah♥ >Noo♥ >I can't stop♥ >peeing♥ >Aah… 010. >Aah… Miki-san… your peeing… >it's splendid… ~Ah…aah… +No way… Without realizing it… +I leaked too… +Sayaka… +This… +Isn't this… +Isn't it dirty… this… >Pacha (sfx for touching the liquid) >Uhuhu… Mimi-san, you… //Possible error, it wasn't Mami-san who peed just now. >Ha♥ >Letting out apple juice like this… >Ha♥ >Mami-san… >But it felt good, right? >It's fine… If it feels so good that you leak… \that's a natural thing when having sex… #flip them if it's too strange like this >Ha♥ >Ha♥ >… >Miki-san, your sweet juice… >I'm so happy… 011. >I saw such a wonderful side of you, Miki-san… >Aah… you look like you want more… >Aaah…m♥ >Mami-san… More… I want more… >Nupupu♥ >Uhuhu… Look… You produced this sweet nectar yourself… >Aaah… So sweet… So delicious… >Nn…ah… +Aah… ah… +They can't… +Is it… really… Is it okay if I pee too…? +Ah… pee…… +They won't become angry when I pee…? 012. +I always held it in… +All the time… +I held it in, so I wouldn’t leak… +I endured it even though I have a peeing habit… +It looks so pleasant… >N♥ >A♥ >Ahu♥ >Nna♥ +Letting it all out… +That's it…! \It felt good…! +Getting thrusted into by Sayaka's dick and peeing… +I want to pee…! >Haah♥ >Haah♥ >Haah♥ 013. >Hey… >I need a dick… please… >Hit my bladder too with your dick… #lit: pee sack \Sayakaa… >Mhf… >Ahn♥ (upper left panel has been missed completely) >Okay… >I'm also realizing… //Not sure about this though, I can't say for sure what "coming to the point" is supposed to mean >That I want to make love to Kyōko… >Ah… 014. >You're soaked with pee… >Even through the panties I can feel it… It feels good, Kyōko… >Sa… Sayakaa… I can't endure it anymore… >Hurry… >Should I push it in with the panties like this?… >Noo… Raw please… Let me have your raw dick… >Ok ok…♥ >Ah♥♥ >Hyaaaaa♥ >Mami-san, why don't you stick it in a place you like? >Uhuhu… Here comes the train for [the] Miki-san [tunnel]… #lit: Entering Miki-san and playing train is fine too >Eeeh…? 015. >Ah… >Mami! Both of you at the same time… >Guni♥ >Ah… Yours is so big, Mami-san… \You're pushing me out… <Oho♥ >Let's make a Sakura sandwich today? >Uhuhu… She's so excited, it expanded a lot…♥ >In one go I hit her colon… ~Gyan♥ <Aaah 016. >Ah…hea… >Kyo… Kyōko…? >My… >This… feeling of a warm liquid at my abdomen… >Ah…ah… Kyōko… >That's your… ah… ah… Hot Apple Juice… >Hea♥ >Hea♥ >Aah… Sakura-san… Amazing… <Aah♥ <Nna♥ 017. >Ah♥ >Aahh♥ <Nna♥ <Aaaahm♥ >Aah♥ >Ah…♥ >Haa♥ >Haa♥ 018. >Kyōko… ~My pee… >Ha♥ >Ha♥ ~I let it all out… >I want to pee more… >But it's empty… >My my… >So we have to resupply you with “raw materials”… #maybe there's a better word than raw materials… maybe ingredients? >Come… Sakura-san… We're injecting “raw materials” into you… \So please open your injection hole. 019. >Kyōko… Amazing… >You're stimulating… \my spout considerably… >Nhuhu, you're skilled, Sakura-san… >Ahaa… Shayakaa… >Mami…I…, hurry up… the materials… >for my juice… >Sayaka's dick… so hard… >Nh~~♥ >Hahu♥ >Nhuu♥ >Mami's dick… so big… >Haa♥ >Haa♥ >Haa♥ >It's fine like this♥ >Soon… >Aahh… Kyōko… please drink… \my raspberry juice… 020. >Nna♥ >Habubu♥♥ >Ngo♥ >Oooh♥ 021. >Nnooo♥ >Gokyu♥ \Gokyu♥ >Dopun♥ ~Buhu \Haaa♥ >Aha♥ >Ahyaaaam♥ >Kyōko♥ >Ahah♥ >I'm cumming♥ >Again♥ >Once again♥ >Aaah♥ >Sakura-san 022. >How long have we been here now… >I'm totally covered in apple juice… >But… it takes some time from the injection of the raw materials until the product is finished… >Ah♥ >Ah♥ >Hahe♥ >Nhu♥ >Ah♥ >Ah… Look, Kyōko… Your fresh produced [juice] is gushing out… >Mmm♥ >Aaaah, Shayakaa, Mimii… >I want to gush out even more apple juice… even more…♥ 023. <Homuraa! <Is it true that you became a demon? >Huhu… If it were true, what would you do about that? >It's obvious! <I would stop you! <Too weak! <Homu(Demon)-Beam <Guwaaaaaaaaaaa⁉ 024. >Haa… haa… >Mh♥ Khum♥ >Huhu, nice pose♥ >Haa♥ Haa♥ <[Like a] beast… your fingers can't stop♥ >I will tell you what it's like to stand in the way of a demon♥ ~I have to undo Homura's magic somehow… ~I need a chance to counter attack… 025. <Ohooo♥♥♥ <~~~~♥ ♥ah~♥♥ >Huhu…♥ Like this♥ As much as you want♥ >Ah♥ >A~♥ >Nha…♥ >Go on and climax…♥ <Oh♥ Hoooooo…♥♥ 026. >Well, next is♥ >Haa♥ Homuraa♥♥♥ >Noo♥ I will get addicted to my ass♥♥ >Huhu♥ >Move your hips more♥ >Nh♥ >Ah♥ \Aaahm♥ 027. >Ah♥ Cumming♥ <Ah~~ Homuraaa♥ I'm cumming♥ >Haa♥ >Ah♥ Aha♥ >Huhu… Looks like you‘re enjoying this new game♥ 028. >Huhu♥ >Well, how is this…? >…I wonder♥ >Oh♥ Homu♥ This⁉ Ah♥ What♥ <Ho♥ Hooooo♥ <Di♥ Dick♥ Dick♥♥♥ >Yes, this is a dick♥ Learn this by heart♥ #remember this 029. <Uhuhu, Kyōko! I'm ejaculating♥ Properly learn the pleasures of demons♥ <Ah~~♥ DICK♥ >Haahaa…♥ >Ho♥ Homuraa…♥ 030. >Somehow, it looks like Homura and Kyōko are on good term, right? >Huh? I thought they were always on good terms? >Well, how to say it, they look inseparable now… >I wonder if I'm becoming an annoyance for you? >Don't say something so cold♥ >You know… My body and my mind are yours…♥ So please…♥ #lit: are Homura's (Demon's) >Ah…♥ I'm cumming again♥ >Haa…♥ >Huu… That's my Kyōko♥ >Okay♥ I'm going to teach you a lot today as well♥ 031. Afterword Danshaku Gedou Thank you for purchasing this work. Hello. I'm Danshaku Gendou. I'm grateful that I was able to contribute to Shinama-sensei's book with my humble work. A young lady peeing… what a sinful lewdness, isn't it? #I hope Anko means young lady here (usually it's red beans) #also no idea why he adds the extra ko Anko's Shikkokko??? I thought of a new work with a title like “Drinking Kyōko's Apple Juice out of Boots…⁉”. Maybe after this manuscript is done, if I have the chance, I want to draw an even lewder Apple Juice manga. A young lady's pee! Delicious! #Ankokko's Shikkokko! *Pee serving Ankokko Hello, here's Shinama. Out of an idea I had, I made a Kyōko Apple Juice book. With Danshaku consenting to doing a guest strip, I think it turned out to be an amazing book. I'm very thankful for this. Magical girls produce extra sweat juice with their bodies…. It changes from juice to milk at times…. Yeah. It's a juice book about the magical girls everybody loves. As Kyōko is loving apples, she's producing apple juice for sure…. Have a drink!!! (I hope we can meet again sometime…) 2015-10-18, Shinama

Jun 26 2019, 04:22 Post #31
Shapes Casual Poster Group: Gold Star Club Posts: 352 Joined: 14-September 17 Level 30 (Journeyman) +K	Wow, thank you so much!

