[X] My Assistant

My proofreading for Slave Diary ~Yuno is my bride~

G: There… must be feeling distressful right… You can give me any orders! Yuki <3

distressful doesn't sound right... distressed? This entire sentence seems to be missing the subject?

G: Please use my body to your fancy

I'd rather write G: Please use my body to your liking / to your desire / as you desire / as you fancy

I’m already spitting out blood when I sent this to the printings (X∀X ;

printing / printer

While I am at it, my proofreading for ホントはしたいんでしょ Japanese Romanization: Honto Wa Shitaindesho // English translation: I Really Want to Do It

G: Do you become like this from wanting to penetrate into my body? Yuu~Kii <3 <3

Do -> Did

and editing bounty for it is at https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=12069

Proofread for I Really Want to Do it

First thing that I'd like to point out is the way Yuno calls Yukiteru. She doesn't really extend the "Yu" but rather doubles up on the "k" and extends the "i" part of his name. Something like Yukkiii~ would be more like her.

Page 7:

G: Do you become like this from wanting to penetrate into my body?

Correction & suggestion: Did you become like this from wanting to penetrate me. (Not really sure on the "penetrate into" part but penetrate already means going into something so the "into" is kind of unnecessary. Also, changing the "my body" part to just "me" makes it fit in better and also because "penetrate my body" sounds a bit brutal.)

Page 9:

G: Yu… Yuki… <3 Put it into… me… I can’t stand this any longer

Suggestion: Yu… Yuki… <3 Put it in… me… I can’t stand this any longer.

Page 11:

G: Ahh Ah! Yuki’s penis <3 is entering into my womb

Suggestion: Ahh Ah! Yuki’s penis <3 is entering my womb. (Same as the penetrate part above, "enter" already means going into something so the "into" is unnecessary)

Page 15:

This time I’ve made a Mirai Nikki’s doujin about Yuno.

Correction: This time I've made a Mirai Nikki doujin about Yuno.

Proofread Slave Diary ~Yuno is my bride~

Page 1:

I'm… I’m feeling sluggish……

Suggestion: I... I'm feeling sluggish.

Page 4:

My brain is getting a fever

Suggestion: This sentence completely doesn't work so use something else. There's a lot to choose from. Examples I can give are "My head is getting a bit fuzzy", "I'm getting a bit lightheaded" or "I'm getting a bit feverish". You can choose from any of these or if anyone else can come up with a sentence that fits in more here.

Page 5:

Hah Uhn… Yuki became so large… leave everything to me…

Suggestion: Yuki became so big. (Or maybe "hard"?)

Page 6:

I’m like… a captured snake’s prey now…

Correction: I'm like...a snake's captured prey now. (The original sentence implies that the snake is the one that is captured so this is the correct order for the sentence)

Page 9:

If Yuki touches there now… it’s going to come!

Correction: If Yuki touches there now... I'm going to come!

Page 10:

Hah Ahn… you reached the deepest part… in just one thrust

Suggestion: You reached my deepest part.

Page 13:

My body still… still can’t stop shivering… This is so embarrassing… You came inside while I was on my climax too

Suggestion: "You came inside while I was cumming too" or "You came inside while I was climaxing too".

Page 21:

I don't feel envy or jelous of Yuki

Correction: I don't feel envious or jealous of Yuki.

Some things are already pointed out by Red_Piotrus here

My proofreading for Slave Diary ~Yuno is my bride~

G: There… must be feeling distressful right… You can give me any orders! Yuki <3

distressful doesn't sound right... distressed? This entire sentence seems to be missing the subject?

G: Please use my body to your fancy

I'd rather write G: Please use my body to your liking / to your desire / as you desire / as you fancy

I’m already spitting out blood when I sent this to the printings (X∀X ;

printing / printer

Agreed on the first part, I'd also suggest making it "There... You must be feeling distressed right?" but is the word "distress" really appropriate here? Although, I can't really think of any other substitute right now.

Second part I'd actually change it completely. I'd suggest "Please do as you wish with me" or "Please do anything you like with my body" but there are really a lot more options here.

Third part I think it should be "printing company".

