[X] My Assistant

There are things you can't take or give back, s'all I'm sayin'

There are things humans shouldn't do, and that's writing novellas on forums.

Transition was meant to treat long term dysphoria for suicidal people, not make people happy
Social media acceptance is a source of fleeting happiness that is unsustainable

See?

Concise, to the point and I don't have to read a 10,000 word essay at 4 in the morning.

Good job.

I'm starting to hate you less.

I'm starting to hate you less.

That's no good

That is why made the summary post for you.

This post has been edited by EsotericSatire: Jun 18 2023, 13:01

That is why made the summary post for you.

Damn dude, and you even already edited this at least once.

Edit: typo

This post has been edited by AhumanRS: Jun 18 2023, 14:45

There are things humans shouldn't do, and that's writing novellas on forums.

That's actually the most deadly of the seven sins

can you ask your mom if me and Esam can come over for a sleep over

That's actually the most deadly of the seven sins

my mom is okay with me coming over, but she will have to talk to both your moms first to get to know them

my mom is okay with me coming over, but she will have to talk to both your moms first to get to know them

NOO, I said "can you say something like "mom says i can come over if your mom gives my mom a call"" as if we are setting up another sleep over, ANOTHER
At this rate we are never getting a sleep over

This post has been edited by AhumanRS: Jun 18 2023, 16:31

The last time I saw your mother, she was in a bag and highly granulated.

That was the last time I saw her too lmfao

This post has been edited by AhumanRS: Jun 18 2023, 17:07

Don't think I have issues with any relatives. There is one that we have a pact to not come within 1000 Km of each other.

Another one has issues with me because I won't lend(give) them money anymore.

Their plan is generally this:
Step 1: Convince family to lend money
Step 2: Invest in drugs
Step 3: Use drugs for inspiration for business plan
Step 4: Repeat from step 1.

Step 2: Invest in drugs

I'm pissed at my brother in law because he (or my sister) threw out a 70's jap made fender electric acoustic I lent them a few years ago.

I'd been dropping some hints about it over the last few months so 2 weeks ago I straight up asked him about it.

He feigned surprise and was all like "yeah it's in the garage somewhere lemme dig it out." I went down there last week and he was all "sorry man, I don't know where it is."

Really?

You misplaced a large guitar in a big black case with my fucking name spray painted on it?

I had that thing rebuilt after I found it 15 years ago and it wasn't cheap.

It had the most beautiful sound.

Most guitars for sale south of 2 grand these days are made in ching chong and sound like shit.

Fucking family.

Last time I'm lending anything to anyone.

So fucking random to throw out someone else's instruments.


My family threw out my synth but to be fair they gave me like 12 months notice. I didn't realize it was worth anything, its like 800-1000 online now.

TL;DR for Mags:
Man beats wife to death. He props her up, puts sunglasses on her and tells kids during Christmas that mommy "ruined Christmas" and is "drunk"

TL;DR over
So originally, the TL;DR was
"Woman pregnant. Goes to hospital. Doctors try to perform liposuction on her. She sues.

2 years prior: Man has heart attack. Goes to hospital. Immediately placed in maternity ward. They are 1 hour into a C-section before realizing he doesn't have ovaries or a baby. He sues."

But this was actually a worldnewsdailyreport article that I had just pulled from memory before realizing it was a satire article when trying to research it.
[worldnewsdailyreport.com] https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/man-sues-k...section-on-him/

[www.dailymail.co.uk] https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-94...lty-murder.html

So the headline really does just say everything that is important. The guy beats her to death, then the next day drug her into the living room and told the 7 week old baby, a 3 year old and a 7 year old that mommy is drunk and ruined Christmas. I wonder if he was just trying to give them one last Christmas memory before them learning that mommy died.

'Mr. Wallace is being accused of something that is not his fault,' Heather Moorhead told jurors.

'You will hear about a relationship that was full of arguing and yelling, but also a lot of love.'

Moorhead said that neighbors heard a woman believed to be Preston angrily yell at Wallace in an alleyway behind the apartment complex.

The attorney told the court that after Preston fell into the table, her older daughter removed glass from her mother's body and helped clean her wounds.