Jul 15 2019, 14:54 Post #32
Shapes Casual Poster Group: Gold Star Club Posts: 352 Joined: 14-September 17 Level 30 (Journeyman) +K	Chapter one and preface of Vampire Girl Black Lily https://e-hentai.org/g/1319986/d1b4930b01/ Proofread by Siperi, version to be typeset 001. Vampire Girl Black Lily 004. The Preface of Little Vampire #change it, how can it be a postscript if it's in front? Fujimi Comics Fujimi #top right Hello☆ I'm Ryu Asagi. I'm really glad you purchased Vampire Girl Black Lily♫ Adding everything up, this is my 4th tankoubon. This one too is yuri-only. Thanks to everyone who cheered for me. Let me thank you once again. I'm always grateful for your support. “Ero-mangas are mangas after all!”, that's obvious, so I challenged myself to draw an ero-manga that can be read for the story. What will you think of “Vampire Girl”, I wonder. Before starting this serialization I had nearly no knowledge about vampires, so I had to start from zero which was quite a lot of work. I was thinking - if vampires were real, wouldn't they have the same worldly problems as humans? And so I decided to make the heroin a vampire girl born in a very troubled foreign country…. That’s how the character “Noa” was born. In this serialization I was once again terribly drawn to the appearing characters (laugh). This work was a difficult delivery. I would be very happy if you would enjoy it. Even more if you would become a little closer with vampires (hehe). In the future, I'm going to continue to strive to create better works that should fully satisfy you all. I hope you'll follow me until the end☆ Well then, see you next time. 2011, fall, Ryu Asagi (blog: [blog.livedoor.jp] [blog.livedoor.jp] http://blog.livedoor.jp/ryuasagi) 006. Each line is “Vampire Girl. [First/Second/... night]”, counting upward Last line is “[Special] Vampire Girl. [Epilogue]” 007. ^Blue eyes. ^Long red nails. ^Gently waved blond hair. ^A night in the former capital. \Which reminds me, as a child I definitely had such nightmares on summer nights. 008. ^But that's not the case anymore. #^Now, I don't dream anymore / Now, I don't have that dream anymore. Vampire Girl, first night 009. ^A certain day in August. >Sena! >Sena, wake up! 世奈ー >Sena! It's nearly time for you to go! :<yawn おはよー >Good morning, Onee-chan. 010. >Aaah, it's such a bother to go. >Don't say that. \You were friends in middle school, weren't you? >…Friends with Yamashina? \Not really. >I put out your blazer for you, >so no detours on your way home. #to not make it dirty, I guess >I get it. >But you really worry too much. 011. >…everything must come to an end. \May the living never forget this person. #"always remember" instead of "never forget" should also work. #proofread note (choose this version at your own liking): I realized that the bubbles are small, so maybe shorten it a bit. Perhaps something like: #>...Everything ends. #\May the living never forget. #these are some Buddhist phrases, I don't know really what they mean, rewrote it from the fragments below #in / everything / rule #with / knowledge / living / and yet / speech / this person >This is what awaits us all… #all / together / arrive / at … >Sena! \You're late. >Hup >How can you be late as usual to such an event. >I forgot that the bus schedule was updated. >Hhm \So it's really true. >What? >That Noriko is dead. >Hey, did you know? I've met her just two days ago. \At that time she seemed to be healthy… 012. >I can't believe it. \How can people just die so easily… >That's… her corpse. 013. >…I've found you. ^Huh…? >You mean Noriko's cause of death? \How would I know? >This is what they call a sudden death, isn't it? >This girl was killed, <Eek 014. >instead of you! ^… >What? >Sena, is this an acquaintance of yours? 電波系の… A crazy person… >Didn't you meet that girl last week? ^!? >Yeah, I did. ^How does she know about this…!? >Inside the book store at the city center. >Huh? Why didn't you tell me? ^Well… I just met her by chance. >It was nothing… we met accidentally and only said hello. #greeted each other 015. >It might be that you didn't even notice them. \Small things like a bruise on your breasts or a wound on your neck. >These are the characteristic wounds “she” leaves. >? <He…Hey! <What are you doing!! >She always leaves a mark on the people she targets. Eek >Eeek >Nothing… it seems. But don't relax yet. There's a reason why she will target you after all. >…… 016. Kyōto dialect… >I might not have much common sense myself, but I'm really astonished by you. >Don't ever come close to me again. >Get lost! >Hey… wait… >Geez \This took the whole day. 017. <How… >When did she… >Damn, this is going to be a pain in the neck… <Ah Let's escape! <This is bad. That black bike is… 018. >Haa >Haa >Ha \Ha >She can't follow me if I take this shortcut. >“Didn't you meet her last week?” is what she said. ^Because of the changed bus schedule, >Misasagi-san? How long has it been? >I recognized you immediately, you always stand out. \During middle school you were always pampered by the boys. ^I've met a former classmate of mine by chance. >I thought we would be going to the same high school, I was sure you would pass the tests, but you didn't, right? >Did you fail on purpose, I wonder? ^Her height and her hair style were really just like mine. >Haa >Ha >She was full of prejudice and jealousy, I really couldn't stand her. 019. >“This girl… was killed” >She was talking like I had killed her… ^“instead” ^“of you!” 鬼火 Will-o'-the-wisps? >Here you are. 020. <Eek >Relax, you won't feel any pain. >It's just like eternal tranquility. ^Blue… eyes? <What is this? <Are you a partner of that strange girl!? ^A smell of jasmine. >People who are about to die, \always want to know everything. #>Is this about what people, #\who are going to die soon, want to know? 021. <Don't make a fool of me. Today is totally nuts already… #Today is full of strange events… \Cut it out… #Behave yourself… <Huh!? ^My body has become numb…!? >What a nice smell. >You have good blood, you know? <What the hell are you doing!! >It's totally clear, \you're completely different from that girl who was putting on airs… so exciting. ^That… girl,… does she mean… <No way… you know about No-…Noriko!? 022. <Hey <Answer me!! >She was just “prey”. >I don't remember every detail. Huh? 023. <Hih… やっ… <No… や…め…っ <Sto… op… え…？力が ^Eh…? My strength… 力が入らない… I have no strength at all… 最上級品しかも >Truly highest quality. >You're a virgin, aren't you? >No… \If you don't stop I'll become really angry!! 024. >Hhm \Then, get angry… >Show me how you get angry! ^!? >Hey… do you get angry when I do this? Starting to hate me? <No… ^What’s wrong with this girl? 025. <Ah >Hey, I took your virginity. What do you say? ^…I can't believe it. ^This is my “first time”… It's too much. ^I… hate it. >It's feeling good, isn't it? Hey, why aren't you getting angry? <I won't forgive you… never… ^I hate that it feels good… 026. >Mhh, yeah… >Remember that anger… \how you hate me. >Hey, do you get it? You are mine now. <What are you saying? >Don't you see? This is a ceremony. 027. <Hih <Ah \Aaah <Stop… it… >I'm so happy… “Onee-chan”. ^What is this… what the… ^Damn it, a bit more and I… 028. <Even though <she's just a child… <Aaaahhhhah <Mh… aahh 029. >Wonderful… Can we do it one more time? <Ah ^I got my virginity taken… <Mh \Ha >Hmh? ^I will never… forgive her…!! 030. <Noa! ^Ah… that girl… ^Huh? >You came at a good time. Hehe… fine then. >This is going to be interesting. ^It's… 031. ^that dream… ^All… \a dream… >…Sena! >Mh… \Onee-chan ^See, I'm finally waking up. #^See, like I thought. [just a dream] >Sena… >Where were you last night… 032. <Eeek >… \Mh… <Se-… Sena, that person…? <I-I don't know. Why are we naked… >The morning greeting should be “good morning”. >I'm Nanase, \Sena Misasagi. ^My dream continued after I woke up. >From now on the two of us will act together. ^This is the beginning of a nightmare. This post has been edited by Shapes*: Jul 23 2019, 03:41

Jul 15 2019, 19:18 Post #33