Yeah the proofreading seems superb, sorry for not producing top notched translations (Q_Q)/~

Post-Script Corrections (cries cause of my own weak Japanese and English skills)
Most of the wrong minor details and feedbacks have been integrated, with some corrections on wrong moans and wordings. I hope this would suffice for "I Really Want to Do It"

e-hentai link: https://e-hentai.org/g/529679/5561b89dd8/

Translator: Herreis
PG 01:
Title: ホントはしたいんでしょ Japanese Romanization: Honto Wa Shitaindesho // English translation: I Really Want to Do It (TL: I really prefer the Japanese Romanization, you should just leave the title untranslated)

PG 03:
PL 1:
GASAI: Yukkii… I… I knew it all along…… <3
G: You really want to do it right? <3
Tongue SFX: *Lick*…
SFX x5: *Hah*
YUKI: This… This is bad… Yuno’s… eyes… I don’t know what’ll happen to me if I oppose her now…

PG 04:
TOP PL:
G: There’s no need to hold back Yukkii…. <3
SFX x4: *Hah*
SFX: *Lick~~*
SFX x2: *Lick Lick*
G: I’ll let you feel good real soon <3
BTM PL:
G: Yukkii… Stick out your tongue… <3
SFX: Licks
G: Yukkii’s tongue… is really tasty… <3
SFX: *Chuu* (Something like kiss)
SFX: *Drips~*
G: It’s so tasty that I can’t stop drooling <3
SFX x2: * Hah *

PG 05:
TOP PL:
SFX x3: * Hah * <3
G: Yukkii… Take a look at my breasts <3
G: Oh Oh… <3 Come and eat my breasts <3
SFX: *Chuu~~*
SFX x2: *Suck*
G: Punish my lewd nipples
BTM PL:
G: They are already this hard even when I didn’t touch them <3
G: Hyaaaaaaaaaaaaa <3
SFX: *Suckle…*
G: I’m getting wet! I’m getting wet!

PG 06:
PL 1:
G: Haah <3 Haah <3 I’m… I’m already wet like this <3
SFX x5: * Hah *
G: Yu… Yukkii… I’m already this wet… just from being looked by Yukkii <3
Y: Yuno… You… You’re really wet down here…
(TL comment: Ok I’m starting to get dizzy from looking at the SFXs here)
SFX x2: *Drips drips…*
Small SFX x2: *Shudder*
Bigger SFX x2: *Drops*
PL 2:
G: Nnh Hah Ahh <3
SFX: *Lick*
SFX: *Savor*
PL 3:
SFX x4: * Hah <3*
SFX x2: *Shiver*
G: This… My hip feels like breaking from all the pleasure <3 Yukkii<3

PG 07:
PL 1 (Right):
G: Yukkii, you’re already so hard <3
SFX x4: * Hah <3*
SFX x2: *Rub*
G: I’m getting excited just from looking at it
PL 2 (Left):
G: You’re so hard right now <3
Big SFX: *Na-dump <3*
Small SFX x2: *Twitch*
SFX: *Licks~~*
G: Did you become like this from wanting to penetrate me.? Yukkii <3 <3
PL 3:
G: Nhh Hah Ahh <3 Tasty <3
SFX x3: *Lick*
PL 4:
G: Nnh Fueh <3 Make sure you come inside my throat Yukkii <3
SFX x2: *Slurp*
Y: Your… The back of your throat is suddenly tightening up…!?
SFX x3: *Bup*
SFX x3 on dick: *Gnaw*, *Munch* and/or *Nibble*

PG 08:
PL 1:
Y: Yu… Yuno!! Darn it! I’m cumming!?
All the SFXs in this panel are related to “chewing”: *Gnaw*, *Munch*, *Nibble*, *Chomp* or you could use some words of your own
PL 2:
G: Alright Yukkii <3 Come into my mouth <3
SFX x4: *Lick*
G: Yukkii’s… I want to drink Yukkii’s semen <3
PL 3:
SFX x2: *Splash*
SFX: *Spurt*
G: Nnh Hah Ahh <3 there’s so much coming out
PL 4:
SFX x4: * Hah *
G: Ua… Uaaahh <3 Yukkii’s sperm tastes so good <3
SFX x2: *Lick*
SFX: *Splurt…*

