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post Mar 21 2011, 23:55
Post #10261
cptkleenex




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Damnit, there I go reading into shit too much.
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post Mar 22 2011, 00:34
Post #10262
Bigman1972



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Holy smokes..... S*** hits the fan, blows over, and trailing off resumes again. I only read from a page before this to find out what was up in this topic to make a decent reply to it, thinking it would be some non-specific general opinion that I could put my two cents in. But damn. S*** got real. Ah well. I guess I could give it a shot on chain-quoting again.

QUOTE(Rob Itagaki @ Mar 20 2011, 15:05) *

So after some self-reflection and analyzing, I've come to the conclusion that I'm clearly gay. Too much about women turns me off as opposed to men. Problem now is that nobody will accept my lifestyle. Not my family, not my friends. I'd have to move to find a better gay community, because Maine sucks for finding men. This self discovery is pretty much the reason why I think I'm so miserable all the time. I don't think I'm all that desirable to most men looks-wise. I wish I could just be happy alone. I've got a good job and plenty of free time, but my life is missing something. Someone special I can share and have a better more fulfilling life with.

It's times like this I hate my own humanity. With the need for social interaction and bonding. We try to know about each other and yet most of the time we know very little about ourselves. If it wasn't hard (enough?) trying to appeal to opposite sex, appealing to those of the same sex is a different ballgame in itself. I know what I want from life, but to go after it would mean abandoning my own safety net I've made for life. To give up the people, who while aren't the best people in my life, know I exist and do somewhat care for me. But as days go by and I see people around me forget about me one by one, my urge to find and connect to others becomes ever so stronger, the need to find someone who can make me feel wanted in this world above all else.

Some things aren't meant to be, I guess. What is life if we had everything that we wanted. I could say my life could always be worse, but I hate the thought of comparing my problems to those who might as well just be unfortunate. The fact that I desire more out of life tells me I'm alive and want to live my life. That I'm not so happy and content with what I have that I need something more tells me I'm not dead yet or willing to roll over and call it quits and take what I got for what it is.

However, I suppose after seeing with how other people treat one another as they have me, I feel that my efforts would be in vain. I have tried before and found myself alone and depressed, again. Falling into poor habits like drinking to forget why I feel the way I do. I suppose I'm just a coward, aware of his faults and flaws and unable to correct them. Maybe I've just been so miserable before that I just keep myself in this mind frame for so long that I fear to try my hand at life, again.

I don't know... God damn, I hate thinking.


Well, I can just say screw those who oppose gays and lesbians. They just don't bother trying to understand that it just isn't all about the f'ing bible (or whatever religion). I happen to feel the same way with wanting a connection with another person. Doubt I'd be attracted to a guy though. I just like futas.

That's just part of life. It's a basic human need to connect with others. It's how we survive. It's just always how it's been. And abandonment is harsh. Although I wouldn't know that much about it. I've just been more of an outcast. I found a small net of friends that I stuck with and they've got open minds. What you need more of are good friends, who won't judge you as others (idiots in my opinion) have. Don't lose hope. While those potential friends are not so easy to find, you most likely won't find them in that net of yours. It may be risky, it could most definitely be a good payoff in the end.

That's one way of looking at it. But think about this as well. You have what you want, but what's to say that the sand is so firmly in your grasp, that it can't get out? Keeping what you have takes work as well.

You've just got to keep it together and keep your spirit up. As my mother has told me before (even if I still don't listen) "You should love yourself. You don't NEED someone else to make you happy. You should be happy on your own, and your partner would only be an 'extension' of your happiness. Not what makes you happy." and another one from Dr. Phil that my mother heard, "You wouldn't worry so much about what people thought about you, if you knew how seldom they did."
I also happen to know some flaws about myself. I'm not really proud of them, nor am I really wanting to put any effort into fixing them, but I am aware that they exist. No one said that anyone needed to be perfect. That's just what everyone aspires to be. And it's just un-f***ing realistic. Embrace the flaws you have, or at least be at peace with you being able to know that you have them. Otherwise, how the hell can you expect someone else to accept you for them? (Oh lawd there's a hypocrite in the room) Just try to realize that there are more people out there that are in a similar situation. Everyone looks for help at some point. Have you ever tried talking to a therapist? It kind of helped me at some point. Can't say that it'll help you for sure though. But the least you could do is give it a try before you go drinking yourself into a deep depression. It really isn't going to help you forget. We all have demons. Go kill the demon or make a deal with it. Just do what you can.