Siperi Newcomer Group: Members Posts: 58 Joined: 19-March 17 Level 32 (Journeyman) +K	Here's my take. Orange are suggestions. Green are comments. QUOTE(Shapes @ Jul 15 2019, 14:54) Chater one and preface of Vampire Girl Black Lily https://e-hentai.org/g/1319986/d1b4930b01/ 001. Vampire Girl Black Lily 004. The Preface of Little Vampire #change it, how can it be a postscript if it's in front? Fujimi Comics Fujimi #top right Hello☆ I'm Ryu Asagi. I'm really glad you purchased Vampire Girl Black Lily♫ Adding everything up, this is my 4th tankoubon. This one too is yuri-only. Thanks to everyone who cheered for me. Let me thank you once again. I'm always thankful for your support. “Ero-mangas are mangas after all!”, that's obvious, so I challenged myself to draw an ero-manga that can be read for the story. So what will you think of “Vampire Girl”? Before starting this serialization I had nearly no knowledge about vampires, so I had to start from zero which was quite a lot of work. I was thinking, if vampires were real, wouldn't they have our worldly troubles too, so I decided to make the heroin a vampire girl born in a very troubled foreign country…. Thus, the character “Noa” was born. In this serialization once again, I was terribly drawn to the appearing characters (laugh). This work was a difficult delivery. I would be very happy if you would enjoy it. Even more if you would become a little closer with vampires (hehe). In the future, I'm going to continue to strive to create always better works that should fully satisfy you all. I hope you'll follow me until the end☆ Well then, see you next time. 2011, fall, Ryu Asagi (blog: [blog.livedoor.jp] http://blog.livedoor.jp/ryuasagi) 006. Each line is “Vampire Girl. [First/Second/... night]”, counting upward Last line is “[Special] Vampire Girl. [Epilogue]” 007. ^Blue eyes. ^Long red nails. //When multiple adjectives describe something they appear in a certain order: opinion-size-age-shape-colour-origin-material-purpose, so "long red" and not "red long". If you want you can look up Ablaut Reduplication Rule. ^Gently waved blond hair. ^A night in the former capital. \Which reminds me, I certainly had those nightmares as child on summer nights. 008. ^But it's not like I have them anymore. #^Now, I don't dream anymore / Now, I don't have that dream anymore. Vampire Girl, first night 009. ^A certain day in August. >Sena! >Sena, wake up! 世奈ー >Sena! It's nearly time for your to go! :<yawn おはよー >Good morning, Onee-chan. 010. >Aaah, it's such a bother to go. >Don't say that. \You were friends in middle school, weren't you? >…Friends with Yamashina? \Not really. >I put out your blazer for you, >so no detours on your way home. #to not make it dirty, I guess >I get it. >But you really worry too much. 011. >…everything must come to an end. \May the living never forget this person. //"always remember" instead of "never forget" should also work. #these are some Buddhist phrases, I don't know really what they mean, rewrote it from the fragments below #in / everything / rule #with / knowledge / living / and yet / speech / this person >This is where we all will come to… #all / together / arrive / at … >Sena! \You're late. >Yotto ### >How can you be late as usual on such an event. >I forgot that the bus schedule was updated. >Hhm \So it's really true. >What? >That Noriko is dead. >Hey, do you know? I met her just the day before yesterday. \At that time she seemed to be healthy… 012. >I can't believe it. \How can people just die so easily… >That's… her corpse. 013. >…I've found it. //Later on page 15 she says that "she" leaves a mark. If this is a reference to that then I'd go with "I've found it". "Gotcha!" should also be acceptable, though it's more informal. ^Huh…? >You mean Noriko's cause of death? \How would I know? >This is what they call a sudden death, isn't it? >This girl was killed, <Eek 014. >instead of you! ^… >What? >Sena, is this an acquaintance of yours? 電波系の… A crazy person… >Didn't you meet that girl a week before? ^!? >Yeah, I did. ^How does she know about this…!? >Inside the book store at the city center. >Huh? Why didn't you tell me? ^Well… I just met her by chance. >It was nothing… we met accidentally and only said hello. #greeted each other 015. >It might be that you didn't even notice them. \Small things like a bruise on your breasts or a wound on your neck. >These are the characteristic wounds “she” leaves. >? <He…Hey! <What are you doing!! >She always leaves a mark on the people she targets. Eek >Eeek >Nothing… it seems. But don't relax yet. There's a specific reason why she will target you after all. >…… 016. Kyōto dialect… >I might not have much common sense myself, but I'm really astonished by you. >Don't ever come close to me again. >Get lost! >Hey… wait… >Geez \This took the whole day. 017. <How… >When did she… >Damn, this is going to be a pain in the neck… <Ah Let's escape! <This is bad. That black bike is… 018. >Haa >Haa >Ha \Ha >She can't follow me if I take this shortcut. >“Didn't you meet her a week before?” is what she said. ^Because of the changed bus schedule, >Misasagi-san? How long has it been? >I recognized you immediately, you always stand out. \During middle school you were always pampered by the boys. ^I met my former classmate from middle school by chance. >I thought we would be going to the same high school, I was sure you would pass the tests, but you didn't, right? >Did you fail on purpose, I wonder? ^Her height and her hair style were really just like mine. >Haa >Ha >She was full of prejudice and jealousy, I really couldn't stand her. 019. >“This girl… was killed” >She was talking like I had killed her… ^“instead” ^“of you!” 鬼火 Will-o'-the-wisps? >Here you are. 020. <Eek >Relax, you won't feel any pain. >It's just like eternal tranquility. ^Blue… eyes? <What is this? <Are you a comrade of that strange girl!? //This is just me, but I'd use "colleague" or "partner" instead of "comrade". ^A smell of jasmine. >People who are about to die, \always want to know everything. #>Is this about what people, #\who are going to die soon, want to know? 021. <Don't make a fool of me. Today is totally nuts already… #Today is full of strange events… \Cut it out… #Behave yourself… <Huh!? ^My body has become numb…!? >What a nice smell. >You have good blood, you know? <What the hell are you doing!! >It's totally clear, \you're completely different from that girl before who was putting on airs… so exciting. ^That… girl,… does she mean… <No way… you know about No-…Noriko!? 022. <Hey <Answer me!! >She was just “prey”. >I don't remember every detail. Huh? 023. <Hih… やっ… <No… や…め…っ <Sto… op… え…？力が ^Eh…? My strength… 力が入らない… *I have no strength at all… 最上級品しかも >Truly highest quality. >You're a virgin, aren't you? >No… \If you don't stop I'll become really angry!! 024. >Hhm \Then, get angry… >Show me how you get angry! ^!? >Hey… do you get angry when I do this? Starting to hate me? <No… ^What’s wrong with this girl? 025. <Ah >Hey, I took your virginity. What do you say? ^…I can't believe it. ^This is my “first time”… This is too much. #too bad ^I… hate it. >It's feeling good, isn't it? Hey, why aren't you getting angry? <I won't forgive you… never… ^I hate that good it feels… 026. >Mhh, yeah… >Remember that anger… \how you hate me. >Hey, do you get it? You are mine now. <What are you saying? >This is a ceremony, don't you see? 027. <Hih <Ah \Aaah <Stop… it… >I'm so happy… “Onee-chan”. ^What is this… what the… ^Damn it, a bit more and I… 028. <Even though <she's just a child… <Aaaahhhhah <Mh… aahh 029. >Wonderful… Can we do it one more time? <Ah ^I got my virginity taken… <Mh \Ha >Hmh? ^I will never… forgive her…!! 030. <Noa! ^Ah… that girl… ^Huh? >You came at a good time. Hehe… fine then. >This is going to be interesting. ^It's… 031. ^that dream… ^All… \a dream… >…Sena! >Mh… \Onee-chan ^See, I'm finally waking up. #^See, like I thought. [just a dream] >Sena… >Where have you been tonight…… 032. <Eeek >… \Mh… <Se-… Sena, that person…? <I-I don't know. Why are we naked… >The morning greeting should be good morning. >I'm Nanase, \Sena Misasagi. ^My dream's continuing after I woke up. >From now on we two will act together. ^This is the beginning of a nightmare.