PG 09:
PL 1:
G: Yu… Yukkii… <3 Put it in… me… I can’t stand this any longer <3
SFX x6: * Hah *
G: My pussy… is twitching right now… Quickly… Put it in <3
SFX: *Shudder…*
SFX x2: *Tremble*
Big SFX: *Gushing*
PL 2:
SFX: *Rubbing*
G: Ahh… Just… Just like this… Put it in me <3
PL 3:
SFX: *Thump* *Rub*x4
G: Ahh Ah… <3 Yukkii<3 Yukkii is inside me <3
SFX: *Drips drips*

PG 10:
PL 1:
G: Hyaah <3
G: This feels so good!! Yukkii<3 More <3 More <3!!
G: Break my body even more <3!!
SFX x2: *Thump*
SFX x2: *Throb*
(I can’t see the background SFXs clearly but most of them are generic rubbing SFXs)
PL 2:
G: Yukkii’s penis is getting in and out of my body <3!!
G: Everything <3!! Yukkii has seen everything about me <3
G: Yukkii is so ferocious when he’s pounding my body <3!!
SFXs: All of them are generic rubbing SFXs

PG 11:
TOP PL:
G: Fueh… Fueh… So deep Hiii <3
G: Th… Thi… This <3 You’re so deep inside me Yukkii <3
White SFX x4: * Hah *
G: Your penis is so deep <3
SFX x2: * Hah *
SFX x3: *Rub*
SFX on breast: *Boing*
BTM PL:
White SFX x4: * Hah *
G: Yukkii come inside my womb <3!!
SFXx2 on both breasts: *Boing*
SFX: *Rub*
G: Ahh Ah! Yukkii’s penis <3 is entering my womb
SFX x4: *Hah *

PG 12:
TOP Right:
SFX x5: * Hah
SFX x2: Ah~~<3
SFX x2: *Boing*
G: Fuaaaaaaaaaaaahhh <3!!
TOP Left:
SFX x2: *Twitch*
G: Yukkii <3 x6
White SFX x4: * Hah <3*
BTM Right:
SFX: *Slide*
Y: Yu… Yuno…! I’m… cumming!! I’m going to cum inside of you!!
G: Wuahh Ahh Ahh Ah Ah Ah Ahh Ah Ahh! Argheeeeee!!
SFX x2: *Squeeze squeeze*
G: Come inside me <3!! Then I could be pregnant with Yukkii’s child. Hyaaaaaa ryuuuuu <3!!
SFX x2: *Thrust*
Y: Yu… Yuno!? I can’t… I can’t hold back anymore…!!

PG 13:
TOP:
G: Hyguuuuuuuuuuuuuu!! (or Higuuuuuuuuuuuu!!)
SFX: *Splurt*
SFX x6: *Throb*
Big SFX: *Slosh*
SFX: *Spurt*
BTM:
G x4: Hah
SFX x6: *Shakes*//*Shudder*
Box: I… ended up… coming inside of… Yuno…

PG 15:
Nice to meet you! And hello again to my old readers!
This time I've made a Mirai Nikki doujin about Yuno.
I wanted to have some slightly bizarre aspects this time,
so I was going to draw less menacing aura into Yuno’s eyes,
or so that was the original plan?
I was going to reduce her yandere attribute,
and although it was going smoothly initially,
the whole aspect crumbled apart when mistakes started to arise,
so I ended up with frustration, though I think that was for the best.
… Nah… I just wanted to scare people lol
Urayama 1: Horror 9
Just like this time lol
But the whole experience feels kind of bewitching…
I wonder why?
Although this is my personal bias, and I’m not sure how this statement would do any good.
I guess I am in a hurry to finish this draft for the Winter Comiket lol.
And, I should stop my writing…
since I’m already at the end of the afterword.
Thank you all very much for buying my book.
See you in the next book.
Best wishes (emoticons) ~Hairaito

This post has been edited by chung2795: Mar 18 2015, 15:35

Proofread post-script version of I Really Want to Do it.

Take note that at page 11 there's still a "Yuu~kii". I'm not sure if this was intentional or you missed it so I just want to bring it to your attention.

Also, for page 9 I'd still suggest using "in" instead of "into" for the "Put it into me" part. It's not wrong but I wouldn't really use "into" here unless she mentions specifically where it is going instead of just "me" so "Put in into my pussy" is another option.

