[X] My Assistant

A_A

[Flyking] Shuu to Inori no Rouman Shiki editing done:
[www.mediafire.com] Here

How should I proceed?

Looks pretty good, unless anyone else has any comments, mine would be just this:
* could you edit the English title of this work onto the cover? No need to redraw it, you can add it nearby, or do some other "cheap" trick
* you are welcome to use Shinko's credit page, I am sure he won't mind, but you are also welcome to design your own style (you can do it for some future project, though!)

After the dojin is uploaded (which I'll do as soon as we figure out the cover/credit changes, if any - by 2morrow, maybe?), you are welcome to claim the bounty! I hope you'll then chose another one of EHCOVE projects to work on!

This post has been edited by Red_Piotrus: Mar 2 2015, 11:33

QUOTE(Bia.Matsuo @ Mar 1 2015, 11:22) *

[Flyking] Shuu to Inori no Rouman Shiki editing done:
[www.mediafire.com] Here

How should I proceed?


Looks pretty good, unless anyone else has any comments, mine would be just this:
* could you edit the English title of this work onto the cover? No need to redraw it, you can add it nearby, or do some other "cheap" trick
* you are welcome to use Shinko's credit page, I am sure he won't mind, but you are also welcome to design your own style (you can do it for some future project, though!)

After the dojin is uploaded (which I'll do as soon as we figure out the cover/credit changes, if any - by 2morrow, maybe?), you are welcome to claim the bounty! I hope you'll then chose another one of EHCOVE projects to work on!

I guess it looks nice enough, GJ

Looks pretty good, unless anyone else has any comments, mine would be just this:
* could you edit the English title of this work onto the cover? No need to redraw it, you can add it nearby, or do some other "cheap" trick
* you are welcome to use Shinko's credit page, I am sure he won't mind, but you are also welcome to design your own style (you can do it for some future project, though!)

After the dojin is uploaded (which I'll do as soon as we figure out the cover/credit changes, if any - by 2morrow, maybe?), you are welcome to claim the bounty! I hope you'll then chose another one of EHCOVE projects to work on!

[postimg.org] Like this?

I searched for some credit pages and most of them were like this so I thought it was the standard one for EHCOVE =P
No problem, the next one I'll make one of my one, you can upload this one.

I'll be waiting for your upload then ^^
Thanks for the invite to participate on the group, I'm not really used to participate in forums and things like that, but I'll try to stay informed!

This post has been edited by Bia.Matsuo: Mar 2 2015, 17:17

I'll start the next one asap, probably later today:

(CWT27) [Aokihoshi (Flyking)] Toaru Houkou no Kekkan Denki (Toaru Majutsu no Index) [Chinese]
https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=11115

I'll start the next one asap, probably later today:

(CWT27) [Aokihoshi (Flyking)] Toaru Houkou no Kekkan Denki (Toaru Majutsu no Index) [Chinese]
https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=11115

That one is finished, it's just that oneiwonder hasn' claimed the bounty yet. Note the description. And https://e-hentai.org/g/792079/bc7f842a84/

https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=12013 is open

It's always best to check with me before starting work, not all editors accept bounties, other work over 2 weeks which makes their acceptance expire in the system...

Newer version of script: https://forums.e-hentai.org/index.php?showt...69938&st=65

This post has been edited by chung2795: Nov 10 2015, 02:14

My proofreading for Slave Diary ~Yuno is my bride~

G: There… must be feeling distressful right… You can give me any orders! Yuki <3

distressful doesn't sound right... distressed? This entire sentence seems to be missing the subject?

G: Please use my body to your fancy

I'd rather write G: Please use my body to your liking / to your desire / as you desire / as you fancy

I’m already spitting out blood when I sent this to the printings (X∀X ;

printing / printer

While I am at it, my proofreading for ホントはしたいんでしょ Japanese Romanization: Honto Wa Shitaindesho // English translation: I Really Want to Do It

G: Do you become like this from wanting to penetrate into my body? Yuu~Kii <3 <3

Do -> Did

and editing bounty for it is at https://e-hentai.org/bounty.php?bid=12069

Proofread for I Really Want to Do it

First thing that I'd like to point out is the way Yuno calls Yukiteru. She doesn't really extend the "Yu" but rather doubles up on the "k" and extends the "i" part of his name. Something like Yukkiii~ would be more like her.