QUOTE(cptkleenex @ Mar 20 2011, 15:14) *

It's a step in the right direction anytime you learn something new about yourself. The fact that you've come to this point in your life shouldn't be one that depresses you but one that now allows you to pursue that which you truly want in life.

It's sad that the simple act of love or attraction can still be seen through such hatred or misunderstanding. There's no doubt that choosing a life of homosexuality is a much tougher one than that of the "normal" heterosexuality, especially when you live in an area or with relatives who cannot understand or accept that lifestyle. But the fact that you've cut through any doubts or confusion must be viewed through a more positive prism.

That safety net you speak of is a tough one to leave behind. You know my story, you know how I got to be where I am. I could have easily stayed in Florida, near family that always had my back and working a job that allowed me extra money to be comfortable, but I instead chose to go after what I really wanted. It hasn't been an easy road and I'm certainly worried about what is going to happen here soon if I can't find gainful employment, but I regard this as one of the best decisions I've ever made. I love where I am and I wouldn't go back to the way things were even though I could rest a bit easier knowing everything would be alright.

Take your time and decide what the best course of action is. You know there are things you want out of life and it's up to you to go after them. You only get one crack at this thing called life and living your life out of fear of the unknown will only lead to regret of missed opportunities in the future.

Maybe I made no sense here and maybe I have no place to even reply, but just take this as the words of someone who cares man.


Couldn't have said it better myself. And you've even got the life experience to back it up. Not that I know about your experience, but at least he knows, and will be able to understand you.

QUOTE(cathicklesquall @ Mar 21 2011, 00:58) *

QUOTE(Anto of the Sand @ Mar 20 2011, 16:49) *

I could be with someone regardless of gender. Personality is most important to me. Though I have my own issues to get around.

So you're pansexual?

QUOTE(Deathscythe_X1 @ Mar 20 2011, 20:18) *

well, a lot happens when I am not around, for what I see.

Same here. Seems like shit actually happens when I don't come around for like a week.


I'd like to think that I would be, but again, I still don't think I'm into guys. But what I do think is that it'd be easier to get along with a male as opposed to a female. Many differences tend to make it harder, and what with all the damn games that are played instead of everything being told up front like it should.

I haven't been here for a looooong while. I just cannot be bothered catching up with what I missed in whatever I have posted in before.

QUOTE(Dlaglacz @ Mar 21 2011, 07:18) *

QUOTE(Rob Itagaki @ Mar 20 2011, 15:05) *

my urge to find and connect to others becomes ever so stronger, the need to find someone who can make me feel wanted in this world above all else.


I have trouble with thinking like that.

I know a person who can make me feel wanted, while at the same time I know she doesn't really care, it's just her everyday behaviour. And I know a lot of people who care about me, but their actual feelings and caring don't make me feel wanted at all, rather annoyed.

So I think connecting with others doesn't really exist, at best it's a set of two illusions experienced one by each of partners.

It's a need to find a person whose everyday behaviour makes you feel needed, and the relationship is stable if you also make feel this person needed, safe, and able to trust without any conscious effort on your part, not any imaginary common ground to connect on.

Which might actually be easier to achieve, as it means there are no guidelines to go by, it's completely random, and the best way to achieve this goal is to get to know as many potential partners as possible and test, test, test.


Sadly I have to agree with you. I may not be in a relationship, and have only been in one that ended up with her breaking up with me within three weeks (ugh, saying "i think I love you and talking about marriage are just two things I've got to get out of my f***ing head), but I do know it's more like going though the motions and it all being a facade. It's just that kind of s*** that starts to depress me. But that smallest glimmer of light I call hope for love still resides within me. Which is why I'm not dead yet. Well, that, among other reasons.

QUOTE(Deathscythe_X1 @ Mar 21 2011, 11:17) *

and it's on fire o.e
again


What's on fire? I see no flame. o.o


(I might edit this post at some point in a new post, but it's doubtful.)
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post Mar 22 2011, 02:03
Post #10263
Deathscythe_X1



Eternal Loneliness.mp3
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Holy shit, that's a long quote/post o.e
Thanks god the part in there they reply to me is short xD
Or else, it would be like tldr o.e

And uh, I will let you figure out bigman, I will let you figure you :3 (it's in your pants)
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post Mar 23 2011, 05:55
Post #10264
kyuubisonic



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I have to agree with Bigman1972 about being gay.