Other than that, everything else is alright.

Sorry must have missed those, edited.

EDIT: Will make changes on Yuno is my bride asap, maybe tomorrow.

This post has been edited by chung2795: Mar 14 2015, 18:47

About "Slave Diary ~Yuno is my bride~"

Yuno talks in third(?) person a lot and I don't particularly like when characters do this. They sound like they're monologing. She's like, "Yuki this, Yuki's that, etc" when talking to him. Would changing them to proper you(s) and your(s) be terribly wrong?

Isn't that how Yuno normally is? Especially once her "switch" is turned on. She goes on with stuff like "Yukki will be with me forever" and "I will be the one to protect Yukki". Even though it's not obvious in the subtitles for the anime, if you listen to her talking in Japanese it does indicate that she uses this kind of speech.

^ I'm watching the anime (dub) as I edit this to get a feel for the characters and she does use his name alot. With "my" in front of it though.

Personally I don't consider dubs a good source, and I'd rather go with the Japanese original. But that would really require input from more TLs, since all I can base this on are the subs I've seen.

I'm the opposite, I think dubs are prime examples of how translations should sound in English. Since it's for an English audience and you don't know how weird something sounds until you speak it out loud. I just finished watching the anime and it was pretty damn good, but I would have never watched it subbed.

But yeah, nevermind, don't really need another translators input, I can pretend it's a subbed anime.

Post Script Edition:
Translator: Herreis
e-hentai link: https://e-hentai.org/g/498380/ab66a43d26/
TL comment 1: The scan is not really great though I think you guys are capable of finding better scans (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)
TL comment 2: I didn’t do some of the bubbleless SFXs so maybe you can skip some of them

PG 01:
Title: ご奉仕日記~由乃は俺の嫁~ (English translation: Slave Diary ~Yuno is my bride~)
PG 02:
PL 2:
AMANO: !!
A: Yu… Yuno, why does this taste differ… Uhh……!
PL 3:
GASAI: You really drank it down
PL 4:
G: Yu~ki <3
PL 5:
G: Tee hee <3
A: I… I’m feeling sluggish……
PL 6:
A: Wha… What did you put… inside……
Bubbles x2: Hah Ahh

PG 03:
SFX: *Snaps~<3*

PG 04:
PL 1:
G: Yu… Yuki… the truth is……
PL 2:
Mom: Eh-?
M: You want to officially become my daughter-in-law!?
PL 3:
M: That’s~~~ GREAT! Even better when the bride is such a cute girl!
SFX: <3 Kyeaahh~<3
G: Ah! Then……
PL 4:
Mom’s SFX: Best regards<3
M: That child is just too shy…….
M: Umm umm, you should use this! Yuno-chan!
G: Hee hee… Yuki’s mom is such a nice mother
A: WHAT!!
PL 5:
A: Mom takes things into her own hands way too much…
A: Hah Ahh
PL 6:
G: You… must be feeling distressed over here right…? You can give me any orders! Yuki <3
(TL notes: I gave up on most of the unnecessary bubbleless SFXs at this point)
Bubbles x2: Hah Ahh
G: Yuno will do anything for Yuki
PL 7:
Box: This is… bad… what is going to happen next!?
Face: Is this the effect of the drug…?
Bubbles x2: Ahh Hah
Box: I'm getting a bit feverish… I can’t think straight now

PG 05:
PL 1:
A: Yu… no… lick… my…
Bubble: Ahh Hah
G: Yuki<3
PL 2:
G: Uhm Uhm, you don’t have to refrain yourself
PL 3:
G: Ahh
Penis SFX: ぶるん *Broom* (Like an elastic spring or ruler, you can change them if you have better SFX in mind) ビクシ *Bust* (It sounds like Biish)
White SFX x2: *Doki*
PL 4:
G: Hah Uhn… Yuki became so big… leave everything to me…
Umh Hah Ahh…
Bbl: Huh <3
Bbl: Uhm <3
A: Yuno is actually doing this to me…
Bbl: Ahh
PL 5:
A: Uhh Uhh
A: Yuno