Jul 20 2019, 07:22 Post #34
Shapes Casual Poster Group: Gold Star Club Posts: 352 Joined: 14-September 17 Level 30 (Journeyman) +K	Vampire Girl Chapter 2 https://e-hentai.org/s/6dc808a8f7/1319986-33 proofread by Siperi 033. -- Chapter 2 -- ^East Europe at the beginning of the 16th century //The box is rather small, I'd go with "16th century East Europe" #a bit of information loss, but I leave it to the editor to decide >Noa, come here. >What did you do to Onee-sama? >Stop!! \Please. The night… the night is dreadful. //Is she referring to that specific night when she became a vampire or to the night in general? If to that specific night then I'd go with "That night... that night was dreadful." It's night in general. But to be honest, I'm not really sure what this page is supposed to mean. Why is the sister asking her to come? Wouldn't run away make more sense? When I opened my eyes in the dark, 034. ^I've met a different me. //A second me indicates that it might be a clone, a copy. A different me indicates that she wasn't the same anymore. I the later chapters her alter ego will be further explained. So it's like a copy inside her, two people sharing a body kind of. >Thanks for the meal. >Hey Sena, eat properly. >…… 035. >Onee-chan! Why do you let that suspicious girl eat!? >It can't be helped, she looks hungry. >Hmh, the taste is only so-so. >Nanase-san!? \Why did you stay at our home last night? >Why did you sleep naked inside Sena's futon!? >Your little sister had her blood sucked last night. >I sucked the poison out so she wouldn't get a high fever. >Besides, \I sleep naked. >You're kidding me… 血… >Blood… どく？？ \Poison?? >No need to thank me. >Also-… 036. >You have some big tits, >that's for sure. //Alternatively the line can be replaced with "no doubt about it." or "no question about it." >Ugh… >I have something I want to ask you about. >Look… a faint bruise appeared here. >It doesn't look like a normal one, so what is it? #from sucking (like a mosquito)? 037. >You have been bitten by Noa last night. >Her name's Noa? >If she doesn't kill her targets immediately, >then she always leaves a mark and chases them. >You’ve been Noa’s target for a long time. >Your blood is especially tasty… and very nutritious. >Blood? What the hell. \Don't feed me up with a stupid vampire story! >But you've experienced it with your own body, so you know it's true, //Additinally I removed "now". Can't mark it as it's not present anymore. Thx for the info, I guess the "you have" makes that clear \Sena Misasagi. This can't be. …I don't believe it…!! 038. >…People bitten by a vampire \turn into vampires themselves, don't they? Why am I asking her? She made this all up anyway. >That's just a fairytale. >As long as you don't wish for it yourself, you won't become a vampire. >Are you okay? I myself am half vampire. #I added the "too", looked to plain without //The second sentence is a bit confusing. Does being bitten turn you into a half vampire and if you wish for it you can become a full vampire? Does that mean that Sena is a half vampire or is she still a human, just marked by a vampire? If Sena IS a half vampire then I'd add "also" to that sentence. It would look like this "I myself am also half vampire." and it would indicate that the two of them are half vampires. Afaik Sena is fully human. The "too" was is intended in comparison with Noa. >No >Stop it. >But I’m holding a grudge against Noa and Noa is targeting you, >so I will protect you and in return you have to let me stay by your side. 039. 転校性 >This is our new transfer student Nanase-san. >She moved here because of her parents’ job. Everyone, please be nice to her. >Please excuse my incompetence and be nice to me. A beauty >Hey, Sena, is that the girl from yesterday? >Can't you behave yourself, you stalker? >I warn you, stay close to me. \Noa can go outside during daytime too to some extent. 040. >…“Vampires” are pretty different from those in fairy tales. Hmhm >Yeah, pretty different. So what That girl… >…Here's my plan. #lit: hypothesis, but I think it's a proposal (which is never spoken out to the end) え… >Huh…!? \Noa is a vampire and she's persistently going after you. ちょ…!? <Hey…!? What are you doing!! お前の姉君 >Your big sister is a shrine maiden, right? \Looking at your lineage, her blood must also be very delicious. お姉ちゃんは <This has nothing to do with Onee-chan. 水芸 >…tricks with water? Nanase-san, please♫ >So you can guess how Noa is thinking. //Not sure about this one. Is it how she thinks or what she thinks? I guess she's thinking how tasty the sister must be. Whaa 041. >Sena… you should do everything you can to protect your sister.#>She doesn't really want to hurt you. #really ambiguous, hope I conveyed it right >!? >Incredible, have you been in the basketball club, Nanase-san? >I'm a bit proud of my reflexes. 042. To Onee-chan For the next two or three days won't be home, I'll be with this Nanase girl circumstances. I'll come back for sure I'm sorry for making you worry Sena >Sena… >What does she have to do with that girl? >Hey… hey! What floor is this!? >Are you afraid of high places? And you call yourself a vampire? >Hey, my luggage. >…Noa has sucked blood just yesterday, #removed the "you" you added, because it's not relevant that she drank "her" blood, but that she drank "some" blood. She's a vampire, just needs to eat something. \so we should start looking for her tomorrow. 043. >I'll be together with you for two or three days, \but in return you have to promise, >that this won’t put Onee-chan in danger. >…Aren't you afraid \to be alone with me? >……To be honest. \I don't see you as a bad person. >By the way, you don’t look so good. >Are you okay? >Mh… I must've moved too much in the afternoon. >I'll go out for a bit. 044. >To eat? >Or to kill? >I-… I don't kill! >I only let them sleep and take a little blood. >You're really foolishly honest… Well, all right. >You can suck my blood. >Be thankful that I was crazy enough to come here with you! >Also, \vampires love virgin blood, don't they? 045. >But Noa deflowered you, didn't she? >I tried to resist… but my body was totally numb. >…I don't want \to hurt you. #leave wounds on you >Wha-… What!? >So would you give me some body fluids instead. 046. >But only a little. >Mh… \Ah…hu >Mh…ha… >Mh… >Huh? >……Mh… >Mhu… >Mh… >Uh… 047. >Haa ^What am I doing… >Mh >Ah \Haa ^with this strange girl… >Haa… >Haa… >The composition is nearly \the same as blood. >……Hm… >Ah…khu >Hu… \Mh 048. <Mh♥♥ \Aaah♥ <Mh >No… \Don't lick it so much… >…Sena, I'm sorry I couldn't save you back then. >I too was once attacked by Noa. 049. >Really…? #confusingly the reading goes on with the bottom right frame #please add an arrow between the frames for clarification >… \By the way, did you have your fill? ^She might be a better person than expected. >Huh!? >… \Ehm… it's still not enough…… I think. //Removed "a bit" it's supposed to sound "a bit cute", but I guess it doesn't work in English like this >Hhmm♥ >Fine then. I'll give you a little bit more. 050. >Yes… like this. >Ha \ah <Ah >…… \Haa >Aahm \Ah >Mha >Ah…ih \Sena… >To me you're still a normal girl. #>I don't see anything different in you than a normal girl. >Th… Thank you. >What do you mean? 051. >Nobody ever said that to me…… >Mh… \You have some pretty cute spots, I tell you. >Haa >Haa >Ha♥ >Hey, #could be just a moan too "Ah" \Se-… Sena >Haa >Ha >Go ahead… Cum, Nanase. >Ha… \Haa♥♥ >Haa♥♥ 052. >Ah \Mhaa >There >Nanase >I'm about… うおん >Uohn >Mh…mhu >Mh \Hu…uh >Haa \Ha >Ah 053. >Ah… Nanase… >Sena… >So vampires oversleep too. >I must've moved a bit too much last night. >…… Nooo >What am I saying… 054. >Come on, let's look for Noa's whereabouts. >Or do you still need more nutrients? >…You have no shame, do you, Sena? >We're already skipping school, \so we need to go all out.♥ #take the challenge >Yeah… Well, can I have a little more then? >? >H- \Hey! This post has been edited by Shapes: Jul 28 2019, 03:55

Jul 20 2019, 16:46 Post #35
Siperi Newcomer Group: Members Posts: 58 Joined: 19-March 17 Level 32 (Journeyman) +K	Here we go again. Orange are suggestions. Green are comments. QUOTE(Shapes @ Jul 20 2019, 07:22) Vampire Girl Chapter 2 https://e-hentai.org/s/6dc808a8f7/1319986-33 033. -- Chapter 2 -- ^East Europe at the beginning of the 16th century //The box is rather small, I'd go with "16th century East Europe" >Noa, come here. >What did you do to Onee-sama? >Stop!! \Please. The night… the night is dreadful. //Is she referring to that specific night when she became a vampire or to the night in general? If to that specific night then I'd go with "That night... that night was dreadful." When I opened my eyes in the darkness, 034. ^I've met a different me. //A second me indicates that it might be a clone, a copy. A different me indicates that she wasn't the same anymore. >Thanks for the meal. >Hey Sena, eat properly. >…… 035. >Onee-chan! Why do you let that suspicious girl eat!? //This and the next line should be either in present tense or past tense, not a mix of both. Either "why do you/It can't be helped, she looks hungry." or "why did you/It couldn't be helped, she looked hungry." >It can't be helped, she looked hungry. >Hmh, the taste is only so-so. >Nanase-san!? \Why did you stay at our home last night? >Why did you sleep naked inside Sena's futon!? >Your little sister had her blood sucked last night. >I sucked the poison out so she wouldn't get a high fever. >Besides, \I just sleep naked. >You're kidding me… 血… >Blood… どく？？ \Poison?? >No need to thank me. >Also-… 036. >You have some big tits, >that's for sure. //Alternatively the line can be replaced with "no doubt about it." or "no question about it." >Ugh… >I have something I want to ask you about. >Look… a faint bruise appeared here. >It doesn't look like a normal one, so what is it? #from sucking (like a mosquito)? //no need to repeat the word bruise. 037. >You have been bitten by Noa last night. >Her name's Noa? >If she doesn't kill her targets immediately, >then she always leaves a mark and chases them. >You’ve been Noa’s target for a long time. >Your blood is especially delicious… and very nutritious. //Not an error, but to avoid words that end the same way i'd replace "delicious" with "tasty" >Blood? What the hell. \Don't feed me up with some stupid vampire story! //I'd go with either "some stories" (plural) or "a story" (singular) >But you've experienced it with your own body, so you know it's true, //Additinally I removed "now". Can't mark it as it's not present anymore. \Sena Misasagi. This can't be. …I don't believe it…!! 038. >…People bitten by a vampire \turn into vampires themselves, don't they? Why am I asking her that? She made this all up anyway. //Alternatively "that" can be dropped". I went with a why question and not what question because in the second sentence she states that it's all made up so WHY even bother asking her. >That's just a fairytale. >As long as you don't wish for it yourself, you won't become a vampire. >Are you okay? I myself am half vampire. #I added the "too", looked to plain without //The second sentence is a bit confusing. Does being bitten turn you into a half vampire and if you wish for it you can become a full vampire? Does that mean that Sena is a half vampire or is she still a human, just marked by a vampire? If Sena IS a half vampire then I'd add "also" to that sentence. It would look like this "I myself am also half vampire." and it would indicate that the two of them are half vampires. >No >Stop it. >I’m holding a grudge against Noa and Noa is targeting you, >so I will protect you and in return you have to let me stay by your side. 039. 転校性 >This is our new transfer student Nanase-san. >She's here because of a last minute job relocation of her parents, as far as I know. Please be all nice to her. //This line is waaaaaaaaaay too long for the bubble. Any way to shorten it? Maybe something like “She moved here because of her parents’ job. Please be nice to her.”? >Please excuse my incompetence and be nice to me. A beauty >Hey, Sena, is that the girl from yesterday? >Can't you behave yourself, you stalker? >I warn you, stay close to me. \Noa can go outside during daytime too to some extent. 040. >…“Vampires” are pretty different form those in fairytales. Hmhm //Additionally the sentense can stary with "Real "vampires"" >Yeah, pretty different. So what That girl… >…Here's my plan. #lit: hypothesis, but I think it's a proposal (which is never spoken out to the end) え… >Huh…!? \Noa is a vampire and she's going after you persistently. //She's already marked, so she's already her target ちょ…!? <Hey…!? What are you doing!! お前の姉君 >Your big sister is a miko, right? #shrine maiden //I'd use "shrine maiden" instead of "miko" \Looking at your lineage, her blood must also be very delicious. お姉ちゃんは <This has nothing to do with Onee-chan. 水芸 >…tricks with water? Nanase-san, please♫ >So you can guess how Noa is thinking. //Not sure about this one. Is it how she thinks or what she thinks? Whaa 041. >Sena… you should do whatever you can to not get her hurt. //I don't know what to do with it. I tried machine translation and weblio says that 絶対に悪いようにはしない means "I do not do it to be absolutely bad", but it still doesn't help me #>She doesn't really want to hurt you. #really ambiguous >!? >Incredible, have you been in the basketball club, Nanase-san? >I'm a bit proud on my reflexes. 042. To Onee-chan For the next two or three days won't be home, I'll be with this Nanase girl circumstances. I'll come back for sure I'm sorry for making you worry Sena >Sena… >What does she have to do with that girl? //Removed a surplus "do" >Hey… hey! What floor is this!? >Are you afraid of high places? And you call yourself a vampire? >Hey, my luggage. >…Noa has sucked your blood just yesterday, \so we should start looking for her tomorrow. 043. >I'll be together with for two or three days, \but in return you have to promise, >that this won’t put Onee-chan in danger. >…Aren't you afraid //Removed question mark \to be alone with me? >……To be honest. \I don't see you as a bad person. >By the way, you don’t look so good. >Are you okay? >Mh… I must've moved too much in the afternoon. >I'll go outside for a bit. 044. >To eat? >Or to kill? >I-… I don't kill! >I only let them sleep and take a little blood. >You're really foolishly honest… Well, all right. >You can suck my blood. >Be thankful that I was crazy enough to follow you here! >Also, \shouldn't vampires love virgin blood? //Not sure about it, still, I'd replace this line with "do vampires love a virgin's blood?" #but she isn't a virgin anymore? why is it still tasty? 045. >Noa did it to me, right? //Maybe replace "it" with "this" >I couldn't resist… my body was totally numb. >…I don't want \to hurt you. #leave wounds on you >Wha-… What!? >So would you give me some body fluids instead. 046. >But only a little. >Mh… \Ah…hu >Mh…ha… >Mh… >Huh? >……Mh… >Mhu… >Mh… >Uh… 047. >Haa ^What am I doing… >Mh >Ah \Haa ^with this strange girl… >Haa… >Haa… >The composition is nearly \the same as blood. >……Hm… >Ah…khu >Hu… \Mh 048. <Mh♥♥ \Aaah♥ <Mh >No… \Don't lick it so much… >…Sena, I'm sorry I couldn't save you back then. >Once, I too was attacked by Noa. 049. >Really…? #confusingly the reading goes on with the bottom right frame #please add an arrow between the frames for clarification >… \By the way, did you have your fill? ^She might be a better person than expected. >Huh!? >… \Ehm… it's still not enough…… I think. //Removed "a bit" >Hhmm♥ >Fine then. I'll give you a little bit more. 050. >Yes… like this. >Ha \ah <Ah >…… \Haa >Aahm \Ah >Mha >Ah…ih \Sena… >To me you're still a normal girl. #>I don't see anything different in you than a normal girl. >Th… Thank you. >What do you mean? 051. >Nobody ever said that to me…… >Mh… \You have some pretty cute spots, I tell you. >Haa >Haa >Ha♥ >Hey, #could be just a moan too "Ah" \Se-… Sena >Haa >Ha >Go ahead… Come, Nanase. //I'd replace "Come" with "Cum" >Ha… \Haa♥♥ >Haa♥♥ 052. >Ah \Mhaa >There >Nanase >I'm about… うおん >Uohn >Mh…mhu >Mh \Hu…uh >Haa \Ha >Ah 053. >Ah… Nanase… >Sena… >So vampires oversleep too. >I must've moved a bit too much last night. >…… Nooo >What am I saying here… 054. >Come, let's go! Let's look for Noa's whereabouts. >Or do you still need more nutrients? >…You know no shame, do you, Sena? >We're already skipping school, \so we need to go all out.♥ #take the challenge >Yeah… Well, can I have a little more then? >? >H- \Hey! This post has been edited by Siperi: Jul 24 2019, 16:38

Jul 25 2019, 18:47 Post #36
Siperi Newcomer Group: Members Posts: 58 Joined: 19-March 17 Level 32 (Journeyman) +K	Second check of chapter 2, will contain only the relevant parts. QUOTE(Shapes @ Jul 20 2019, 07:22) 033. *When I opened my eyes in the dark, 035. \I sleep naked. //Removed "just". 038. >Are you okay? I myself am half vampire. #I added the "too", looked to plain without Afaik Sena is fully human. The "too" was is intended in comparison with Noa. //If Noa is only a half vampire (and not a true vampire) then I'd reword the 2nd sentence and make it "Like Noa, I’m also half vampire." 038. >I’m holding a grudge against Noa and Noa is targeting you, //Should you decide to go with my change above then, in order not to repear "Noa" too much and to indicate that Noa isn't her ally, this sentence should be "But I’m holding a grudge against her and she's targeting you," 039. >She moved here because of her parents’ job. Please be all nice to her. //If you're okay with my suggestion then you should put it into the script, otherwise the editor might not know what the bubble says. 040. >…“Vampires” are pretty different from those in fairy tales. Hmhm 040. \Noa is a vampire and she's persistently going after you. 041. >Sena… you should do everything you can to protect your sister. //It should now clearly indicate that they're talking about Sena's sister. 041. >I'm a bit proud of my reflexes. //Additionally "a bit" can be replaced with "somewhat". 043. >I'll go out for a bit. 044. >Be thankful that I was crazy enough to come here with you! 044. \do vampires love virgin blood? //It should work well with the first line on the next page where Nanase realizes that Sena isn't a virgin anymore. 045. >Noa deflowered you, didn't she? //Removed "But". 048. >I too was once attacked by Noa. 051. >Go ahead… Cum, Nanase. //I'd replace "Come" with "Cum" #I hope it's all right. Usually "cum" is "go" in Japanese, but this time it's "come" in Japanese. But might be that it changes cause it a request. //When I read it the first time I got the impression that Sena wants Nanase to move, as in go somewhere, that's why I suggested "cum". 053. >What am I saying… //Removed "here". 054. >Come on, let's look for Noa's whereabouts. //Are they going to look for Noa or for the place she's staying at/hiding in? If Noa (like mentioned on page 42) then remove "'s whereabouts", otherwise it can stay.