Page 7:

G: Do you become like this from wanting to penetrate into my body?

Correction & suggestion: Did you become like this from wanting to penetrate me. (Not really sure on the "penetrate into" part but penetrate already means going into something so the "into" is kind of unnecessary. Also, changing the "my body" part to just "me" makes it fit in better and also because "penetrate my body" sounds a bit brutal.)

Page 9:

G: Yu… Yuki… <3 Put it into… me… I can’t stand this any longer

Suggestion: Yu… Yuki… <3 Put it in… me… I can’t stand this any longer.

Page 11:

G: Ahh Ah! Yuki’s penis <3 is entering into my womb

Suggestion: Ahh Ah! Yuki’s penis <3 is entering my womb. (Same as the penetrate part above, "enter" already means going into something so the "into" is unnecessary)

Page 15:

This time I’ve made a Mirai Nikki’s doujin about Yuno.

Correction: This time I've made a Mirai Nikki doujin about Yuno.

Proofread Slave Diary ~Yuno is my bride~

Page 1:

I'm… I’m feeling sluggish……

Suggestion: I... I'm feeling sluggish.

Page 4:

My brain is getting a fever

Suggestion: This sentence completely doesn't work so use something else. There's a lot to choose from. Examples I can give are "My head is getting a bit fuzzy", "I'm getting a bit lightheaded" or "I'm getting a bit feverish". You can choose from any of these or if anyone else can come up with a sentence that fits in more here.

Page 5:

Hah Uhn… Yuki became so large… leave everything to me…

Suggestion: Yuki became so big. (Or maybe "hard"?)

Page 6:

I’m like… a captured snake’s prey now…

Correction: I'm like...a snake's captured prey now. (The original sentence implies that the snake is the one that is captured so this is the correct order for the sentence)

Page 9:

If Yuki touches there now… it’s going to come!

Correction: If Yuki touches there now... I'm going to come!

Page 10:

Hah Ahn… you reached the deepest part… in just one thrust

Suggestion: You reached my deepest part.

Page 13:

My body still… still can’t stop shivering… This is so embarrassing… You came inside while I was on my climax too

Suggestion: "You came inside while I was cumming too" or "You came inside while I was climaxing too".

Page 21:

I don't feel envy or jelous of Yuki

Correction: I don't feel envious or jealous of Yuki.

Some things are already pointed out by Red_Piotrus here

My proofreading for Slave Diary ~Yuno is my bride~

G: There… must be feeling distressful right… You can give me any orders! Yuki <3

distressful doesn't sound right... distressed? This entire sentence seems to be missing the subject?

G: Please use my body to your fancy

I'd rather write G: Please use my body to your liking / to your desire / as you desire / as you fancy

I’m already spitting out blood when I sent this to the printings (X∀X ;

printing / printer

Agreed on the first part, I'd also suggest making it "There... You must be feeling distressed right?" but is the word "distress" really appropriate here? Although, I can't really think of any other substitute right now.

Second part I'd actually change it completely. I'd suggest "Please do as you wish with me" or "Please do anything you like with my body" but there are really a lot more options here.

Third part I think it should be "printing company".

Yeah the proofreading seems superb, sorry for not producing top notched translations (Q_Q)/~

Post-Script Corrections (cries cause of my own weak Japanese and English skills)
Most of the wrong minor details and feedbacks have been integrated, with some corrections on wrong moans and wordings. I hope this would suffice for "I Really Want to Do It"

e-hentai link: https://e-hentai.org/g/529679/5561b89dd8/

Translator: Herreis
PG 01:
Title: ホントはしたいんでしょ Japanese Romanization: Honto Wa Shitaindesho // English translation: I Really Want to Do It (TL: I really prefer the Japanese Romanization, you should just leave the title untranslated)

PG 03:
PL 1:
GASAI: Yukkii… I… I knew it all along…… <3
G: You really want to do it right? <3
Tongue SFX: *Lick*…
SFX x5: *Hah*
YUKI: This… This is bad… Yuno’s… eyes… I don’t know what’ll happen to me if I oppose her now…

PG 04:
TOP PL:
G: There’s no need to hold back Yukkii…. <3
SFX x4: *Hah*
SFX: *Lick~~*
SFX x2: *Lick Lick*
G: I’ll let you feel good real soon <3
BTM PL:
G: Yukkii… Stick out your tongue… <3
SFX: Licks
G: Yukkii’s tongue… is really tasty… <3
SFX: *Chuu* (Something like kiss)
SFX: *Drips~*
G: It’s so tasty that I can’t stop drooling <3
SFX x2: * Hah *