PG 06:
PL 1:
Bbl: Uhm
Bbl: Ahh
PL 2:
Bbl: Nnh <3
Bbl: Hah Uhm
Bbl: Ahh Ahh
PL 3:
A: Yuno’s mouth… is moist and warm… feels too… good……
Bbl: uhm
Bbl: Ahh Hah
Bbl: Ahh
Bbl: Nnh
Left box: I'm like...a snake's captured prey now.
PL 4:
A: Wa… Wait… don’t be so ferocious…!
Bbl: Ahh Ahh
Bbl: Umh
Bottom: I like… Yuki’s penis
I love… Yuki’s penis (They’re actually Yuki’s penis… suki. Yuki’s penis… daisuki [Feel free to do your own adjustments])
PL 5:
Bbl: Unh Unh
Left: Yuki is watching me! Yuki is finally watching me!
A: I can’t… escape!

PG 07:
PL 1:
A: I’m… already…….
PL 2:
G: Muu Guh
PL 3:
Bbl: Hah Ah
Bbl: Nnh
PL 4:
Bbl: Hah Ahh
Bbl: Hah Ahh <3
PL 5:
G: My face, clothes, are all coated with Yuki’s penis milk…
Bbl x2: Hah Ahh
G: This taste… has made me so excited…
PL 6:
Bbl x2: Hah Ah

PG 08:
PL 1:
Right: Rationale…… Crumbling/ Breaking/ Destroyed/ Collapsing (Just choose one)……!!
G: Yeeaahhh <3
G: Yuki suddenly became so enthusiastic…!
PL 2:
Bbl: Nh Ah Ah
PL 3:
G: Ahh Umh
G: Use my breasts… as much as you want… Uhn Ahh
PL 4:
A: Hah Ahh <3
A: Ahh Ahh <3
G: I love Yuki the most!

PG 09:
PL 1:
Arrow on Right: Completely lost his mind
Small bubbles x2: Ah Ah
G: If Yuki touches there now... I'm going to come!
PL 2:
Bbl: Hah ahh
Bbl: Hah Ah
Small Bbl: Ah
PL 3:
Bbl: Nnh
PL 4:
Bbl: Ahh… Ah Ah
PL 5:
Bbl: Hah
Bbl: Hah Ahh
G: I want to be one with Yuki as soon as possible!

PG 10:
Top:
Bbl: Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh… <3
G: Hah Ahn… You reached my deepest part.… in just one thrust
G: Uhn Ahh
Mid:
G: Ahh Ahh
G: Yuki <3
Bbl: Ah
Bottom:
G: ahh
bbl: Ah
G: Yuki <3

PG 11:
PL 1:
Top PL 1:
G: Yuki’s… so hot <3
Top PL 2:
G: Your scorching penis is not going to let me stop cumming!
Bbl: Ahh
G: Ahh… Ah Yuki
Middle PL 3:
G: I’m going crazy from cumming non-stop
Bbl: Uhh Ahh
bbl: Ahh Ahh
bbl: Uhm Ahh
A: Yu… Yuno
Bbl: Ahh
Bottom PL 4:
G: Uahh Ahh
Bbl: Nnh Hnh

PG 12:
PL 1:
G: Yuu~~Kii<3
G: Yeeaaaahhh <3
G: If you play with my nipples like that…
PL 2:
G: Ahh… ahh ahh
G: Uhm Ahh Ahh Ah

PG 13:
PL 1:
G: Yuki you really… came a lot……
Bbl: Hah Ahh <3
PL 2:
G: My body still… still can’t stop shivering… This is so embarrassing… You came inside while I was climaxing too
Bbl x2: Hah ahh
Small bbl: Ah
PL 4:
A: This…
G: Uhm… I don’t mind… how many rounds you want… as long as Yuki loves it……
PL 5:
G: Please do anything you like with my body
G: Yuno’s pussy belongs only to Yuki
PL 6:
Bbl: Ahh that’s right

PG 14:
PL 1:
G: I want to… do it while wearing this……
G: Although… this… this is really embarrassing…….
Bottom Right:
Bbl: Rarw rarw
Still hasn’t completely recovered his mind
Top Left:
G: Yuki it’s fine even if you don’t do anything
Bbl x2: Hah Ahh
Bottom Left:
Bbl: Nnh <3