Aug 21 2019, 16:53 Post #37
Shapes Casual Poster Group: Gold Star Club Posts: 352 Joined: 14-September 17 Level 30 (Journeyman) +K	Vampire Girl Chapter 3 https://e-hentai.org/s/7d4c2a623c/1319986-55 055. -- Chapter 3 -- >Dr. Katsura, \the cultivation of PHN hemoglobin was successful. >Great, I'm happy to hear that! >If we fail again we will be kicked out of here. >Yeah, it's become a harsh field of research. >It will be worthy of a Nobel prize. >That is, if we manage to complete the next hundred stages too, without major mistakes. >Immortality… That's like entering the realm of gods. >My my. >Wasn't it men who created “gods” in the first place? 056. >Surpassing gods, >I don't think that's too far-fetched. What about you? >Gods who need money, huh? >I know, I know. >Well, it's time to go home. 057. For the human body to function it must produce blood, flesh, and energy from food. That's essentially not too different from machines. But ultimately cells grow old, decay, and die. So what if stem cells could supply the body with fresh cells for eternity…? >I'm home! 058. >Good “morning” Noa. #@Editor: you can put in italics instead of the quotes if it looks better >Geez >I got tired of waiting! >Welcome home, Yōko. T/N: Fun fact: the characters of her name mean "proton" too, they can be read as "sun child" or "positive (yang) particle". >You’re up surprisingly early this evening. >Because you let this cat go hungry, it woke me up. >Mr. Whiskers ~~ Have you been a good cat? I'll give you something to eat. #Chobihige, the cat's name, means "small mustache", any idea how you translate that name into English? Maybe Mr Whiskers? >Wow! It's already revitalizing! 059. >What do you think? >Will it work? >Yes, thanks to my supportive test subject. >I have no clue at all how the production mechanism for the mRNA that makes you a vampire works, \so I'll ignore that for now. >I'm going to synthesize the DNA that'll become the inert factor \and inject it into the target cells… well, that is in one antisense strand. #inert factor? never heard of that… //Author claims to have done research, so let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. >Eh? \yeah… >To be honest, I don't really understand… >but with this we will be able to save Nanase, right? >Well, we'll only know when we try it out. 060. <Ha ha ha \If it isn't Katsura-kun at last? >It's all thanks to you, Director. >So the expensive equipment I bought for you really paid off. \This stem cell sample alone will be worth a lot of money. >Truly, this is fantastic. Don't you think? >I that so…? My only goal is to advance medical science. >Wahaha!! Same goes for me. \Well, this fine lady too should enjoy herself without restraint. 061. >And what a lovely young lady she is. Is she a foreigner? >She the daughter of a friend of mine from another country. I'm taking care of her for the time being. Right, Noa? #@editor: If that's trouble to fit in you can use this: #>Yes, she’s a friend’s daughter. I’m taking care of her. Right, Noa? >Yes \This land is very nice. #lit: region <Oh, you can speak Japanese! My fine lady, won't you come here and pour me some sake? >I can't stand the smell of alcohol. >Oh, don't say that. Katsura-kun, can't you talk to her? >Oh, Director, is she giving you trouble? #lit: Huh, Sensei, this girl, difficult? #I hope I got the intention <Uwah, what is this? 062. >Glad that's been taken care of. The human world isn't so easy to deal with either. >It wasn't that bad. >…Anyway, what about that Sena girl? Looks like she left the house together with Nanase? better?: #What do we do about/with that Sena girl? <Don't worry, I'll find her in no time. Her “smell” is very special. 063. >As for Nanase, she's a half-vampire, right? #though she literally says "half of her body is vampire" And I'm a full one, so what…? >A vampire’s body isn’t that different from a human’s, #can you have another try here? Body means not only appearance (looks) but also internal organs and stuff. That gets lost when using "looks different" \we just live longer. >Hmm >Looks like Nanase is enjoying herself. >Hey, don't kill that Sena girl, as they already became friends. >I'm not going to withdraw now. #hell is this ambiguous, literally she says: I don't have such a liking #liking in wanting to kill or liking in wanting to stop?? #luckily the next bubbles support my decision >Besides, >I've already marked her. 064. >Mother >Yōko, I don't know how to take this off. >It suits you, why don't you keep it on? 065. >Yōko… >…Mh >Life is something precious. Living for so long has taught me that. #unsure why she is mentioning this now? is this meant as: and that why I don't kill without a good reason? #no, it's probably related to Yōko's mother… <Ah <No… \Don't… >Says the one abandoned by the gods. 066. <… あんっ <Ahm <No… \Hey <Don’t distract me and listen. #alt: Don't touch and distract me from my story. >I'm a very insistent person, you should know that.♥ >Yōko, dead people won't come back to life. //Maybe replace "won't" with "can't". 067. >That goes for vampires too… >if they ever die. \Do you understand? <Ah >Is that so? We won't know until we try. >… Bad blood is flowing inside of you! >… >Hey, Noa, do you want to kill me? 068. <Your blood <tastes probably really bad. #unspoken: so I have no reason to kill you >Yeah… it must be. <Ah… <No… <Like this… <Mh <Mh…hu <You're incredibly sticky, Noa. <No… way… 069. <Shall I show you? <N... no need for that. >Here's… a cute little bud. >I don't know anyone scarier than you. You make me shiver. ~Haa ~Haa >My my, it's an honor hearing that from a 400 year old vampire.♫ <Mh… Yōko… ~Haa ~Haa ~Haa… 070. >Hey, Noa, please... >live forever \fresh and young. >I've lived long enough already. >I'd rather try to make Nanase human again. >…Hhhm \Aren't you nice… >“My lovely Noa” <… \Yōko… 071. <Haha, amazing, great.♫ だめっ <No 言わないで <Don't say that. >♥ <Ah♥♥ <Ih…ha…ah♥♥ <Eek!? 072. <Yōko… >Is… it really fine if I stay here? ~Haa ~Haa >Of course. Don’t fret over it. #the meaning?: you don't have to feel bad because of that >Relax, >and entrust your body to me. <…Aaah <So… wild… <Me too… 073. <Aaaaaahh <Mh…ah \So warm… 074. >Mh… ah >Who will clean this all up I wonder? >I-… I'm sorry. >I did it again. >Revitalization continues. 075. >A success so far! >Oh, that's good. >You really like high places, don't you? >I love things that were build by humans. >Don't you realize? You're reek like a human yourself. >… <Hey, not here. 076. >My my ^That reminds me, >She said the same thing before. ^The best thing that the gods created ^were humans. This post has been edited by Shapes: Aug 29 2019, 16:51

Aug 22 2019, 11:32 Post #38
Siperi Newcomer Group: Members Posts: 58 Joined: 19-March 17 Level 32 (Journeyman) +K	Second check. Suggestions and comments. QUOTE(Shapes @ Aug 21 2019, 16:53) Vampire Girl Chapter 3 https://e-hentai.org/s/7d4c2a623c/1319986-55 055. -- Chapter 3 -- >Dr. Katsura, #there's no sign in her being a professor, she's working in a hospital and calls herself later (med.) doctor, also she has no financial funds \the cultivation of PHN hemoglobin was successful. >Great, I'm happy to hear that! >If we fail again we will be kicked out of here. >Yeah, it's become a harsh field of research. >It will be worthy of a Nobel prize. >That is, if we manage to complete the next hundred stages too, without major mistakes. >Immortality – that's like we're entering the realm of gods. #recheck this line, changed "it's" to "that's" for better connection //The way I see it is her saying Immortality and then making a brief pause before saying the rest, so I'd rather use an ellipsis than a dash. Also, if you want to use "that's" then I'd get rid of "we're". >My my. >Wasn't it men who created “gods” in the first place? 056. >Surpassing gods, >I don't think that's too far-fetched. What about you? >Gods who need money, huh? //Or maybe something like "We might be gods, but we still need money." if it can fit into the bubble. #it's a slightly sarcastic "if we are gods, how comes me need money?" intention. How about my new version? >I know, I know. >Well, it's time to go home. 057. For the human body to function it must produce blood, flesh, and energy from food. That's essentially not too different from machines. But ultimately cells grow old, decay, and die. So what if stem cells could supply the body with fresh cells for eternity…? >I'm home! 058. >“Good morning” Noa. //Is it morning or evening? She says "morning", but 2 panels further she says "evening". #that's why it is in quotes, sarcasm, it's evening, but Noa just woke up. //Put just morning in quotes then, maybe even typeset it in italics or another way to further emphasize that it’s not to be taken literally. Either way the emphasis should be on "morning", not "good morning". >Geez >I got tired of waiting! >Welcome home, Yōko. T/N: Fun fact: the characters of her name mean "proton" too, they can be read as "sun child" or "positive (yang) particle". >You’re up surprisingly early this evening. >Because you let this cat go hungry, it woke me up. //You can use Mr. Whiskers if you want to, but then "she" won't really fit. Also, Mr. with a period, it's American English, not British English. #Damn, neutral "it" sounding too distant? >Mr. Whiskers ~~ Have you been a good cat? I'll give you something to eat. #Chobihige, the cat's name, means "small mustache", any idea how you translate that name into English? Maybe Mr Whiskers? >Wow! It's already revitalizing! #activating //Nice catch, I didn't notice it the first time. 059. >What do you think? >Will it work? >Yes, thanks to my supportive test subject. >I have no clue at all how the production mechanism for the mRNA that makes you a vampire works, \so I'll ignore that for now. >I'm going to synthesize the DNA that'll become the inert factor \and inject it into the target cells… well, that is in one antisense strand. #inert factor? never heard of that… //Author claims to have done research, so let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. >Eh? \yeah… >To be honest, I don't really understand… >but with this we will be able to save Nanase, right? >Well, we'll only know when we try it out. 060. <Ha ha ha \If it isn't Katsura-kun at last? >It's all thanks to you, Director. >So the expensive equipment I bought for you really paid off. //It sounds like he's downplaying her role. Is this what he's implying? #I don't think so, changed the sentence to fit better the Japanese. \Just this stem cell sample will be worth a lot of money. #Just this cell sample alone… how about adding "alone" //Either “This stem cell sample alone” or “Just this stem cell sample”. Don't use both. >Truly, this is fantastic. Don't you think? >I that so…? My only goal is to advance medical science. >Wahaha!! Same goes for me. \Well, this fine lady too should enjoy herself without restraint. 