PG 05:
TOP PL:
SFX x3: * Hah * <3
G: Yukkii… Take a look at my breasts <3
G: Oh Oh… <3 Come and eat my breasts <3
SFX: *Chuu~~*
SFX x2: *Suck*
G: Punish my lewd nipples
BTM PL:
G: They are already this hard even when I didn’t touch them <3
G: Hyaaaaaaaaaaaaa <3
SFX: *Suckle…*
G: I’m getting wet! I’m getting wet!

PG 06:
PL 1:
G: Haah <3 Haah <3 I’m… I’m already wet like this <3
SFX x5: * Hah *
G: Yu… Yukkii… I’m already this wet… just from being looked by Yukkii <3
Y: Yuno… You… You’re really wet down here…
(TL comment: Ok I’m starting to get dizzy from looking at the SFXs here)
SFX x2: *Drips drips…*
Small SFX x2: *Shudder*
Bigger SFX x2: *Drops*
PL 2:
G: Nnh Hah Ahh <3
SFX: *Lick*
SFX: *Savor*
PL 3:
SFX x4: * Hah <3*
SFX x2: *Shiver*
G: This… My hip feels like breaking from all the pleasure <3 Yukkii<3

PG 07:
PL 1 (Right):
G: Yukkii, you’re already so hard <3
SFX x4: * Hah <3*
SFX x2: *Rub*
G: I’m getting excited just from looking at it
PL 2 (Left):
G: You’re so hard right now <3
Big SFX: *Na-dump <3*
Small SFX x2: *Twitch*
SFX: *Licks~~*
G: Did you become like this from wanting to penetrate me.? Yukkii <3 <3
PL 3:
G: Nhh Hah Ahh <3 Tasty <3
SFX x3: *Lick*
PL 4:
G: Nnh Fueh <3 Make sure you come inside my throat Yukkii <3
SFX x2: *Slurp*
Y: Your… The back of your throat is suddenly tightening up…!?
SFX x3: *Bup*
SFX x3 on dick: *Gnaw*, *Munch* and/or *Nibble*

PG 08:
PL 1:
Y: Yu… Yuno!! Darn it! I’m cumming!?
All the SFXs in this panel are related to “chewing”: *Gnaw*, *Munch*, *Nibble*, *Chomp* or you could use some words of your own
PL 2:
G: Alright Yukkii <3 Come into my mouth <3
SFX x4: *Lick*
G: Yukkii’s… I want to drink Yukkii’s semen <3
PL 3:
SFX x2: *Splash*
SFX: *Spurt*
G: Nnh Hah Ahh <3 there’s so much coming out
PL 4:
SFX x4: * Hah *
G: Ua… Uaaahh <3 Yukkii’s sperm tastes so good <3
SFX x2: *Lick*
SFX: *Splurt…*

PG 09:
PL 1:
G: Yu… Yukkii… <3 Put it in… me… I can’t stand this any longer <3
SFX x6: * Hah *
G: My pussy… is twitching right now… Quickly… Put it in <3
SFX: *Shudder…*
SFX x2: *Tremble*
Big SFX: *Gushing*
PL 2:
SFX: *Rubbing*
G: Ahh… Just… Just like this… Put it in me <3
PL 3:
SFX: *Thump* *Rub*x4
G: Ahh Ah… <3 Yukkii<3 Yukkii is inside me <3
SFX: *Drips drips*

PG 10:
PL 1:
G: Hyaah <3
G: This feels so good!! Yukkii<3 More <3 More <3!!
G: Break my body even more <3!!
SFX x2: *Thump*
SFX x2: *Throb*
(I can’t see the background SFXs clearly but most of them are generic rubbing SFXs)
PL 2:
G: Yukkii’s penis is getting in and out of my body <3!!
G: Everything <3!! Yukkii has seen everything about me <3
G: Yukkii is so ferocious when he’s pounding my body <3!!
SFXs: All of them are generic rubbing SFXs