PG 15:
PL 1:
A: Yuu…. NO!!
PL 2:
Bbl: Ah
G: Yu… Yuki’s penis … is making my insides frisky… Huh Uhh…
Bbl: Nh
Bbl: Huh Uhh
Top Bbl: Ahh Ah
PL 3:
G: So deep <3
PL 4:
Bbl: Nnh ahh <3
bbl: Ahh <3
G: Yeaahh Brea… Breasts… are very sensitive right now……

PG 16:
PL 1:
G: Yeahhh ahh ahh Ahh ahh ahh
Middle PL:
G: Yuki
Ahh ah
G: Ahhh Ahh Ahh Ahh
Ah… Yuki <3
Bottom PL:
G: Mor… More intense Yuki
G: Hah Ahh Ah <3
G: Hah Ah
Bbl: Uhm <3

PG 17:
PL 1:
G: Yeaa~~~~ Ahh (optional I like it better with the letters like that)
A: Cumming---- <3
G: Nnh Hnh Hmm Ahh Uhn (optional I like it better with the letters like that)
PL 2:
Bbl x2: Ah
A: Hah ahh
PL 4:
Bbl: Yeaahh
Bbl: Ahh
Bbl: Ahh ah
Bottom x2: Ah

PG 18:
PL 1:
G: Hee hee, what a cute sleeping face <3
Yuki <3
G: I really love you the most, Yuki <3
PL 2:
Bubbles x2: *Hum*
PL 3:
Yuno and Yuki will be together forever…
Yuno will protect Yuki forever…
Hee hee

PG 21:
Afterword:
Nice to meet you and hello to all of my readers, I’m the author Miiru.
Thanks for buying my Future Diary doujinshi n(_ _)n
Everything is so sudden = =|||
After looking through different kinds of scenarios from the circle…… Ultimately, I still chose the pure love type (Eh?
Because of the delays by the spring break,
I’m already spitting out blood when I sent this to the printing company (X∀X ;
However……
I’m touched that Yuno’s fans are all cute girls!
(Fucking emoticons)
Uhh Uhh I want a yandere girl to protect me too!
The truth is… I don't feel envious or jealous of Yuki, I only feel hatred towards him…
[Yuno will always be there and protect you, Y̶u̶u̶~̶K̶i̶i̶]
(fucking emoticons)
(The author is malfunctioning… Please ignore.
So long story short,
thank you again for your support, thanks for purchasing this book (/TwT/)
I look forward to our next meeting! (emoticons)

IMPRINT:
Title: Slave Diary ~Yuno is my bride~
Author: Miiru
Guest: Sheery
Special Thanks: 13
Publisher: Cat Street
Publication Date: Spring 2012

Email: unclesaw@hotmail.co.jp

This post has been edited by chung2795: Mar 18 2015, 15:34

I'm the opposite, I think dubs are prime examples of how translations should sound in English. Since it's for an English audience and you don't know how weird something sounds until you speak it out loud. I just finished watching the anime and it was pretty damn good, but I would have never watched it subbed.

But yeah, nevermind, don't really need another translators input, I can pretend it's a subbed anime.

I've watched dubbed animes when I had no other source for anime but I've always preferred subbed versions especially ever since I started understanding quite a bit of spoken Japanese. The main reason would be the voice actors, I thought that most dubbed versions kill the character or change/misinterpret how the personality of the character should be while the originals, the voice actors really take their work seriously in trying to bring the characters to life. Simple examples would be how the character addresses others. Some would use the last names instead of first and in Japanese they have honorifics while in English they sometimes use the first instead of last and without any honorific. You don't usually hear a character who uses "-san" for almost everyone in the anime use "mister" or "miss" all the time and to me, that already changes the real personality of the character. Another reason is that some dubbed versions stray too far from the original content, this is especially true when it comes to Japanese culture related jokes. Some sub groups actually do a great job in staying true to the original and still come through for English audience.

Dubs are actually restricted because they need to replace some words or even sentences to match with the movement of the character's mouth when speaking. Something may be spoken short in Japanese but it would take longer to exactly translate it to English and the same for the opposite, some are long in Japanese but it's only a few words in English. They need to change that which most of the time, causes them to stray from the original. Subs on the other hand don't have these or any kind of restrictions. They don't need to match the movement of characters, just the audio but they can have long or short sentences without any problem.They can easily have the definition along with the explanation of specific Japanese terms like otaku or NEET which are useful for even first time viewers. That gives higher accuracy in translations.