061. >And what a lovely young lady she is. Is she a foreigner? >Yes, she’s a friend’s daughter. I’m taking care of her. Right, Noa? //It's a long line and the bubble is not that big, so I reworded it a bit. #Loses the "other country" part though. There's no short English term for "foreigner of a different country", is it? //Question in line above is whether she’s a foreigner. Answer “yes” confirms it. Foreigner, by definition is someone from another country, so noting is lost here, tough it's not directly stated. Also, I shortened it because it's a long line, but if Pr1de can fit it nicely then I don't mind using your original line, jusr make "Right, Noa?" a new sentence as it's directed at Noa, while the other 2 are directed at the other woman. >Yes \This land is very nice. #lit: region <Oh, you can speak Japanese! My fine lady, won't you come here and pour me some sake? >I can't stand the smell of alcohol. >Oh, don't say that. Katsura-kun, can't you talk to her? >Oh, Director, is she giving you trouble? #lit: Huh, Sensei, this girl, difficult? #I hope I got the intention <Uwah, what is this? 062. >Glad that's been taken care of. The human world isn't so easy to deal with either. #Sorry, I got this totally wrong, thanks for pointing it out. There is no period in the original but these are clearly two sentences. Please check again. //I removed "you see", no need for that. >It wasn't that bad. //The bubble indicates who’s talking, so no need for “to me”. >…Anyway, what about that Sena girl? Looks like she left the house together with Nanase? better?: #What do we do about/with that Sena girl? <Don't worry, I'll find her in no time. Her “smell” is very special. 063. >As for Nanase, she's a half-vampire, right? #though she literally says "half of her body is vampire" And I'm a full one, so what…? //didn’t we establish in chapter 2 that Noa a full vampire? #yes she is, the "too" goes for the "vampire" part, not for the "half" part. Changed it to be clear. >A vampire’s body isn’t that different from a human’s, #can you have another try here? Body means not only appearance (looks) but also internal organs and stuff. That gets lost when using "looks different" \we just live longer. >Hmm >Looks like Nanase is enjoying herself. >Hey, don't kill that Sena girl. If they already became friends. #if →as? //"as" looks good, "since" might also work. Either way replace period after "girl" with comma. >I'm not going to withdraw now. #hell is this ambiguous, literally she says: I don't have such a liking #liking in wanting to kill or liking in wanting to stop?? #luckily the next bubbles support my decision >Besides, >I've already marked her. 064. >Mother >Yōko, I don't know how to take this off. >It suits you, why don't you keep it on? 065. >Yōko… >…Mh >Life is something precious. Living for so long has taught me that. #unsure why she is mentioning this now? is this meant as: and that why I don't kill without a good reason? #no, it's probably related to Yōko's mother… <Ah <No… \Don't… >Says the one abandoned by the gods. //Maybe replace this line with "Says the one abandoned by the gods." #Very nice! #lit: You who has been abandoned by the gods…? 066. <… //Just 1 ellipsis. あんっ <Ahm <No… \Hey <Don’t distract me and listen. #alt: Don't touch and distract me from my story. >I'm a very insistent person, you should know that.♥ >Yōko, dead people won't come back to life. //Maybe replace "won't" with "can't". 067. >That goes for vampires too… >if they ever die. #added ever \Do you understand? <Ah >Is that so? We won't know until we try. >… Bad blood is flowing inside of you! //Just 1 ellipsis. >… //Just 1 ellipsis. >Hey, Noa, do you want to kill me? 068. <Your blood <tastes probably really bad. #unspoken: so I have no reason to kill you >Yeah… it must be. <Ah… //Just 1 ellipsis. <No… <Like this… <Mh <Mh…hu <You're incredibly sticky, Noa. <No… way… 069. <Shall I show you? <N... no need for that. >Here's… a cute little bud. >I don't know anyone scarier than you. You make me shiver. ~Haa ~Haa >My my, it's an honor hearing that from a 400 year old vampire.♫ <Mh… Yōko… ~Haa ~Haa ~Haa… 070. >Hey, Noa, please... >live forever \fresh and young. >I've lived long enough already. >I'd rather try to make Nanase human again. >…Hhhm \Aren't you nice… >“My lovely Noa” <… \Yōko… 071. <Haha, amazing, great.♫ だめっ <No 言わないで <Don't say that. >♥ <Ah♥♥ <Ih…ha…ah♥♥ <Eek!? 072. <Noriko… >Is… it really fine if I stay here? ~Haa ~Haa >Of course. Don’t fret over it. #the meaning?: you don't have to feel bad because of that >Relax, >and entrust your body to me. <…Aaah //Just 1 ellipsis. <So… wild… <Me too… 073. <Aaaaaahh <Mh…ah \So warm… 074. >Mh… ah >Who will clean this all up I wonder? >I-… I'm sorry. >I did it again. >Revitalization continues. 075. >A success so far! >Oh, that's good. >You really like high places, don't you? >I love things that were build by humans. >Don't you realize? You're reek like a human yourself. >… <Hey, not here. 076. >My my ^That reminds me, >She said the same thing before. //Also, this line came out of nowhere and is kinds out of place here. #question is who "that girl" is, I guess she means Noa (as she's distant at the moment). I would simple drop "that girl,". ^The best thing that the gods created ^were humans. If there are more issues then send me a PM. This post has been edited by Siperi: Aug 26 2019, 10:06

Aug 25 2019, 18:38 Post #39
Shapes Casual Poster Group: Gold Star Club Posts: 352 Joined: 14-September 17 Level 30 (Journeyman) +K	077. -- Chapter 4 -- ^End of the Edo era. >Are you from another country? #very polite speech, dict: foreigner (esp. one of European ancestry) >You don't have a place to stay? Come to my house. #very polite speech >Noa didn't want to be reported to the officials… #it's Noa speaking in third person about herself, see end of chapter >Father… >Mother. >I will grant you the power of eternal life. 078. >In exchange, don't forget me. >Come after me. >I will never forgive you. ^So that's what happened. I'm seeing Noa's dream. 079. >Sena! >Are you all right? You were having a nightmare. >N-…Nanase. >I had a kinda scary dream. >A scary dream? >…Nanase, \do you remember your past? If that really happened, then Nanase was going after Noa for the last 150 years… >Sometimes I do, \but now I have you by my side. >Nanase. 080. >Again…? It's only morning. I want to heal Nanase's wounds… somehow. >We can't? I've really changed. >Mhh, now I want to do it too. >The Misasagi Shrine. <Ah <Ah… >Sena… why…? <Mh… <Ha 081. >That girl is… no good. #for you? >How are we going to look for Noa's whereabouts? >Noa has someone who hides her. >I think we should look for that someone. >Is that person riding a big black bike? >You know something? 082. >I can see it from time to time. \A bike… a big hospital. >And also... >what I think is Noa's past. >What do you mean? >Have you ever heard of clairvoyance? I see images in my head. \My sister told me it's part of my lineage. >The blood of a shrine maiden…? >Then... >Sorry, but I don't see a clear location. >That's okay. >… \Sena, there’s a place I have to visit. Please go ahead and return to the hotel. 083. >Yeah, \all right. >Sena? >Don't be angry anymore, like in the scary dream I had. >I think we should be happy with the relationship we have right now. >Sena... >I'm happy too \that I've met you. Nanase… >Kiss me. 084. >Sena… we can do this when we're back at the hotel… >Mh \Hamhh >Ah 085. <Ha… >Sena… >Nanase… I can't stop anymore. >Ah <Mh >Ah <But here… 086. >Hey… Sena⁉ >Mh… >Huhm >That's… >Ah >No… I… >Aahh 087. あっっっ >Ahhh >Senaa. ひっ… >Hih…♥♥ \Ah…♥♥ あっ >Ah >Don't look… >Ah, Sena. 088. From that day onward we did it over and over again. >…I won't become a vampire even if you bite me, right? >Yes… \that's right, but… #why are you asking >I want to give you… \my blood. And also my body, my mind, everything. Because I want us to be even closer. 089. >Nanase. >Yeah… >Nanase, that form… >Using your power like this… >Pervert♥ 090. >Mh… >Aahh <Mha… <Ahm >Mh… >Yeah… 091. あんっ >Ah♥♥ んあっ >Mha♥♥ んああ >Mhaa♥♥ >Ah… Incredible… <Huh…? <Hey, \Nanase. 092. <Huuuu… <Kha <Aaaaaahh <Hih… \Khm♥♥ >Aha♥♥ 093. >Hhmm I became one with Nanase. >I hope she'll be back soon. 首のキズ >The wound on your neck... you gave Nanase your blood, didn't you? 