PG 11:
TOP PL:
G: Fueh… Fueh… So deep Hiii <3
G: Th… Thi… This <3 You’re so deep inside me Yukkii <3
White SFX x4: * Hah *
G: Your penis is so deep <3
SFX x2: * Hah *
SFX x3: *Rub*
SFX on breast: *Boing*
BTM PL:
White SFX x4: * Hah *
G: Yukkii come inside my womb <3!!
SFXx2 on both breasts: *Boing*
SFX: *Rub*
G: Ahh Ah! Yukkii’s penis <3 is entering my womb
SFX x4: *Hah *

PG 12:
TOP Right:
SFX x5: * Hah
SFX x2: Ah~~<3
SFX x2: *Boing*
G: Fuaaaaaaaaaaaahhh <3!!
TOP Left:
SFX x2: *Twitch*
G: Yukkii <3 x6
White SFX x4: * Hah <3*
BTM Right:
SFX: *Slide*
Y: Yu… Yuno…! I’m… cumming!! I’m going to cum inside of you!!
G: Wuahh Ahh Ahh Ah Ah Ah Ahh Ah Ahh! Argheeeeee!!
SFX x2: *Squeeze squeeze*
G: Come inside me <3!! Then I could be pregnant with Yukkii’s child. Hyaaaaaa ryuuuuu <3!!
SFX x2: *Thrust*
Y: Yu… Yuno!? I can’t… I can’t hold back anymore…!!

PG 13:
TOP:
G: Hyguuuuuuuuuuuuuu!! (or Higuuuuuuuuuuuu!!)
SFX: *Splurt*
SFX x6: *Throb*
Big SFX: *Slosh*
SFX: *Spurt*
BTM:
G x4: Hah
SFX x6: *Shakes*//*Shudder*
Box: I… ended up… coming inside of… Yuno…

PG 15:
Nice to meet you! And hello again to my old readers!
This time I've made a Mirai Nikki doujin about Yuno.
I wanted to have some slightly bizarre aspects this time,
so I was going to draw less menacing aura into Yuno’s eyes,
or so that was the original plan?
I was going to reduce her yandere attribute,
and although it was going smoothly initially,
the whole aspect crumbled apart when mistakes started to arise,
so I ended up with frustration, though I think that was for the best.
… Nah… I just wanted to scare people lol
Urayama 1: Horror 9
Just like this time lol
But the whole experience feels kind of bewitching…
I wonder why?
Although this is my personal bias, and I’m not sure how this statement would do any good.
I guess I am in a hurry to finish this draft for the Winter Comiket lol.
And, I should stop my writing…
since I’m already at the end of the afterword.
Thank you all very much for buying my book.
See you in the next book.
Best wishes (emoticons) ~Hairaito

This post has been edited by chung2795: Mar 18 2015, 15:35

Proofread post-script version of I Really Want to Do it.

Take note that at page 11 there's still a "Yuu~kii". I'm not sure if this was intentional or you missed it so I just want to bring it to your attention.

Also, for page 9 I'd still suggest using "in" instead of "into" for the "Put it into me" part. It's not wrong but I wouldn't really use "into" here unless she mentions specifically where it is going instead of just "me" so "Put in into my pussy" is another option.

Other than that, everything else is alright.

Sorry must have missed those, edited.

EDIT: Will make changes on Yuno is my bride asap, maybe tomorrow.

This post has been edited by chung2795: Mar 14 2015, 18:47

About "Slave Diary ~Yuno is my bride~"

Yuno talks in third(?) person a lot and I don't particularly like when characters do this. They sound like they're monologing. She's like, "Yuki this, Yuki's that, etc" when talking to him. Would changing them to proper you(s) and your(s) be terribly wrong?

Isn't that how Yuno normally is? Especially once her "switch" is turned on. She goes on with stuff like "Yukki will be with me forever" and "I will be the one to protect Yukki". Even though it's not obvious in the subtitles for the anime, if you listen to her talking in Japanese it does indicate that she uses this kind of speech.

^ I'm watching the anime (dub) as I edit this to get a feel for the characters and she does use his name alot. With "my" in front of it though.

Personally I don't consider dubs a good source, and I'd rather go with the Japanese original. But that would really require input from more TLs, since all I can base this on are the subs I've seen.

I'm the opposite, I think dubs are prime examples of how translations should sound in English. Since it's for an English audience and you don't know how weird something sounds until you speak it out loud. I just finished watching the anime and it was pretty damn good, but I would have never watched it subbed.

But yeah, nevermind, don't really need another translators input, I can pretend it's a subbed anime.