I don't think dubs should be considered prime examples of how translations should sound in English because of this. The only way a dub can be exactly how it should sound in English is if they change it into an audio drama which has absolutely no visuals and it removes the restriction on dubs. Well, to each their own opinion of course.

Proofread for Yuno is My Bride

Page 14:

Yuki it's fine even you don't do anything

Correction: Yuki it's fine even if you don't do anything

Now that Marien mentions about how she uses 3rd person speech, I've noticed some inconsistencies in the script for both Yuno is My Bride and I Really Want to Do it. Sometimes she uses "I", "me" or "my" but there are times when she uses her own name to refer to herself. I don't recall Yuno doing this in the anime but if I'm wrong and she does at times use her own name please feel free to correct me. As far as I recall in the anime she only uses "watashi" for herself.

Yuno is My Bride

Page 04:

Yuno will do anything for Yuki

Suggestion: I will do anything for Yuki

Page 13:

Yuno's pussy belongs only to Yuki

Suggestion: My pussy belongs only to Yuki

Page 18:

Yuno and Yuki will be together forever...

Yuno will protect Yuki forever...

Suggestion: Yuki and I will be together forever...
I will protect Yuki forever...

I Really Want to Do it

Page 10:

Break Yuno's body even more

Suggestion: Break my body even more

Those are the changes that need to be made if Yuno never uses her own name. If she does at certain times use it, just ignore these changes. Sorry for not noticing it earlier.

Proofread for Yuno is My Bride

Page 14:
Correction: Yuki it's fine even if you don't do anything

Now that Marien mentions about how she uses 3rd person speech, I've noticed some inconsistencies in the script for both Yuno is My Bride and I Really Want to Do it. Sometimes she uses "I", "me" or "my" but there are times when she uses her own name to refer to herself. I don't recall Yuno doing this in the anime but if I'm wrong and she does at times use her own name please feel free to correct me. As far as I recall in the anime she only uses "watashi" for herself.

Yuno is My Bride

Page 04:
Suggestion: I will do anything for Yuki

Page 13:
Suggestion: My pussy belongs only to Yuki

Page 18:
Suggestion: Yuki and I will be together forever...
I will protect Yuki forever...

I Really Want to Do it

Page 10:
Suggestion: Break my body even more

Those are the changes that need to be made if Yuno never uses her own name. If she does at certain times use it, just ignore these changes. Sorry for not noticing it earlier.

Page 14: Edited
About the other changes you mentioned for Slave Diary, Yuno does refer herself as third person in those mentioned changes so I don't know what to do now.

For I really want to do it, page 10:
Yeah that's wasn't the best or direct translation, I translated that from the Chinese version cause the original Japanese one is a bit too wacky to translate. The original one roughly says this:
Yuno: This sticky thing is flooding out and splatting absurdly <3!!
So yeah I could use some help in this one before making any changes, thanks for proofreading.

This post has been edited by chung2795: Mar 17 2015, 13:23

I've watched dubbed animes when I had no other source for anime but I've always preferred subbed versions especially ever since I started understanding quite a bit of spoken Japanese. The main reason would be the voice actors, I thought that most dubbed versions kill the character or change/misinterpret how the personality of the character should be while the originals, the voice actors really take their work seriously in trying to bring the characters to life. Simple examples would be how the character addresses others. Some would use the last names instead of first and in Japanese they have honorifics while in English they sometimes use the first instead of last and without any honorific. You don't usually hear a character who uses "-san" for almost everyone in the anime use "mister" or "miss" all the time and to me, that already changes the real personality of the character. Another reason is that some dubbed versions stray too far from the original content, this is especially true when it comes to Japanese culture related jokes. Some sub groups actually do a great job in staying true to the original and still come through for English audience.

Dubs are actually restricted because they need to replace some words or even sentences to match with the movement of the character's mouth when speaking. Something may be spoken short in Japanese but it would take longer to exactly translate it to English and the same for the opposite, some are long in Japanese but it's only a few words in English. They need to change that which most of the time, causes them to stray from the original. Subs on the other hand don't have these or any kind of restrictions. They don't need to match the movement of characters, just the audio but they can have long or short sentences without any problem.They can easily have the definition along with the explanation of specific Japanese terms like otaku or NEET which are useful for even first time viewers. That gives higher accuracy in translations.