Wallace could face up to 25 years to life in prison if convicted of first-degree murder.

Lorri Galloway, a longtime friend of Preston, who was also an Anaheim city council member, told The Orange County Register that Wallace regularly beat Preston during their three-year relationship.

Galloway, who ran a home for abused women and children, said she and others begged Preston to leave Wallace.

'This is the story of a girl who had access to resources, but she thought she could handle it,' Galloway said.

The stupid bitch defense attorney or lawyer or whatever was like "This was a relationship full of love." Like, the guy beat her for 3 YEARS, HE LET HER DAUGHTER PICK GLASS OUT OF HER CORPSE AND CLEANED HER UP.

You misplaced a large guitar in a big black case with my fucking name spray painted on it?

I had that thing rebuilt after I found it 15 years ago and it wasn't cheap.

It had the most beautiful sound.

I have to respect someone as a person before I can respect them as a family member. I wouldn't have let that shit go.
When I was 5 I had a flip phone, and my stepdad's daughter (who was like 19) had asked to borrow it for a couple months. I never got that back and I am still mad about it. I would break her fucking Jaw over like 20 dollars. What fucking cunt takes a 5 year old's phone and doesn't give it back?

I don't forgive and forget because I am not a fucking pussy faggot.

Do 5 year olds have mobiles now?

My mom bought a new flip phone for herself and gave me the old one. For some reason she put time on it too but it's not like I had anyone to text because nobody else had phones.

TL;DR for Mags: Teen Vogue (a magazine targeting girls ages 13-19) writes an article about how to do anal.

TL;DR over.

[www.teenvogue.com] https://www.teenvogue.com/story/anal-sex-wh...ou-need-to-know

Obviously there is a lot of stuff on the internet about anal (and we don’t suggest you Google it), but most of what you’ll find is either porn or advice for sexually experienced people looking to try something new. What about the teenagers? What about the LGBTQ+ young people who need to know about this for their sexual health?

This is fucking creepy

This is anal 101, for teens, beginners, and all inquisitive folk.

The anus is full of nerve endings that, for some, feel awesome when stimulated.

This risk is higher for the person receiving anal sex, though the person giving it can also be affected. To decrease that risk, it's imperative that you use both condoms and lubrication, according to Planned Parenthood, because the anus, unlike the vagina, doesn't provide natural lubrication. A silicone-based lube will provide the necessary slickness and is safe to use with condoms.

Okay so first of all, PLANNED PARENTHOOD? If anything, they should be like "NOOO, ANAL IS BAD. VAGINAL SEX ONLY." Like, they want to make abortions so they get money. What are they doing?

Second,
(IMG:[cdn.discordapp.com] https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1101912607855755375/1120361961377509376/image.png)
If your 13 year old kid has access to Silicone-based lube or even knows what their lube is fucking based on, end your life and hope that foster care puts them in a better home. You are a failure and deserve to die.

AND ANOTHER FUCKING THING

(IMG:[cdn.discordapp.com] https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1101912607855755375/1120362632227070043/image.png)

Why can't they just say a MAN or a WOMAN, why the fuck am I now a prostate owner?

AND ANOTHER FUCKING THING

Yes, there might be some poop
Forgive me for waiting until the very end of this piece to get to this burning question, but I wanted you to know the benefits and positives when it comes to anal. Because there are many!

Yes, you will come in contact with some fecal matter.

I want to personally assure you that that you will not poop on anyone during anal sex. Sure, there are horror stories, but aren’t there always?

That being said, yes, you will come in contact with some fecal matter. You are entering a butthole. It is where poop comes out. Expecting to do anal play and see zero poop isn’t particularly realistic. It’s NOT a big deal. Everyone poops. Everyone has a butt.

No 13 year old child should ever have mud on his helmet, nor should he be encouraged to by the people who made this article.

This post has been edited by AhumanRS: Jun 19 2023, 16:48

"Hey, you seem to be having a hard time, have you tried taking the hormones of the opposite gender, and becoming more depressed? After that, we're going to convince you that your gender is your problem and cut your tits or cock off and give you more drugs and hormones to get you back to normal. Oh, that's not what you wanted? That's a shame. Good luck!"