驚いた \I'm surprised. <Noa⁉ >It's been a while. >Nanase is careless. I wonder what she's up to. ^The smell of jasmine... damn it, I can't move my body. 094. >Relax, I'm not going to kill you this time. \I came because we need to talk. <Sto…p! <Nhaa Why…? Why does it feel… #so good? 095. <Ah \…Ha Nanase… I'm sorry… I'm being dirtied again. >Mh… >Hey, \does it feel so good that it makes you pee yourself? What a cute girl. <You... <You… murderer… 096. >…o…ry >Huh…⁉ >I'm sorry, >Onee-chan. >Noa? ^⁉ ^There are two… Noas⁉ ^In the underground sanctuary of the Misasagi Shrine. 097. >So if we remove this stone, Sena will really return? >Nanase-san? >Yes, I promise you that. >Why do you need the shintai…… T/L: Shintai is the object of worship inside a shrine, usually contains the spirit of a deity. >What are you up to? #lit: As for you, "what"? #I'm quite confused about what she means. #alt: What are you?, Who are you? #Most sense would probably make: "What is there/it?", anata = you used to mean "in your direction" in the past >The “Imperial Tomb” - the grave of the king. >Do you, as the maiden of this shrine, really need to ask me that? #as I'm not certain about the question, I'm not sure I can follow So this is the heart-stone of the vampire-king Noa? Her heart-stone… the source of Noa's controlling power. She will definitely appear to retrieve it. 098. >The stone... >Haa >Haa >Is that Nanase's doing…? >Noa… what the heck is happening to you… ^I can feel… >I can't leave it as it is any longer. \Please lend me you strength to save Nanase. ^…how the darkness is gradually getting thicker. This post has been edited by Shapes*: Sep 1 2019, 07:53

Aug 27 2019, 10:47 Post #40
Siperi Newcomer Group: Members Posts: 58 Joined: 19-March 17 Level 32 (Journeyman) +K	Second check. Suggestions and comments. QUOTE(Shapes @ Aug 25 2019, 18:38) 077. -- Chapter 4 -- ^End of the Edo era. >Are you from another country? #very polite speech, dict: foreigner (esp. one of European ancestry) >You don't have a place to stay? Come to my house. #very polite speech >Noa didn't want to be reported to the officials… //Using "Noa" is confusing and giving away that she has two personalities would spoil the plot twist (even though it was hinted at in chapter 2). Alternatively, you can use "us" in quotation instead of "me". #it's confusing because it's not clear who is talking, right? We can't simply use "me", that would disregard the authors intention. There should be a slight hint. I'm not so sure about "us". How about a slight rewrite: "Noa didn't want to be reported to the officials…" #it's Noa speaking in third person about herself, see end of chapter >Father… >Mother. >I will grant you the power of eternal life. 078. >In exchange, don't forget me. #about me? >Come after me. >I will never forgive you. ^So that's what happened. I'm seeing Noa's dream. 079. >Sena! >Are you all right? You were having a nightmare. >N-…Nanase. >I had a kinda scary dream. >A scary dream? >…Nanase, \do you remember your past? If that really happened, then Nanase was going after Noa for the last 150 years… >Sometimes I do, \but now I have you by my side. >Nanase. 080. >Again…? It's only morning. #starting already in the morning I want to heal Nanase's wounds… somehow. >We can't? I've really changed. >Mhh, now I want to do it too. //It's confusing. From the looks of it, it's Nanase who wants to do it and Sena is against it, but "too" at the end of this line indicates that it's Sena speaking and that she wants to do it, which contradicts her previous actions. If this is Nanase's line then I'd remove "too" and add "but" after "Mhh". #Sena's reluctant at first, but when Nanase is asking with puppy tears she says she wants to do it too (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) >The Misasagi Shrine. <Ah <Ah… >Sena… why…? <Mh… <Ha 081. >That girl is… no good. #for you? >How are we going to look for Noa's whereabouts? >Noa has someone who hides her. >I think we should look for that someone. >Is that person riding a big black bike? >You know something? 082. >I can see it from time to time. \A bike… a big hospital. >And also... >what I think is Noa's past. >What do you mean? >Have you ever heard of clairvoyance? I see images in my head. \My sister told me it's part of my lineage. >The blood of a shrine maiden…? >Then... #it's literally: "with that". //My idea was that she was going to say something like "Then we can just go to where she is", hence "Then...". If you want to use something else, then it should be okay, as long as it can be the beginning of a sentence. >Sorry, but I don't see a clear location. >That's okay. >… \Sena, there’s a place I have to visit. Please go ahead and return to the hotel. 083. //This page is giving me so much trouble. First of all, I don't know what dream she's referring to. Is it something that happened off-panel? Clairvoyance? My idea was that she had a dream where a lot of people got angry (reference to last page?) and she asks Nanase not be be like them, because the relationship they hvae right now is good and she doesn't want it to end. >Yeah, \all right. >Sena? >Please, don’t get angry like everyone else did in the dream. //Maybe "my dream" instead of "the dream". Still, I don't know what dream she means here. >I don't want to lose what we have going on right now. //It looks like this and the previous line are both Sena's, so I reworded it to connect it to the previous one. Originally it sounds like Nanase is speaking, but the bubble clearly indicates that it's Sena's line. Let me know if I'm wrong. #Yes, it's Sena, it was supposed to be her in my version too. The meaning is like: "Why can't the moment we have now last… if we don't kill it would be paradise." Your version makes Sena realize that it'll be "getting worse", but Sena is realizing that it's "actually good right now". Another try: "It would be so nice if the situation that we have right now could last." (maybe substitute "situation" for "peace" to be even more explicit). //If it's too vague, then maybe "I don't want our relationship to end." >I won't, because... //I know that the bubble says "Sena...", but to make Nanase's response sound natural it needs to be replaced. >I'm happy //How is this line connected to the previous ones? It comes out of nowhere and disturbs the flow of the conversation. Maybe remove "also". #should be clear now from the previous explanation \that I've met you, Sena. Nanase… >Kiss me. 084. >Sena… we can do this when we're back at the hotel… >Mh \Hamhh >Ah 085. <Ha… >Sena… >Nanase… I can't stop anymore. >Ah <Mh >Ah <But here… 086. >Hey… Sena⁉ >Mh… >Huhm >That's… >Ah >No… I… >Aahh 087. あっっっ >Ahhh >Senaa. ひっ… >Hih…♥♥ \Ah…♥♥ あっ >Ah >Don't look… >Ah, Sena. 088. From that day onward we did it over and over again. >…I won't become a vampire even if you bite me, right? >Yes… \that's right, but… #why are you asking >I want to give you… \my blood. And also my body, my mind, everything. Because I want us to be even closer. 089. >Nanase. >Yeah… >Nanase, that form… >Using your power like this… >Pervert♥ 090. >Mh… >Aahh <Mha… <Ahm >Mh… >Yeah… 091. あんっ >Ah♥♥ んあっ >Mha♥♥ んああ >Mhaa♥♥ >Ah… Incredible… <Huh…? <Hey, \Nanase. 092. <Huuuu… <Kha <Aaaaaahh <Hih… \Khm♥♥ >Aha♥♥ 093. >Hhmm I became one with Nanase. >I hope she'll be back soon. 首のキズ >The wound on your neck... you gave Nanase your blood, didn't you? 驚いた \I'm surprised. <Noa⁉ >It's been a while. >Nanase is careless. I wonder what she's up to. ^The smell of jasmine... damn it, I can't move my body. 094. >Relax, I'm not here to kill you. \I came because we need to talk. <Sto…p! <Nhaa Why…? Why does it feel… #so good? 095. <Ah \…Ha Nanase… I'm sorry… I'm being dirtied again. >Mh… >Hey, \does it feel so good that it makes you pee yourself? What a cute girl. #incontinence //You can also use past tense if you want, so: "did it feel so good that you peed yourself?" <You... <You… murderer… 096. >…o…ry >Huh…⁉ >I'm sorry, >Onee-chan. >Noa? ^⁉ ^There are two… Noas⁉ ^In the underground sanctuary of the Misasagi Shrine. 097. >So if we remove this stone, Sena will really return? #the really is for return, not for quickly //Additionally you can replace "return" with "come back". >Nanase-san. >I promise you. >Why do you need the shintai…… T/L: Shintai is the object of worship inside a shrine, usually contains the spirit of a deity. >What are you up to? #lit: As for you, "what"? #I'm quite confused about what she means. #alt: What are you?, Who are you? #Most sense would probably make: "What is there/it?", anata = you used to mean "in your direction" in the past >The “Imperial Tomb” - the grave of the king. >Do you, as the maiden of this shrine, really need to ask me that? #as I'm not certain about the question, I'm not sure I can follow So this is the heart-stone of the vampire-king Noa? #the female form isn't used in Japanese? Our Noa is definitely female. Make this Vampire Queen or not? #what is your opinion on this? //If Japanese version says “king”, then I’d stick with it. If it still bothers you , then maybe use "vampire-ruler" instead. Her heart-stone… the source of Noa's controlling power. She will definitely appear to retrieve it. 098. >The stone... >Haa >Haa >Is that Nanase's doing…? >Noa… what the heck is happening to you… ^I can feel… >I can't leave it as it is any longer. \Please lend me you strength to save Nanase. ^…how the darkness is gradually getting thicker. #deeper/intenser //Either replace "how" with "And" or remove it and capitalize the first letter. #I too was confused here first. This is the continuation of the sentence before (I can feel…) Added an ellipsis at the beginning. //Looks good now. If there are still issues, then send me a PM. This post has been edited by Siperi*: Aug 31 2019, 07:58

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