I don't think dubs should be considered prime examples of how translations should sound in English because of this. The only way a dub can be exactly how it should sound in English is if they change it into an audio drama which has absolutely no visuals and it removes the restriction on dubs. Well, to each their own opinion of course.

Do you watch animated hentai? Have you ever watched anything by SubDESU? Half of their translations/subtitles are incredibly boring and/or cringe worthy. I suspect it's because they're purest who try to hard to stick to the original by being literal. That kind of thing really kills the mood. Dubs might be restricted by "mouth movements" but English is unrestricted by culture. We can say whatever the fuck we want without needing to be excessively polite. We can use crude words like dick without worrying about being offensive. Our societies let us show pussies getting fucked by dicks in porn without being coy and enforcing censorship. People who hate on dubs often do so because of the 'voice acting' quality but they ignore the more eloquent language or metaphorical freedom of speech. If you know what I mean. That's why I loathe subs, not just because I hate reading while watching but the language in them is just as censored as their genitals.

Page 14: Edited
About the other changes you mentioned for Slave Diary, Yuno does refer herself as third person in those mentioned changes so I don't know what to do now.

For I really want to do it, page 10:
Yeah that's wasn't the best or direct translation, I translated that from the Chinese version cause the original Japanese one is a bit too wacky to translate. The original one roughly says this:
Yuno: This sticky thing is flooding out and splatting absurdly <3!!
So yeah I could use some help in this one before making any changes, thanks for proofreading.

Well, if she does refer to herself using her name on those pages then it's alright to stick with it. It's up to you whether to make those changes or not. Both actually work and I don't see anything wrong with her doing that occasionally. It's only in a few pages and it's not like she goes full on 3rd person the whole time because that would be a bit weird.

The original one is quite amusing. If I was reading the original translated like that I would have thought that she's commenting on how much sticky sperm is overflowing out of her but Yuki hasn't come inside her yet at this point so it is wacky. It's difficult to translate or even make something up out of that so I'd keep it as it is "Break Yuno's body even more" or "Break my body even more".

Do you watch animated hentai? Have you ever watched anything by SubDESU? Half of their translations/subtitles are incredibly boring and/or cringe worthy. I suspect it's because they're purest who try to hard to stick to the original by being literal. That kind of thing really kills the mood. Dubs might be restricted by "mouth movements" but English is unrestricted by culture. We can say whatever the fuck we want without needing to be excessively polite. We can use crude words like dick without worrying about being offensive. Our societies let us show pussies getting fucked by dicks in porn without being coy and enforcing censorship. People who hate on dubs often do so because of the 'voice acting' quality but they ignore the more eloquent language or metaphorical freedom of speech. If you know what I mean. That's why I loathe subs, not just because I hate reading while watching but the language in them is just as censored as their genitals.

Well to begin with it's not really right to make hentai anime as prime examples for subs. They're probably about 99% fap material and not a lot of people even care about the scenario which are usually common like blackmail, rape, prostitution, exhibitionism, train molester or incest so of course the people who sub them don't even care to take the time to do it properly with quality. I do watch hentai anime but without any subs, I can make out the scenarios and what they're saying easily without it. I'm not sure which subs you're referring to but maybe those are the "official" subs like crunchyroll. I wouldn't take them seriously as well, I actually regard fan subs to be on a much higher quality than these so called "official" sub groups. I do see swearing in these fan subs and they're not misplaced, depends on the anime which are probably mostly on the Seinen category instead of Shounen and depends on the situation like if the character is really pissed off or something so I don't see much of these censored language. I don't think any language is restricted by culture, culture is just there and you're free to follow it, ignore it, like it or hate it and culture won't do anything to you. Isn't it the media and the law doing all the censorship and restrictions in the world.

This post has been edited by CrimsonClown: Mar 17 2015, 17:03

Well, if she does refer to herself using her name on those pages then it's alright to stick with it. It's up to you whether to make those changes or not. Both actually work and I don't see anything wrong with her doing that occasionally. It's only in a few pages and it's not like she goes full on 3rd person the whole time because that would be a bit weird.

Page 10 edited