I go to a Christian school so i have to listen being gay is bad,blah ,blah.
I don't see whats so bad about it, so a guy is attracted to the same sex, so what.
I have a friend who goes to my school and he's gay, and he's a good guy, but everyone hates him. ( well they would hate him anyway, he's got anger issues).

I haven't been on the forums for long, but for what i know about Rob so far is he is awesome and he's pretty funny too.
I'm not good a encouraging people ( in fact i sometimes make people mad) but Rob good luck, you have my blessings.

For me I'm still a little to young to think about my significant other, but so far i haven't found an interest in love.
I prefer to be on my own, to do things by myself is easier that way i get it done the way i want it too.

I guess my disinterest in love come from my mom, since she found out my Dad cheated on her after she had me.
The only reason i see my dad is because my mom wanted me to at least have a father so he tries to act like a dad.
There is other thing i would like to say about him , but I would ramble to long
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post Mar 23 2011, 12:17
Post #10265
cathicklesquall



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QUOTE(kyuubisonic @ Mar 22 2011, 23:55) *

I guess my disinterest in love come from my mom, since she found out my Dad cheated on her after she had me.
The only reason i see my dad is because my mom wanted me to at least have a father so he tries to act like a dad.
There is other thing i would like to say about him , but I would ramble to long

Just say what I say. "My parent's never loved me". Gets you out of (almost) anything, and can get you laid.
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post Mar 23 2011, 12:48
Post #10266
Ponifornication



"It's animated well"
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(IMG:[www.ubercomments.com] http://www.ubercomments.com/1/birthday/sexymen/009.gif)

Birthday +Karma whoring! (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/happy.gif)
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post Mar 23 2011, 19:14
Post #10267
cptkleenex




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There is a never a good excuse for karma whoring.
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post Mar 23 2011, 19:27
Post #10268
Ponifornication



"It's animated well"
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Just give me karma and I won't beat you up.
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post Mar 23 2011, 19:27
Post #10269
Msgr. Radixius



If Your Crotch Don't Tingle, It Ain't Based
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Over the internet? I'll believe it when it happens.
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post Mar 23 2011, 19:29
Post #10270
Ponifornication



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You too. Pony it up. Don't think I won't beat both your asses.
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post Mar 23 2011, 19:30
Post #10271
cptkleenex




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You aren't motivated enough to ever beat me up.
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post Mar 23 2011, 19:33
Post #10272
Msgr. Radixius



If Your Crotch Don't Tingle, It Ain't Based
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Yeah, I'm fairly content just not doing anything.
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post Mar 23 2011, 19:39
Post #10273
Raaby



Smile on, you pigs in human clothing.
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I'll give you karma if you eat my ass, Anto.

This post has been edited by Rob Itagaki: Mar 23 2011, 19:40
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post Mar 23 2011, 20:27
Post #10274
Ponifornication



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Present it.
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post Mar 24 2011, 05:24
Post #10275
BlorgAlmighty



Descartes spoke truly; life indeed sucks.
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Ugh.
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post Mar 24 2011, 05:46
Post #10276
Msgr. Radixius



If Your Crotch Don't Tingle, It Ain't Based
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I love you, Blorg.
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post Mar 24 2011, 06:08
Post #10277
kyuubisonic



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QUOTE(cathicklesquall @ Mar 23 2011, 06:17) *

Just say what I say. "My parent's never loved me". Gets you out of (almost) anything, and can get you laid.


Nice idea I'll try that. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

Teacher: " Why did you not turn in the homework?"
Me:" My parents have been fighting and they just never loved me." *Sob* eye-drops help. (IMG:[invalid] style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)
Teacher: "Okay, you have one more day."

To the next teacher! Lets see....Bible huh? I'm scared.

Bible teacher: " Your parents are fighting? I can help you feel better" rubs crotch and takes belt off
Me:"Hell no" run out the room and call the cops

Works on normal teachers, but not on Pedos

My bible teacher is really like that though.
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post Mar 24 2011, 06:13
Post #10278
Msgr. Radixius



If Your Crotch Don't Tingle, It Ain't Based
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I hate you, kyuubisonic.
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post Mar 24 2011, 06:34
Post #10279
cptkleenex




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We've got love and hate, now we have to wait for indifference.
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post Mar 24 2011, 07:01
Post #10280
Msgr. Radixius



If Your Crotch Don't Tingle, It Ain't Based
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I am indifferent about cptkleenex.
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